improve my Argumentation Essay

Question Description

First draft is attached at the end.

This essay should be over 1200 words.

This essay is very important for me.

You can change any part.

Keep citations under 25%

10% Introduction

The student establishes the importance of the issue in his/her opening paragraph. The essay uses an anecdote or some research to illustrate the gravity of the controversy surrounding his/her chosen subject. The introduction insists on the need to redefine the issue.

15% Thesis

The thesis offers a surprising solution to the subject, promising to put it in a new light. It establishes clearly what side of the issue the author will take.

15% Audience

The essay clearly defines the audience that would disagree with the author’s position. It acknowledges that group’s beliefs without ridiculing or dismissing. The essay demonstrates a desire to persuade the audience to change its beliefs.

15% Organization and Development

On a paragraph by paragraph basis the essay makes the thesis persuasive by making points that appeal to readers’ sense of logic rather than appeals grounded in ethos or pathos. The essay avoids argumentative fallacies such as circular reasoning, ad hominem attacks, etc.

15% Research

The essay incorporates information from reputable studies, experts, and/or existing debate on the subject to illustrate the main points of the thesis. The research is quoted in MLA style and the final page of the paper is a Works Cited page.

10% Conclusion

The student has incorporated a clear conclusion that goes beyond simply summarizing the topic to include the potential implications of their analysis.

10% Punctuation/Grammar

The student has followed punctuation and grammar rules throughout the paper. The student has also paid attention to accuracy in spelling and the overall formatting of the paper.

10% Improvement

The essay shows signs of concerted effort on student’s part to correct grammar errors from previous assignments and to demonstrate improvement over the course of the semester.

Teenagers Should Be Required to Take Part-Time Jobs

Some teenagers often have wrong concepts about their ability to apply for scholarships and bursaries to pay for their secondary education. These teenagers do not develop a habit of taking part-jobs to save money; therefore,they waste much time. Some teenagers may take part-time jobs sometimes, but work only temporarily toafford items they fancy. Actually, teenagers seldomthink about taking part-time jobs for their coming university lives.According to a report by U.S. Department of Labor, about fifty-eight percent of teenagers have to pay the tuition by loans, and only 25 percent successfully apply for scholarships and bursaries (“AMERICAN TIME USE SURVEY — 2017 RESULTS”). Teenagers should be required to take part-time jobs to prepare for their tuitionso that they can become independent, learn about society and ease their parents financial pressure.Even though, a part-time job may interfere with studying, teenagers have solutions.

In order to improve teenagers’ independence, they should be required to take part-time jobs. Relying on themselves is the most important concept that teenagers need to learn. It is correct that most people all over the world need to be independent after they are over the legal age. It is well known that parents in western countries will not provide too much economic support to their kids after their kids become adultswhich aims to train their kids to be independent. As Geoff Barton,Leader of ASCL, said: “Properly regulated part-time work is a good way of helping young people learn skills that they will need in their working lives” (Levine, Ross and Yona Rubinstein. 56).For example, taking a part-time job requires a teenager to keep challenging himself to deal with allocation of time. To keep their lives in order, the teenager needs to plan when to go to work, when to go to study, and when to relax. If one part of the teenager’s plan is wrong, other parts will be in a mess. Actually, not only does the average teenager need to take a part-time job, but also some famous people in the history took part-time jobs, such as Thomas Edison. Edison sold candy, vegetables, and newspapers on trains running from Port Huron to Detroit. He also researched inventions and creations after he finished his daytime work. Because of the experience of a part-time job, Edison became more and more independent and finally became an outstanding inventor. It is clear that it will be helpful for teenagers to take part-time jobs to improve their independence.

Additionally, taking a part-time job will not only help teenagers to improve their independence, but also help them learn about society and ease their parentsfinancial pressure. Society is much more complex than what it is considered by the young people who are still in schools. Although most people are kind, much darkness exist in the world and many unfair cases, such as sexual-gender discrimination, racial discrimination, etc. happen every day. It is better for teenagers to explore the world by taking part-time jobs than to be cheated by believing the world is perfect. For example, teenagers may see their coworkers punished by the employer because of poor job performance, or employers who do not give employees due remuneration. Cases between employees and employers mentioned above can be good experiences for teenagers, as they show them what they should do and what they should not do. According to a report from U.S. Department of Labor, about ten percent of Asian teenagers do not have the chance to go to high schools because of poverty (Morisi). Teenagers who can go to high schools need to pay their tuition by their parents.In high school most teenagers have more or less what they want, and teenagers do not have the full financial means, which means parents will bear the extra economic pressure. In order to be considerate of parents and not to impose additional financial burdens on them, teenagers can work at any day they want during weekends to earn money for their own use. Therefore, taking part-time jobs can help teenagers learn about society and easetheirparentsfinancial pressure.

On the contrary, some people think having a part-time job interferes with a teenager’s studying and academic success. According to a report from Ohio State University, people think taking part-time jobs will lead to teenagers having and making less time for their studies (Urvia, and Futris. 2). This may be partly true. It looks like a dilemma that teenagers cannot study well when they have part-time jobs. However, there are a lot of teenagers who can reach a perfect balance between study and part-time jobs. Furthermore, some non-working teenagers’ studies are not good at all because they spend time having fun instead of making the most of their free time. People's energies are limitedwhich meansteenagersmust choose to balance their energy between studying, taking part-time jobs, and social entertainment. Since some teenagers chose to take part-time jobs, they have to sacrifice some of the entertainment toguarantee academic success. By sacrifice and dedication, teenagers can keep good grades. Therefore, there is no need to worry excessively about the effects of part-time work on teenagersstudy.

It is necessary to require teenagers to take part-time jobs. Part-time jobs can train teenagers to rely on themselves, not their parents, because everyone has to live alone someday. After teenagers begin to live alonethough they still need to keep learning how to live, they appreciate the experience of taking part-time jobs. Taking part-time jobs teaches teenagers how to face the society, how to get along well with different people, and how to understand the meaning of family. Teenagers also will thank their hardworking, honest coworkers for teaching them to have a good attitude toward work. All the experiences of taking part-time jobs will be the treasure of teenagers’ lives. If teenagers take part-time jobs, it will be of great benefit to them, so teenagers should be required to take part-time jobs.

Work Cited

AMERICAN TIME USE SURVEY — 2017 RESULTSU.S. Department of Labor, 28, June. 2018. 24 April. 2019. https://www.bls.gov/news.release/pdf/atus.pdf

Levine, Ross and Yona Rubinstein. “Smart and Illicit: Who Becomes an Entrepreneur and Do.They.Earn.More”.University.of.California,.Berkeley,.13.September..2015..24.April..2019..http://funginstitute.berkeley.edu/wpcontent/upload...

Morisi, Teri. “Teens Trends” U.S. Department of Labor, 9 March. 2017. 24 April. 2019. https://blog.dol.gov/2017/03/09/teens-trends#comme...

McDowell, Urvia. and Ted G. Futris.Adolescent EmploymentOhio State University, 2001..24.April.12019.1https://extension.tennessee.edu/centerforparenting...

Final Answer


Surname 1


Teenager should take part in part-time job
There is controversy as to whether teenagers should be allowed to hold part-time
employment opportunities. Over the years, these teenagers do not develop a habit of taking partjobs to save money because they are brought up in a society that has made them believe t that
they are still young and ought to be dependent on parent and families. Few teenagers who take
part-time jobs sometimes only work o temporarily to afford items they fancy. Contrary to this
belief, I believe that teenagers should be allowed to hold part-time responsible jobs.
Teenage is one of the industrious stages in life where an individual has just completed
high school and perhaps is preparing to join higher learning institutions. It is unfortunate that
teenager rarely thinks about taking part-time jobs to prepare for their next university lives.
According to a report by the U.S. Department of Labor, about fifty-eight percent of teenagers
have to pay the tuition by loans, and only 25 percent successfully apply for scholarships and
bursaries(1). Teenagers should take part-time jobs to prepare for their education so that they can
become independent, learn about society and ease their parents' financial pressure. According to
Morisi, about ten percent of Asian teenagers do not have the chance to go to high schools
because of poverty (2). For those who magneto go school, the burden of paying tuition fees
solely lies on in the hands of their parents. As high school teenage, there are other needs apart

Surname 2
from fees that someone requires and which demand that parents have to bear extra economic
pressure. To be considerate of parents and not to ease them from financial burdens on them,
teenagers can work at any day they want dur...

henryprofessor (68662)
Boston College

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