Interplay
Interplay
The Process of Interpersonal Communication
FOURTEENTH EDITION
Ronald B. Adler
Santa Barbara City College
Lawrence B. Rosenfeld
The University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill
Russell F. Proctor II
Northern Kentucky University
New York • Oxford
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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Names: Adler, Ronald B. (Ronald Brian), 1946– author. |
Rosenfeld, Lawrence B., author. | Proctor, Russell F., author.
Title: Interplay: the process of interpersonal communication / Ronald B.
Adler, Santa Barbara City College, Lawrence B. Rosenfeld, University of
North Carolina at Chapel Hill, Russell F. Proctor II, Northern Kentucky
University.
Description: Fourteenth edition. | New York, NY: Oxford University Press,
[2018]
Identifiers: LCCN 2017031955 | ISBN 9780190646257 (pbk.) | ISBN 9780190646264
(pbk.)
Subjects: LCSH: Interpersonal communication.
Classification: LCC BF637.C45 A33 2018 | DDC 302.2—dc23
LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2017031955
987654321
Printed by LSC Communications, United States of America
Brief Contents
Preface
PART
PART
PART
1
2
3
xv
FOUNDATIONS OF INTERPERSONAL
COMMUNICATION
1
Interpersonal Process 3
2
Culture and Interpersonal Communication 37
3
Interpersonal Communication and the Self
4
Perceiving Others
69
103
CREATING AND RESPONDING TO
MESSAGES
5
Language 135
6
Nonverbal Communication
7
Listening: Receiving and Responding 195
8
Emotions 227
165
DIMENSIONS OF INTERPERSONAL
RELATIONSHIPS
9
Dynamics of Interpersonal Relationships 259
10
Communication in Close Relationships: Friends, Family,
and Romantic Partners 291
11
Managing Conflict 323
12
Communication Climate
Glossary G-1
References R-1
Credits C-1
Author Index AI-1
Subject Index SI-1
353
Contents
Preface xv
PART
1
FOUNDATIONS OF INTERPERSONAL
COMMUNICATION
1
Interpersonal Process 3
Why We Communicate
4
Physical Needs 5
Identity Needs 6
Social Needs 7
Practical Needs 8
FEATURES
MEDIA CLIP: Solitude and Connection:
Wild 6
DARK SIDE OF COMMUNICATION:
Loneliness and the Internet: A Delicate
Balance 7
AT WORK: Communication and Career
Advancement 9
FOCUS ON RESEARCH: Tweeting: The
Channel Affects the Message 12
MEDIA CLIP: Pathologically Competent:
House of Cards 22
ASSESSING YOUR COMMUNICATION:
Your Use of Social Media 24
FOCUS ON RESEARCH: Sidestepping
Permanence: The Attraction of
Snapchat 27
WATCH AND DISCUSS: “Men Read Mean
Tweets to Female Sports Reporters” 31
2
The Communication Process
9
Early Models of Communication 9
Insights from the Transactional Communication Model
Communication Principles 13
The Nature of Interpersonal Communication 15
Communication Misconceptions 17
Communication Competence
19
Principles of Communication Competence 19
Characteristics of Competent Communication 21
Social Media and Interpersonal Communication
Characteristics of Social Media 23
Social Media and Relational Quality 28
Communicating Competently with Social Media
CHECK YOUR UNDERSTANDING
KEY TERMS
34
ACTIVITIES
34
29
33
Culture and Interpersonal Communication 37
Culture and Communication 38
Culture and Co-Culture 38
Intercultural Communication
vi
10
40
23
CO N T EN T S
MEDIA CLIP: Embracing Tradition and
Change: Meet the Patels 39
Interpersonal and Intercultural Dimensions
of Communication 42
Intercultural Differences as Generalizations 43
MEDIA CLIP: Straddling Cultures:
black-ish 49
Cultural Values and Norms
FEATURES
DARK SIDE OF COMMUNICATION:
When “Harmless” Labels Do Harm
50
AT WORK: Organizations Are
Cultures 55
FOCUS ON RESEARCH: Saying “I’m
Sorry” in Japanese and English:
Different Codes 58
ASSESSING YOUR COMMUNICATION:
What Is Your Intercultural
Communication Competence? 60
WATCH AND DISCUSS: “Momondo:
The DNA Journey” 62
FOCUS ON RESEARCH: Living in Another
Culture: Adapting and Adopting 63
43
High Versus Low Context 43
Individualism Versus Collectivism 44
Power Distance 46
Uncertainty Avoidance 47
Achievement Versus Nurturing 48
Co-Cultures and Communication 48
Race and Ethnicity 48
Gender Identity/Sexual Orientation 50
Age/Generation 51
(Dis)abilities 52
Socioeconomic Status 53
Codes and Culture 54
Verbal Codes 54
Nonverbal Codes 58
Developing Intercultural Communication
Competence 59
Motivation and Attitude 60
Tolerance for Ambiguity 61
Open-Mindedness 61
Knowledge and Skill 62
Patience and Perseverance 63
CHECK YOUR UNDERSTANDING
64
KEY TERMS 65
ACTIVITIES
3
66
Interpersonal Communication and the Self 69
Communication and the Self-Concept
70
How the Self-Concept Develops 71
Characteristics of the Self-Concept 73
The Self-Fulfilling Prophecy and Communication 76
vii
viii
CONTENTS
FEATURES
Presenting the Self
FOCUS ON RESEARCH: Does Instagram =
#Instasad? 73
Public and Private Selves 78
Characteristics of Impression Management 79
Face-to-Face Impression Management 80
Impression Management in Social Media 80
Impression Management and Honesty 83
WATCH AND DISCUSS: “Dove Evolution
Commercial” 74
MEDIA CLIP: Reflecting Years of
Appraisal: This Is Us 75
AT WORK: Impression Management in
the Workplace 81
MEDIA CLIP: The Promise and Perils of
Online Relationships: Catfish: The TV
Show 82
DARK SIDE OF COMMUNICATION:
Talking Frankly About STDs 90
ASSESSING YOUR COMMUNICATION:
Online and Offline Self-Disclosure 93
77
Disclosing the Self 84
Self-Disclosure Factors 85
Models of Self-Disclosure 86
Benefits and Risks of Self-Disclosure 88
Guidelines for Self-Disclosure 91
Alternatives to Self-Disclosure 93
CHECK YOUR UNDERSTANDING
98
KEY TERMS 99
ACTIVITIES 100
4
Perceiving Others 103
The Perception Process 104
Reality Is Constructed 104
Steps in the Perception Process 106
FEATURES
FOCUS ON RESEARCH: Online Channels
Affect Perception 108
WATCH AND DISCUSS: “All That
We Share” 110
AT WORK: Sexual Harassment
and Perception 115
MEDIA CLIP: Master of Perception:
Sherlock 118
FOCUS ON RESEARCH: Hurtful
Communication: A Matter
of Perception 122
DARK SIDE OF COMMUNICATION:
Distorting Perception: The Gaslight
Effect 126
MEDIA CLIP: Gaining Empathy:
Undercover Boss 128
ASSESSING YOUR COMMUNICATION:
Your Empathy Quotient 129
Influences on Perception
110
Access to Information 110
Physiological Influences 110
Psychological Influences 112
Social Influences 113
Cultural Influences 117
Common Tendencies in Perception 118
We Make Snap Judgments 119
We Cling to First Impressions 120
We Judge Ourselves More Charitably Than We Do Others 121
We Are Influenced by Our Expectations 122
We Are Influenced by the Obvious 123
We Assume Others Are Like Us 123
Synchronizing Our Perceptions 124
Perception Checking 124
Building Empathy 126
CHECK YOUR UNDERSTANDING 130
KEY TERMS 131
ACTIVITIES 131
CO N T EN T S
PART
2
ix
CREATING AND RESPONDING TO MESSAGES
5
Language 135
The Nature of Language
136
Language Is Symbolic 136
Language Is Rule-Governed 137
Language Is Subjective 139
Language and Worldview 139
FEATURES
MEDIA CLIP: Invented Languages: Game
of Thrones 137
FOCUS ON RESEARCH: The Negative
Consequences of Fat Talk 141
AT WORK: Swearing on the Job
144
DARK SIDE OF COMMUNICATION:
Sorry, Not Sorry 145
ASSESSING YOUR COMMUNICATION:
Sexist Language 146
The Impact of Language
141
Naming and Identity 141
Affiliation 142
Power and Politeness 143
Sexism and Racism 145
Precision and Vagueness 148
The Language of Responsibility 152
Gender and Language
156
WATCH AND DISCUSS: “Vague
Facebook Posts—Congressional
Hearings” 149
Extent of Gender Differences 156
Non-Gender Influences on Language Use 158
MEDIA CLIP: Damning with Faint Praise:
Florence Foster Jenkins 151
Social Media and Language
FOCUS ON RESEARCH: The Language of
Online Community 159
158
Online Language and Impression Management 158
Online Language and Gender 160
CHECK YOUR UNDERSTANDING
161
KEY TERMS 162
ACTIVITIES
6
162
Nonverbal Communication 165
Nonverbal Communication Defined 166
Characteristics of Nonverbal Communication 167
FEATURES
FOCUS ON RESEARCH: The Power of
Periods. In Texting. 171
ASSESSING YOUR COMMUNICATION:
Nonverbal Immediacy Behaviors 174
WATCH AND DISCUSS: “Body
Language” 175
MEDIA CLIP: A Life of Deception:
The Americans 176
MEDIA CLIP: In a Different Voice:
Speechless 179
Nonverbal Communication Is Always Occurring 167
Nonverbal Communication Is Primarily Relational 168
Nonverbal Communication Is Ambiguous 169
Nonverbal Communication Occurs in Mediated Messages 170
Nonverbal Communication Is Influenced by Culture and
Gender 170
Functions of Nonverbal Communication
Creating and Maintaining Relationships 172
Regulating Interaction 173
Influencing Others 175
Influencing Ourselves 175
172
x
CONTENTS
FOCUS ON RESEARCH: Nonverbal
Imitation: The Sincerest Form of
Flattery 180
Concealing/Deceiving 175
Managing Impressions 177
AT WORK: Let Your Voice Be Heard 183
Types of Nonverbal Communication
DARK SIDE OF COMMUNICATION: The
Inequality of “Lookism” 188
Body Movement 178
Touch 181
Voice 182
Distance 184
Territoriality 187
Time 187
Physical Attractiveness 188
Clothing 189
Physical Environment 189
CHECK YOUR UNDERSTANDING
178
190
KEY TERMS 191
ACTIVITIES
7
192
Listening: Receiving and Responding 195
The Nature of Listening
196
The Importance of Listening 196
Listening Defined 197
Listening Styles 199
FEATURES
AT WORK: Listening on the Job 197
ASSESSING YOUR COMMUNICATION:
Your Listening Styles 200
MEDIA CLIP: Multifaceted Listening:
The Profit 201
DARK SIDE OF COMMUNICATION:
The Myth of Multitasking 205
FOCUS ON RESEARCH: Responding
Helps Speakers Tell Their Stories 207
WATCH AND DISCUSS: “Brené Brown on
Empathy” 215
MEDIA CLIP: Responding Directively:
Scandal 219
FOCUS ON RESEARCH: Exchanging
Advice Online 220
The Challenge of Listening
202
Recognizing Barriers to Listening 202
Avoiding Poor Listening Habits 203
Components of Listening
204
Hearing 204
Attending 204
Understanding 205
Remembering 206
Responding 206
Types of Listening Responses
Silent Listening 208
Questioning 209
Paraphrasing 211
Empathizing 214
Supporting 216
Analyzing 218
207
CO N T EN T S
Evaluating 218
Advising 219
Which Response Type to Use? 221
CHECK YOUR UNDERSTANDING
222
KEY TERMS 223
ACTIVITIES
8
224
Emotions 227
What Are Emotions?
FEATURES
MEDIA CLIP: Intelligence of Another
Variety: The Big Bang Theory 228
WATCH AND DISCUSS: “The Marriage
Hack” 231
FOCUS ON RESEARCH: Managing Grief
with Humor 233
AT WORK: Emotional Labor on the
Job 236
DARK SIDE OF COMMUNICATION:
Fictional Characters, Real Feelings:
Parasocial Relationships 237
ASSESSING YOUR COMMUNICATION:
Your Emotional Intelligence 243
FOCUS ON RESEARCH: When Talking
About Feelings Makes Things
Worse 252
MEDIA CLIP: Self-Talk and Resilience:
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt 254
229
Physiological Changes 229
Nonverbal Behavior 230
Cognitive Interpretations 230
Verbal Expression 231
Influences on Emotional Expression
232
Personality 232
Culture 233
Gender 234
Social Conventions and Roles 235
Social Media 235
Emotional Contagion 237
Expressing Emotions Effectively
238
Recognize Your Feelings 238
Choose the Best Language 239
Share Multiple Feelings 241
Recognize the Difference Between Feeling and Acting 242
Accept Responsibility for Your Feelings 242
Choose the Best Time and Place to Express Your
Feelings 242
Managing Emotions
244
Facilitative and Debilitative Emotions 244
Thoughts Cause Feelings 245
Irrational Thinking and Debilitative Emotions 247
Minimizing Debilitative Emotions 251
Maximizing Facilitative Emotions 254
CHECK YOUR UNDERSTANDING
KEY TERMS 256
ACTIVITIES
256
255
xi
xii
CONTENTS
PART
3
DIMENSIONS OF INTERPERSONAL
RELATIONSHIPS
9
Dynamics of Interpersonal Relationships 259
Why We Form Relationships
FEATURES
DARK SIDE OF COMMUNICATION: The
Anguish of Abusive Relationships 263
260
Appearance 260
Similarity 261
Complementarity 262
Rewards 262
Competency 264
Proximity 265
Disclosure 265
MEDIA CLIP: The Power and Peril of
Disclosure: Homeland 265
Models of Relational Dynamics
FOCUS ON RESEARCH: Communicating
About Relational Baggage 268
Stages of Relational Development 266
Dialectical Tensions 273
FOCUS ON RESEARCH: The Dialectical
Tensions of Cell Phone Use 275
Communicating About Relationships
MEDIA CLIP: Finding Connection:
Trainwreck 276
WATCH AND DISCUSS: “Couples Swap
Phones and Go Through Each Other’s
History” 277
ASSESSING YOUR COMMUNICATION:
Relational Maintenance 282
266
278
Content and Relational Messages 278
Maintaining and Supporting Relationships 280
Repairing Damaged Relationships 284
CHECK YOUR UNDERSTANDING
287
KEY TERMS 288
ACTIVITIES
288
AT WORK: Relational Repair on
the Job 284
10 Communication in Close Relationships: Friends,
Family, and Romantic Partners 291
Communication in Friendships
292
FEATURES
Types of Friendships 292
Friendships, Gender, and Communication 294
Friendship and Social Media 297
Communication in Successful Friendships 298
FOCUS ON RESEARCH: Close
Friendships: State of the Union 295
Communication in the Family
WATCH AND DISCUSS: “Can Men and
Women Be Just Friends?” 296
AT WORK: Social Media Relationships
with Coworkers 300
301
Creating the Family Through Communication 302
Patterns of Family Communication 304
Effective Communication in Families 307
CO N T EN T S
MEDIA CLIP: Voluntary Families:
Finding Dory 302
ASSESSING YOUR COMMUNICATION:
Your Family’s Communication
Pattern 307
FOCUS ON RESEARCH: Parental
Disclosures with Adult Children 309
MEDIA CLIP: Maybe “I Do,” Maybe I
Don’t: Married at First Sight 315
Communication in Romantic Relationships
CHECK YOUR UNDERSTANDING
319
KEY TERMS 320
ACTIVITIES
320
DARK SIDE OF COMMUNICATION:
Virtually Unfaithful: Emotional
Infidelity Online 318
11 Managing Conflict 323
What Is Conflict?
FEATURES
FOCUS ON RESEARCH: The Dangers of
Mind-Reading Expectations 326
MEDIA CLIP: Fighting over Scarce
Resources: Empire 327
DARK SIDE OF COMMUNICATION:
Ghosting: The Ultimate Silent
Treatment 329
WATCH AND DISCUSS: “Signs You’re
the Passive Aggressive Friend” 331
ASSESSING YOUR COMMUNICATION:
Your Method of Conflict Resolution 335
FOCUS ON RESEARCH: “We Have to
Talk”: Men and Women in Conflict 342
MEDIA CLIP: Hostile Takeover:
The Founder 345
AT WORK: Third-Party Dispute
Resolution 346
311
Characteristics of Romantic Relationships 312
Effective Communication in Romantic Relationships 316
324
Expressed Struggle 325
Interdependence 325
Perceived Incompatible Goals 325
Perceived Scarce Resources 326
Inevitability 326
Conflict Styles
327
Avoidance (Lose-Lose) 328
Accommodation (Lose-Win) 329
Competition (Win-Lose) 330
Compromise 331
Collaboration (Win-Win) 332
Which Style to Use? 334
Conflict in Relational Systems
336
Complementary and Symmetrical Conflict 336
Serial Arguments 338
Toxic Conflict: The “Four Horsemen” 339
Conflict Rituals 340
Variables in Conflict Styles
341
Gender 341
Culture 343
Conflict Management in Practice
CHECK YOUR UNDERSTANDING
KEY TERMS 350
ACTIVITIES
350
344
349
xiii
xiv
CONTENTS
12 Communication Climate 353
What Is a Communication Climate?
354
How Communication Climates Develop
Levels of Message Confirmation 356
Causes and Effects of Defensiveness 361
FEATURES
DARK SIDE OF COMMUNICATION:
Cyberbullying: Inflicting Pain
Online 355
ASSESSING YOUR COMMUNICATION:
Confirming and Disconfirming
Communication 358
FOCUS ON RESEARCH: Phubbing: Losing
Out to Your Partner’s Phone 359
MEDIA CLIP: Victimized by
Aggressiveness: Moonlight 360
FOCUS ON RESEARCH: A Blurt Can
Hurt 366
MEDIA CLIP: Changing the Climate, Ever
So Slowly: Doc Martin 369
WATCH AND DISCUSS: “Emotional
Correctness” 370
Creating Supportive Climates
362
Evaluation Versus Description 363
Control Versus Problem Orientation 364
Strategy Versus Spontaneity 365
Neutrality Versus Empathy 366
Superiority Versus Equality 367
Certainty Versus Provisionalism 368
Invitational Communication
370
The Language of Choice 371
Responding Nondefensively to Criticism 372
CHECK YOUR UNDERSTANDING
KEY TERMS 378
ACTIVITIES
AT WORK: Taking the High Road:
Keeping Cool Under Fire 373
Glossary G-1
References R-1
Credits C-1
Author Index AI-1
Subject Index SI-1
378
377
355
Preface
A wise editor once told us that any revision to a successful textbook should
be both familiar and fresh. It should include plenty of updated material,
but it should retain the essence of its time-tested approach. We have
worked hard to make sure this edition of Interplay achieves those goals.
This new edition builds on the approach that has served students and
professors over almost four decades. The accessible writing style is based
on the belief that even complicated ideas can be presented in a straightforward way. A variety of thought-provoking photos, sidebars, and cartoons
make the subject more interesting and compelling. In terms of its scholarly
grounding, Interplay cites more than 1,500 sources, nearly a third of which
are new to this edition. These citations have a strong communication focus,
as we continue to spotlight scholarship from our field. Research and theory
aren’t presented for their own sake, but rather to explain how the process
of interpersonal communication operates in everyday life.
NEW IN THIS EDITION
One effective way of incorporating new concepts and research is to offer
plenty of cutting-edge material in sidebars. Reviewers tell us these sidebars
are essential to Interplay’s success, so we’ve updated them across the board.
• Focus on Research boxes—18 of which are new to this edition—cover
timely subjects including the pros and cons of communicating via
Snapchat, cultural differences in how speakers apologize, the relationship between Instagram and social comparison, the role of punctuation in text messages, relational struggles caused by cell phone use,
disclosures between parents and their adult children, and the negative
effects of mind-reading expectations.
• Dark Side of Communication sidebars address problems including
how seemingly harmless labels can cause interpersonal damage,
talking frankly about STDs, saying “sorry” too often, the dangers of
multitasking, and the harmful effects of “ghosting.”
• Media Clips use both television shows and films to dramatize how
communication concepts operate in everyday life. New TV shows
include black-ish (co-cultural communication), This Is Us (self-
concept), Game of Thrones (language), The Americans (deception),
Speechless (nonverbal communication), Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
(emotion management), and Empire (conflict). New feature films
include Wild (social needs), Meet the Patels (culture), Trainwreck (relational dialectics), Finding Dory (family), and Moonlight (aggressiveness).
• At Work boxes help readers apply scholarship to their careers. New
topics include letting your voice be heard (literally) on the job, relational repair at work, online relationships with coworkers, and keeping cool under fire.
xv
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PREFACE
• Watch and Discuss is a new feature in this edition. These thumbnail
images point to YouTube videos for viewing in or out of the classroom
and are followed by two discussion prompts each. Topics include
mean tweets and disinhibition, “vaguebooking” (posting ambiguous messages on Facebook), how your body language can affect the
way you feel, listening with empathy, privacy management and cell
phones, whether women and men can “just be friends,” passive aggressive communication, and “emotional correctness.”
• Assessing Your Communication instruments in every chapter help
students understand and improve how they communicate in important relationships. New instruments in this edition focus on social
media use and relational maintenance skills.
We have also made many changes to the text proper to address the latest
communication research and changing communication practices. These
include the following:
• Chapter 1 includes two new topics: masspersonal communication—
messages that are personal yet public; and multimodality—the ability
and willingness to use multiple channels of communication.
• Chapter 2 offers new discussions on code-switching, intersectionality,
and communicating about disabilities.
• Chapter 4 has enhanced coverage of empathy and the role it plays in
helping communicators understand and appreciate each other.
• Chapter 5 offers a new summary of gender and language usage.
• Chapter 6 adds a review of research on how our own nonverbal behavior influences the way we feel.
• Chapter 8 provides new coverage of self-talk as a means for managing
emotions.
• Chapter 10 updates and extends the discussion of friendship and
describes the relational value of singleness.
• Chapter 11 moves up the topic of conflict and describes how serial
arguments work in interpersonal communication.
• Chapter 12 now concludes the book with coverage of communication
climate, which includes new and updated material on confirming messages, aggressiveness, ostracism, and the language of choice.
DIGITAL AND PRINT ANCILLARY
RESOURCES
In addition to the text, a variety of ancillaries provide resources for both
instructors and students. Whether you have taught with Interplay for
many years or are encountering it for the first time, you will note that we
use film, television, and other references to popular culture throughout
the book to engage students and help them apply concepts. While this has
long been a hallmark of our approach and book, we’re pleased to now offer
featured videos for students and instructors. Short clips from the Media
Clip and Watch and Discuss features are now included on the student
PREFA CE
website, in the course cartridges for your learning management system,
and in OUP’s Dashboard system and its integrated ebook.
Online Learning
• Dashboard delivers an enhanced ebook and interactive activities and
assessments to track student progress in a simple and intuitive online
environment. All Dashboard content is engineered to work on mobile
devices, including Android and iOS platforms.
With this edition’s Dashboard, professors and students have more interactive and engaging content than ever before. Each chapter includes:
❍ Brief
audio and video chapter summaries to help students review
the basics
❍ Flashcards to help students master new vocabulary
❍ Interactive drag-and-drop chapter summaries to test whether students know the basics and have the vocabulary in hand
❍ Multiple-choice pre- and posttests (20 multiple-choice questions
each) to assess students’ knowledge and ability to understand and
apply information
❍ Media Clip and Watch and Discuss video clips with assessments,
based on the book’s features, to help students apply what they have
learned
❍ Interactive versions of the book’s popular self-assessments to give
students immediate feedback on their communication skills and
behaviors
• Course Cartridges for a variety of learning management systems—
including BlackBoard, Canvas, D2L, Moodle, and more—gives you
Oxford’s quality content in your learning management system in just
a few clicks. The course cartridge for Interplay includes the test bank
and the following resources and activities in every chapter: flashcards,
pre- and posttests (20 multiple-choice questions each), audio and
video chapter summaries, and Media Clip and Watch and Discuss
video clips with multiple-choice assessments. With no new systems to
learn and no access code for students, course cartridges make online
assignments easy and accessible to all.
For Instructors
• The Ancillary Resource Center (ARC) at www.oup-arc.com is a
convenient, instructor-focused, single destination for resources to accompany Interplay. Accessed online through individual user accounts,
the ARC provides instructors with up-to-date ancillaries at any time
while guaranteeing the security of grade-significant resources. In addition, it allows OUP to keep instructors informed when new content
becomes available. The ARC for Interplay contains a variety of materials to aid in teaching:
❍ An
enhanced Instructor’s Manual and Computerized Test Bank
provides teaching tips, exercises, and test questions that will
prove useful to both new and veteran instructors. The Instructor’s
xvii
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PREFACE
Manual includes teaching strategies, course outlines, plentiful inclass activities with specific instructions and teaching tips, discussion prompts, and journal prompts. The comprehensive Test Bank
offers approximately 100 class-tested exam questions per chapter
in multiple-choice, true/false, essay, and matching formats.
❍
Newly revised PowerPoint-based lecture slides have been redesigned
for optimal utility and accessibility.
• Now Playing: Instructor’s Edition, an instructor-only online supplement, includes an introduction on how to incorporate film examples
in class, sample responses to the numerous discussion questions in the
student edition of Now Playing, viewing guides, additional films, and
references.
Contact your Oxford University Press representative or call (800) 280–0280
for more information on accessing these resources.
For Students
• Now Playing: Learning Communication Through Film looks at
contemporary and classic feature films through the lens of communication principles. Now Playing illustrates a variety of both individual
scenes and full-length films, highlighting concepts and offering
discussion questions for a mass medium that is interactive, familiar,
and easily accessible. This resource gives you numerous film examples
at your fingertips, saving you valuable preparation time. Contact your
Oxford University Press representative or call (800) 280–0280 to
package Now Playing with your textbook.
• The companion website at www.oup.com/us/interplay offers a wealth
of free and open study resources for students: flashcards, video and
audio chapter summaries, interactive self-tests, and Media Clip and
Watch and Discuss video clips with multiple-choice assessments.
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
The book you are reading wouldn’t have been possible without the help of
many talented people. We are grateful to the many colleagues whose suggestions have helped make this book a far better one:
Julie Allee
Ivy Tech Community College
Chantele S. Carr
Estrella Mountain College
Daniel Johnson
Southwestern Michigan College
Marie Arcidiacono
Los Medanos College–Brentwood
Campus
Audrey Deterding
Northern Arizona University
Shyla Lefever
Old Dominion University
Liz Edgecomb
Xavier University of Louisiana
Julie Mayberry
North Carolina State University
Annette N. Hamel
Western Michigan University
Bonnie McCracken
SUNY Geneseo
Debra Harper-LeBlanc
Lone Star College–North Harris
Lucas Messer
Scottsdale Community College
Diane M. Badzinski
Colorado Christian University
Ellen Bland
Central Carolina Community
College
PREFA CE
xix
Craig Parmley
Ivy Tech Community College
Narissra Punyanunt-Carter
Texas Tech University
Heidi Schara
Riverland Community College
Karri Pearson
Normandale Community College
Leighann Rechtin
Ivy Tech Community College
Lindsay Timmerman
University of Wisconsin–Milwaukee
Interplay continues to benefit from the contributions of these colleagues
who helped shape previous editions:
Marcanne Andersen
Tidewater Community College
Darlene J. Geiger
Portland State University
Tim Moreland
Catawba College
Angie M. S. Anderson
Anoka-Ramsey Community College
Debra Gonsher
Bronx Community College
Mark Morman
Baylor University
Aurora Auter
University of Southwestern Louisiana
Em Griffin
Wheaton College
Kelly Morrison
Michigan State University
Nancy Bandiera
Charleston Southern University
Lowell Habel
Chapman University
Johance F. Murray
Hostos Community College/ CUNY
Sharon Beal
Long Beach City College/
Chapman University
Gail Hankins
Wake Technical College
Noreen Mysyk
North Central College
Meredith Harrigan
SUNY Geneseo
Gretchen R. Norling
University of West Florida
Kristin Haun
University of Tennessee
Joey Pogue
Pittsburg State University
Lisa C. Hebert
Louisiana State University
Tracey Powers
Central Arizona College
Brittany W. Hochstaetter
Wake Technical Community
College
Laurie Pratt
Chaffey College
Constance Berman
Berkshire Community College
Heather Bixler
College of the Sequoias
Sandra Bodin-Lerner
Kean University
Colleen Butcher
University of Florida
Leeva Chung
University of San Diego
Kathleen Czech
Point Loma Nazarene University
Shaorong Huang
Raymond Walters College—
University of Cincinnati
Narissra Maria Punyanunt-Carter
Texas Tech University
Rasha I. Ramzy
Georgia State University
Joy A. Jones
Atlantic Cape Community College
Rachel Reznik
Elmhurst College
Beverly Merrill Kelley
California Lutheran University
Elizabeth Ribarsky
University of Illinois—Springfield
Katrina Eicher
Elizabethtown Community College
Betty Kennan
Radford University
Gregory W. Rickert
Lexington Community College
Susan Fletcher
Hocking College
Anastasia Kurylo
Marymount Manhattan College
Jennifer A. Samp
University of Georgia
Karyn Friesen
Lone Star College—Montgomery
Andrea Lambert South
Northern Kentucky University
Julie Simanski
Des Moines Area Community College
Kristin K. Froemling
Radford University
Phil Martin
North Central State College
Debbie Sonandre
Tacoma Community College
Andrea M. Davis
University of South Carolina
Upstate
xx
PREFACE
Renee Strom
Saint Cloud State University
Judith Vogel
Des Moines Area Community College
Michael Wittig
Waukesha County Technical College
Dennis Sutton
Grand Rapids Community College
Emanuelle Wessels
Missouri State University
Gordon Young
Kingsborough Community College
Our thanks to Rachel Reznik (Elmhurst College) and Jessica Kratzer
(Northern Kentucky University), who served as Contributing Editors on
this edition and made numerous helpful additions to the text. We salute the
team of talented and congenial professionals at Oxford University Press, led
and inspired by John Challice. We thank Toni Magyar, our hands-on Editor;
Michele Laseau, Art Director; Barbara Mathieu, Senior Production Editor;
Lisa Grzan, Production Manager; Theresa Stockton, Production Team
Lead; Paul Longo, Assistant Editor; and Allegra Howard, Katlin Kocher,
and Alyssa Quinones, Editorial Assistants. We’re also grateful for the oversight of Editorial Director Patrick Lynch and Director of Development
Thom Holmes. Our Developmental Editor, Lauren Mine, deserves special
acknowledgment: A full account of her contributions would require a book
of its own. Our thanks also go to James Fraleigh for his copyediting talents
and to Colleen Dunham for crafting the useful indexes. Sandy Cooke of
OUP Canada tracked down images from films and television. Sherri Adler
chose the evocative photos that help make Interplay unique.
ABOUT THE AUTHORS
Ronald B. Adler is Professor Emeritus of Communication at Santa Barbara
City College. He is coauthor of Understanding Human Communication
(OUP, 2017); Essential Communication (OUP, 2018); Looking Out, Looking
In (2016); and Communicating at Work: Principles and Practices for Business and the Professions (2013). Beyond his professional life, Ron tries to
give back to his community. He also enjoys cycling, hiking, traveling, and
spending time with his family.
Lawrence B. Rosenfeld is Professor Emeritus of Communication at The University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill. His articles appear in journals in
communication, education, social work, sport psychology, and psychology,
and he is the author of books on small-group, interpersonal, and nonverbal
communication. Lawrence has received teaching and research awards from
the National Communication Association and in 2012 received the William
C. Friday Award for Excellence in Teaching. He is an artist and co-owner
of Live Gently Art.
Russell F. Proctor II is Professor Emeritus of Communication at Northern
Kentucky University. He won NKU’s Outstanding Professor Award in 1997
and has also received recognition for his teaching from the National Communication Association, the Central States Communication Association,
and the Kentucky Communication Association. Russ joined the Interplay
team in the mid-1990s and was the lead author on this edition of the book.
He loves sports, music, movies, and traveling with family and friends.
Interplay
1
Interpersonal Process
LEARNING OBJECTIVES
CHAPTER OUTLINE
1.1
Why We Communicate 4
1.2
1.3
1.4
Recognize the needs that communication
satisfies.
Explain the interpersonal communication
process: its transactional nature, governing
principles, and characteristics.
Identify characteristics of effective
communication and competent
communicators.
Describe the advantages and drawbacks of
various social media communication channels
in relation to face-to-face communication.
FEATURES
Media Clip: Solitude and Connection:
Wild 6
Dark Side of Communication:
Loneliness and the Internet:
A Delicate Balance 7
At Work: Communication and Career
Advancement 9
Focus on Research: Tweeting: The
Channel Affects the Message 12
Media Clip: Pathologically Competent:
House of Cards 22
Assessing Your Communication: Your
Use of Social Media 24
Focus on Research: Sidestepping
Permanence: The Attraction of
Snapchat 27
Watch and Discuss: “Men Read
Mean Tweets to Female Sports
Reporters” 31
•
•
•
•
Physical Needs 5
Identity Needs 6
Social Needs 7
Practical Needs 8
The Communication Process 9
• Early Models of Communication 9
• Insights from the Transactional Communication
Model 10
• Communication Principles 13
• The Nature of Interpersonal
Communication 15
• Communication Misconceptions 17
Communication Competence 19
• Principles of Communication Competence
• Characteristics of Competent
Communication 21
19
Social Media and Interpersonal
Communication 23
• Characteristics of Social Media 23
• Social Media and Relational Quality 28
• Communicating Competently with Social
Media 29
CHECK YOUR UNDERSTANDING
KEY TERMS
34
ACTIVITIES
34
33
3
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E
VERYONE COMMUNICATES. Students and professors, parents and children, employers and employees, friends, strangers, and enemies—all communicate. We
have been communicating with others from earliest childhood and will almost
certainly keep doing so until we die.
Why study an activity you’ve done your entire life? First, studying interpersonal communication will give you a new look at a familiar topic. For instance, you
may not have realized that you can’t not communicate or that more communication doesn’t always improve relationships—topics that you’ll read about in a few
pages. In this sense, exploring human communication is like studying anatomy or
botany—everyday objects and processes take on new meaning.
A second, more compelling reason is that we all could stand to be more effective
communicators. A nationwide survey identified “lack of effective communication”
as the leading cause of relational breakups, ahead of money, relatives or in-laws,
sexual problems, previous relationships, or children (National Communication Association, 1999). Ineffective communication is also a major problem in the workplace, as 62 percent of surveyed executives indicated in another study (American
Management Association, 2012). Perhaps that’s why parents identify communication as the most important skill set their children need to succeed in life (Goo, 2015).
Pause now to make a mental list of communication problems you have encountered. You’ll probably see that no matter how successful your relationships are
at home, with friends, at school, and at work, there is plenty of room for improvement in your everyday life. The information that follows will help you communicate better with some of the people who matter most to you.
WHY WE COMMUNICATE
Research demonstrating the importance of communication has been
around longer than you might think. Frederick II, emperor of the Holy
Roman Empire from 1220 to 1250, carried out language deprivation experiments. A medieval historian described a dramatically inhumane one:
He bade foster mothers and nurses to suckle the children, to bathe and
wash them, but in no way to prattle with them, for he wanted to learn
whether they would speak the Hebrew language, which was the oldest,
or Greek, or Latin, or Arabic, or perhaps the language of their parents, of
whom they had been born. But he labored in vain because all the children
died. For they could not live without the petting and joyful faces and
loving words of their foster mothers. (Ross & McLaughlin, 1949, p. 366)
Contemporary researchers have found less barbaric ways to investigate
the importance of communication. In one classic study of isolation, five participants were paid to remain alone in a locked room. One lasted for 8 days.
Three held out for 2 days, one commenting, “Never again.” The fifth participant lasted only 2 hours (Schachter, 1959).
Real-life experiences also demonstrate our strong need for contact. Reflecting on his seven years as a hostage in Lebanon, former news
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5
correspondent Terry Anderson said point-blank,
“I would rather have had the worst companion
than no companion at all” (Gawande, 2009).
You might claim that solitude would be a welcome relief at times. It’s true that all of us need
time by ourselves, often more than we get. On the
other hand, each of us has a point beyond which
solitude becomes painful. In other words, we all
need people. We all need to communicate.
PHYSICAL NEEDS
Communication is so important that its presence
or absence affects health. People who process a
negative experience by talking about it report
improved life satisfaction, as well as enhanced
mental and physical health, compared with those
who only think privately about it (Francis, 2003;
Sousa, 2002). Research conducted with police of- After spending a year alone in space, astronaut Scott Kelly dehis biggest challenge: “I think the hardest part is being
ficers found that being able to talk easily with col- scribed
isolated in a physical sense from people on the ground that are
leagues and supervisors about work-related trauma important to you.” How satisfied are you with the amount and
was linked to greater physical and mental health quality of personal contact in your life? What would be the
ideal amount of contact?
(Stephens & Long, 2000). And a broader study of
over 3,500 adults revealed that as little as 10 minutes of talking a day, face
to face or by phone, improves memory and boosts intellectual function
(Ybarra et al., 2008).
In extreme cases, communication can even become a matter of life
or death. As a Navy pilot, U.S. Senator John McCain was shot down
over North Vietnam and held as a prisoner of war (POW) for six years,
often in solitary confinement. POWs in his camp set up codes to send
messages by tapping on walls to laboriously spell out words. McCain describes the importance of maintaining contact with one another despite
serious risks:
The punishment for communicating could be severe, and a few POWs,
having been caught and beaten for their efforts, had their spirits broken
as their bodies were battered. Terrified of a return trip to the punishment room, they would lie still in their cells when their comrades tried
to tap them up on the wall. Very few would remain uncommunicative for
long. To suffer all this alone was less tolerable than torture. Withdrawing in silence from the fellowship of other Americans . . . was to us the
approach of death. (McCain, 1999, p. 12)
Communication isn’t a necessity just for prisoners of war. Evidence
gathered by a host of researchers (e.g., Holt-Lunstad et al., 2010; ParkerPope, 2010; Yang et al., 2016) has shown that interpersonal communication is vital among civilians as well. For example:
• A meta-analysis of nearly 150 studies involving a total of over
300,000 participants found that socially connected people—those
with strong networks of family and friends—live an average of
3.7 years longer than those who are socially isolated.
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• People with strong relationships have significantly lower risks of coronary disease,
hypertension, and obesity than do people
with less social integration.
• Divorced, separated, or widowed people
are 5 to 10 times more likely to need
hospitalization for mental illnesses than
their married counterparts. Happily married people also have lower incidences
of pneumonia, surgery, and cancer than
single people. (It’s important to note that
the quality of the relationship is more important than the institution of marriage
in these studies.)
Media Clip
Solitude and Connection: Wild
Striving to escape grief and a life plagued by personal mistakes, Cheryl Strayed (Reese Witherspoon)
embarks on a solitary thousand-mile trek along the
rugged Pacific Crest Trail.
In the wilderness, Strayed spends much of her time
reflecting on the past and pondering her options for
the future. In her self-enforced solitude, she also discovers the value of human connection. She eagerly
seeks out encounters with other hikers to alleviate
loneliness, satisfy practical needs for food and water,
and answer questions about her own identity. Both
solitude and communication help her come to terms
with who she is and who she wants to become.
Strayed’s journey illustrates many of the reasons
we communicate. Not far into her adventure she exclaims to herself, “I like talking to people. Listening to
people . . . that’s a hobby of mine I hadn’t even realized I had.”
In her wilderness quest, Strayed learns a lesson that
applies to us all: Solitude and reflection can prepare
us to embark on healthier relationships.
Such research demonstrates the importance of meaningful personal relationships
and explains why social scientists conclude that communication is indispensable
for health. Not everyone needs the same
amount of contact, and the quality of communication is almost certainly as important
as the quantity. Nonetheless, the point remains: Personal communication is essential
for our well-being.
IDENTITY NEEDS
Communication does more than enable us to
survive. It is the primary way we learn who
we are (Harwood, 2005). As you’ll read in
Chapter 3, our sense of identity comes from
the ways we interact with other people. Are
we smart or stupid, attractive or ugly, skillful or inept? The answers to these questions
don’t come from looking in the mirror. The
reactions of others shape who we are.
Deprived of communication with others,
we would have no sense of identity. Consider
the case of the famous “Wild Boy of Aveyron,” who spent his early childhood without
any apparent human contact. The boy was
discovered in January 1800 while digging
for vegetables in a French village garden. He
could not speak, and he showed no behaviors one would expect in a social
human. More significant than this absence of social skills was his lack of
any identity as a human being. As author Roger Shattuck (1980) put it,
“The boy had no human sense of being in the world. He had no sense of
himself as a person related to other persons” (p. 37). Only after the influence of a loving “mother” did the boy begin to behave as a human.
CH A PT ER 1
Contemporary accounts support the
essential role communication plays in shaping identity. In some cases, feral children—
those raised with limited or no human
contact—have demonstrated communication patterns similar to those of animals
they grew up around (Newton, 2002). They
do not appear to have developed a sense of
themselves as humans before interacting
with other people. Similarly, Dani’s Story
(Lierow, 2011) tells of an abandoned child
who was rescued by a loving family and
taught to communicate. After considerable
time and investment, she was ultimately
able to say of herself, “I pretty.”
Each of us enters the world with little or
no sense of identity. We gain an idea of who
we are from the way others define us. As
we explain in Chapter 3, the messages we
receive in early childhood are the strongest
identity shapers, but the influence of others
continues throughout life.
SOCIAL NEEDS
I N T ERPERS O N A L PRO CES S
DARK SIDE OF COMMUNICATION
Loneliness and the Internet:
A Delicate Balance
It’s Friday night and you have no plans. You don’t
want to spend the evening by yourself, but it feels
like a chore to go out and socialize. Instead, you
decide to stay in and interact with others online—
perhaps with friends, or maybe with strangers. Is
that a good way to meet your social needs? The
simple answer is “occasionally, but not regularly.”
Research about online communication and
loneliness presents a mixed bag. Connecting with
others online can help alleviate lonely feelings (Lee
et al., 2013), particularly for those who find it challenging to get out and about (Cotten et al., 2013).
On the other hand, there’s a correlation between
loneliness and what social scientists call a preference for online social interaction (Chung, 2013).
The cause-effect relationship isn’t always clear, but
research shows that lonely people prefer to interact
with others online, which can lead to problematic
internet use, which can create a greater sense of
loneliness (Kim et al., 2009; Tokunaga, 2016).
The key to healthy communication lies in a principle we discuss frequently in this book: all things in
moderation. When online communication complements and reinforces in-person relationships, it
can be a wonderful tool for meeting social needs.
When it mostly or completely replaces face-to-face
interaction, there may be cause for concern. The
Assessing Your Communication box on page 24
can help you determine whether your online and
in-person communication are in balance.
Some social scientists have argued that besides helping define who we are, communication is the principal way relationships are
created. For example, Julie Yingling (1994)
asserts that children “talk friendships into existence.” The same can be said for adult relationships: It’s impossible to imagine how they
could exist without communication. These
relationships satisfy a variety of social needs,
such as giving and receiving affection, having
fun, helping others and being helped, and developing a sense of self-worth (Rubin et al.,
1988). Because relationships with others
are vital, some theorists have gone so far as
to argue that communication is the primary goal of human existence. One
anthropologist (Goldschmidt, 1990) calls the drive for meeting social needs
through communication “the human career.”
There’s a strong link between the quality of communication and the
success of relationships. For example, children who grow up in strong
conversation-oriented families report having more satisfying same-sex
friendships and romantic relationships when they become adults (Koesten,
2004). Women in one study reported that “socializing” contributed more
to a satisfying life than virtually any other activity, including relaxing,
shopping, eating, exercise, television, or prayer (Kahneman et al., 2004).
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Despite knowing that communication is crucial to social satisfaction,
evidence suggests that many people aren’t very successful at managing
their interpersonal relationships. For example, one-third of Americans say
they’ve never interacted with their neighbors, up from one-fifth who said
the same just a few decades ago (Poon, 2015). Research also shows that the
number of friendships is in decline. One survey (McPherson et al., 2006)
reported that in 1985, Americans had an average of 2.94 close friends.
Twenty years later, that number had dropped to 2.08. It’s worth noting
that in this same study, more-educated Americans reported having larger
and more diverse networks. In other words, higher education can enhance
your relational life as well as your intellect.
PRACTICAL NEEDS
Along with satisfying physical, identity, and social needs, communication is
essential in dealing with more practical matters. It’s the tool that lets us tell
the hairstylist to take just a little off the sides, direct the doctor to where
it hurts, and inform the plumber that the broken pipe needs attention now!
Beyond these obvious needs, a wealth of research demonstrates that
communication is an essential ingredient for success in virtually every
career. (See the At Work box on page 9.) On-the-job communication skills
can even make the difference between life and death for doctors, nurses,
and other medical practitioners. Researchers discovered that “communication failures” in hospitals and doctors’ offices were linked to more than
1,700 U.S. deaths in a recent five-year period (Bailey, 2016). Studies also
show a significant difference between the communication skills of physicians who had no malpractice claims against them and doctors with previous claims (Carroll, 2015).
Communication is just as important outside of work. For example,
married couples who are effective communicators report happier relationships than less skillful husbands and wives (Ridley et al., 2001)—a finding
that has been supported across cultures (Rehman & Holtzworth-Munroe,
2007). And the effects of work–family conflict—a common occurrence
that negatively affects marital satisfaction—can be mitigated with constructive communication (Carroll et al., 2013). In school, grade-point averages of college students are related positively to their communication
competence (Hawken et al., 1991). In addition, school adjustment, dropout rate, and overall school achievement are highly related to students’
having strong, supportive relationships (Heard, 2007).
Psychologist Abraham Maslow (1968) suggests that human needs fall into
five categories, each of which must be satisfied before we concern ourselves
with the next one. As you read about each need, think about the ways
in which communication is often necessary to satisfy it. The most basic
needs are physical: sufficient air, water, food, and rest and the ability to
reproduce as a species. The second category of Maslow’s needs involves
safety: protection from threats to our well-being. Beyond physical and
safety concerns are the social needs described earlier. Next, Maslow suggests that each of us has the need for self-esteem: the desire to believe that
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@work
I N T ERPERS O N A L PRO CES S
Communication and Career Advancement
No matter the field, research supports what experienced workers already know—that communication skills are crucial in finding and succeeding in
a job. A survey of business leaders rated abilities
in spoken and written communication as the most
important skills for college graduates to possess
(Supiano, 2013). In a later study with similar results, employers told college students that oral
communication skills, and particularly interpersonal communication, are essential for workplace
success (Coffelt et al., 2016). It’s no wonder that
job ads ask for competence in “oral and written
communication” more than any other skill set—by
a wide margin (Anderson & Gantz, 2013).
Once you’re hired, the need for communication
skills is important in virtually every career. Engineers
spend the bulk of their working lives speaking and
listening, mostly in one-on-one and small-group
settings (Darling & Dannels, 2003). Accounting professionals spend 80 percent of their time on the job
communicating with others, individually and in groups
(Nellermoe et al., 1999). Oral and written communication skills are also vital in the computer industry, according to Silicon Valley employers (Stevens, 2005).
Writing in The Scientist magazine, a commentator
echoed this sentiment: “If I give any advice, it is that
you can never do enough training around your overall communication skills” (Richman, 2002).
we are worthwhile, valuable people. The final category of needs involves
self-actualization: the desire to develop our potential to the maximum, to
become the best person we can be.
THE COMMUNICATION PROCESS
So far, we have talked about communication as if its meaning were perfectly clear. In fact, scholars have debated the definition of communication for years (Littlejohn, 2008). Despite their many disagreements, most
would concur that at its essence, communication is about using messages
to generate meanings (Korn et al., 2000). Notice how this basic definition holds true across a variety of contexts—public speaking, small groups,
mass media, and so forth. The goal of this section is to explain how messages and meanings are created in interpersonal communication and to
describe the many factors involved in this complex process.
EARLY MODELS OF COMMUNICATION
As the old saying goes, “A picture is worth a thousand words.” With
that principle in mind, social scientists of the 1950s created models of
the communication process. These early, simplistic models characterized communication as a one-way, linear event—something that a sender
“does” by encoding a message and delivering it to a passive receiver who
decodes it. This one-way process resembles an archer (the sender) shooting an arrow (the message) at a target (the receiver). For some examples of
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communication, a linear model can be fitting. If you labor over a thank-you
note to get the tone just right before sending it, your message is primarily
a one-way effort.
Later models represented communication as more of a tennis game, in
which players hit balls (send messages) to receivers who then respond. This
feedback, or response to a previous message, can be verbal or nonverbal. A
back-and-forth chain of text messages seems to fit this description pretty well.
Yet those models fail to capture the complexity of the human beings
involved in the process. Over time, communication theorists developed
increasingly sophisticated versions in an attempt to depict all the factors
that affect human interaction.
INSIGHTS FROM THE TRANSACTIONAL
COMMUNICATION MODEL
No model can completely represent the process of communication, any
more than a map can capture everything about the neighborhood where
you live. Still, Figure 1.1 reflects a number of important characteristics of
transactional communication, the dynamic process in which communicators create meaning together through interaction.
Sending and Receiving Are Usually Simultaneous
Some forms of communication, such as email, texting, voice messages, or
“snail mail” letters, are asynchronous: There’s a delay between when they
are sent and received. But in face-to-face interaction, it’s hard to distinguish sender and receiver. Consider a few examples:
• A teacher explaining a difficult concept to a student after class
• A parent lecturing a teenager about the family’s curfew rules
• A salesperson giving a customer information about a product
The impulse is to identify the teacher, parent, and salesperson as
senders, whereas the student, teenager, and customer are receivers. Now
imagine a confused look on the student’s face; the teenager interrupting
defensively; the customer blankly staring into the distance. It’s easy to see
Noise
Noise
Communicator
sends,
receives,
assigns meaning
Channel(s)
Messages
A's Environment
FIGURE 1.1 Transactional
Communication Model
Noise
Noise
Channel(s)
Communicator
sends,
receives,
assigns meaning
B's Environment
Noise
Noise
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that these verbal and nonverbal responses are messages being sent, even
while the other person is talking. Because it’s often impossible to distinguish sender from receiver, our communication model replaces these roles
with the more accurate term communicator. This term reflects the fact
that—at least in face-to-face situations—people are simultaneously senders and receivers who exchange multiple messages.
Meanings Exist in and Among People
Messages, whether verbal or nonverbal, don’t have meanings in themselves.
Rather, meanings reside in the people who express and interpret them.
Imagine that a friend says, “I’m sorry,” after showing up several hours
late to a date. This expression might be a genuine apology, an insincere
statement designed to defuse your anger, or even a sarcastic jibe. It’s easy
to imagine that your friend might mean one thing and you might have a
different interpretation of it. The possibility of multiple interpretations
means that it is often necessary to negotiate a shared meaning in order
for satisfying communication to occur (the perception-checking skills described in Chapter 4 can help with this).
Environment and Noise Affect Communication
Problems often arise because communicators occupy different environments (sometimes called contexts): fields of experience that help them
make sense of others’ behavior. In communication terminology, environment refers not only to a physical location but also to the personal experiences and cultural background that participants bring to a conversation.
You can appreciate the influence of environments by considering your
beliefs about an important topic such as work, marriage, or government
policies. How might your beliefs be different if your personal history were
different?
Notice how the model in Figure 1.1 shows that the environments of A
and B overlap. This intersecting area represents the background that the
communicators have in common. If this overlap didn’t exist, communication would be difficult, if not impossible.
Whereas similar environments often facilitate communication, different backgrounds can make effective communication more challenging.
Consider just some of the factors that might contribute to different environments, and to communication challenges as a result:
•
•
•
•
A might belong to one ethnic group and B to another.
A might be rich and B poor.
A might be rushed and B have nowhere to go.
A might have lived a long, eventful life, and B could be young and
inexperienced.
• A might be passionately concerned with the subject and B
indifferent to it.
Another factor in the environment that makes communication difficult is what communication scholars call noise: anything that interferes
with the transmission and reception of a message. Three types of noise
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can disrupt communication. External noise includes factors outside the receiver that make it difficult to hear, as well as many other kinds of distractions. For instance, loud music in a bar or a jackhammer grinding in the
street might make it hard for you to pay attention to another person. Physiological noise involves biological factors in the receiver that interfere with
accurate reception: hearing loss, illness, and so on. Psychological noise refers
to cognitive factors that make communication less effective. For instance,
a woman who is called “girl” may become so irritated that she has trouble
listening objectively to the rest of a speaker’s message.
Channels Make a Difference
Communication scholars use the term channel to describe the medium
through which messages are exchanged (Berger & Iyengar, 2013;
Ledbetter, 2014). Along with face-to-face interaction, we have the
option of using mediated communication: sending messages via technological channels such as phones, email, and the internet. The communication channel being used can affect the way a receiver responds
to a message. For example, a string of texted emojis probably won’t have
the same effect as a handwritten expression of affection, and being fired
from a job in person would likely feel different from getting the bad
news in an email.
Most people intuitively recognize that the selection of a channel depends in part on the kind of message they’re sending. One survey asked students to identify which channel they would find best for delivering a variety
of messages (O’Sullivan, 2000). Most respondents said they would have
FOCUS ON RESEARCH
Tweeting: The Channel Affects the Message
In the years since Marshall McLuhan famously declared that “the medium is the message,” scholars
have studied the impact of communication channels
on the messages they convey. Obviously it makes a
difference whether you send a message in person,
by phone, or through social media. A research team
investigated an even more specific issue: Do Twitter messages created on mobile devices differ from
those created on computers?
The short answer to that question is yes. In analyzing some 235 million tweets over a 6-week period,
the researchers were able to determine whether the
posts originated from mobile devices or from desktop computers. They found that mobile tweets were
more egocentric than tweets from computers—that
is, they included more first-person pronouns such as
I, me, my, and mine. Tweets sent from mobile devices
were also more negative in their wording and content.
In other words, a tweet with the phrase “I’m mad” is
more likely to be posted from a phone than a desktop. The researchers speculated that mobile devices
encourage more spontaneous communication—for
better or for worse.
As you’ll read in Chapter 3, wise communicators consider pros and cons before making self-
disclosures. This research suggests that the medium
you choose for sending a message may play an important role in that process.
Murthy, D., Bowman, S., Gross, A. J., & McGarry, M. (2015). Do we tweet differently from our mobile devices? A study of
language differences on mobile and web-based Twitter platforms. Journal of Communication, 65, 816–837.
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little trouble sending positive messages face to face,
but that mediated channels had more appeal for
sending negative messages (see also Feaster, 2010).
You’ll read much more about social media channels
later in this chapter and throughout this book.
COMMUNICATION PRINCIPLES
Beyond communication models, several principles
explain the nature of communication.
Communication Is Transactional
As we saw in the transactional model, communicators create meaning through their interaction with
one another. Perhaps the most important consequence of communication’s transactional nature is
mutual influence. To put it simply, communication Like dancing, communication is a transactional process that
isn’t something we do to others; rather, it is an activ- you do with others, not to them. How would you describe
the nature of the communication transactions in your close
ity we do with them.
relationships? In what ways is it similar to dancing with a
Communication is like dancing with a part- partner?
ner: No matter how skilled you are, success depends on the other person’s behavior as well as
your own. In communication and in dancing, the partners must adapt to
and coordinate with each other. Further, relational communication—like
dancing—is a unique creation that arises from how the partners interact.
The way you dance probably varies from one partner to another because
of its cooperative, transactional nature. Likewise, the way you communicate almost certainly varies with different partners. That’s why competent communicators score high in adaptability, as you’ll read later in this
chapter.
Psychologist Kenneth Gergen (1991) expresses the transactional nature
of communication well when he points out how our success depends on interaction with others. As he says, “one cannot be ‘attractive’ without others
who are attracted, a ‘leader’ without others willing to follow, or a ‘loving
person’ without others to affirm with appreciation” (p. 158).
Communication Can Be Intentional
or Unintentional
Some communication is clearly deliberate: You probably plan your words
carefully before asking the boss for a raise or offering constructive criticism.
Some scholars (e.g., Motley, 1990) argue that only intentional messages like
these qualify as communication. However, others (e.g., Buck & VanLear,
2002) suggest that even unintentional behavior is communicative. Suppose,
for instance, that a friend overhears you muttering complaints to yourself.
Even though you didn’t intend for her to hear your remarks, they certainly
did carry a message. In addition to these slips of the tongue, we unintentionally send many nonverbal messages. You might not be aware of your sour
expression, impatient shifting, or sighs of boredom, but others read into
them nonetheless.
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Even the seeming absence of a behavior has
communicative value. Recall times when you
sent a text or left a voice message and received
no reply. You probably assigned some meaning
to the nonresponse. Was the other person angry?
Indifferent? Too busy to reply? Whether your
hunch was correct, the point remains: All behavior has communicative value. “Nothing” never
happens.
In Interplay we look at the communicative
value of both intentional and unintentional behavior. This book takes the position that whatever you
do—whether you speak or remain silent, confront or
avoid, show emotion or keep a poker face—you provide information to others about your thoughts and
feelings. In this sense, we are like transmitters that
can’t be shut off. We cannot not communicate (Watzlawick et al., 1967).
Communication Is Irreversible
We sometimes wish that we could back up in time, erasing words or acts and
replacing them with better alternatives. Unfortunately, such reversal is impossible. Sometimes, further explanation can clear up confusion, or an apology can mollify hurt feelings, but other times no amount of explanation can
change the impression you have created. It is no more possible to “unsend”
a message—including most digital messages—than to “unsqueeze” a tube
of toothpaste. Words said, messages sent, and deeds done are irretrievable.
Communication Is Unrepeatable
Because communication is an ongoing process, an event cannot be repeated. The friendly smile you gave a stranger last week may not succeed
with the person you encounter tomorrow. Even with the same person, it’s
impossible to recreate an event. Why? Because both you and the other
person have changed. You’ve both lived longer, and your feelings about
each other may have changed. What may seem like the same words and
behavior are different each time they are spoken or performed.
Communication Has a Content Dimension
and a Relational Dimension
Virtually all exchanges have content and relational dimensions. The content
dimension involves the information being explicitly discussed: “Please pass
the salt”; “Not now, I’m tired”; “You forgot to check your messages.” In addition to this sort of obvious content, all messages also have a relational dimension (Watzlawick et al., 1967) that expresses how you feel about the other
person: whether you like or dislike the other person, feel in control or subordinate, feel comfortable or anxious, and so on. For instance, consider the various relational messages you could communicate by simply saying “Thanks a
lot” in different ways. You can appreciate the importance of communication’s
relational dimension by looking at the photo on page 15. What does this
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image convey about the relationship between the
two people?
Sometimes the content dimension of a message is
all that matters. For example, you may not care how
the barista feels about you as long as you get your
coffee. In a qualitative sense, however, the relational
dimension of a message is often more important than
the content under discussion. This point explains why
disputes over apparently trivial subjects become so
important. In such cases, we’re not really arguing over
whose turn it is to take out the trash or whether to stay
home or go out. Instead, we’re disputing the nature of
the relationship: who’s in control, and how important
are we to each other? Chapter 9 explores several key
relational issues in detail. For now, let’s turn to defining interpersonal communication.
THE NATURE OF INTERPERSONAL
COMMUNICATION
As you just read, every exchange—even the most mundane—has a relational
dimension. Visualize a brief conversation you’ve recently had with a cashier.
Was it friendly or indifferent? Rushed or more leisurely? In every case, the
exchanged messages both created and reflected some sort of relationship. In
more meaningful relationships, communication is distinctive and nuanced—
more personal. It’s helpful, therefore, to view communication with others
on a continuum, ranging from impersonal to interpersonal (see Figure 1.2).
Many of our interactions in life are relatively impersonal, but more
meaningful communication characterizes our key relationships. As discussed in this book, interpersonal communication is interaction distinguished by the qualities of uniqueness, interdependence, self-disclosure,
and intrinsic rewards. Let’s explore each component of this definition.
15
Along with its content, all
communication conveys both
verbal and nonverbal relational
messages. What relational
messages do you convey when
communicating about everyday matters?
Characteristics of Interpersonal Communication
Four features distinguish communication in highly interpersonal relationships from less personal ones:
• The first is uniqueness. Whereas social rules and rituals govern impersonal exchanges, the nature and history of particular relationships
shape interpersonal exchanges. For example, with one friend you
Highly Impersonal
Highly Interpersonal
(e.g., scheduling appointment,
answering phone survey)
(e.g., marriage proposal,
asking for forgiveness)
FIGURE 1.2
Impersonal–
Interpersonal Communication
Continuum
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might exchange good-natured insults, whereas with another you are
careful never to offend. Consider how you communicate with those
closest to you and you’ll recognize that each relationship is defined by
its own specific language, customs, and pattern—what communication scholars call a relational culture (Farrell et al., 2014).
• The second feature that distinguishes interpersonal communication is
interdependence. Highly interpersonal communication exchanges reveal
that the fate of the partners is connected. In an impersonal relationship, such as with a restaurant server you don’t know, you might be
able to brush off the other’s anger, affection, excitement, or depression. But in an interpersonal relationship, the other’s life affects you.
• The third feature is self-disclosure. In impersonal exchanges, we reveal
little about ourselves; but in interpersonal exchanges, we often share
important thoughts and feelings, usually reflecting our comfort with
one another. This doesn’t mean that all highly interpersonal relationships are warm and caring or that all self-disclosure is positive. It’s
possible to reveal negative personal information: “I really hate when
you do that!” But note you’d probably say that only to someone with
whom you have an interpersonal relationship.
• The fourth feature has to do with the intrinsic rewards of interacting.
Communicators in relationships characterized by impersonal exchanges
seek extrinsic rewards—payoffs that have little to do with the people
involved. You listen to professors in class or talk to potential buyers of
your used car in order to reach goals that have little to do with developing personal relationships. By contrast, you spend time in highly interpersonal relationships, such as relationships with friends and lovers,
because of the intrinsic rewards that come from your communication.
Just being with the other person is the reward. It doesn’t matter what
you talk about—developing the relationship is what’s important.
Relatively few of our interactions are highly interpersonal. The scarcity of interpersonal communication, however, contributes to its value
(Mehl et al., 2010). Like precious and one-of-a-kind artwork, highly interpersonal communication is special because it is rare. It’s even fairly scarce
in close relationships, where much of our daily communication is comfortably mundane (Alberts et al., 2005). Those special relationships, however, provide the best opportunities to communicate interpersonally—and
that’s why Chapter 10 focuses on them.
Masspersonal Communication
After reading the characteristics just outlined, you might be thinking about
interpersonal communication as a private rather than a public exchange. For
instance, many people would be reluctant to broadcast self-disclosures to an
audience, and a relationship might not feel unique if it’s shared with hundreds of others. In this respect, it’s easy to regard interpersonal communication as something that happens only in private, one-on-one relationships.
But the emergence of social media has led to some changes in that
thinking. The fact is, when you post a message on a friend’s social networking page (“I heard about your new job—congratulations!”), that’s
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PUBLIC
Newspaper
Television
Billboard
YouTube video
Podcast
Tweet
Blog
Facebook post
Masspersonal
Communication
Radio call-in
Spam
Jumbotron
proposal
Directed tweet
Group email
Listserv
PERSONAL
IMPERSONAL
Mass
Communication
Interpersonal
Communication
Tailored spam
Facebook private
message
FIGURE 1.3 Examples
of Mass, Interpersonal, and
Masspersonal Communication
Adapted from O’Sullivan & Carr, 2017.
PRIVATE
both personal and public. The message is meant for your friend, but others
view and evaluate it. You probably have those others in mind as you craft
the message—otherwise, you could have sent a private text or email. In the
same vein, many blog authors and tweeters interact with their followers,
creating a sense of community (Lee & Jang, 2013). Mediated messages that
are broadcast one-to-many are typically categorized as “mass communication,” but that label doesn’t capture the nature of some personal messages
aimed at large audiences.
As a way of clarifying the personal nature of some public messages,
communication scholars (O’Sullivan & Carr, 2017) suggest we need a new
label. Masspersonal communication characterizes interaction that crosses
boundaries between mass and interpersonal contexts. Figure 1.3 illustrates
some such intersections and the channels they use. It’s easy to see how
masspersonal communication can enhance a relationship’s uniqueness, interdependence, self-disclosure, and intrinsic rewards.
COMMUNICATION MISCONCEPTIONS
Now that you’ve learned what communication is, it’s time to identify some
things it isn’t. Avoiding these common misconceptions (adapted from
McCroskey & Richmond, 1996) can save you a great deal of trouble in
your personal life.
Not All Communication Seeks Understanding
You might assume that the goal of all communication is to maximize
understanding between communicators. But although some understanding is necessary to coordinate our interactions, there are some types of
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communication in which understanding, as we usually conceive it, isn’t the
primary goal. Consider, for example, the following:
• Social rituals we enact every day. “How’s it going?” you ask. “Great,”
the other person replies, even if he or she isn’t actually feeling great.
The primary goal in exchanges like these is mutual acknowledgment. The unstated message is “I consider you important enough to
notice.” There’s obviously no serious attempt to exchange information
( Burnard, 2003). An analysis of examples from Twitter shows how
this social ritual to “keep in touch” can take place digitally as well as
in person (Schandorf, 2013).
• Many attempts to influence others. Most television commercials are
aimed at persuading viewers to buy products, not helping viewers understand the content of the ad. In the same way, many of our attempts
at persuading others don’t involve a desire for understanding, just for
compliance with our wishes.
• Deliberate ambiguity and deception. When you decline an unwanted
invitation by saying “I can’t make it,” you probably want to create
the impression that the decision is really beyond your control. (If
your goal were to be perfectly clear, you might say, “I don’t want to
get together. In fact, I’d rather do almost anything than accept your
invitation.”) As we explain in detail in Chapter 3, people often lie or
hedge their remarks precisely because they want to obscure their true
thoughts and feelings.
More Communication Is Not Always Better
Whereas failure to communicate effectively and often enough can certainly cause problems, excessive communication also can be a mistake.
Sometimes it is simply unproductive, as when people go over the same
ground again and again.
There are times when talking too much actually aggravates a problem.
As McCroskey and Wheeless (1976) put it, “More and more negative communication merely leads to more and more negative results” (p. 5). Even
when relationships aren’t troubled, less communication may be better than
more. One study found that coworkers who aren’t highly dependent on
one another perform better when they don’t spend a great deal of time
talking together (Barrick et al., 2007). There are even times when no interaction is the best course. When two people are angry and hurt, they
may say things they don’t mean and will later regret. In such cases it’s probably best to spend time cooling off, thinking about what to say and how
to say it. Chapter 8 will help you decide when and how to share feelings.
Communication Will Not Solve All Problems
Sometimes even the best planned, best timed communication won’t solve
a problem. For example, imagine that you ask an instructor to explain why
you received a poor grade on a project you believe deserved top marks. The
professor clearly outlines the reasons why you received the low grade and
sticks to that position after listening thoughtfully to your protests. Has
communication solved the problem? Hardly.
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Sometimes clear communication is even the cause of problems. Suppose, for example, that a friend asks you for an honest opinion of an expensive outfit he just bought. Your clear and sincere answer, “I think it makes
you look fat,” might do more harm than good. Deciding when and how to
self-disclose isn’t always easy. See Chapter 3 for suggestions.
Effective Communication Is Not a Natural Ability
Most people assume that communication is like breathing—that it’s something people can do without training. Although nearly everyone does
manage to function passably without much formal communication training, most people operate at a level of effectiveness far below their potential. In fact, communication skills are closer to an athletic ability. Even the
most inept of us can learn to be more effective with training and practice,
and even the most talented need to “keep in shape.” With this in mind, it’s
time to look at what’s involved in communicating more competently.
COMMUNICATION COMPETENCE
“What does it take to communicate better?” is probably the most important question to ask as you read this book. Answering it has been one of the
leading challenges for communication scholars. Although we don’t have all
the answers, research has identified a great deal of important and useful
information about communication competence.
PRINCIPLES OF COMMUNICATION COMPETENCE
Most scholars agree that communication competence is the ability to
achieve goals in a manner both effective and appropriate (Spitzberg, 2000).
To understand these two dimensions, consider how you might handle everyday communication challenges such as declining an unwanted invitation
or asking a friend to stop an annoying behavior. In cases such as these, effective communication would get the results you want. Appropriate communication would do so in a way that, in most cases, enhances the relationship
in which it occurs.
You can appreciate the importance of both appropriateness and effectiveness by imagining approaches that would satisfy one of these criteria
but not the other. Yelling at your restaurant server may get your meal to
come quickly, but you probably wouldn’t be welcome back (and you might
want to check your food before eating it). Likewise, saying “That’s fine” to
your roommate when things aren’t fine might maintain the relationship
but leave you frustrated. With the goal of encouraging a balance between
effectiveness and appropriateness, the following paragraphs outline several
important principles of communication competence.
There Is No Single “Ideal” or “Effective” Way to Communicate
Your own experience shows that a variety of communication styles can be
effective. Some very successful communicators are serious, whereas others
use humor; some are gregarious, others are quieter; and some are more
On the TV show Hell’s Kitchen,
chef Gordon Ramsay gets the
job done—but often treats
his staff poorly in the process.
On MasterChef Junior, he
demonstrates that he can be
both effective and appropriate
as a cooking coach. Does your
communication competence
change from situation to
situation?
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straightforward, while others hint diplomatically. Furthermore, a type
of communication that is competent in one setting might be a colossal
blunder in another, and what one person thinks is competent may seem
incompetent to another (Dunleavy & Martin, 2010). The joking insults
you routinely trade with a friend might offend a sensitive family member,
and Saturday night’s romantic approach would be out of place at work on
Monday morning. No list of rules or tips will guarantee your success as a
communicator.
Flexibility is especially important when members of different cultures
meet. Some communication skills seem to be universal (Ruben, 1989).
Every culture has rules that require speakers to behave appropriately, for
example. But the definition of appropriate communication in a given situation varies considerably from one culture to another (Arasaratnam, 2007).
Customs such as belching after a meal or appearing nude in public might
be appropriate in some parts of the world but outrageous in others. There
are also more subtle differences in competent communication. For example, qualities such as self-disclosure and straight talk may be valued in
the United States but considered overly aggressive and insensitive in many
Asian cultures (Zhang, 2015). You’ll read more about the many dimensions of intercultural competence in Chapter 2.
Competence Is Situational
Because competent behavior varies so much from one situation and person
to another, it’s a mistake to think that communication competence is a
trait that a person either possesses or lacks (Spitzberg, 1991). It’s more accurate to talk about degrees or areas of competence.
You and the people you know are probably quite competent in some
areas and less so in others. For example, you might deal quite skillfully
with peers while feeling clumsy interacting with people much older or
younger, wealthier or poorer, or more or less attractive than yourself. In
fact, your competence may vary from situation to situation. It’s an overgeneralization to say, in a moment of distress, “I’m a terrible communicator!” It’s more accurate to say, “I didn’t handle this situation very well, but
I’m better in others.”
Competence Can Be Learned
To some degree, biology is destiny when it comes to communication competence (Teven et al., 2010). Research suggests that certain personality
traits predispose people toward particular competence skills (Hullman
et al., 2010). For instance, those who are agreeable and conscientious by
nature find it easier to be appropriate and harder to be (and become) assertive and effective.
Fortunately, biology isn’t the only factor that shapes how we communicate. Communication competence is, to a great degree, a set of skills that
anyone can learn (Fortney et al., 2001). For instance, people with communication anxiety often benefit from interpersonal training sessions (Dwyer,
2000). Skills instruction has also been shown to help communicators in
a variety of professional fields (Brown et al., 2010; Hynes, 2012). Even
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without systematic training, it’s possible to develop communication skills
through the processes of observation and trial and error. We learn from our
own successes and failures, as well as from observing other models—both
positive and negative. And, of course, it’s our hope that you will become
a more competent communicator as a result of putting the information in
this book to work.
CHARACTERISTICS OF COMPETENT
COMMUNICATION
Although competent communication varies from one situation to another,
scholars have identified several common denominators that characterize it
in most contexts.
A Large Repertoire of Skills
As you’ve already seen, good communicators don’t use the same approach
in every situation. They know that sometimes it’s best to be blunt and
sometimes tactful; that there is a time to speak up and a time to be quiet.
The chances of reaching your personal and relational goals increase with
the number of options you have about how to communicate (Pillet-Shore,
2011). For example, if you want to start a conversation with a stranger, you
might get the ball rolling simply by introducing yourself. In other cases,
seeking assistance might work well: “I’ve just moved here. What kind of
neighborhood is the Eastside?” A third strategy is to ask a question about
the situation: “I’ve never heard this band before. Do you know anything
about them?” You could also offer a sincere compliment and follow it up
with a question: “Great shoes! Where did you get them?” Just as a chef
draws from a wide range of herbs and spices, a competent communicator
can draw from a large array of potential behaviors.
Adaptability
To extend this metaphor, a chef must know when to use garlic, chili, or
sugar. Likewise, a competent communicator needs adaptability, selecting
appropriate responses for each situation—and for each recipient. Adaptability is so important that competence researchers call it “the hallmark of
interpersonal communication skills” (Hullman, 2015). As an example, one
study (Stephens et al., 2009) found that professors negatively appraised
students who sent emails that included casual text language (such as “4”
instead of “for” or “RU” instead of “are you”). These students didn’t adapt
their message to an appropriate level of professional formality. Later in
this chapter, we’ll discuss how choosing the right channel for particular
messages and recipients is also an important component of communication
adaptability.
Adaptability becomes challenging when communicating masspersonally. When you post on social media, for instance, it’s likely you have multiple audiences in mind as you craft your message (Marder et al., 2016). If
you’ve edited an update before posting because you knew how some followers would react, you’ve practiced adaptability—and also self-presentation,
as described in Chapter 3.
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Ability to Perform Skillfully
Media Clip
Once you have chosen the appropriate way to communicate, you have to
perform that behavior effectively (Barge & Little, 2008). In communication, as in other activities, practice is the key to
skillful performance. Much of the information
in Interplay will introduce you to new tools for
communicating, and the activities at the end of
each chapter will help you practice them.
Empathy/Perspective Taking
We develop the most effective messages when
we understand and empathize with the other
person’s point of view (Nelson et al., 2017).
Empathy, or perspective taking (explained in
Chapter 4), is an essential skill partly because
others may not express their thoughts and feelings clearly. And of course, it’s not enough just
to imagine another’s perspective; it’s vital to
communicate that understanding through verbal
and nonverbal responses (Kellas et al., 2013).
Pathologically Competent:
House of Cards
In the TV series House of Cards, career politician
Frank Underwood (Kevin Spacey) and his equally ambitious wife Claire (Robin Wright) are ruthless in their
pursuit of power. They make friends, curry favor, and
use people to further their own positions.
In terms of communication competence, Claire
and Frank are very effective in achieving their personal goals. They are strategic self-monitors, carefully
noting how others respond to them and adjusting
accordingly. But interpersonally, they regard other
people only as tools to achieve their selfish goals,
or as enemies to be defeated. Not surprisingly, the
Underwoods have no close relationships. In an aside
to the camera, Frank says: “For those of us climbing
to the top of the food chain, there can be no mercy.
There is but one rule: Hunt or be hunted.”
Most of us would regard Frank and Claire’s heartless obsession with power as pathological. We recognize that to be fully competent communicators—and
healthy human beings—it’s necessary to be both effective and appropriate.
Cognitive Complexity
Cognitive complexity is the ability to construct
a variety of different frameworks for viewing
an issue. Imagine that a longtime friend never
responded to a message from you, but you expected a response. One possible explanation
is that your friend is offended by something
you’ve done. Another possibility is that something has happened in another part of your
friend’s life that is upsetting. Or perhaps nothing at all is wrong, and you’re just being overly
sensitive.
Researchers have found that a large
number of constructs for interpreting the
behavior of others leads to greater “conversational sensitivity,” increasing the chances of
acting in ways that will produce satisfying results (Burleson, 2011; MacGeorge & Wilkum,
2012). Not surprisingly, research also shows a
connection between cognitive complexity and
empathy (Joireman, 2004). The relationship
makes sense: The more ways you have to understand others and interpret their behaviors,
the greater the likelihood that you can see
and communicate about the world from their
perspective.
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Self-Monitoring
Psychologists use the term self-monitoring to describe the process of paying
close attention to one’s own behavior and using these observations to shape
it. Self-monitors are able to consider their behavior from a detached viewpoint, allowing for observations such as:
“I’m making a fool out of myself.”
“I’d better speak up now.”
“This approach is working well. I’ll keep it up.”
It’s no surprise that self-monitoring generally increases one’s effectiveness as a communicator (Day et al., 2002). The President’s Council of Economic Advisers maintains that greater “self-awareness, self-monitoring,
and self-control” will help students be more successful when they enter
the job market (Executive Office of the President, 2009, p. 10). The ability
to ask “How am I doing?”—and to change your behavior if the answer isn’t
positive—is a tremendous asset for communicators.
SOCIAL MEDIA AND INTERPERSONAL
COMMUNICATION
Until a few decades ago, face-to-face communication was essential to starting and maintaining most, if not all, interpersonal relationships. Other
channels existed—primarily the telephone and postal c orrespondence—
but most interpersonal communication seemed to require physical
proximity.
Now things are different. Obviously, face-to-face communication
is still vitally important, but now technology also plays a key role in
starting and maintaining relationships. Social media is the term that
describes all the communication channels that allow communitybased input, interaction, content sharing, and collaboration. Defined
broadly, you’re using social media when you send text messages, post
a tweet, exchange emails and instant messages, or use social networking sites such as Facebook and Instagram. The number of social media
technologies has exploded in the past few decades, giving communicators today an array of choices that would have amazed someone from
a previous era.
Before reading about the characteristics of social media, take a moment
to analyze the role of digital communication in your life by completing the
assessment on page 24.
CHARACTERISTICS OF SOCIAL MEDIA
In many ways, mediated and face-to-face communication are similar. They
involve messages, channels, noise, and other elements of the transactional
model. Both are used to satisfy the physical, identity, social, and practical
needs outlined on pages 5–9.
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A S S E S S I N G YO U R CO M M U N I C AT I O N
Your Use of Social Media
Respond to each of the 15 items below according to how closely it describes you, using a scale from 1 through 8,
with 1 = “not at all descriptive of me,” and 8 = “highly descriptive of me.”
_____
1. I prefer online social interaction over face-to-face communication.
_____
2. Online social interaction is more comfortable for me than face-to-face interaction.
_____
3. I prefer communicating with people online rather than face to face.
_____
4. I have used the internet to talk with others when I was feeling isolated.
_____
5. I have used the internet to make myself feel better when I was down.
_____
6. I have used the internet to make myself feel better when I’ve felt upset.
_____
7. When I haven’t been online for some time, I become preoccupied with the thought of
going online.
_____
8. I would feel lost if I were unable to go online.
_____
9. I think obsessively about going online when I am offline.
_____ 10. I have difficulty controlling the amount of time I spend online.
_____ 11. I find it difficult to control my internet use.
_____ 12. When offline, I have a hard time trying to resist the urge to go online.
_____ 13. My internet use has made it difficult for me to manage my life.
_____ 14. I have missed social engagements or activities because of my internet use.
_____ 15. My internet use has created problems in my life.
Source: Caplan, S. E. (2010). Theory and measurement of generalized problematic Internet use: A two-step approach. Computers in Human Behavior, 26, 1089–1097.
For scoring information, see page 35 at the end of the chapter.
Despite these similarities, communication by social media differs
from the in-person variety in some important ways. Table 1.1 provides
an overview of differences by communication channel. It shows that each
channel has both advantages and drawbacks. You can boost your effectiveness by choosing the channel that’s right for each situation. Should
you send a message via a text? Make a phone call? Wait for a chance to
talk in person? It depends on the nature of the message, the receiver, and
the situation.
CH A PT ER 1
TABLE 1.1
I N T ERPERS O N A L PRO CES S
Characteristics of Communication Channels
Synchronization
Richness/Leanness
Permanence
Face-to-Face
Synchronous
Rich
Low
Video Chat
Synchronous
Moderately rich
Low
Telephone
Synchronous
Moderately lean (voice but no
visuals)
Low
Voice Mail
Asynchronous
Moderately lean (voice but no
visuals)
Moderate (can be stored;
typically deleted)
Text/Instant
Messaging
Asynchronous (but potentially
quick)
Lean
Moderate (can be stored;
typically deleted; some
self-erase)
Email
Asynchronous
Lean
High (often stored; often
shared with others)
Social
Networking
Sites
Typically asynchronous
Lean (but can include photos,
videos)
High (and very public)
Leanness
Social scientists use the term richness to describe the abundance of nonverbal cues that add clarity to a verbal message (Otondo et al., 2008).
Conversely, leanness describes messages that carry less information due to
a lack of nonverbal cues. As you’ll read in Chapter 6, face-to-face communication abounds with nonverbal messages that give communicators information about the meanings of one another’s words. By comparison, most
social media are much leaner. (See Figure 1.4.)
To appreciate how message leanness varies by medium, imagine you
haven’t heard from a friend in several weeks and you decide to ask, “Is
anything wrong?” Your friend replies, “No, I’m fine.” Would that response
be more or less descriptive depending on whether you received it via text
message, over the phone, or in person?
You almost certainly would be able to tell a great deal more from a
face-to-face response because it would contain a richer array of cues, such
Channel
Examples
Text
Voice
Audio-Visual
In-Person
Email, texting,
letters, online posts
Phone calls,
voice mail
Video conferencing,
Skyping, FaceTime
Face-to-face
interaction
Leaner
Richer
FIGURE 1.4 Leanness–
Richness Spectrum of
Communication Channels
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PART 1
F OU ND ATI ONS OF I NTE RPERS O N A L CO MMU N I CAT I O N
as facial expressions and vocal tone. By contrast, a text message is lean because it contains only words. A voice message—containing vocal cues but
no visual ones—would probably fall somewhere in between.
Because most mediated messages are leaner than the face-to-face variety, they can be harder to interpret with confidence. Irony and attempts at
humor can easily be misunderstood, so as a receiver it’s important to clarify
your interpretations before jumping to conclusions. Adding phrases such as
“just kidding” or an emoji like
can help your lean messages become richer,
but your sincerity could still be interpreted as sarcasm. As a sender, think
about how to send unambiguous messages ...
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