Stephen R. Covey
Stephen Covey has written a remarkable book about the human condition, so
elegantly written, so understanding of our embedded concerns, so useful for
our organization and personal lives, that it's going to be my gift to everyone I
know.
--Warren Bennis, author of On Becoming a Leader
I've never known any teacher or mentor on improving personal effectiveness
to generate such an overwhelmingly positive reaction.... This book captures
beautifully Stephen's philosophy of principles. I think anyone reading it will
quickly understand the enormous reaction I and others have had to Dr.
Covey's teachings.
--John Pepper, President, Procter and Gamble
Stephen Covey is an American Socrates, opening your mind to the
'permanent things' --values, family, relationships, communicating.
--Brian Tracy, author of Psychology of Achievement
Stephen R. Covey's book teaches with power, conviction, and feeling. Both
the content and the methodology of these principles form a solid foundation
for effective communication. As an educator, I think this book to be a
significant addition to my library.
--William Rolfe Kerr, Utah Commissioner of Higher Education
Few students of management and organization --and people --have thought as
long and hard about first principles as Stephen Covey. In , he offers us an
opportunity, not a how-to guide. The opportunity is to explore ourselves and
our impact on others, and to do so by taking advantage of his profound
insights. It is a wonderful book that could change your life.
--Tom Peters, author of In Search of Excellence
The ethical basis for human relations in this book defines a way of life, not
just a methodology for succeeding at business. That it works is apparent.
--Bruce L. Christensen, President, Public Broadcasting Service
At a time when American organizations desperately need to energize people
and produce leaders at all levels, Covey provides an empowering philosophy
for life that is also the best guarantee of success in business...a perfect blend
of wisdom, compassion, and practical experience.
--Rosabeth Moss Kanter, editor of the Harvard Business Review and author
of When Giants Learn to Dance I have learned so much from Stephen Covey
over the years that every time I sit down to write, I'm worried about
subconscious plagiarism! Seven Habits is not pop psychology or trendy selfhelp. It is solid wisdom and sound principles.
--Richard M. Eyre, author of Life Balance and Teaching Children Values We
could do well to make the reading and use of this book a requirement for
anyone at any level of public service. It would be far more effective than any
legislation regarding ethical conduct.
--Senator Jake Garn, first senator in space
When Stephen Covey talks, executives listen.
--Dun's Business Month
Stephen Covey's inspirational book will undoubtedly be the psychology
handbook of the '90s. The principles discussed are universal and can be
applied to every aspect of life. These principles, however, are like an opera.
They cannot simply be performed, they must be rehearsed!
--Ariel Bybee, mezzo-soprano, Metropolitan Opera
I found this book stimulating and thought-provoking. In fact, I keep referring
to it.
--Richard M. DeVos, President, Amway
Winning is a habit. So is losing. Twenty-five years of experience, thought,
and research have convinced Covey that seven habits distinguish the happy,
healthy, successful from those who fail or who must sacrifice meaning and
happiness for success in the narrow sense.
--Ron Zemke, coauthor of The Service Edge and Service America
Stephen R. Covey is a marvelous human being. He writes insightfully and he
cares about people. The equivalent of an entire library of success literature is
found in this one volume. The principles he teaches in have made a real
difference in my life.
--Ken Blanchard, Ph.D., author of The One-Minute Manager
The Seven Habits are keys to success for people in all walks of life. It is very
thought-provoking.
--Edward A. Brennan, Chairman, President and CEO, Sears, Roebuck and
Company Covey validates the durable truths as they apply to family,
business, and society in general, sparing us the psycho-babble that pollutes so
much of current literature on human relations. His book is not a photograph,
but a process, and should be treated as such. He is neither an optimist nor a
pessimist, but a possibilist, who believes that we and we alone can open the
door to change within ourselves. There are many more than seven good
reasons to read this book.
--Steve Labunski, Executive Director, International Radio and Television
Society Knowledge is the quickest and safest path to success in any area of
life. Stephen Covey has encapsulated the strategies used by all those who are
highly effective. Success can be learned and this book is a highly effective
way to learn it.
--Charles Givens, President, Charles J. Givens Organization, Inc., author of
Wealth Without Risk I know of no one who has contributed more to helping
leaders in our society than Stephen R. Covey.... There is no literate person in
our society who would not benefit by reading this book and applying its
principles
--Senator Orrin G. Hatch
One of the greatest habits you can develop is to learn and internalize the
wisdom of Stephen Covey. He lives what he says and this book can help you
live, permanently, in the "Winner's Circle."
--Dr. Denis Waitley, author of The Psychology of Winning
It's powerful reading. His principles of vision, leadership, and human
relations make it a practical teaching tool for business leaders today. I highly
recommend it.
--Nolan Archibald, President and CEO, Black and Decker
suggests a discipline for our personal dealings with people which would be
undoubtedly valuable if people stopped to think about it.
--James C. Fletcher, Director, NASA
A wonderful contribution. Dr. Covey has synthesized the habits of our
highest achievers and presented them in a powerful, easy-to-use program. We
now have a blueprint for opening the American mind.
--Charles Garfield, author of Peak Performer
Seven Habits is an exceptional book. It does a better job of inspiring a person
to integrate the different responsibilities in one's life --personal, family, and
professional --than any other book I have read.
--Paul H. Thompson, Dean, Marriott School of Management, BYU and
author of Novation Goodbye, Dale Carnegie. Stephen Covey has had a
profound influence on my life. His principles are powerful. They work. Buy
this book. Read, it, and as you live the principles your life will be enriched.
--Robert G. Allen, author of Creating Wealth and Nothing Down
In the '90s America needs to unlock the door to increased productivity both
on a business and personal basis. The best way to accomplish this goal is
through enhancing the human resource. Dr. Covey's Seven Habits provides
the guidelines for this to happen. These principles make great sense and are
right on target for the time.
--F.G. "Buck" Rodgers, author of The IBM Way
This book is filled with practical wisdom for people who want to take control
of their lives, their business and their careers. Each time I read a section again
I get new insights, which suggests the messages are fundamental and deep.
--Gifford Pinchot III, author of Intrapreneuring
Most of my learning has come from modeling after other people and what
they do. Steve's book helps energize this modeling process through highly
effective research and examples.
--Fran Tarkenton, NFL Hall of Fame quarterback
Not only does the "character ethic" win hands down every time over the
"personality ethic" in the battle of effectiveness, it also will bring greater
fulfillment and joy to individuals seeking meaning in their personal and
professional lives.
--Larry Wilson, author of Changing the Game: The New Way to Sell
Fundamentals are the key to success. Stephen Covey is a master of them. Buy
this book, but most importantly, use it!
--Anthony Robbins, author of Unlimited Power
This book contains the kind of penetrating truth about human nature that is
usually found only in fiction. At the end, you will feel not only that you know
Covey, but also that he knows you
--Orson Scott Card, winner of the Hugo and Nebula Awards
Stephen Covey adds great value to any individual or organization, not just
through his words. His vision and integrity --his personal example --move
people beyond mere success.
--Tom F. Crum, cofounder, The Windstar Foundation, and author of The
Magic of Conflict With all the responsibilities and demands of time, travel,
work, and families placed upon us in today's competitive world, it's a big plus
to have Stephen Covey's to refer to.
--Marie Osmond
In , Stephen Covey serves up a seven-course meal on how to take control of
one's life and become the complete, fulfilling person one envisions. It is a
satisfying, energetic, step-by-step book that is applicable for personal and
business progress.
--Roger Staubach, NFL Hall of Fame quarterback
The conclusions he draws in this book underscore the need to restore the
character ethic in our society. This work is a valuable addition to the
literature of self-help.
--W. Clement Stone, founder, Success Magazine
Stephen Covey's deliberate integration of life and principles leads to squaring
inner thought and outward behavior, resulting in personal as well as public
integrity.
--Gregory J. Newell, U.S. Ambassador to Sweden
Part One
Paradigms and Principles
INSIDE-OUT
There is no real excellence in all this world which can be separated from right
living
--David Starr Jordan
***
In more than 25 years of working with people in business, university, and
marriage and family settings, I have come in contact with many individuals
who have achieved an incredible degree of outward success, but have found
themselves struggling with an inner hunger, a deep need for personal
congruency and effectiveness and for healthy, growing relationships with
other people. I suspect some of the problems they have shared with me may
be familiar to you. I've set and met my career goals and I'm having
tremendous professional success. But it's cost me my personal and family
life. I don't know my wife and children anymore. I'm not even sure I know
myself and what's really important to me. I've had to ask myself --is it worth
it?
I've started a new diet --for the fifth time this year. I know I'm overweight,
and I really want to change. I read all the new information, I set goals, I get
myself all psyched up with a positive mental attitude and tell myself I can do
it. But I don't. After a few weeks, I fizzle. I just can't seem to keep a promise
I make to myself.
I've taken course after course on effective management training. I expect a lot
out of my employees and I work hard to be friendly toward them and to treat
them right. But I don't feel any loyalty from them. I think if I were home sick
for a day, they'd spend most of their time gabbing at the water fountain. Why
can't I train them to be independent and responsible --or find employees who
can be?
My teenage son is rebellious and on drugs. No matter what I try, he won't
listen to me. What can I do?
There's so much to do. And there's never enough time. I feel pressured and
hassled all day, every day, seven days a week. I've attended time management
seminars and I've tried half a dozen different planning systems. They've
helped some, but I still don't feel I'm living the happy, productive, peaceful
life I want to live.
I want to teach my children the value of work. But to get them to do
anything, I have to supervise every move; and put up with complaining every
step of the way. It's so much easier to do it myself. Why can't children do
their work cheerfully and without being reminded?
I'm busy --really busy. But sometimes I wonder if what I'm doing will make a
difference in the long run. I'd really like to think there was meaning in my
life, that somehow things were different because I was here.
I see my friends or relatives achieve some degree of success or receive some
recognition, and I smile and congratulate them enthusiastically. But inside,
I'm eating my heart out. Why do I feel this way?
I have a forceful personality. I know, in almost any interaction, I can control
the outcome. Most of the time, I can even do it by influencing others to come
up with the solution I want. I think through each situation and I really feel the
ideas I come up with are usually the best for everyone. But I feel uneasy. I
always wonder what other people really think of me and my ideas. My
marriage has gone flat. We don't fight or anything; we just don't love each
other anymore. We've gone to counseling; we've tried a number of things, but
we just can't seem to rekindle the feeling
we used to have.
These are deep problems, painful problems --problems that quick fix
approaches can't solve. A few years ago, my wife Sandra and I were
struggling with this kind of concern. One of our sons was having a very
difficult time in school. He was doing poorly academically; he didn't even
know how to follow the instructions on the tests, let alone do well in them.
Socially he was immature, often embarrassing those closest to him.
Athletically, he was small, skinny, and uncoordinated --swinging his baseball
bat, for example, almost before the ball was even pitched. Others would
laugh at him. Sandra and I were consumed with a desire to help him. We felt
that if "success" were important in any area of life, it was supremely
important in our role as parents. So we worked on our attitudes and behavior
toward him and we tried to work on his. We attempted to psyche him up
using positive mental attitude techniques. "Come on, son! You can do it! We
know you can. Put your hands a little higher on the bat and keep your eye on
the ball. Don't swing till it gets close to you." And if he did a little better, we
would go to great lengths to reinforce him. "That's good, son, keep it up."
When others laughed, we reprimanded them. "Leave him alone. Get off his
back. He's just learning." And our son would cry and insist that he'd never be
any good and that he didn't like baseball anyway.
Nothing we did seemed to help, and we were really worried. We could see
the effect this was having on his self-esteem. We tried to be encouraging and
helpful and positive, but after repeated failure, we finally drew back and tried
to look at the situation on a different level. At this time in my professional
role I was involved in leadership development work with various clients
throughout the country. In that capacity I was preparing bimonthly programs
on the subject of communication and perception for IBM's Executive
Development Program participants. As I researched and prepared these
presentations, I became particularly interested in how perceptions are formed,
how they behave. This led me to a study of expectancy theory and selffulfilling prophecies or the "Pygmalion effect," and to a realization of how
deeply imbedded our perceptions are. It taught me that we must look at the
lens through which we see the world, as well as at the world we see, and that
the lens itself shapes how we interpret the world. As Sandra and I talked
about the concepts I was teaching at IBM and about our own situation, we
began to realize that what we were doing to help our son was not in harmony
with the way we really saw him. When we honestly examined our deepest
feelings, we realized that our perception was that he was basically
inadequate, somehow "behind." No matter how much we worked on our
attitude and behavior, our efforts were ineffective because, despite our
actions and our words, what we really communicated to him was, "You aren't
capable. You have to be protected." We began to realize that if we wanted to
change the situation, we first had to change ourselves. And to change
ourselves effectively, we first had to change our perceptions. The
Personality and Character Ethics
At the same time, in addition to my research on perception, I was also deeply
immersed in an in-depth study of the success literature published in the
United States since 1776. I was reading or scanning literally hundreds of
books, articles, and essays in fields such as self-improvement, popular
psychology, and self-help. At my fingertips was the sum and substance of
what a free and democratic people considered to be the keys to successful
living.
As my study took me back through 200 years of writing about success, I
noticed a startling pattern emerging in the content of the literature. Because
of our own pain, and because of similar pain I had seen in the lives and
relationships of many people I had worked with through the years, I began to
feel
more and more that much of the success literature of the past 50 years was
superficial. It was filled with social image consciousness, techniques and
quick fixes --with social band-aids and aspirin that addressed acute problems
and sometimes even appeared to solve them temporarily --but left the
underlying chronic problems untouched to fester and resurface time and
again. In stark contrast, almost all the literature in the first 150 years or so
focused on what could be called the character ethic as the foundation of
success --things like integrity, humility, fidelity, temperance, courage, justice,
patience, industry, simplicity, modesty, and the Golden Rule. Benjamin
Franklin's autobiography is representative of that literature. It is, basically,
the story of one man's effort to integrate certain principles and habits deep
within his nature.
The character ethic taught that there are basic principles of effective living,
and that people can only experience true success and enduring happiness as
they learn and integrate these principles into their basic character.
But shortly after World War I the basic view of success shifted from the
character ethic to what we might call the personality ethic. Success became
more a function of personality, of public image, of attitudes and behaviors,
skills and techniques, that lubricate the processes of human interaction. This
personality ethic essentially took two paths: one was human and public
relations techniques, and the other was positive mental attitude (PMA). Some
of this philosophy was expressed in inspiring and sometimes valid maxims
such as "Your attitude determines your altitude," "Smiling wins more friends
than frowning," and "Whatever the mind of man can conceive and believe it
can achieve. Other parts of the personality approach were clearly
manipulative, even deceptive, encouraging people to use techniques to get
other people to like them, or to fake interest in the hobbies of others to get out
of them what they wanted, or to use the "power look," or to intimidate their
way through life. Some of this literature acknowledged character as an
ingredient of success, but tended to compartmentalize it rather than recognize
it as foundational and catalytic. Reference to the character ethic became
mostly lip service; the basic thrust was quick-fix influence techniques, power
strategies, communication skills, and positive attitudes.
This personality ethic, I began to realize, was the subconscious source of the
solutions Sandra and I were attempting to use with our son. As I thought
more deeply about the difference between the personality and character
ethics, I realized that Sandra and I had been getting social mileage out of our
children's good behavior, and, in our eyes, this son simply didn't measure up.
Our image of ourselves, and our role as good, caring parents was even deeper
than our image of our son and perhaps influenced it. There was a lot more
wrapped up in the way we were seeing and handling the problem than our
concern for our son's welfare.
As Sandra and I talked, we became painfully aware of the powerful influence
of our character and motives and of our perception of him. We knew that
social comparison motives were out of harmony with our deeper values and
could lead to conditional love and eventually to our son's lessened sense of
self-worth. So we determined to focus our efforts on us --not on our
techniques, but on our deepest motives and our perception of him. Instead of
trying to change him, we tried to stand apart --to separate us from him --and
to sense his identity, individuality, separateness, and worth. Through deep
thought and the exercise of faith and prayer, we began to see our son in terms
of his own uniqueness. We saw within him layers and layers of potential that
would be realized at his own pace and speed. We decided to relax and get out
of his way and let his own personality emerge. We saw our natural role as
being to affirm, enjoy, and value him. We also conscientiously worked on our
motives and cultivated internal sources of security so that our own feelings of
worth were not dependent on our children's "acceptable" behavior.
As we loosened up our old perception of our son and developed value-based
motives, new feelings began to emerge. We found ourselves enjoying him
instead of comparing or judging him. We stopped trying to clone him in our
own image or measure him against social expectations. We
stopped trying to kindly, positively manipulate him into an acceptable social
mold. Because we saw him as fundamentally adequate and able to cope with
life, we stopped protecting him against the ridicule of others.
He had been nurtured on this protection, so he went through some withdrawal
pains, which he expressed and which we accepted, but did not necessarily
respond to. "We don't need to protect you," was the unspoken message.
"You're fundamentally okay."
As the weeks and months passed, he began to feel a quiet confidence and
affirmed himself. He began to blossom, at his own pace and speed. He
became outstanding as measured by standard social criteria --academically,
socially and athletically --at a rapid clip, far beyond the so-called natural
developmental process. As the years passed, he was elected to several student
body leadership positions, developed into an all-state athlete and started
bringing home straight A report cards. He developed an engaging and
guileless personality that has enabled him to relate in nonthreatening ways to
all kinds of people.
Sandra and I believe that our son's "socially impressive" accomplishments
were more a serendipitous expression of the feelings he had about himself
than merely a response to social reward. This was an amazing experience for
Sandra and me, and a very instructional one in dealing with our other
children and in other roles as well. It brought to our awareness on a very
personal level the vital difference between the personality ethic and the
character ethic of success. The Psalmist expressed our conviction well:
"Search your own heart with all diligence for out of it flow the issues of life."
Primary and Secondary Greatness
My experience with my son, my study of perception and my reading of the
success literature coalesced to create one of those "Aha!" experiences in life
when suddenly things click into place. I was suddenly able to see the
powerful impact of the personality ethic and to clearly understand those
subtle, often consciously unidentified discrepancies between what I knew to
be true --some things I had been taught many years ago as a child and things
that were deep in my own inner sense of value --and the quick fix
philosophies that surrounded me every day. I understood at a deeper level
why, as I had worked through the years with people from all walks of life, I
had found that the things I was teaching and knew to be effective were often
at variance with these popular voices. I am not suggesting that elements of
the personality ethic --personality growth, communication skill training, and
education in the field of influence strategies and positive thinking --are not
beneficial, in fact sometimes essential for success. I believe they are. But
these are secondary, not primary traits. Perhaps, in utilizing our human
capacity to build on the foundation of generations before us, we have
inadvertently become so focused on our own building that we have forgotten
the foundation that holds it up; or in reaping for so long where we have not
sown, perhaps we have forgotten the need to sow. If I try to use human
influence strategies and tactics of how to get other people to do what I want,
to work better, to be more motivated, to like me and each other --while my
character is fundamentally flawed, marked by duplicity and insincerity --then,
in the long run, I cannot be successful. My duplicity will breed distrust, and
everything I do --even using so-called good human relations techniques --will
be perceived as manipulative. It simply makes no difference how good the
rhetoric is or even how good the intentions are; if there is little or no trust,
there is no foundation for permanent success. Only basic goodness gives life
to technique.
To focus on technique is like cramming your way through school. You
sometimes get by, perhaps even get good grades, but if you don't pay the
price day in and day out, you never achieve true mastery of the subjects you
study or develop an educated mind.
Did you ever consider how ridiculous it would be to try to cram on a farm -to forget to plant in the spring, play all summer and then cram in the fall to
bring in the harvest? The farm is a natural system.
The price must be paid and the process followed. You always reap what you
sow; there is no shortcut. This principle is also true, ultimately, in human
behavior, in human relationships. They, too, are natural systems based on the
The Law of the Harvest. In the short run, in an artificial social system such as
school, you may be able to get by if you learn how to manipulate the manmade rules, to "play the game." In most one-shot or short-lived human
interactions, you can use the personality ethic to get by and to make favorable
impressions through charm and skill and pretending to be interested in other
people's hobbies. You can pick up quick, easy techniques that may work in
short-term situations. But secondary traits alone have no permanent worth in
long-term relationships. Eventually, if there isn't deep integrity and
fundamental character strength, the challenges of life will cause true motives
to surface and human relationship failure will replace short-term success.
Many people with secondary greatness --that is, social recognition for their
talents --lack primary greatness or goodness in their character. Sooner or
later, you'll see this in every long-term relationship they have, whether it is
with a business associate, a spouse, a friend, or a teenage child going through
an identity crisis. It is character that communicates most eloquently. As
Emerson once put it, "What you are shouts so loudly in my ears that I cannot
hear what you say." There are, of course, situations where people have
character strength but they lack communication skills, and that undoubtedly
affects the quality of relationships as well. But the effects are still secondary.
In the last analysis, what we are communicates far more eloquently than
anything we say or do. We all know it. There are people we trust absolutely
because we know their character. Whether they're eloquent or not, whether
they have the human relations techniques or not, we trust them, and we work
successfully with them.
In the words of William George Jordan, "Into the hands of every individual is
given a marvelous power for good or evil --the silent unconscious, unseen
influence of his life. This is simply the constant radiation of what man really
is, not what he pretends to be." The Power of a Paradigm
embody many of the fundamental principles of human effectiveness. These
habits are basic; they are primary. They represent the internalization of
correct principles upon which enduring happiness and success are based.
But before we can really understand these Seven Habits TM, we need to
understand our own
"paradigms" and how to make a "A Paradigm Shift TM." Both the The
Character Ethic The Personality Ethic are examples of social paradigms. The
word paradigm comes from the Greek. It was originally a scientific term, and
is more commonly used today to mean a model, theory, perception,
assumption, or frame of reference. In the more general sense, it's the way we
"see" the world --not in terms of our visual sense of sight, but in terms of
perceiving, understanding, and interpreting.
For our purposes, a simple way to understand paradigms is to see them as
maps. We all know that
"the map is not the territory." A map is simply an explanation of certain
aspects of the territory. That's exactly what a paradigm is. It is a theory, an
explanation, or model of something else. Suppose you wanted to arrive at a
specific location in central Chicago. A street map of the city would be a great
help to you in reaching your destination. But suppose you were given the
wrong map. Through a printing error, the map labeled "Chicago" was
actually a map of Detroit. Can you imagine the frustration, the ineffectiveness
of trying to reach your destination?
You might work on your behavior --you could try harder, be more diligent,
double your speed. But your efforts would only succeed in getting you to the
wrong place faster.
You might work on your attitude --you could think more positively. You still
wouldn't get to the right place, but perhaps you wouldn't care. Your attitude
would be so positive, you'd be happy wherever you were.
The point is, you'd still be lost. The fundamental problem has nothing to do
with your behavior or your attitude. It has everything to do with having a
wrong map.
If you have the right map of Chicago, then diligence becomes important, and
when you encounter frustrating obstacles along the way, then attitude can
make a real difference. But the first and most important requirement is the
accuracy of the map.
Each of us has many, many maps in our head, which can be divided into two
main categories: maps of the way things are, or realities, and maps of the way
things should be, or values. We interpret everything we experience through
these mental maps. We seldom question their accuracy; we're usually even
unaware that we have them. We simply assume that the way we see things is
the way they really are or the way they should be.
And our attitudes and behaviors grow out of those assumptions. The way we
see things is the source of the way we think and the way we act.
Before going any further, I invite you to have an intellectual and emotional
experience. Take a few seconds and just look at the picture on the following
page
Now look at the picture below and carefully describe what you see
Do you see a woman? How old would you say she is? What does she look
like? What is she wearing?
In what kind of roles do you see her?
You probably would describe the woman in the second picture to be about 25
years old --very lovely, rather fashionable with a petite nose and demure
presence. If you were a single man you might like to take her out. If you were
in retailing, you might hire her as a fashion model. But what if I were to tell
you that you're wrong? What if I said this picture is of a woman in her 60s or
70s who looks sad, has a huge nose, and certainly is no model. She's someone
you probably would help cross the street.
Who's right? Look at the picture again. Can you see the old woman? If you
can't, keep trying. Can you see her big hook nose? Her shawl?
If you and I were talking face to face, we could discuss the picture. You
could describe what you see to me, and I could talk to you about what I see.
We could continue to communicate until you clearly showed me what you
see in the picture and I clearly showed you what I see. Because we can't do
that, turn to page 45 and study the picture there and then look at this picture
again. Can you see the old woman now? It's important that you see her before
you continue reading. I first encountered this exercise many years ago at the
Harvard Business School. The instructor was using it to demonstrate clearly
and eloquently that two people can see the same thing, disagree, and yet both
be right. It's not logical; it's psychological.
He brought into the room a stack of large cards, half of which had the image
of the young woman you saw on page 25, and the other half of which had the
old woman on page 45. He passed them out to the class, the picture of the
young woman to one side of the room and the picture of the old woman to the
other. He asked us to look at the cards, concentrate on them for about 10
seconds and then pass them back in. He then projected upon the screen the
picture you saw on page 26 combining both images and asked the class to
describe what they saw. Almost every person in that class who had first seen
the young woman's image on a card saw the young woman in the picture.
And almost every person in that class who had first seen the old woman's
image on a card saw an old woman in the picture.
The professor then asked one student to explain what he saw to a student on
the opposite side of the room. As they talked back and forth, communication
problems flared up.
"What do you mean, 'old lady'? She couldn't be more than 20 or 22 years old!
"Oh, come on. You have to be joking. She's 70 --could be pushing 80!"
"What's the matter with you? Are you blind? This lady is young, good
looking. I'd like to take her out. She's lovely."
"Lovely? She's an old hag.
The arguments went back and forth, each person sure of, and adamant in, his
or her position. All of this occurred in spite of one exceedingly important
advantage the students had --most of them knew early in the demonstration
that another point of view did, in fact, exist --something many of us would
never admit. Nevertheless, at first, only a few students really tried to see this
picture from another frame of reference.
After a period of futile communication, one student went up to the screen and
pointed to a line on the drawing. "There is the young woman's necklace." The
other one said, "No, that is the old woman's mouth." Gradually, they began to
calmly discuss specific points of difference, and finally one student, and then
another, experienced sudden recognition when the images of both came into
focus. Through continued calm, respectful, and specific communication, each
of us in the room was finally able to see the other point of view. But when we
looked away and then back, most of us would immediately see the image we
had been conditioned to see in the 10-second period of time. I frequently use
this perception demonstration in working with people and organizations
because it yields so many deep insights into both personal and interpersonal
effectiveness. It shows, first of all, how powerfully conditioning affects our
perceptions, our paradigms. If 10 seconds can have that kind of impact on the
way we see things, what about the conditioning of a lifetime? The influences
in our lives --family, school, church, work environment, friends, associates,
and current social paradigms such as the personality ethic --all have made
their silent unconscious impact on us and help shape our frame of reference,
our paradigms, our maps.
It also shows that these paradigms are the source of our attitudes and
behaviors. We cannot act with integrity outside of them. We simply cannot
maintain wholeness if we talk and walk differently than we see. If you were
among the 90 percent who typically see the young woman in the composite
picture when conditioned to do so, you undoubtedly found it difficult to think
in terms of having to help her cross the street. Both your attitude about her
and your behavior toward her had to be congruent with the way you saw her.
This brings into focus one of the basic flaws of the personality ethic. To try to
change outward attitudes and behaviors does very little good in the long run
if we fail to examine the basic paradigms from which those attitudes and
behaviors flow.
This perception demonstration also shows how powerfully our paradigms
affect the way we interact with other people. As clearly and objectively as we
think we see things, we begin to realize that others see them differently from
their own apparently equally clear and objective point of view. "Where we
stand depends on where we sit."
Each of us tends to think we see things as they are, that we are objective. But
this is not the case. We see the world, not as it is, but as we are --or, as we are
conditioned to see it. When we open our mouths to describe what we see, we
in effect describe ourselves, our perceptions, our paradigms. When other
people disagree with us, we immediately think something is wrong with
them. But, as the demonstration shows, sincere, clearheaded people see
things differently, each looking through the unique lens of experience.
This does not mean that there are no facts. In the demonstration, two
individuals who initially have been influenced by different conditioning
pictures look at the third picture together. They are
now both looking at the same identical facts --black lines and white spaces -and they would both acknowledge these as facts. But each person's
interpretation of these facts represents prior experiences, and the facts have
no meaning whatsoever apart from the interpretation. The more aware we are
of our basic paradigms, maps, or assumptions, and the extent to which we
have been influenced by our experience, the more we can take responsibility
for those paradigms, examine them, test them against reality, listen to others
and be open to their perceptions, thereby getting a larger picture and a far
more objective view.
The Power of a Paradigm Shift
Perhaps the most important insight to be gained from the perception
demonstration is in the area of paradigm shifting, what we might call the
"Aha!" experience when someone finally "sees" the composite picture in
another way. The more bound a person is by the initial perception, the more
powerful the
"Aha!" experience is. It's as though a light were suddenly turned on inside.
The term Paradigm Shift was introduced by Thomas Kuhn in his highly
influential landmark book, The Structure of Scientific Revolutions. Kuhn
shows how almost every significant breakthrough in the field of scientific
endeavor is first a break with tradition, with old ways of thinking, with old
paradigms. For Ptolemy, the great Egyptian astronomer, the earth was the
center of the universe. But Copernicus created a Paradigm Shift, and a great
deal of resistance and persecution as well, by placing the sun at the center.
Suddenly, everything took on a different interpretation. The Newtonian
model of physics was a clockwork paradigm and is still the basis of modern
engineering. But it was partial, incomplete. The scientific world was
revolutionized by the Einsteinian paradigm, the relativity paradigm, which
had much higher predictive and explanatory value.
Until the germ theory was developed, a high percentage of women and
children died during childbirth, and one could understand why. In military
skirmishes, more men were dying from small wounds and diseases than from
the major traumas on the front lines. But as soon as the germ theory was
developed, a whole new paradigm, a better, improved way of understanding
what was happening made dramatic, significant medical improvement
possible.
The United States today is the fruit of a Paradigm Shift. The traditional
concept of government for centuries had been a monarchy, the divine right of
kings. Then a different paradigm was developed -government of the people,
by the people, and for the people. And a constitutional democracy was born,
unleashing tremendous human energy and ingenuity, and creating a standard
of living, of freedom and liberty, of influence and hope unequaled in the
history of the world. Not all Paradigm Shifts are in positive directions. As we
have observed, the shift from the character ethic to the personality ethic has
drawn us away from the very roots that nourish true success and happiness.
But whether they shift us in positive or negative directions, whether they are
instantaneous or developmental, Paradigm Shifts move us from one way of
seeing the world to another. And those shifts create powerful change. Our
paradigms, correct or incorrect, are the sources of our attitudes and behaviors,
and ultimately our relationships with others.
I remember a mini-Paradigm Shift I experienced one Sunday morning on a
subway in New York. People were sitting quietly --some reading newspapers,
some lost in thought, some resting with their eyes closed. It was a calm,
peaceful scene.
Then suddenly, a man and his children entered the subway car. The children
were so loud and rambunctious that instantly the whole climate changed.
The man sat down next to me and closed his eyes, apparently oblivious to the
situation. The children were yelling back and forth, throwing things, even
grabbing people's papers. It was very
disturbing. And yet, the man sitting next to me did nothing.
It was difficult not to feel irritated. I could not believe that he could be so
insensitive to let his children run wild like that and do nothing about it, taking
no responsibility at all. It was easy to see that everyone else on the subway
felt irritated, too. So finally, with what I felt was unusual patience and
restraint, I turned to him and said, "Sir, your children are really disturbing a
lot of people. I wonder if you couldn't control them a little more?"
The man lifted his gaze as if to come to a consciousness of the situation for
the first time and said softly, "Oh, you're right. I guess I should do something
about it. We just came from the hospital where their mother died about an
hour ago. I don't know what to think, and I guess they don't know how to
handle it either."
Can you imagine what I felt at that moment? My paradigm shifted. Suddenly
I saw things differently, I felt differently, I behaved differently. My irritation
vanished. I didn't have to worry about controlling my attitude or my behavior;
my heart was filled with the man's pain. Feelings of sympathy and
compassion flowed freely. "Your wife just died? Oh, I'm so sorry. Can you
tell me about it? What can I do to help?" Everything changed in an instant.
Many people experience a similar fundamental shift in thinking when they
face a life-threatening crisis and suddenly see their priorities in a different
light, or when they suddenly step into a new role, such as that of husband or
wife, parent or grandparent, manager or leader. We could spend weeks,
months, even years laboring with the personality ethic trying to change our
attitudes and behaviors and not even begin to approach the phenomenon of
change that occurs spontaneously when we see things differently.
It becomes obvious that if we want to make relatively minor changes in our
lives, we can perhaps appropriately focus on our attitudes and behaviors. But
if we want to make significant, quantum change, we need to work on our
basic paradigms.
In the words of Thoreau, "For every thousand hacking at the leaves of evil,
there is one striking at the root." We can only achieve quantum improvements
in our lives as we quit hacking at the leaves of attitude and behavior and get
to work on the root, the paradigms from which our attitudes and behaviors
flow.
Seeing and Being
Of course, not all Paradigm Shifts are instantaneous. Unlike my instant
insight on the subway, the paradigm-shifting experience Sandra and I had
with our son was a slow, difficult, and deliberate process. The approach we
had first taken with him was the outgrowth of years of conditioning and
experience in the personality ethic. It was the result of deeper paradigms we
held about our own success as parents as well as the measure of success of
our children. And it was not until we changed those basic paradigms,
quantum change in ourselves and in the situation. In order to see our son
differently, Sandra and I had to be differently. Our new paradigm was created
as we invested in the growth and development of our own character. Our
Paradigms are the way we "see" the world or circumstances --not in terms of
our visual sense of sight, but in terms of perceiving, understanding, and
interpreting. Paradigms are inseparable from character. Being is seeing in the
human dimension. And what we see is highly interrelated to what we are. We
can't go very far to change our seeing without simultaneously changing our
being, and vice versa.
Even in my apparently instantaneous paradigm-shifting experience that
morning on the subway, my change of vision was a result of --and limited by
--my basic character. I'm sure there are people who, even suddenly
understanding the true situation, would have felt no more than a twinge of
regret or vague guilt as they continued to sit in embarrassed silence beside the
grieving, confused man. On the other hand, I am equally certain there are
people who would have been far more sensitive in the first place, who may
have recognized that a deeper problem existed and reached out to understand
and help before I did.
Paradigms are powerful because they create the lens through which we see
the world. The power of a Paradigm Shift is the essential power of quantum
change, whether that shift is an instantaneous or a slow and deliberate
process.
The Principle-Centered Paradigm
The character ethic is based on the fundamental idea that there are principles
that govern human effectiveness --natural laws in the human dimension that
are just as real, just as unchanging and unarguably "there" as laws such as
gravity are in the physical dimension. An idea of the reality --and the impact -of these principles can be captured in another paradigm-shifting experience
as told by Frank Kock in Proceedings, the magazine of the Naval Institute.
Two battleships assigned to the training squadron had been at sea on
maneuvers in heavy weather for several days. I was serving on the lead
battleship and was on watch on the bridge as night fell. The visibility was
poor with patchy fog, so the captain remained on the bridge keeping an eye
on all activities.
Shortly after dark, the lookout on the wing of the bridge reported, "Light,
bearing on the starboard bow."
"Is it steady or moving astern?" the captain called out.
Lookout replied, "Steady, captain," which meant we were on a dangerous
collision course with that ship.
The captain then called to the signal man, "Signal that ship: We are on a
collision course, advise you change course 20 degrees."
Back came a signal, "Advisable for you to change course 20 degrees." The
captain said, "Send, I'm a captain, change course 20 degrees."
"I'm a seaman second class," came the reply. "You had better change course
20 degrees." By that time, the captain was furious. He spat out, "Send, I'm a
battleship. Change course 20
degrees."
Back came the flashing light, "I'm a lighthouse."
We changed course
The A Paradigm Shift is the "a-ha" experience associated with finally
perceiving or understanding some aspect of the world (or a circumstance) in a
different way. Paradigm Shift experienced by the captain --and by us as we
read this account --puts the situation in a totally different light. We can see a
reality that is superseded by his limited perceptions --a reality that is as
critical for us to understand in our daily lives as it was for the captain in the
fog.
Principles are like lighthouses. They are natural laws that cannot be broken.
As Cecil B. deMille observed of the principles contained in his monumental
movie, The Ten Commandments, "It is impossible for us to break the law.
We can only break ourselves against the law." While individuals may look at
their own lives and interactions in terms of paradigms or maps emerging out
of their experience and conditioning, these maps are not the territory. They
are a
"subjective reality," only an attempt to describe the territory. The "objective
reality," or the territory itself, is composed of "lighthouse" principles that
govern human growth and happiness --natural laws that are woven into the
fabric of every civilized society throughout history and comprise the roots of
every family and institution that has endured and prospered. The degree to
which our mental maps accurately describe the territory does not alter its
existence.
The reality of such principles or natural laws becomes obvious to anyone
who thinks deeply and examines the cycles of social history. These principles
surface time and time again, and the degree to which people in society
recognize and live in harmony with them moves them toward either survival
and stability or disintegration and destruction.
The principles I am referring to are not esoteric, mysterious, or "religious"
ideas. There is not one principle taught in this book that is unique to any
specific faith or religion, including my own. These principles are a part of
every major enduring religion, as well as enduring social philosophies and
ethical systems. They are self-evident and can easily be validated by any
individual. It's almost as if these principles or natural laws are part of the
human condition, part of the human consciousness, part of the human
conscience. They seem to exist in all human beings, regardless of social
conditioning and loyalty to them, even though they might be submerged or
numbed by conditions or disloyalty. I am referring, for example, to the
principle of fairness, out of which our whole concept of equity and justice is
developed. Little children seem to have an innate sense of the idea of fairness
even apart from opposite conditioning experiences. There are vast differences
in how fairness is defined and achieved, but there is almost universal
awareness of the idea.
Other examples would include integrity and honesty. They create the
foundation of trust which is essential to cooperation and long-term personal
and interpersonal growth. Another principle is human dignity. The basic
concept in the United States Declaration of Independence bespeaks this value
or principle. "We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all men are created
equal and endowed by their Creator with certain inalienable rights, that
among these are life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness."
Another principle is service, or the idea of making a contribution. Another is
quality or excellence. There is the principle of potential, the idea that we are
embryonic and can grow and develop and release more and more potential,
develop more and more talents. Highly related to potential is the principle of
growth --the process of releasing potential and developing talents, with the
accompanying need for principles such as patience, nurturance, and
encouragement. Principles are not practices. A practice is a specific activity
or action. A practice that works in one circumstance will not necessarily work
in another, as parents who have tried to raise a second child exactly like they
did the first one can readily attest.
While practices are situationally specific, principles are deep, fundamental
truths that have universal application. They apply to individuals, to
marriages, to families, to private and public organizations of every kind.
When these truths are internalized into habits, they empower people to create
a wide variety of practices to deal with different situations.
While practices are situationally specific, principles are deep, fundamental
truths that have universal application. They apply to individuals, to
marriages, to families, to private and public organizations of every kind.
When these truths are internalized into habits, they empower people to create
a wide variety of practices to deal with different situations.
Principles are not values. A gang of thieves can share values, but they are in
violation of the fundamental principles we're talking about. Principles are the
territory. Values are maps. When we value correct principles, we have truth -a knowledge of things as they are. Principles are guidelines for human
conduct that are proven to have enduring, permanent value. They're
fundamental. They're essentially unarguable because they are self-evident.
One way to quickly grasp the self-evident nature of principles is to simply
consider the absurdity of attempting to live an effective life based on their
opposites. I doubt that anyone would seriously consider unfairness, deceit,
baseness, uselessness, mediocrity, or degeneration to be a solid foundation
for lasting happiness and success. Although people may argue about how
these principles are defined or manifested or achieved, there seems to be an
innate consciousness and awareness that they exist.
The more closely our maps or paradigms are aligned with these principles or
natural laws, the more accurate and functional they will be. Correct maps will
infinitely impact our personal and interpersonal effectiveness far more than
any amount of effort expended on changing our attitudes and behaviors.
Principles of Growth and Change
The glitter of the personality ethic, the massive appeal, is that there is some
quick and easy way to achieve quality of life --personal effectiveness and
rich, deep relationships with other people --without going through the natural
process of work and growth that makes it possible It's symbol without
substance. It's the "get rich quick" scheme promising "wealth without work."
And it might even appear to succeed --but the schemer remains.
The personality ethic is illusory and deceptive. And trying to get high-quality
results with its techniques and quick fixes is just about as effective as trying
to get to some place in Chicago using a map of Detroit.
In the words of Erich Fromm, an astute observer of the roots and fruits of the
personality ethic. Today we come across an individual who behaves like an
automaton, who does not know or understand himself, and the only person
that he knows is the person that he is supposed to be, whose meaningless
chatter has replaced communicative speech, whose synthetic smile has
replaced genuine laughter, and whose sense of dull despair has taken the
place of genuine pain. Two statements may be said concerning this
individual. One is that he suffers from defects of spontaneity and
individuality which may seem to be incurable. At the same time it may be
said of him he does not differ essentially from the millions of the rest of us
who walk upon this earth.
In all of life, there are sequential stages of growth and development. A child
learns to turn over, to sit up, to crawl, and then to walk and run. Each step is
important and each one takes time. No step can be skipped.
This is true in all phases of life, in all areas of development, whether it be
learning to play the piano or communicate effectively with a working
associate. It is true with individuals, with marriages, with families, and with
organizations.
We know and accept this fact or principle of process in the area of physical
things, but to understand it in emotional areas, in human relations, and even
in the area of personal character is less common and more difficult. And even
if we understand it, to accept it and to live in harmony with it are even less
common and more difficult. Consequently, we sometimes look for a shortcut,
expecting to be able to skip some of these vital steps in order to save time and
effort and still reap the desired result. But what happens when we attempt to
shortcut a natural process in our growth and development?
If you are only an average tennis player but decide to play at a higher level in
order to make a better impression, what will result? Would positive thinking
alone enable you to compete effectively against a professional?
What if you were to lead your friends to believe you could play the piano at
concert hall level while your actual present skill was that of a beginner?
The answers are obvious. It is simply impossible to violate, ignore, or
shortcut this development process. It is contrary to nature, and attempting to
seek such a shortcut only results in disappointment and frustration.
On a 10-point scale, if I am at level two in any field, and desire to move to
level five, I must first take the step toward level three. "A thousand-mile
journey begins with the first step" and can only be taken one step at a time.
If you don't let a teacher know what level you are --by asking a question, or
revealing your ignorance --you will not learn or grow. You cannot pretend for
long, for you will eventually be found out. Admission of ignorance is often
the first step in our education. Thoreau taught, "How can we remember our
ignorance, which our growth requires, when we are using our knowledge all
of the time?"
I recall one occasion when two young women, daughters of a friend of mine,
came to me tearfully, complaining about their father's harshness and lack of
understanding. They were afraid to open up with their parents for fear of the
consequences. And yet they desperately needed their parents' love,
understanding, and guidance.
I talked with the father and found that he was intellectually aware of what
was happening. But while he admitted he had a temper problem, he refused to
take responsibility for it and to honestly accept the fact that his emotional
development level was low. It was more than his pride could swallow to take
the first step toward change.
To relate effectively with a wife, a husband, children, friends, or working
associates, we must learn to listen. And this requires emotional strength.
Listening involves patience, openness, and the desire to understand --highly
developed qualities of character. It's so much easier to operate from a low
emotional level and to give high-level advice.
Our level of development is fairly obvious with tennis or piano playing,
where it is impossible to pretend. But it is not so obvious in the areas of
character and emotional development. We can "pose" and "put on" for a
stranger or an associate. We can pretend. And for a while we can get by with
it -at least in public. We might even deceive ourselves. Yet I believe that
most of us know the truth of what we really are inside; and I think many of
those we live with and work with do as well. I have seen the consequences of
attempting to shortcut this natural process of growth often in the business
world, where executives attempt to "buy" a new culture of improved
productivity, quality, morale, and customer service with the strong speeches,
smile training, and external interventions, or through mergers, acquisitions,
and friendly or unfriendly takeovers. But they ignore the low-trust climate
produced by such manipulations. When these methods don't work, they look
for other personality ethic techniques that will --all the time ignoring and
violating the natural principles and processes on which high-trust culture is
based.
I remember violating this principle myself as a father many years ago. One
day I returned home to my little girl's third-year birthday party to find her in
the corner of the front room, defiantly clutching all of her presents, unwilling
to let the other children play with them. The first thing I noticed was several
parents in the room witnessing this selfish display. I was embarrassed, and
doubly so because at the time I was teaching university classes in human
relations. And I knew, or at least felt, the expectation of these parents.
The atmosphere in the room was really charged --the children were crowding
around my little daughter with their hands out, asking to play with the
presents they had just given, and my daughter was adamantly refusing. I said
to myself, "Certainly I should teach my daughter to share. The value of
sharing is one of the most basic things we believe in."
So I first tried a simple request. "Honey, would you please share with your
friends the toys they've given you?
"No," she replied flatly.
My second method was to use a little reasoning. "Honey, if you learn to share
your toys with them when they are at your home, then when you go to their
homes they will share their toys with you." Again, the immediate reply was
"No!"
I was becoming a little more embarrassed, for it was evident I was having no
influence. The third method was bribery. Very softly I said, "Honey, if you
share, I've got special surprise for you. I'll
give you a piece of gum."
"I don't want gum!" she exploded.
Now I was becoming exasperated. For my fourth attempt, I resorted to fear
and threat. "Unless you share, you will be in real trouble!"
"I don't care!" she cried. "These are my things. I don't have to share!" Finally,
I resorted to force. I merely took some of the toys and gave them to the other
kids. "Here, kids, play with these."
But at that moment, I valued the opinion those parents had of me more than
the growth and development of my child and our relationship together. I
simply made an initial judgment that I was right; she should share, and she
was wrong in not doing so.
Perhaps I superimposed a higher-level expectation on her simply because on
my own scale I was at a lower level. I was unable or unwilling to give
patience or understanding, so I expected her to give things. In an attempt to
compensate for my deficiency, I borrowed strength from my position and
authority and forced her to do what I wanted her to do.
But borrowing strength builds weakness. It builds weakness in the borrower
because it reinforces dependence on external factors to get things done. It
builds weakness in the person forced to acquiesce, stunting the development
of independent reasoning, growth, and internal discipline. And finally, it
builds weakness in the relationship. Fear replaces cooperation, and both
people involved become more arbitrary and defensive.
And what happens when the source of borrowed strength --be it superior size
or physical strength, position, authority, credentials, status symbols,
appearance, or past achievements --changes or is no longer there?
Had I been more mature, I could have relied on my own intrinsic strength -my understanding of sharing and of growth and my capacity to love and
nurture --and allowed my daughter to make a free choice as to whether she
wanted to share or not to share. Perhaps after attempting to reason with her, I
could have turned the attention of the children to an interesting game, taking
all that emotional pressure off my child. I've learned that once children gain a
sense of real possession, they share very naturally, freely, and spontaneously.
My experience has been that there are times to teach and times not to teach.
When relationships are strained and the air charged with emotion, an attempt
to teach is often perceived as a form of judgment and rejection. But to take
the child alone, quietly, when the relationship is good and to discuss the
teaching or the value seems to have much greater impact. It may have been
that the emotional maturity to do that was beyond my level of patience and
internal control at the time. Perhaps a sense of possessing needs to come
before a sense of genuine sharing. Many people who give mechanically or
refuse to give and share in their marriages and families may never have
experienced what it means to possess themselves, their own sense of identity
and self-worth. Really helping our children grow may involve being patient
enough to allow them the sense of possession as well as being wise enough to
teach them the value of giving and providing the example ourselves. The
Way We See the Problem is the Problem
People are intrigued when they see good things happening in the lives of
individuals, families, and organizations that are based on solid principles.
They admire such personal strength and maturity, such family unity and
teamwork, such adaptive synergistic organizational culture. And their
immediate request is very revealing of their basic paradigm. "How do you do
it? Teach me the techniques." What they're really saying is, "Give me some
quick fix advice or solution that will relieve the pain in my own situation."
They will find people who will meet their wants and teach these things; and
for a short time, skills and techniques may appear to work. They may
eliminate some of the cosmetic or acute problems through social aspirin and
band-aids.
But the underlying chronic condition remains, and eventually new acute
symptoms will appear. The more people are into quick fix and focus on the
acute problems and pain, the more that very approach contributes to the
underlying chronic condition.
The way we see the problem is the problem.
Look again at some of the concerns that introduced this chapter, and at the
impact of personality ethic thinking.
I've taken course after course on effective management training. I expect a lot
out of my employees and I work hard to be friendly toward them and to treat
them right. But I don't feel any loyalty from them. I think if I were home sick
for a day, they'd spend most of their time gabbing at the water fountain. Why
can't I train them to be independent and responsible --or find employees who
can be?
The personality ethic tells me I could take some kind of dramatic action -shake things up, make heads roll --that would make my employees shape up
and appreciate what they have. Or that I could find some motivational
training program that would get them committed. Or even that I could hire
new people that would do a better job.
But is it possible that under that apparently disloyal behavior, these
employees question whether I really act in their best interest? Do they feel
like I'm treating them as mechanical objects? Is there some truth to that?
Deep inside, is that really the way I see them? Is there a chance the way I
look at the people who work for me is part of the problem?
There's so much to do. And there's never enough time. I feel pressured and
hassled all day, every day, seven days a week. I've attended time management
seminars and I've tried half a dozen different planning systems. They've
helped some, but I still don't feel I'm living the happy, productive, peaceful
life I want to live.
The personality ethic tells me there must be something out there --some new
planner or seminar that will help me handle all these pressures in a more
efficient way. But is there a chance that efficiency is not the answer? Is
getting more things done in less time going to make a difference --or will it
just increase the pace at which I react to the people and circumstances that
seem to control my life?
Could there be something I need to see in a deeper, more fundamental way -some paradigm within myself that affects the way I see my time, my life, and
my own nature?
My marriage has gone flat. We don't fight or anything; we just don't love
each other anymore. We've gone to counseling; we've tried a number of
things, but we just can't seem to rekindle the feeling we used to have.
The personality ethic tells me there must be some new book or some seminar
where people get all their feelings out that would help my wife understand
me better. Or maybe that it's useless, and only a new relationship will provide
the love I need.
But is it possible that my spouse isn't the real problem? Could I be
empowering my spouse's weaknesses and making my life a function of the
way I'm treated?
Do I have some basic paradigm about my spouse, about marriage, about what
love really is, that is feeding the problem?
Can you see how fundamentally the paradigms of the personality ethic affect
the very way we see our problems as well as the way we attempt to solve
them?
Whether people see it or not, many are becoming disillusioned with the
empty promises of the personality ethic. As I travel around the country and
work with organizations, I find that long-term
thinking executives are simply turned off by psyche up psychology and
"motivational" speakers who have nothing more to share than entertaining
stories mingled with platitudes. They want substance; they want process.
They want more than aspirin and band-aids. They want to solve the chronic
underlying problems and focus on the principles that bring long-term results.
A New Level of Thinking
Albert Einstein observed, "The significant problems we face cannot be solved
at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.
As we look around us and within us and recognize the problems created as
we live and interact within the personality ethic, we begin to realize that these
are deep, fundamental problems that cannot be solved on the superficial level
on which they were created.
We need a new level, a deeper level of thinking --a paradigm based on the
principles that accurately describe the territory of effective human being and
interacting --to solve these deep concerns. This new level of thinking is what
Seven Habits of Highly Effective People is about. It's a principle-centered,
character-based, "Inside-Out" approach to personal and interpersonal
effectiveness.
"Inside-Out" means to start first with self; even more fundamentally, to start
with the most inside part of self --with your paradigms, your character, and
your motives. It says if you want to have a happy marriage, be the kind of
person who generates positive energy and sidesteps negative energy rather
than empowering it. If you want to have a more pleasant, cooperative
teenager, be a more understanding, empathic, consistent, loving parent. If you
want to have more freedom, more latitude in your job, be a more responsible,
a more helpful, a more contributing employee. If you want to be trusted, be
trustworthy. If you want the secondary greatness of recognized talent, focus
first on primary greatness of character. The Inside-Out approach says that
Private Victories TM precede Public Victories TM, that making and keeping
promises to ourselves precedes making and keeping promises to others. It
says it is futile to put personality ahead of character, to try to improve
relationships with others before improving ourselves.
Inside-Out is a process --a continuing process of renewal based on the natural
laws that govern human growth and progress. It's an upward spiral of growth
that leads to progressively higher forms of responsible independence and
effective interdependence.
I have had the opportunity to work with many people --wonderful people,
talented people, people who deeply want to achieve happiness and success,
people who are searching, people who are hurting. I've worked with business
executives, college students, church and civic groups, families and marriage
partners. And in all of my experience, I have never seen lasting solutions to
problems, lasting happiness and success, that came from the outside in.
What I have seen result from the outside-in paradigm is unhappy people who
feel victimized and immobilized, who focus on the weaknesses of other
people and the circumstances they feel are responsible for their own stagnant
situation. I've seen unhappy marriages where each spouse wants the other to
change, where each is confessing the other's "sins," where each is trying to
shape up the other. I've seen labor management disputes where people spend
tremendous amounts of time and energy trying to create legislation that
would force people to act as though the foundation of trust were really there.
Members of our family have lived in three of the "hottest" spots on earth -South Africa, Israel, and Ireland --and I believe the source of the continuing
problems in each of these places has been the dominant social paradigm of
outside-in. Each involved group is convinced the problem is "out there" and
if "they" (meaning others) would "shape up" or suddenly "ship out" of
existence, the problem would be solved.
Inside-Out is a dramatic Paradigm Shift for most people, largely because of
the powerful impact of conditioning and the current social paradigm of the
personality ethic. But from my own experience --both personal and in
working with thousands of other people --and from careful examination of
successful individuals and societies throughout history, I am persuaded that
many of the principles embodied in the Seven Habits are already deep within
us, in our conscience and our common sense. To recognize and develop them
and to use them in meeting our deepest concerns, we need to think
differently, to shift our paradigms to a new, deeper, "Inside-Out" level. As we
sincerely seek to understand and integrate these principles into our lives, I am
convinced we will discover and rediscover the truth of T. S. Eliot's
observation: We must not cease from exploration and the end of all our
exploring will be to arrive where we began and to know the place for the first
time.
The Seven Habits --An Overview
We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.
--Aristotl
Our character, basically, is a composite of our habits. "Sow a thought, reap an
action; sow an action, reap a habit; sow a habit, reap a character; sow a
character, reap a destiny," the maxim goes. Habits are powerful factors in our
lives. Because they are consistent, often unconscious patterns, they
constantly, daily, express our character and produce our effectiveness or
ineffectiveness. As Horace Mann, the great educator, once said, "Habits are
like a cable. We weave a strand of it everyday and soon it cannot be broken."
I personally do not agree with the last part of his expression. I know they can
be broken. Habits can be learned and unlearned. But I also know it isn't a
quick fix. It involves a process and a tremendous commitment.
Those of us who watched the lunar voyage of Apollo 11 were transfixed as
we saw the first men walk on the moon and return to earth. Superlatives such
as "fantastic" and "incredible" were inadequate to describe those eventful
days. But to get there, those astronauts literally had to break out of the
tremendous gravity pull of the earth. More energy was spent in the first few
minutes of lift-off, in the first few miles of travel, than was used over the next
several days to travel half a million miles. Habits, too, have tremendous
gravity pull --more than most people realize or would admit. Breaking deeply
imbedded habitual tendencies such as procrastination, impatience,
criticalness, or selfishness that violate basic principles of human effectiveness
involves more than a little willpower and a few minor changes in our lives.
"Lift off" takes a tremendous effort, but once we break out of the gravity pull,
our freedom takes on a whole new dimension.
Like any natural force, gravity pull can work with us or against us. The
gravity pull of some of our habits may currently be keeping us from going
where we want to go. But it is also gravity pull that keeps our world together,
that keeps the planets in their orbits and our universe in order. It is a powerful
force, and if we use it effectively, we can use the gravity pull of habit to
create the cohesiveness and order necessary to establish effectiveness in our
lives.
"Habits" Defined
For our purposes, we will define a habit as the intersection of knowledge,
skill, and desire. Knowledge is the theoretical paradigm, the what to do and
the why. Skill is the how to do. And desire is the motivation, the want to do.
In order to make something a habit in our lives, we have to have all three.
I may be ineffective in my interactions with my work associates, my spouse,
or my children because I constantly tell them what I think, but I never really
listen to them. Unless I search out correct principles of human interaction, I
may not even know I need to listen. Even if I do know that in order to interact
effectively with others I really need to listen to them, I may not have the skill.
I may not know how to really listen deeply to another human being. But
knowing I need to listen and knowing how to listen is not enough. Unless I
want to listen, unless I have the desire, it won't be a habit in my life. Creating
a habit requires work in all three dimensions.
The being/seeing change is an upward process --being changing, seeing,
which in turn changes being, and so forth, as we move in an upward spiral of
growth. By working on knowledge, skill, and desire, we can break through to
new levels of personal and interpersonal effectiveness as we break with old
paradigms that may have been a source of pseudo-security for years. It's
sometimes a painful process. It's a change that has to be motivated by a
higher purpose, by the willingness to subordinate what you think you want
now for what you want later. But this process produces happiness, "the object
and design of our existence." Happiness can be defined, in part at least, as the
fruit of the desire and ability to sacrifice what we want now for what we want
eventually. The Maturity Continuum TM
The Seven Habits are not a set of separate or piecemeal psyche-up formulas.
In harmony with the natural laws of growth, they provide an incremental,
sequential, highly integrated approach to the development of personal and
interpersonal effectiveness. They move us progressively on a Maturity
Continuum from dependence to interdependence.
We each begin life as an infant, totally dependent on others. We are directed,
nurtured, and sustained by others. Without this nurturing, we would only live
for a few hours or a few days at the most.
Then gradually, over the ensuing months and years, we become more and
more independent --physically, mentally, emotionally, and financially --until
eventually we can essentially take care of ourselves, becoming inner-directed
and self-reliant.
As we continue to grow and mature, we become increasingly aware that all of
nature is interdependent, that there is an ecological system that governs
nature, including society. We further discover that the higher reaches of our
nature have to do with our relationships with others --that human life also is
interdependent.
Our growth from infancy to adulthood is in accordance with natural law. And
there are many dimensions to growth. Reaching our full physical maturity,
for example, does not necessarily assure us of simultaneous emotional or
mental maturity. On the other hand, a person's physical dependence does not
mean that he or she is mentally or emotionally immature.
On the maturity continuum, dependence is the paradigm of you --you take
care of me; you come through for me; you didn't come through; I blame you
for the results. Independence is the paradigm of I --I can do it; I am
responsible; I am self-reliant; I can choose. Interdependence is the paradigm
of we --we can do it: we can cooperate; we can combine our talents and
abilities and create something greater together.
Dependent people need others to get what they want. Independent people can
get what they want through their own effort. Interdependent people combine
their own efforts with the efforts of others to achieve their greatest success.
If I were physically dependent --paralyzed or disabled or limited in some
physical way --I would need you to help me. If I were emotionally dependent,
my sense of worth and security would come from your opinion of me. If you
didn't like me, it could be devastating. If I were intellectually
dependent, I would count on you to do my thinking for me, to think through
the issues and problems of my life.
If I were independent, physically, I could pretty well make it on my own.
Mentally, I could think my own thoughts, I could move from one level of
abstraction to another. I could think creatively and analytically and organize
and express my thoughts in understandable ways. Emotionally, I would be
validated from within. I would be inner directed. My sense of worth would
not be a function of being liked or treated well.
It's easy to see that independence is much more mature than dependence.
Independence is a major achievement in and of itself. But independence is
not supreme.
Nevertheless, the current social paradigm enthrones independence. It is the
avowed goal of many individuals and social movements. Most of the selfimprovement material puts independence on a pedestal, as though
communication, teamwork, and cooperation were lesser values. Nevertheless,
the current social paradigm enthrones independence. It is the avowed goal of
many individuals and social movements. Most of the self-improvement
material puts independence on a pedestal, as though communication,
teamwork, and cooperation were lesser values. But much of our current
emphasis on independence is a reaction to dependence --to having others
control us, define us, use us, and manipulate us.
The little understood concept of interdependence appears to many to smack
of dependence, and therefore, we find people often for selfish reasons,
leaving their marriages, abandoning their children, and forsaking all kinds of
social responsibility --all in the name of independence. The kind of reaction
that results in people "throwing off their shackles," becoming "liberated,"
"asserting themselves," and "doing their own thing" often reveals more
fundamental dependencies that cannot be run away from because they are
internal rather than external --dependencies such as letting the weaknesses of
other people ruin our emotional lives or feeling victimized by people and
events out of our control.
Of course, we may need to change our circumstances. But the dependence
problem is a personal maturity issue that has little to do with circumstances.
Even with better circumstances, immaturity and dependence often persist.
True independence of character empowers us to act rather than be acted upon.
It frees us from our dependence on circumstances and other people and is a
worthy, liberating goal. But it is not the ultimate goal in effective living.
Independent thinking alone is not suited to interdependent reality.
Independent people who do not have the maturity to think and act
interdependently may be good individual producers, but they won't be good
leaders or team players. They're not coming from the paradigm of
interdependence necessary to succeed in marriage, family, or organizational
reality. Life is, by nature, highly interdependent. To try to achieve maximum
effectiveness through independence is like trying to play tennis with a golf
club --the tool is not suited to the reality. Interdependence is a far more
mature, more advanced concept. If I am physically interdependent, I am selfreliant and capable, but I also realize that you and I working together can
accomplish far more than, even at my best, I could accomplish alone. If I am
emotionally interdependent, I derive a great sense of worth within myself, but
I also recognize the need for love, for giving, and for receiving love from
others. If I am intellectually interdependent, I realize that I need the best
thinking of other people to join with my own.
As an interdependent person, I have the opportunity to share myself deeply,
meaningfully, with others, and I have access to the vast resources and
potential of other human beings. Interdependence is a choice only
independent people can make. Dependent people cannot choose to become
interdependent. They don't have the character to do it; they don't own enough
of themselves.
That's why Habits 1, 2, and 3 in the following chapters deal with self-
mastery. They move a person from dependence to independence. They are
the "Private Victories," the essence of character growth. Private Victories
precede Public Victories. You can't invert that process anymore than you can
harvest a crop before you plant it. It's Inside-Out.
As you become truly independent, you have the foundation for effective
interdependence. You have the character base from which you can effectively
work on the more personality-oriented "Public Victories" of teamwork,
cooperation, and communication in Habits 4, 5, and 6. That does not mean
you have to be perfect in Habits 1, 2, and 3 before working on Habits 4, 5,
and 6. Understanding the sequence will help you manage your growth more
effectively, but I'm not suggesting that you put yourself in isolation for
several years until you fully develop Habits 1, 2, and 3. As part of an
interdependent world, you have to relate to that world every day. But the
acute problems of that world can easily obscure the chronic character causes.
Understanding how what you are impacts every interdependent interaction
will help you to focus your efforts sequentially, in harmony with the natural
laws of growth.
Habit 7 is the habit of renewal --a regular, balanced renewal of the four basic
dimensions of life. It circles and embodies all the other habits. It is the habit
of continuous improvement that creates the upward spiral of growth that lifts
you to new levels of understanding and living each of the habits as you come
around to them on a progressively higher plane.
The diagram on the next page is a visual representation of the sequence and
the interdependence of the Seven Habits, and will be used throughout this
book as we explore both the sequential relationship between the habits and
also their synergy --how, in relating to each other, they create bold new forms
of each other that add even more to their value. Each concept or habit will be
highlighted as it is introduced.
Effectiveness Defined
The Seven Habits are habits of effectiveness. Because they are based on
principles, they bring the maximum long-term beneficial results possible.
They become the basis of a person's character, creating an empowering center
of correct maps from which an individual can effectively solve problems,
maximize opportunities, and continually learn and integrate other principles
in an upward spiral of growth.
They are also habits of effectiveness because they are based on a paradigm of
effectiveness that is in harmony with a natural law, a principle I call the
"P/PC Balance," which many people break themselves against. This principle
can be easily understood by remembering Aesop's fable of the Goose and the
Golden Egg TM.
This fable is the story of a poor farmer who one day discovers in the nest of
his pet goose a glittering golden egg. At first, he thinks it must be some kind
of trick. But as he starts to throw the egg aside, he has second thoughts and
takes it in to be appraised instead.
The egg is pure gold! The farmer can't believe his good fortune. He becomes
even more incredulous the following day when the experience is repeated.
Day after day, he awakens to rush to the nest and find another golden egg. He
becomes fabulously wealthy; it all seems too good to be true. But with his
increasing wealth comes greed and impatience. Unable to wait day after day
for the golden eggs, the farmer decides he will kill the goose and get them all
at once. But when he opens the goose, he finds it empty. There are no golden
eggs --and now there is no way to get any more. The farmer has destroyed the
goose that produced them.
But as the story shows, true effectiveness is a function of two things: what is
produced (the golden eggs) and the producing asset or capacity to produce
(the goose).
If you adopt a pattern of life that focuses on golden eggs and neglects the
goose, you will soon be without the asset that produces golden eggs. On the
other hand, if you only take care of the goose with no aim toward the golden
eggs, you soon won't have the wherewithal to feed yourself or the goose.
Effectiveness lies in the balance --what I call the P/PC Balance TM. P stands
for production of desired results, the golden eggs. PC stands for production
capability, the ability or asset that produces the golden eggs.
Three Kinds of Assets
Basically, there are three kinds of assets: physical, financial, and human. Let's
look at each one in turn.
A few years ago, I purchased a physical asset --a power lawn mower. I used it
over and over again without doing anything to maintain it. The mower
worked well for two seasons, but then it began to break down. When I tried to
revive it with service and sharpening, I discovered the engine had lost over
half its original power capacity. It was essentially worthless. Had I invested
in PC --in preserving and maintaining the asset --I would still be enjoying its
P --the mowed lawn. As it was, I had to spend far more time and money
replacing the mower than I ever would have spent, had I maintained it. It
simply wasn't effective.
In our quest for short-term returns, or results, we often ruin a prized physical
asset --a car, a computer, a washer or dryer, even our body or our
environment. Keeping P and PC in balance makes a tremendous difference in
the effective use of physical assets.
It also powerfully impacts the effective use of financial assets. How often do
people confuse principal with interest? Have you ever invaded principal to
increase your standard of living, to get more golden eggs? The decreasing
principal has decreasing power to produce interest or income. And the
dwindling capital becomes smaller and smaller until it no longer supplies
even our basic needs. Our most important financial asset is our own capacity
to earn. If we don't continually invest in improving our own PC, we severely
limit our options. We're locked into our present situation, running scared of
our corporation or our boss's opinion of us, economically dependent and
defensive. Again, it simply isn't effective.
In the human area, the P/PC Balance is equally fundamental, but even more
important, because people control physical and financial assets.
When two people in a marriage are more concerned about getting the golden
eggs, the benefits, than they are in preserving the relationship that makes
them possible, they often become insensitive and inconsiderate, neglecting
the little kindnesses and courtesies so important to a deep relationship. They
begin to use control levers to manipulate each other, to focus on their own
needs, to justify their own position and look for evidence to show the
wrongness of the other person. The love, the richness, the softness, and
spontaneity begin to deteriorate. The goose gets sicker day by day. And what
about a parent's relationship with a child? When children are little, they are
very dependent, very vulnerable. It becomes so easy to neglect the PC work -the training, the communicating, the relating, the listening. It's easy to take
advantage, to manipulate, to get what you want the way you want it --right
now! You're bigger, you're smarter, and you're right! So why not just tell
them what to do? If necessary, yell at them, intimidate them, insist on your
way. Or you can indulge them. You can go for the golden egg of popularity,
of pleasing them, giving them their way all the time. Then they grow up
without a personal commitment to being disciplined or responsible.
Either way --authoritarian or permissive --you have the golden egg mentality.
You want to have your way or you want to be liked. But what happens,
meantime, to the goose? What sense of responsibility, of self-discipline, of
confidence in the ability to make good choices or achieve important goals is a
child going to have a few years down the road? And what about your
relationship? When he reaches those critical teenage years, the identity crises,
will he know from his experience with you that you will listen without
judging, that you really, deeply care about him as a person, that you can be
trusted, no matter what? Will the relationship be strong enough for you to
reach him, to communicate with him, to influence him?
Suppose you want your daughter to have a clean room --that's P, production,
the golden egg. And suppose you want her to clean it --that's PC, Production
Capability. Your daughter is the goose, the asset, that produces the golden
egg.
If you have P and PC in balance, she cleans the room cheerfully, without
being reminded, because she is committed and has the discipline to stay with
the commitment. She is a valuable asset, a goose that can produce golden
eggs.
But if your paradigm is focused on Production, on getting the room clean,
you might find yourself nagging her to do it. You might even escalate your
efforts to threatening or yelling, and in your desire to get the golden egg, you
undermine the health and welfare of the goose. Let me share with you an
interesting PC experience I had with one of my daughters. We were planning
a private date, which is something I enjoy regularly with each of my children.
We find that the anticipation of the date is as satisfying as the realization.
So I approached my daughter and said, "Honey, tonight's your night. What do
you want to do?"
"Oh, Dad, that's okay," she replied
"No, really," I said, "What would you like to do?"
"Well," she finally said, "what I want to do, you don't really want to do."
"Really, honey," I said earnestly, "I want to do it. No matter what, it's your
choice."
"I want to go see Star Wars," she replied. "But I know you don't like Star
Wars. You slept through it before. You don't like these fantasy movies. That's
okay, Dad."
"No, honey, if that's what you'd like to do, I'd like to do it."
"Dad, don't worry about it. We don't always have to have this date." She
paused and then added,
"But you know why you don't like Star Wars? It's because you don't
understand the philosophy and training of a Jedi Knight."
"What?"
"You know the things you teach, Dad? Those are the same things that go into
the training of a Jedi Knight."
"Really? Let's go to Star Wars!"
And we did. She sat next me and gave me the paradigm. I became her
student, her learner. It was totally fascinating. I could begin to see out of a
new paradigm the whole way a Jedi Knight's basic philosophy in training is
manifested in different circumstances.
That experience was not a planned P experience; it was the serendipitous fruit
of a PC investment. It was bonding and very satisfying. But we enjoyed
golden eggs, too, as the goose --the quality of the relationship --was
significantly fed.
Organizational PC
One of the immensely valuable aspects of any correct principle is that it is
valid and applicable in a wide variety of circumstances. Throughout this
book, I would like to share with you some of the ways in which these
principles apply to organizations, including families, as well as to individuals.
When people fail to respect the P/PC Balance in their use of physical assets
in organizations, they decrease organizational effectiveness and often leave
others with dying geese. For example, a person in charge of a physical asset,
such as a machine, may be eager to make a good impression on his superiors.
Perhaps the company is in a rapid growth stage and promotions are coming
fast. So he produces at optimum levels --no downtime, no maintenance. He
runs the machine day and night. The production is phenomenal, costs are
down, and profits skyrocket. Within a short time, he's promoted. Golden
eggs.
But suppose you are his successor on the job. You inherit a very sick goose, a
machine that, by this time, is rusted and starts to break down. You have to
invest heavily in downtime and maintenance. Costs skyrocket; profits nosedive. And who gets blamed for the loss of golden eggs? You do. Your
predecessor liquidated the asset, but the accounting system only reported unit
production, costs, and profit.
The P/PC Balance is particularly important as it applies to the human assets
of an organization --the customers and the employees.
I know of a restaurant that served a fantastic clam chowder and was packed
with customers every day at lunchtime. Then the business was sold, and the
new owner focused on golden eggs --he decided to water down the chowder.
For about a month, with costs down and revenues constant, profits zoomed.
But little by little, the customers began to disappear. Trust was gone, and
business dwindled to almost nothing. The new owner tried desperately to
reclaim it, but he had neglected the customers, violated their trust, and lost
the asset of customer loyalty. There was no more goose to produce the golden
egg.
There are organizations that talk a lot about the customer and then completely
neglect the people that deal with the customer --the employees. The PC
principle is to always treat your employees exactly as you want them to treat
your best customers.
You can buy a person's hand, but you can't buy his heart. His heart is where
his enthusiasm, his loyalty is. You can buy his back, but you can't buy his
brain. That's where his creativity is, his ingenuity, his resourcefulness.
PC work is treating employees as volunteers just as you treat customers as
volunteers, because that's what they are. They volunteer the best part --their
hearts and minds. I was in a group once where someone asked, "How do you
shape up lazy and incompetent employees?" One man responded, "Drop hand
grenades!" Several others cheered that kind of macho management talk, that
"shape up or ship out" supervision approach. But another person in the group
asked, "Who picks up the pieces?"
"No pieces."
"Well, why don't you do that to your customers?" the other man replied. "Just
say, 'Listen, if you're not interested in buying, you can just ship out of this
place.'" He said, "You can't do that to customers."
"Well, how come you can do it to employees?"
"Because they're in your employ."
"I see. Are your employees devoted to you? Do they work hard? How's the
turnover?"
"Are you kidding? You can't find good people these days. There's too much
turnover, absenteeism, moonlighting. People just don't care anymore."
That focus on golden eggs --that attitude, that paradigm --is totally inadequate
to tap into the powerful energies of the mind and heart of another person. A
short-term bottom line is important, but it isn't all-important.
Effectiveness lies in the balance. Excessive focus on P results in ruined
health, worn-out machines, depleted bank accounts, and broken relationships.
Too much focus on PC is like a person who runs for three or four hours a
day, bragging about the extra 10 years of life it creates, unaware he's
spending
them running. Or a person endlessly going to school, never producing, living
on other people's golden eggs --the eternal student syndrome.
To maintain the P/PC Balance, the balance between the golden egg
(Production) and the health and welfare of the goose (Production Capability)
is often a difficult judgment call. But I suggest it is the very essence of
effectiveness. It balances short term with long term. It balances going for the
grade and paying the price to get an education. It balances the desire to have a
room clean and the building of a relationship in which the child is internally
committed to do it --cheerfully, willingly, without external supervision.
It's a principle you can see validated in your own life when you burn the
candle at both ends to get more golden eggs and wind up sick or exhausted,
unable to produce any at all; or when you get a good night's sleep and wake
up ready to produce throughout the day.
You can see it when you press to get your own way with someone and
somehow feel an emptiness in the relationship; or when you really take time
to invest in a relationship and you find the desire and ability to work together,
to communicate, takes a quantum leap.
The P/PC Balance is the very essence of effectiveness. It's validated in every
arena of life. We can work with it or against it, but it's there. It's a lighthouse.
It's the definition and paradigm of effectiveness upon which the Seven Habits
in this book are based.
How to Use This Book
Before we begin work on , I would like to suggest two Paradigm Shifts that
will greatly increase the value you will receive from this material. First, I
would recommend that you not "see" this material as a book, in the sense that
it is something to read once and put on a shelf.
You may choose to read it completely through once for a sense of the whole.
But the material is designed to be a companion in the continual process of
change and growth. It is organized incrementally and with su...
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