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15.2 Document for Analysis: Poor Cover Letter
The following cover letter accompanies Isabella Jimenez's résumé (Activity 15.1).
Your Task. Analyze each section of the following cover letter and list its weaknesses.
To Whom It May Concern:
I saw your internship position yesterday and would like to apply right away. It would be so
exiting to work for your esteemed firm! An internship would really give me much needed realworld experience and help my career.
I have all the qualifications you require in your add and more. I am a junior at Colorado State
University-Pueblo and an Accounting major (with a minor in Finance). Accounting and Finance
are my passion and I want to become a CPA and a financial advisor. I have taken Intermediate I
and II and now work as a financial advisor with Primerica Financial Services in Pueblo. I should
also tell you that I was at Target for four years. I learned alot, but my heart is in accounting and
finance.
I am a team player, a born leader, motivated, reliable, and I show excellent composure in
stressful situation, for example, when customers complain. I put myself through school and
always carry at least 15 units while working part time.
You will probably agree that I am a good candidate for your internship position, which should
start July 1. I feel that my motivation, passion, and strong people skills will serve your company
well.
Sincerely,
2013-14: Sales & Marketing Internship - Springfield Falcons (Springfield, MA)
The Springfield Falcons, The AHL affiliate of the Columbus Blue Jackets, are
seeking passionate and positive people who are committed to becoming leaders
in the business of professional sports. Career growth-oriented sports sales
development program, which focuses on developing the skills needed to become
an inside sales and customer service professional. Under the guidance of the
Ticket Sales Department, the intent of this program is to expand the applicant’s
abilities to a level that will merit consideration for a promotion to a full time
position within the sports industry following successful completion of the
program. You will be required to submit your availability ahead of time.
Responsibilities:
• Make outbound calls to assigned leads to sell upcoming events and ticket
packages
• Answer incoming single game calls with the ability to up-sell callers into
packages, and groups
• Ability to work office hours during the week plus all Falcons home games
• Work all home games, plus additional nights, weekends and holidays outside of
normal office hours, as assigned
• Represent the organization at in-house events and off-site community events
promoting tickets
• Maintain computerized records of all ticket customers and prospects using our
CRM data base Archtics
• Provide unsurpassed customer service to prospects and current clients over the
phone, in office and at games or other events
• Assist customer service efforts (mailing invoices, tickets, etc…), and other
office tasks
• Help with planning and organizing various sales and marketing initiatives and
programs
• Attend weekly meetings and sales training/role-play sessions.
• Other duties as assigned
Qualifications:
• At least one year of advanced education working towards a degree in Business,
Sport Management, Marketing or related field.
• Strong organizational and communication skills
• Excellent customer service skills
• Must be able to work a flexible schedule with long hours, which includes home
games, nights, weekends and holidays as assigned
• Desire to be a sales industry leader
• Ability to work as a team player
• Proficiency in basic computer software programs
3000 Landing Lane
Moon Township, PA, 15108
412-555-5555
January 26, 2015
Josh Tannenbaum
AHL Hockey Club
Springfield Falcons
45 Falcons Way
Springfield, MA 01103
Dear Mr. Tannenbaum,
I am writing you to apply for your Sales and Marketing Internship Position. I
found this position while looking at a list of AHL internships, and seemed like a
perfect fit for me.
Being a current Division 1 Ice Hockey player at ABC University, I have an extremely
high level of hockey IQ and understand all aspects of the industry. I actually am
fairly good friends with one of your current players, Mike Smith. The main reason I
am interested in working for you is that I have a strong passion for the game, and I
can’t see myself working in any other industry. My strong knowledge of the sport
hopefully gives me an advantage over the competition for this internship. Though
the Sales and Marketing Internship Position is a competitive job to acquire, I
believe that my history playing the sport, as well as my desire to complete my
Sports Management degree at ABC University helps myself rise above the
competition for this internship. My goal is to work full-time for a professional
hockey team, and I hope I can begin my journey to that goal is an intern for the
prestigious Springfield Falcons hockey club.
If you could refer to my resume (enclosed) you will see a summarization of my
qualifications for the position. My work phone number is 412-555-5555 and my email is hockeyfam@gmail.com and I would love if we could connect for further
conversation regarding the Sales and Marketing Internship Position. Thank you
for reading and I hope to talk to you soon.
Sincerely,
Jack Smith
Resume Enclosed
Jack Smith
3000 Landing Lane
Moon Township, PA 15108
(412)-555-5555
hockeyfan@mail.rmu.edu
45 Falcons Way
Springfield, OH 01103
(999)- 739- 4625
Objective
To obtain an internship in the Sport Management Field
Education
Robert Morris University, Moon Township, PA
Bachelor of Science in Sport Management, May 2017
Experience
Referee, June 2013- August 2013
Town Roller Hockey Assn., Mississauga, ON
• Learned about controlling tense situations
• Dealt with managing large-scale competition
Goalie Instructor, May 2012- August 2012
Frank Canadian Goalie School, Toronto, ON
• Taught goalies positioning and shot pucks on them
• Used video programming to show goalies there play
Assistant Hockey Coach, Sept. 2011- Mar. 2012
James Crothers Secondary School, Markham ON
• Assisted in running practices, bench management
• Helped design season schedule
• Worked with Microsoft Office
Activities
RMU Division 1 Hockey Player, 2013Professional Roller Hockey Player- 2011-
Computer Skills
Adobe Photoshop, MS Word, PowerPoint, and Excel
Achievements
Atlantic Hockey All-Academic Team, 2014
Dean’s List (Spring 2014, Fall 2014)