Firstly it is important to realize the cultural difference between the east and the west. Daughters are brought up and treated very differently, They are not allowed to mix freely or go out with boys, even if they study in a mixed school, college or university. or they work. Muslim girls do not go anywhere, even shopping, without a chaperon. They stay at home and study, cook, or do the housework. As they reach marriageable age, the parents (or, brothers, if deceased) choose the groom - preferably a cousin or other relative. These days most parents give some weight or consideration to the wishes of the daughter, but not always.
The idea of the daughter selecting her own marriage partner, or eloping with him (if the parents disapprove of the boy) is unthinkable. The disgrace to the parents from relatives and even common people is too much to bear for the traditional, well-respected families. The responsibility for the dishonor is placed squarely on the daughter , and action taken- even killing - to restore honor.
It is important to realize that Islam does not allow the killing in these circumstances, and allows the daughter to make her own choice, although it does say that to obey the parents is better. Also Islam does not allow immorality of the woman.
The best way to deal with this is to educate the parents and remind them that the ultimate choice has to be made by the daughter, to respect that choice, and to punish as murder any such honor killing.
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