help with grammar and how to improve my introduction

English
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NHTI NHTI has a variety of positive amenities that make it such a wonderful school. I choose NHTI for many different reasons and some are used in my essay. NHTI is a good place to come across new people. The education at this school is good. NHTI is in a safe part of Concord which makes it a good school to go to.

Sep 30th, 2015

Hi there! Thanks for letting me help you out! Please let me know if you have any other questions!

NHTI has a variety of positive amenities that make it a wonderful school. I chose NHTI for many different reasons and some are used in my essay. NHTI is a good place to come across new people. The education at this school is good. NHTI is in a safe part of Concord which makes it a good school to go to.

Above is as is with grammar fixed.  Below are edits that might help your introduction flow better:


NHTI has a variety of amenities that make it a wonderful school.  I chose NHTI for many different reasons, one being that it is a great place to meet new people.  Other reasons I chose NHTI include the exemplary academic  standards and the fact that the campus is in a safe part of Concord.  All of these reasons make NHTI an excellent school to attend.  


More notes:

You have a good start here.  I'm not sure of the context of the essay, because you haven't included the prompt, but you could also try adding some more "positive" aspects of the school to add to your intro's length.  For example, you could talk about how the program you're interested in is top notch.  ("My interest in chemistry lured me to NHTI, where the organic chemistry program is exceptional.")


I hope that helps, and good luck with the rest of your essay!

Please let me know if you need any clarification. I'm always happy to answer your questions.
Sep 30th, 2015

If you have any questions about other ways to add length to your intro, let me know! 

Sep 30th, 2015

You don’t have to worry about not being in a good area. Since I have been on this campus from day one it is very clean. When someone see a piece of trash they pick it up. When driving into NHTI’s campus there is a sign that says “Smoke-Free campus” but there are designated places for people that smoke. NHTI is a small friendly and caring community. The students and professors are here to help you not here to let you fail. Not only is the area good but the education you receive is incredible.

(this is my next paragraph could you look at this and see what needs to be fixed)


Sep 30th, 2015

The following has been fixed for grammatical errors:


You don’t have to worry about not being in a good area. Since I have been on this campus, from day one it has been very clean. When someone sees a piece of trash, they pick it up. When driving into NHTI’s campus there is a sign that says “Smoke-Free campus” but there are designated places for people who smoke. NHTI is a small, friendly, and caring community. The students and professors are here to help you, not to let you fail. Not only is the area good but the education you receive is incredible.


One thing I would note is that a sentence probably should't start with the word "you."  Your first sentence of this paragraph should most likely be rewritten so that it doesn't start with "you."


Hope that helps!

Sep 30th, 2015

could I say since being in a good area there is not need to worry?

Sep 30th, 2015

"Since being in a good area there is not a need to worry" exactly as it is written, is improper.  You could say something like "Because the area is good, students do not need to worry about their safety."

Sep 30th, 2015

thank you! this was the next paragraph:

A good education is key to success in my mind. I’m the type of student that doesn’t like a massive class.  At this community college the classes are small similar to some of your high school classes. On top of a small class comes great professors that are willing to help you every step of the way. At first I was scared to approach my professors because I felt that I was the only one struggling. After approaching my professor she helped me even know I knew what I was doing. I guess I was just checking if I was on the right track. When I paid for my tuition I basically pay some towards tutoring. My school provides a majority of tutoring services. The people who are tutoring are here in my mind to set you up to succeed in life. Think of it this way “you put in the time and energy to get help look at the outcome”. NHTI is a small community but you still have the chance to meet new people.


Sep 30th, 2015

A good education is key to success in my mind. I’m the type of student who doesn’t like a massive class.  At this community college, the classes are small and similar in size to some of your high school classes. On top of a small class comes great professors who are willing to help you every step of the way. At first I was scared to approach my professors because I felt that I was the only one struggling. After approaching my professor, she helped me even though I knew what I was doing and I was just checking to see if I was on the right track. When I paid for my tuition I paid some money toward tutoring. My school provides a majority of tutoring services. The people who are tutoring are here, in my mind, to set you up to succeed in life. Think of it this way: if you put in the time and energy to get help, you will like the outcome. NHTI is a small community but you still have the chance to meet new people.


Fixed grammar.  One mistake you make frequently is that you say "I have a professor that."  When you are talking about a person, you say "who."  For example, "I have a friend who has a new baby." If you are talking about an object, that's when you use "that"...for example, "I have a couch that has a hole in it."


Hope that helps and good luck! 

Sep 30th, 2015

thank you so much I have one more paragraph that need grammar checked.

Meeting new people is always a great way to make new friends. NHTI has thirteen different sport teams to choose from. Having thirteen sport teams to choose from is amazing. If you don’t like one you can always find another sport to play. I also heard that people can give ideas of adding sport teams to the sports list. Just like every other school there are rules and requirements you have to follow in order to join the team. Clubs are a great way to get involved in the community. In this community college there are thirty-one different clubs with a different description of what each club is about. The clubs have a certain time almost every Tuesday to meet. This club time is called “Student Activity Time” which is held at 12 PM to 2 PM on Tuesdays. If you smoke we have a place for you on our wonderful campus called “the smoke hut”. This is another way to meet new people that belong to our community. Again NHTI is a great place for a meeting new people or even people you knew from before.

Sep 30th, 2015

Meeting new people is always a great way to make new friends. NHTI has thirteen different sport teams to choose from. Having thirteen sport teams to choose from is amazing. If you don’t like one, you can always find another sport to play. I also heard that people can give ideas of adding sport teams to the sports list. Like every other school there are rules and requirements you have to follow in order to join the team. Clubs are a great way to get involved in the community. In this community college there are thirty-one different clubs with a different description of what each club is about. The clubs have a certain time almost every Tuesday to meet. This club time is called “Student Activity Time” and is held at 12 PM to 2 PM on Tuesdays. If you smoke, we have a place for you on our wonderful campus called “the smoke hut”. This is another way to meet new people that belong to our community. Again, NHTI is a great place for meeting new people or even reconnecting with people you knew from before.


Grammar has been fixed.  You might want to consider adding to your transitions so they flow better.  For example, instead of going from one sentence about sports right into a sentence about clubs, you could add a filler sentence such as, "Sports are a great way to get involved here at NHTI, but another equally great way is through participation in clubs." 


Good luck!  I hope that helps. 

Sep 30th, 2015

is there anyway you could help me with my conclusion I am having a heard time

Sep 30th, 2015

Certainly, what do you have so far?

Oct 1st, 2015

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