Help to read & improve my Evaluation Essay

Nov 1st, 2015
Price: $15 USD

Question description

evaluation_essay (new & improve).docx 

(I need a EVALUATION ESSAY) = I need mines to be improved please and NOT TOO educated (graduate level) where she will suspect something, just college level please.)

This is My Teachers 1st feedback to me to improve: 

Please view the attached PDF of your draft my comments. Remember that it's up to you to use these comments are a good starting point and apply them to the entirety of your document; you should also use your classmates' comments, the rubric for this essay, and the assignment instructions to revise your work in preparation for the final submission.

I am concerned that you are not really evaluating a topic here. You seem to be writing to extol nurses, but aren't offering any sort of evaluation. Think, for instance, about what makes for a good career or job, and then write about how well this specific career fits with that. Describe both the positives and negatives, so that you can offer your reader as complete a picture as possible.

This is My Teacher 2nd Feedback: 

Dear Student:

Thank you for writing. Have you also made use of your classmates' feedback on your work? I can see that you have made some good inroads on writing more of an evaluation, looking at multiple sides of the job of a nurse. Please now go through your work very carefully, paying close attention to your grammar and spelling, and also to where you are using the first and second person. Proofread closely, and even consider asking a friend to help you by double-checking your work. I'm glad to see you are working so hard here. Don't be discouraged! Good writing is hard work. Keep it up.

****NOTE: (the first feedback wasn't on the paper I attached on here , this is the new one that was re-done and I receive the 2nd feedback on SHOWN ABOVE)****


Week 3: Evaluation Essay Rough Draft

The purpose of the Evaluation Essay is to look critically at a particular work. Remember that your essay should, in a detailed, informative way, answer the question “Is this subject of your essay good, bad, or somewhere in between, and why?” Your thesis statement should directly answer this question in one or two sentences, and your body paragraphs should each identify and develop one distinct reason that he or she should see the subject of your essay in the same way as you.

For example, if your thesis statement is “The iPhone 4S is a fantastic product because of its exceptional number of useful apps, the slick design, and the responsive voice recognition software,” your first paragraph could be about some of the great apps that extend the functionality of the iPhone, how they’re useful, and more importantly, how they make the iPhone a fantastic product.

In this section, you will write a complete rough draft of the essay. Remember that this essay should directly grapple with the subject you’re working with, and should use direct quotes, citations, and references whenever you reference an outside work. This should not just be a summary or description of your subject. Although a brief summary may be useful for the introductory section of your essay, you must evaluate the subject.

To properly complete the draft, consider the following steps:

  • Reconsider and clarify your working thesis statement.

  • Reconsider and revise your outline, to make certain that your organization of information will

    effectively prove your thesis statement.

  • Draft topic sentences and body paragraphs for each section in your outline. Make sure that

    each paragraph has a topic sentence and an appropriate amount of supporting detail from your sources. Consider whether the detail in each paragraph relates to the main point of the paragraph. Remember, your paragraphs should be unified, developed, and coherent, and have strong topic sentences.

  • Incorporate your sources by using quotations and paraphrasing your sources in each paragraph. You must cite your sources each time you quote or refer to information in them.

  • Each reference listed should have at least one corresponding in-text citation.

  • Write an appropriate introduction, conclusion, and title for your essay. Your introductory

    section should introduce your reader to the topic and include your thesis statement. Your

    conclusion should restate your thesis and your main points.

  • Finally, add a title that indicates the main idea of the essay, without restating your thesis


    This essay should be roughly 750 words in length.

    Make sure to carefully consider the Evaluation Essay rubric as you work through this assignment!

Evaluation Essay Rubric


Points Possible

Essay indicates a controlling idea: A clear thesis statement indicates the essay's argument and position on the topic.



Essay develops a controlling idea: This thesis statement is developed throughout the paper, without digressions, into a thoughtful, careful, precise evaluation. The essay both summarizes/describes and critically evaluates its subject.


Essay develops a strong and logical structure: The essay as a whole has a unified, coherent, and developed point of view, with a thesis statement, introduction that contextualizes the discussion, properly ordered body paragraphs, and a conclusion that ties together the main points of the essay. Transitions connect sentences and paragraphs throughout the essay.


Essay paragraphs are unified, coherent, and developed: Paragraphs make one single, coherent point that fits within the structure of the essay. Topic sentences and concluding sentences are used appropriately.



Essay is edited and revised properly: The essay is written with clear, interesting, sound sentences; appropriate tone; a lack of grammatical, mechanical, typographical, and punctuation errors.


Essay meets APA formatting, in-text citations, and reference page guidelines:

The essay has an APA- style title page, uses Times New Roman 12 font, has appropriate margins, and otherwise acceptably meets APA standards.



Essay meets length guidelines: The essay should be about 750 words in length.






Assignment Submission and Peer Review

This assignment consists of two parts:

Submission Phase: After you have completed your essay according to the instructions, you must submit it by 11:55 pm (EST) on Friday of Week 3 (see 3-1 Evaluation Essay Rough Draft – Submission and Peer Review in this week’s outline). After this deadline passes, we will move on to the second phase of the assignment, so be sure to turn your assignment draft on time in order to have it peer-reviewed.

Assessment Phase: Second, as part of this assignment, you will also review and critique the drafts of two other students. By critiquing a peer’s work, you’re developing incisive writing skills that will improve your own work. You will be asked to read through each essay once, so you know its purpose and scope. Then read it again and answer each question presented in 2-3

sentences (worth 2 points each). Feel free to make any additional comments, such as what is working overall and what needs improvement, and please note any grammatical or stylistic problems, as well. Though this submission will be graded by your instructor, your feedback on the rough draft will primarily come from your peers. Your review is due no later than 11:55 pm (EST) on Wednesday of next week.

Tutor Answer

(Top Tutor) Daniel C.
School: UIUC

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Review from our student for this Answer

Nov 3rd, 2015
"Thanks for the help. "
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