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ESL 2361

University of Ottawa

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i will upload a Rating scale for you, i need the essay is a 4.0 level writing(see the rating scale). also make sure qoute correctly in APA. i write about 1400 words, when you edit it, make sure the words is over 1200. the two documents are my essay and rating scale, edit it base on the rating scale.

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Rating Scale for Academic Essays When you examine a piece of writing, consider these main aspects: 1. The strength of your argument and support; 2. The organization of your ideas; and 3. Your use of accurate and precise vocabulary and grammatical structures to communicate your ideas. Level Descriptor 5.0 and higher Very Good to Fully Proficient Writer • • • • 4.5 Competent Writer • • • • 4 Modest writer • • • • Argument and Support: You have clearly expressed your main points in the argument and you have supported them very well with multiple reasons. The reader will almost definitely be convinced by your arguments. Organization: Your ideas are all connected logically, and you have linked all the sentences and paragraphs clearly. People never need to re-read the text to understand it and follow your thinking. Vocabulary: You have used a wide range of advanced vocabulary and expressions accurately and appropriately. You are also creative: you avoid cliché and ready-made language. Language structures: You have used a wide range of advanced and simple structures; errors are very rare and minor. Readers always understand what you mean. Argument and Support: You have clear ideas and support. You will probably convince the reader of your arguments. Organization: Your ideas are well-organized and easy to follow; linking devices clearly join the sentences and paragraphs; the reader needs very little extra effort to understand your point. Vocabulary: You have used variety in your vocabulary and expressions; your word choices and word forms are usually accurate and appropriate, with some creativity. There is almost no cliché or readymade language. Language structures: You have used advanced and simple grammatical structures accurately. You might have a few small errors, but the reader always understands you. Argument and Support: Your main ideas are usually clear and have support, but the reader sometimes needs extra effort to understand your point. The reader might be convinced by your argument. Organization: Your ideas are pretty easy to follow, but the reader might need to re-read sections one or twice. You might have over-used or misused some basic linking devices (Finally, therefore, etc.), which cause the reader to re-read a sentence or two to make sure they understand. Vocabulary: Your word choices and word forms (e.g. nouns or adjectives) are usually accurate but not very original or with much variety; you may have relied too much on the words in the question or on some clichés or ready-made structures. Language structures: You use simple grammatical structures well; You try some more advanced structures; sometimes they are right but sometimes they are not, and this can cause small misunderstandings 3.5 Somewhat limited writer • • • • Argument and Support: Some of your main idea are clear, but maybe one or two are not clear or relevant to the topic. Some ideas have support, but others have no support or weak support. The reader might not be convinced by the argument. Organization: It is often not easy to follow you in the text because the relationship between ideas is not so clear; maybe you used the wrong linking devices. Readers need to re-read sometimes to double-check meaning. Vocabulary: You used a limited range of vocabulary, not enough for the task or for professional academic writing; you have used some words incorrectly or used ready-made structures instead of original writing. Language structures: Most of your sentences have simple structures; when you try advanced structures they often have errors, which make it difficult for the reader to understand your meaning. 3 • Limited writer • • • 2.5 and lower Very to Extremely Limited Writer • • • • Argument and Support: Some of your main ideas are clear and some are not. Your support might not be strong or relevant, or might repeat. The reader will probably not be convinced by your argument. Organization: Your essay is a little hard to follow; the links between ideas is unclear or ineffective most of the time; it is difficult to understand what you mean on the first reading. Linking devices are not there, or are often not helpful for the reader to follow your thinking. Vocabulary: Your range of vocabulary is quite limited, not enough to communicate abstract ideas. There are many errors in your word choice and word forms and lots of ready-made expressions. There is very little original writing from you. Language structures: There are frequent grammatical errors even in simple structures; for instance, you have used parts of the sentence (e.g. subject, verb, object) in the wrong place and many verb forms are incorrect. There are not any advanced structures, and the reader often gets lost. Argument and Support: It is difficult for the reader to understand your ideas. Support is mostly not there or is not strong enough for an academic essay. The reader will not be convinced by your argument and in fact might not know what your argument is at all. Organization You have not organized the essay appropriately for the task; the essay may have paragraphs on the page but these paragraphs are not organized by connected ideas and appropriate linking language. It is quite difficult to understand your meaning on the first reading. Vocabulary: The range of vocabulary you have used is too limited to express even simple ideas; you have repetitively used some basic words and when you try original writing instead of copying, many word forms are incorrect. Language structures: The reader will notice grammar mistakes in almost every sentence, with missing parts (e.g. subject, object, or verb) or parts in the wrong place. Most of your verbs are used incorrectly. The reader does not understand your message. • By cliché language and ready-made expressions, we mean expressions that are so vague they don’t really mean anything, or they are so overused the reader is annoyed by them. Here are some examples: (In an introduction) ____________is very important in life. (In an introduction) In today’s modern world… (For the last reason) Last but not least, (In a concluding sentence) Having considered all these reasons, • Here are some examples of vocabulary and grammar errors. However, remember that it is not only the type of error but the number of errors that puts an essay in a certain level as well as the quality of the ideas and the organisation. 4.5 and higher: Many people like to travel in different countries. (to different countries) We could cure cancer in near future. (the near future) 4: Winter is in December to February. (from December to February) We need to fight towards drug problems. (fight against drug problems—towards means you want the problems!) 3.5: We need more than 20 days to explore as possible many cities in Japan. (to explore as many cities as possible) I want to go past and change my decision. (go back in time to change my decision or go back to the past) I would spend my time on vacation to read books. (spend my time reading books) 3: I would like to experience this trip in my comfortable time for valuable reasons. (meaning not clear) Party was the end and last time of our togetherness. (The last time we were all together) The main reason I preferred summer is I like the beach. (I prefer) 2.5 and lower: Travelling is a explore many place exotiques. (Travelling allows us to explore many exotic places) One reason I choose yoga is to obtain peace of mind would refresh my thoughts. (meaning not clear) Parties in my city fun. Furthermore, parties which is organised by local city officials. (Meaning not clear but maybe: Fun parties are organised in my city by local officials) He would enjoys to spent time to China (He would enjoy spending time in China) • Here is an example of a sentence from three different introductions, all answering the same question. Notice the difference in language and word choice, which mean ideas are more or less complex or precise. High: I would love to go back in time and revisit my hometown. I cherish that time dearly, as I had a chance to make lifetime friends. Medium: In this essay, I will explain my dream place of the past, which is Mexico in last year. Low: I would like to explain why I am like to go specific Beijing City. It is the best place to spend happy time. Internet in Education Edward Yue 300037744 “Paper is no longer a big part of my day. I get 90% of my news online, and when I go to a meeting and want to jot things down, I bring my Tablet PC. It [i]s fully synchronized with my office machine so I have all the files I need.” – Bill Gates The internet has become the most crucial part of our life. The internet designed for communication at the beginning; after decades, the internet involves in several areas. The most significant effect is that it has improved the way we learn. Although the internet carried some negative influences, it changed the way we participate in classrooms, and it also launched a new way to study, online learning. After all, the internet plays an essential role in education. Figure 1. Medieval University Classroom, Voltolina(1350) In an educational setting, teaching styles and learning styles have changed as a result of the invention of the internet. Laurentius de Voltolina’s illustration(Figure 1) represented a college lecture in medieval Italy in the 14th century. The classroom is similar to the modern day classroom: students are sitting in rows and listening while the teacher instructs from the front of the room, some of the students have books opened in front of them, likely to be participation the lecture. Still, a small number of students seem to lose their interests, partial of them are talking to their neighbor, and one of them seems to be snoozing. Also, in the 14th century, in Laurentius de Voltolina’s painting(Figure 1), the conventional classroom, teacher was the principal source of knowledge, for the teacher has become “sage on the stage” for a long time. There is a small change in today’s classroom that is they do not look at books. Instead, students are looking at their computers, laptops ,or mobiles. (Surely some of them might be chatting on social networks). The internet has changed the teacher's role and the student's role. Although, the student able to obtain the erudition they need from the internet, thanks to the invention of the internet. In this case, students are more likely to be responsible for their self-study using online resources to achieve their goals. A modern teacher is inclined to be a study guide who helps students attempt in the learning process, and implementing guidelines and pathways to them. According to my personal experience, most classrooms have at least one resident computer used for teaching, and some of the computer labs even allow students and teachers looking at one resource on every computer at the same time. Students and teachers have changed the way they take participating in the classroom on the internet. There is another way they participate — online education. Most people use online technologies during their daily lives, shopping, working, or communicating with friends. Those online sources have also make educational systems changed. The online school is always useable for many people, including the elderly, adits, children, student, worker, those who do not have a chance to study at school. Schools might have limited space that makes school can not enroll too many students. However, online teaching has saved this problem. There will be no area restriction on education; people can study at any time they want as long as they join the internet. Therefore, online teaching has set up multiple approaches in education. Firstly, the internet conducive to the realization of quality education resources sharing. All the education resources, as a kind of information resource, can be used by researchers immeasurable times. Besides, some of those top universities have accumulated tonnes of instructional resources; those can share with educates through the internet, makes most of the people can easily access resources. Secondly, according to The Evolution and History of eLearning(n.d), online teaching conducive to the lowcost expansion of education: the word “Elearning”, used at a CBT systems seminar, was started in 1999. In this way, there are other words like “online learning” and “virtual learning” also start to extensive diffuse. Also, there is a reason why is most educates prefer “elearning”; the cost of university tuition is soaring. Physical learning materials are too expensive for students. Online learning reduced transportation education cost in many ways, for instance, most of the class materials are available online which are also cheaper than physical resources; transportation costs, parking fees, tolls, fuel can also significantly dropped. Thirdly, online education conducive to the cultivation of compound talents. “Elearning” would help people who have complete one degree to take another non-academic degree while working. Hence, they can have the leisure to study another degree online to improve their many personal quality and education attainment level. Even “elearning” improved students’ study efficiency with less cost than transportation education, and the internet has a negative magnetizing effect on young people. While there have been many positive outcomes, the internet has also fascinated students, which make them cannot be concentrate on their studies. Jenkin (2015) mentioned that: The OECD’s education director, Andreas Schleicher says: “If you look at the best-performing education systems, such as those in East Asia, they’ve been very cautious about using technology in their classroom.” Also, he adds, “Those students who use tablets and computers very often tend to do worse than those who use them moderately…”(Jenkin, 2015) The internet is a “double-edged sword” for education; students benefit from it, also has many adverse impacts on students. Because the internet includes knowledge of the whole world, students can reach any information they need, such as movies, music or their homework answers so that they do not need to put too many effects to attain their purposes. Therefore, many students can not solve academic problems by themselves, and they prefer to search the answer online instead of figure out those problems on their own, they also can not manage their time correctly. Additionally, online information about students’ homework answer is deadly tempts them that lead to plagiarism and academic fraud. Lynch(2019) writes: Educators have taken steps to counter such practices.g. They have developed sites that check essays and research papers against published content to detect pilfered material. Determined students may attempt to circumvent such safeguards by using social media and message boards to share class information. (Lynch, 2019) Even educators wrestle with problems like plagiarism and cheating. Some students still recommit the same error. Furthermore, students spend hours playing online games and cooperate on social networks as Facebook or Instagram can be harmful to their physical development. Without a doubt, the internet has changed the way human educate. The educate can study in many ways instead of participating in the school, obtaining information online by searching on the internet, and taking online courses. However, the internet also distracted students’ attention, and the long time of using the internet is deleterious to the user. Can you imagine what would happen if one day you can not access the internet and you have to go to the school and library to gain erudition? References Bill Gates Quotes. (n.d.). BrainyQuote.com. Retrieved May 30, 2019, from BrainyQuote.com Web site: https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/bill_gates_626188 Dunwill, E. (2017, August 03). 4 Changes That Will Shape The Classroom Of The Future: Making Education Fully Technological. Retrieved from: https://elearningindustry.com/4-changes-will-shape-classroom-of-the-future-makingeducation-fully-technological Jenkin, M. (2015, December 02). Tablets out, imagination in: The schools that shun technology. Retrieved from https://www.theguardian.com/teacher-network/2015/dec/02/schools-thatban-tablets-traditional-education-silicon-valley-london Kumari, S. (1998). Teaching with the internet. Journal of Information Technology for Teacher Education,7(3), 363-377. doi:10.1080/14759399800200046 Lynch, W. (2019, January 10). Negative Effects of Internet in Education. Retrieved from https://itstillworks.com/negative-effects-internet-education-2002.html The Evolution and History of eLearning. (n.d.). Retrieved from https://www.talentlms.com/elearning/history-of-elearning Piletic, P. (2018, September 19). Lower Costs Are Making More Students Prefer Online Education. Retrieved from https://elearningindustry.com/students-prefer-onlineeducation-lower-costs-making
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Running head: INTERNET IN EDUCATION

Internet in Education
Edward Yue
300037744

1

INTERNET IN EDUCATION

2
Internet in Education

In his sentiments, Bill Gates noted, “Paper is no longer a big part of my day. I get 90% of my
news online, and when I go to a meeting and want to jot things down, I bring my Tablet PC. It is
fully synchronized with my office machine, so I have all the files I need” (BrainyQuote, 2019).
The internet has become the most crucial part of our life. For instance, the internet
designed for communication at the beginning after decades involves several areas of use
(TalentLMS, 2019). Meanwhile, Lynch (2019) identified that the most significant effect is that it
has improved the way we learn. Although the internet carried some negative influences, it
changed the way we participate in classrooms, and it also launched a new way to study, online
learning. After all, the internet plays an essential role in education.

Figure 1: Medieval University Classroom, Voltolina (1350)

In an educational setting, Dunwill (2016) acknowledged that teaching styles and learning
styles have changed as a result of the invention of the internet. Laurentius de Voltolina’s
illustration (Figure 1) represented a college lecture in medieval Italy in the 14th century. The

INTERNET IN EDUCATION

3

classroom is similar to the modern day classroom. Students are sitting in rows and listening
while the teacher instructs from the front of the room. Some of the students have books opened
in front of them, possibly participating in the lecture. Still, a small number of students seem to
lose their interests. For example, a section of them is talking to their neighbor while another one
appears to be snoozing. Jenkin (2015) also pointed out that in the 14th century, in Laurentius de
Voltolina’s painting as presented in the figure above; the c...


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