The race and sex of members on a jury has an
effect on the court case and its outcome. Agree or Disagree?
Original Instructions - This is a DEBATE. This is not for school but for a project I am working on with a fun debate league. I am competing in the championship match against the best debater in the league. I have attached an example of the last debate I submitted and the last debate my opponent submitted so you have a clear look at how we structure our debates. Unrelenting statements for your argument, tone, writing style, pacing, and providing credible sources are so important. Building a mountain of an argument for your p.o.v. while toppling the counter-argument will win. Although we are arguing one side for agree or disagree, consider the possibilities of the other side and clearly explain why you still argue the side you chose and provide undeniable proof you are correct. History is great for context and we will need it but so will modern examples too. Make the argument so thorough and with stellar writing style and the judges will have no choice but to vote for us. Maximum word count is 1000 words. Reference/source list and footnotes do not add to word count
Here are my suggestions for re-write:
Hello writer. I thank you for this fine debate and I think we can make it even better. First, can you look back at the tone I used in the Animal Testing debate? It was unrelenting to driving my point to the reader and I feel this debate comes off somewhat cold. I want the read to feel like the argument is speaking to them. Try to match the tone, pacing and build of point after point for my argument.
I think there needs to be another strong example or two why the other side who disagrees is wrong.
Also, PLEASE go back to all of my messages I sent you and make sure everything I suggested in those is in this debate. If you need me to post them again I can.
Can you format the works cited how I have it in my debate examples so we can squeeze more words in? On the word count issue btw, this debate clocks in at 626 words. The works cited list does not count. Use numbers instead of names throughout the paper. I need this to be 1000 words.
I also feel like there needs to be a very powerful and profound first sentence. Something that will catch the judges eyes right off the back. Also, please be aware not to use words in this paper that are not too unfamiliar e.g. voir dire. Can we also have a profound quote or two on jury selections added?
I think the conclusion could be much stronger too. The tone needs to be revved up overall for the conclusion and the entire paper. Also, the voice of the debate needs to zoom in more on who is reading this paper and what they are looking for. In the other example I uploaded, check back to the judges comments to see what they look for. I don't like that the conclusion starts with "the two examples" because that makes it feel to me like I haven't provided much to my argument. I want my argument to feel like a mountain casting a showdown overall the counterargument and championing my position. Another example may be needed but don't mention the number of examples you used in the debate. What year was this "recent incident in Wisconsin" take place?
Also, if you can find a case that has happened in the last year to three years that everyone knows about that would be great to use as an example. Why were there no black jurors or even male jurors on the Zimmerman trial?
I just don't want this debate to be a list of facts and examples I want this to feel like a speech, basically. I want the determined voice to be alive, present and directly to the reader/judges. I want them to feel passion for the argument you are making while also being professional and extremely credible. My opponent will provide some of the best research I know but it will be tone, writing style, and passion that separates how the judges view my debate and his. Having that spirit in the debate makes the difference always but it could use stronger, more detail in the example. Make it crystal clear and undeniable. 1000 words PLEASE