Revision and Expansion of Essay

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timer Asked: Jan 29th, 2019
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Question Description

Revision and expansion this essay


Rubric

Essay Rubric

Essay Rubric

Criteria

Ratings

Pts

This criterion is linked to a Learning OutcomeOrganization/attention to mode and assignment

Organization is the physical structure of your paper, including the way you group those original ideas. If you have organizational issues, I mark the areas in which you're struggling and try to give you advice. Attention to mode means exactly that: if we are writing a narrative, as in essay 2, you use narrative tactics and tell a story. If we are writing in process mode, you show the steps of the process. And so on. Attention to the assignment is also pretty clear. It means that, if I've asked you to write in a certain mode about a certain topic, you do that. If I ask you to include no outside information or sourced material, you go with that instruction.

2.5 pts

Full Marks

0.0 pts

No Marks

2.5 pts

This criterion is linked to a Learning OutcomeIdeas/Thinking

I expect you to do your prewriting and think fresh, original thoughts, thoughts that are unique to you and your experience. If you've plagiarized your work, you get a zero in this area.

2.5 pts

Full Marks

0.0 pts

No Marks

2.5 pts

This criterion is linked to a Learning OutcomeStyle and Diction

Diction is simply word choice. If you have issues finding the best word to express your thoughts, again, I will point that out and make suggestions. Some students make bad diction choices when they use a thesaurus to try and make their writing sound more sophisticated. Please don't use a thesaurus. Instead, increase your active vocabulary by READING MORE. Style is really about the sophistication of your expression. If you have awkward expression, or if you write the way you speak, I will mark you out on style.

2.5 pts

Full Marks

0.0 pts

No Marks

2.5 pts

This criterion is linked to a Learning OutcomeMechanics

These are nagging concerns such as commas, comma splices, run on sentences, spelling, and apostrophe issues. I do mark these issues in at least half of your essays each time. You can look into the online handbook for rules (and remedies).

2.5 pts

Full Marks

0.0 pts

No Marks

2.5 pts

Unformatted Attachment Preview

Surname 1 Living Upcountry became a Dream Come True One of the fascinating things I enjoyed as a child is spending time upcountry. The place that one gets a chance to do things that are not otherwise possible in the busy city life. There was a cabin Upcountry in the north where we went for a couple of times in the summer when dad got a vacation at his work in the city. There was a lot of amazing sceneries to see and things to do. Although the place has undergone through several transformations and changes now, I would not forget the lasting memories and experiences acquired in my childhood. The atmospheric conditions and scenery upcountry is unique as compared to the city home conditions. On a daily basis, I am used to the city rush of people and cars squealing in a hustle report to their work on time. There was limited time for one to sit back and relax in an atmosphere full of the hustle and bustle of city life where everything is loud. Everything is different upcountry. The chilling and cooling silence at night that one could hear a pin dropping. Everything around in the north is natural, the beauty of animals playing with each other around, rustling around the bushes and trees to hunt and gather for their food, animals scaling up and down trees. The atmosphere is conducive, calm, and serene enough for one to sit back outdoors relaxing enjoying nature it is pure form: the singing of birds, calm and relaxed atmosphere. It was a sight that a person born and raised in the busy hustle and bustle of the city would have a hard time believing it exists in real life! City life is characterized by high levels of pollutions from factories, cars, and everything around. Many people hit the streets every minute going to work, hustling, and trying to make a living; therefore, the air is always thick and stuffy with smog, dust, and sewage smell. However, upcountry the air is cleaner and fresh. The first time I went there I noticed a big difference in the Surname 2 way the air smelled. It is unbelievable that air felt this good. I was determined to take deep steadily breathes to take in as much fresh and clean air as possible. There was a feeling of freshness that I wanted to stick on, and I literary heard the contamination in my lungs escaping. At home, no one has the freedom to move around because the streets and environment are not safe enough for walking around. Upcountry offered the freedom for us to walk everywhere, taking things along the way without fear. It provided me a chance to enjoy as a kid: playing outdoors, walking along the streets to the local stores, climbing trees, enjoying fresh juice fruits from trees. For the first time, I felt safe and peace playing and walking outside. My resolution as a kid was to raise my family at this place, my upcountry when I grow up. I have finally decided to raise my family upcountry, they have the opportunity to enjoy the relaxed atmosphere, fresh and cleaner air, safe environment, and cold conditions to sit back and enjoy a normal life as upcountry families — the childhood memories and experiences to something more exciting and beautiful than city life for my family. ...
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Tutor Answer

Msharon
School: New York University

Attached.

SURNAME 1
Name:
Course:
Professor:
Date:
Living Upcountry became a Dream Come True
We all love a journey to the countryside, or at least that is one of my interests. A visit to
upcountry was one of the fascinating things that made my childhood memorable. My dad’s
vacation from work provided a better opportunity for us to take a trip to a cabin in the north where
we spent most of our summer vacations. Upcountry vacations were a dream comes true because
of the amazing experiences that made the best part of my childhood memories. It is with no doubt
that, the life in the upcountry is more relaxing, unique, and healthy as compared to life in the city.
Upcountry had the best atmospheric conditions and beautiful sceneries that made most of
my childhood summer vacation to be unforgettable. During the visit, one could relax anywhere
under the tree and read a book and even learn to shoot. In the city, however, one can hardly catch
a moment to relax due the ever-moving busy schedules. The visit provided a gate away from the
city congestion and traffic to a more r...

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