Youxing Chen
Instructor Sarah Lisha
EWRT 1A
10/10/19
Moment changed my life
Have you ever experienced a moment, which completely changed your life? Majority people
believe that human life won't be changed at once. It will take a long period. However, a moment
indeed changed my life even changed the life of the next generation of my family either. That’s
why my definition of moment is a period of time changed my life. "Life was like a box of chocolate.
You never know what your gonna get." (Forrest Gump) is one of the most appropriate sentences
to describe my life. On a normal day of 2017, I picked my father's phone call on my way toward
the dormitory after class. He asked me to go back home immediately. My whole family was
planning to get a significant interview. At that time, I had the presentiment that my life will be
changed soon.
On the morning of November 17th of 2017, my parents, my brother and I arrived at the
consulate of the United States located in Guangzhou for the interview of immigration visa. We
passed the security check at the front door of the building and waiting in the queue. Compare
with my last two times to take visa interviews for my student visa, there were not too many
people waiting in the queue. During the waiting time, we kept observing the people who came
out from the interview room, and we could know they pass the interview or not though the
expressions on their faces. Several families were showing sadness and disappointment on their
faces.That did not shock me a lot. I've heard on the news that Trump has tightened the
Immigration policy. Thus, whether we can pass the interview or not only depends on fortune.
After 30 minutes of waiting, we saw the visa officer sits behind the thickness glass. The
conversation started, "have you ever been to the USA before?", the young lady asked me. "Yes, I
studied in a community college last year and I believed the education of America is the best in
the world. That's also one of the reasons why I decided to become a US resident" I answered
carefully. Then, the officer asked my brother the same question. My brother gave him a negative
answer with his poor English. After taking some notes on her computer, she turned much more
serious and asked my dad "I have a question for you Mr.Chen, you declared that you got your
master and doctoral diploma on mechanical engineering, but you are currently working on
software developing. Is that true?". "Yes, I was teaching mechanical engineering at a university
after getting my doctoral diploma. I quit that job and begin to develop software, because I
detected the amazing prospective of software business " my father answered calmly. We both
knew at this moment we can not show nervousness because the officer has already suspected us
of document defrauding. After a long time waiting for the officer taking notes, I started to have a
terrible presentiment. I was turned down by a visa officer when I had my first student visa
interview. That officer did the same thing before telling me "You're not qualified to study in the
USA", which was typing on his computer for a long time. After a long waiting, the suspense of my
entire family was relieved by the officer's voice-"America needs you! and Congratulation".After
that, the officer told us many details about when is a good time to land America as well as what
documents should we prepare. At that moment, I did not pay much attention to those things due
to my super excited mood. We just could not wait for our new life.
To be honest, I'm still not sure about moving to the US is a good choice or not so far
because China is developing super-fast to chase the USA. But I am pretty sure there are many
moments that indeed can change your life. I have already started to study American culture,
English and other things which could make me adapt the life in the USA. In addition, my life will
be changed more in the future. Thus, my definition of the moment is a period of time that will
change your life and really important to you.
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Shane Fender
Professor Sarah Lisha
EWRT 1A
De Anza College
October 18, 2017
Essay #1
The Desert Disaster
It is hard to explain the feeling you get when you realize your baby brother is
flying through the air unintentionally and out of control. He is followed closely by 500
pounds of all-terrain machinery, and his impact with the Nevada desert is imminent.
Even though I am traveling at approximately 45 miles per hour, everything is moving
slowly as if my life has suddenly become the action sequence of a Michael Bay film. We
are out in the Nevada desert riding a pair of four-wheeled ATVs while visiting family.
Or at least we were until Adam launched off the front of his. Left alone and told, "don't
do anything stupid," apparently, we did not listen as well as we could have.
Earlier that day, we head outside to begin our time riding through the desert, it is
about 11 am. My little brother Adam and I are excited to get another opportunity to
experience the vast open area, something we are not used to seeing in suburban
California. We look around the empty valley our uncle Ricky calls home. Nothing can
be seen but his double-wide trailer home and an abandoned dog kennel. We head
toward our respective vehicles. It is so hot during the Nevada summer; it is as if you
can smell the dry heat. As I feel the sweltering sand beneath my feet, all I can think
about is speeding away and having the wind cool me off.
Now, Adam is younger, smaller, less confident, less experienced and on a less
powerful vehicle. As we head toward the makeshift race course we've been using, I take
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the opportunity to show how much better I can maneuver my more nimble, powerful
machine. I leave a pattern in the sand like a snake, occasionally controlling my ATV
while only on two wheels. What it is about brothers that makes them eternally
competitive? The ATVs accelerate up the inclines, taking all four wheels off the ground.
As I take off down the straight, I see Adam has cut back early to get ahead of me on the
next lap. If that is how he wants to play it, fine, I will show him what it looks like when
I do not hold back. Zipping through the course, it seems easy. The distance between the
two vehicles shrink. As we approach the final jump before the straight, the engines are
at full throttle. Here is my time to take the lead back. Flying through the jump and
getting peak height, the ATV hits the ground with ferocity. Sand kicks from the tires
regaining traction. Shifting through the gears, I scorch by Adam going at least 10 miles
an hour faster. I have a big smile plastered across my face, knowing I have beaten him.
Turning around to make a gloating gesture, the situation back by start of the straight is
different than expected. Terror quickly overtakes me.
Back at the jump, one of the front tires of Adam's ATV has snagged on the
ground below, throwing him clean over the handlebars. It looks as if he was shot out of
a cannon. His arms are flailing. The ATV is rotating quickly, currently perpendicular to
the ground instead of parallel. Dust from the ground disturbance has now begun to
engulf him. Still soaring through the air, soon only inches from the sand, Adam
disappears in the artificial sandstorm. Dread overtakes me. What if the four-wheeler
crushes him? What if he lands on his neck? How can I help him in the midst of an old
naval bombing range?
Slamming on the breaks, I leap from the vehicle before it has entirely stopped. I
begin sprinting into the disappearing cloud of dust. I fear the worst. Still running, I see
a silhouette of my kid brother. Adrenaline is pumping. My fear melts away and turns to
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anger. Adam is holding his wrist, but nothing else appears out of place. I punch him as I
approach, but I am not sure why. The fear is now fueling rage. "How could you lose
control? Don't you ever scare me like that again!" I yell out my plethora of emotions
until I have nothing more to say. We embrace, and the adrenaline slowly dissipates. The
understanding of what just happened starts to settle. We are thankful to have avoided a
worse outcome.
From that moment forward, I will never be the same. To quickly see what you
think is the final terrifying moment of your brother's life is one of the most sobering
experiences I could envision. What started out as innocent horseplay quickly turned to
a life-altering event. Adam and I are close enough in age where I don't remember a time
without him being around; being my brother. We will remain competitive, sure, but
there are limits we will stay within to avoid another potential disaster. This was my first
glimpse at the mortality of those around me. I was forced to see it. Who knew bonding
moments could be so terrifying and memorable?
Thank you for your personal narrative. Unfortunately, your essay is under the word count
of 750 words. Strong dialog but you should Work on adding more descriptive details to
make your essay stronger. And You should correct your MLA format. Please add more
explanation at the last paragraph. Remove one Attention grabber because usually only one
attention grabber in the essay.
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Write a simple, clear thesis
Implement basic essay structure (introduction, body paragraphs, and
conclusion).
Use descriptive language with adjectives and adverbs (specific language,
sensory detail, and figurative language) to support your main idea.
Participate in peer review to give and receive constructive feedback.
Use basic MLA format to organize your paper.
HOW TO WRITE A NARRATIVE ESSAY:
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The “Hook” Start your paper with a statement about your story
that catches the reader’s attention, for example: a relevant
quotation, question, fact, or definition.
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Set the Scene Provide the information the reader will need to
understand the story: Who are the major characters? When and
where is it taking place? Is it a story about something that
happened to you, the writer, or is it fiction?
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Thesis Statement The thesis of a narrative essay plays a
slightly different role than that of an argument or expository
essay. A narrative thesis can begin the events of the story: “It
was sunny and warm out when I started down the path;” offer a
moral or lesson learned: “I’ll never hike alone again;” or identify
a theme that connects the story to a universal
experience: “Journeys bring both joy and hardship.”
Body Paragraphs
“Show, Don’t Tell” Good story telling includes details and
descriptions that help the reader understand what the writer
experience. Think about using all five senses—not just the sense of
sight—to add details about what you heard, saw, and felt during the
event. For example, “My heart jump as the dark shape of the brown
grizzly lurched toward me out of the woods” provides more information
about when the writer saw and felt than, “I saw a bear when I was
hiking.”
Supporting Evidence In a personal narrative, your experience acts as
the evidence that proves your thesis. The events of the story should
demonstrate the lesson learned, or the significance of the event to you.
Passage of Time Writing about the events of your experience using
time chronologically, from beginning to end, is the most common and
clear way to tell a story. Whether you choose to write chronologically or
not, use transition words to clearly indicate to the reader what
happened first, next, and last. Some transitions words are: next, finally,
during, after, when, and later.
Transitions In a narrative essay, a new paragraph marks a change in
the action of a story, or move from action to reflection. Paragraphs
should connect to one another. For example, the end of one paragraph
might be: “I turned and ran, hoping the bear hadn’t noticed me,” and
the start of the next might be: “There are many strategies for surviving
an encounter with a bear; ‘turn and run’ is not one of them.” The
repetition of words connects the paragraphs. (What does the verb
tense indicate?)
Conclusion
The Moral of the Story The conclusion of a narrative marks the
closing of the action of the events, but also should include some
reflection or analysis of the significance of the event to the writer. What
lesson did you learn? How has what happened to you affected your life
now?
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