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I'm preparing for a test called GRE, and part of it is to write and essay. I'm not a native english speaker so basically I need someone to review the grammar, composition, the essay's structure and rate on a scale from 0 to 6 according on a rubric I'm attaching on the essay.


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Essay instructions:    Taking in consideration the statement:    To understand the most important characteristics of a society, one must study its major cities.  Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the  statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting  your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and  explain how these considerations shape your position.  Rating rubric:  https://www.ets.org/gre/revised_general/prepare/analytical_writing/issue/scoring_guide  Essay:    Disclaimer: The numbers, facts using on the essay are not necessary correct, but that is  ok, the main point is the essay itself.     During the last 30 years development countries have experimented a phenomenon where  people from small towns and rural areas have emigrated to the bigger cities, as part of a search  of new opportunities and a better life quality. This fact has as consequence that most of the  population of in­development countries lives on major cities.    In the case of developed countries the phenomenon of internal immigration happened probably  on the beginning  of the last century and ­­ is possible to say ­­ internal immigration is  permanent ongoing process on most countries in the world.    According to the previous paragraphs is reasonable to assume that most of the population in  many countries lives on major cities, and, as the questions states, is logical to conclude that  would be enough to analyze major cities in order to have a  broad understanding of society.  But  this reasoning has a flag, what is to assume that, in order to understand society, in enough to  understand just the majority of population or most of the existing society. This assumption is  wrong because is also necessary to well understand minorities ­­ in this case people who don’t  life on major cities ­­ to get a solid comprehension of current society.    For example, in the case of Lima, a major cities in Peru, holding 40% of peruvian population; the  interaction with rural people from smaller cities is crucial for Lima’s economy.  That created a big  worrying on understanding  these smaller communities in order to keep healthy and long term  relations together.  At the very end, these small communities have left a big footprint on Lima  society and how organize their members and trading to satisfy not only their interests, but the  interests of surrounding societies.    Other example of the value on put attention to societies out of the scope of major cities is the  case of Okinawa in Japan. The rural city of Okinawa is home of a community of farmers with the  highest live expectation and better perceived life quality on Japan. If scientist tries to understand  Japan’s society just analyzing major cities, is very likeable that they would not find any clue of  the peaceful and happy society of Okinawa. Even more impactful, getting an understanding of  sociological reasons of the wellness of Okinawa people could give to researchers the  opportunity to get insights about healthy societies that are not possible to gather  on major  cities.    In conclusion is possible to say that in order to have a  broad understanding of global society is  necessary to also understand groups that are out of major cities. And even more important is to  recognize that trying to study these communities just analyzing any repercussions they have on  major cities is a simplistic approach. The only possible outcome of and approach like this is to  miss important lessons and information, as shows the case of Okinawa farmers.             ...
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Tutor Answer

prof marythompson
School: Duke University

During the last 30 years, developing countries have experimented a phenomenon where people
from small towns and rural areas have migrated to the bigger cities, as part of a search for new
opportunities and a better life quality. This fact has as a consequence that most of the population
of less developed countries live in major cities. In the case of developed countries, the phenomenon
of internal immigration happened probably at the beginning of the last century, and is possible to
say that internal immigration is a permanent ongoing process in most countries in the world.
A...

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