SAT Essay Scoring Feedback, writing homework help

timer Asked: Oct 19th, 2016
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Question description

i want to receive new SAT Essay revision , which includes an overall score as well as separate sub-scores for, and comments regarding, the different skill areas assessed (e.g., thesis and support; reasoning and analysis; structure and organization; use of language, etc.).

./ As you read the passage below, conslder how Barack Obams uses . evidence, such as tacis or examples, support ciaims. . reasoning to develop ideas a*d to ccnnect claims and evidence' e stylistiC or persuasive elemants, such as word choice or appeals i0 emotion, ts add power to the ideas expressed. President Barack Obanra,"Address at the &tiroEhirma Feace Memorialj'The speech n*rns delivered on ffiay 27, 3S'16 Adapted frono {,!5 Seventy-oae yesrs ago, on a bright, cloadless rnorning, dea& fell from the sky and the rsorld was changed. A flash of light and a wallo{fire destroyed a city and demonstrated that maakind possessed the means to destroy itself' Why do rtle come to this pl*ce, to Hiroshima? We cor*e to ponder a terrible f,orce unleashed in a not so distant past. l{Ie corrre to mourn the dead, including over 1O8,000 in ]apanese men, women and children; thousands of Koreans; a dozen Americans held prisoner-. Their souls speak to us. ?hey ask us to look inward, to take stock olwho li/e are ar:d what we might becorne. i The W*rld War that reached its brutal end in Fiiroshima and Nagasaki was fought amoftg the wealthiest and rnost power&rl of nations. And yet, the yrar grelr out of thg same base instinct for domination or coaquest that had caused conflicts among the sirnplest tribes; an oid pattern arnplifled by new capabilities aild without new ccnstraints. Ia the span of a few years, sorse 60 millior: people would die -- men, womer, children no diferent than us, shat beaten, marched. bcmbed, jailed, starved gassed to dsath. 4 Scieace allows us tc cornmuaicate across the seas and fly above the cload$ to cure disease and understatd the cosrnos. But those same discoveries can be turned into ever- more effcient killiag macl:ines. 5 The wars of tbe moderr: age teach this truth. Hiroshi*ta teaches this rr*th. Techr:ologic*l progress without an equiiraient progress in human institatiols can doom ss. The scientific revoiution that led to the splitting of an ators requires a aroral revol*tion, 5 as well That is wliy lre come to this place. We stand here, in &e middle of this city, arrd force or:rselves to imagine the m*rnent the bomb full. We f,crce ourselves to feel the dread of cbildren confused by what they see. We listen to a silent cry. We remernber all the imocents kiiled acrcss the arc of that terrible war, and the wars that came before, and the wars that would fallow- Masier Key to New SAT I SAT Ptactice gssay.l 62 -[a^r\P* z And since that fateful day, we have made chcices that give us hope. The Unitsd States more,ror lore,ror our ol and iapan forged not only an alllaace, but a friendship that has won tfsmtf;l,f*: (i\ tl"f^&'{:. 0r tl,t^&'{- . illtt a Union ljnlon thal through pe*ple than we could ever clairn -.-^ o war..J-he .-.. lt$ryof E1g --. =_F , \__."_ "__ replaced battlefields with bonds of comme:ce and democracl Oppressed peoples ariil €{ nations won liberation. An interirational com.mllniry established insiitutions alrd treaties that worked to avoid war arrd aspire to restrict and ro11 back, and ultimately eliminate the existence of nucleal weapons. \Ofaf s Only persistent effiort can roli back the possibility of catastrcphe. We can chart a collrse that leads to the destruction of these stockpiles. We can stop the spread to ::ew nations, and secure deadly materials frora fanatics. 9 And yet that is not enough. We rnust ch*nge oar miadset about war itself *- ts prevent conllict through diplomacy, and strive to end co*flicts after they've begun; to see aur growi*g interdependenc€ as a cause for peaceful cooperation and nat violent competitioa; to define our nalions not by l, ou capaciry to destroy, but by what we bulld' And perhaps above all, we nlust reinagi*e our connection to one another as n:embers of one htrman race. For this, too, is what makes our species unique. Wdre not bo*nd lvYe can choose. We carr by genetic code to repeat the mistakes of the past. We can learn. teil our children a differe::t story -- one tlat clescribes a corn:::Gn humanity; one that makes w*r less likely and cruelty less easily accepterl. r 12 That is wlry we come to Hiroshirna. When lhe choices made by:rations, when the cholces made byleaders reflect rhis simple wisdom, thea the llsson of Hircshiqa is dcre. The world rvas forevel changed here. But today, the children of this city will go throrrgh their day in peace. lArhat a precious thi:rg that is. It is worth protecting, and then extending io every child. That is the fut*re we can choase -- a future in which Hiroshima and Nagasaki are known not as the clawn of atomic warfare, but as the start h, \o ulr", - r;chvq tv'.\rPlr ^t-" lVrite a* essay in which you explain how Sarack Obama builds an argument to persuade his audience ihai human races shculd learn frcm Hiroshima and move on to peace. ln your essay, analyze how Obama uses one or more of the features listed i* the box above {or features of yoi;r ow* choice} to strengthen the logic anc* persuasiveness of his argumenl. Be sure that your analysis focuses on the most relevani features of the passage. Your essay should not explain whether you asree with obama claims, but rather explain how Ohama builds an argilment to persuade his audience 63 {^arunIV,*:zz Els^l I N"*b"r tL^{ v Ck1 U$$) lwY7,t 2l!,2016 , Vo{ be tNea Celtftt{lrs_ IW yD |,sjye vr[.rS begr**4 *t^",+ r\ucb^r rcnrT *kr, .n". rn ffi- , lY €ee&hl&- &rqrrq.qq^r-.]-. 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Tutor Answer

School: UT Austin

Hello. Please find the completed job. Kindly let me know if anything is the matter. Bye for now.

1st Essay
In the first paragraph, the student introduces the essay properly by grabbing the attention of the reader
to the main argument. The only problem is that the ideas are not properly presented, for instance, the
student could have said, “He reminds people of how the nuclear bomb exterminated everything in
Hiroshima 72 years ago.” That said, I award 1 points.
In the second paragraph, the student clearly highlights the specific quotes from Obama’s speech to bring
out the element of emphasis. Similarly, the student uses various writing skills to try and capture the
effects of war. The flow of ideas is okay as well as the choice of words. There is enough evidence
provided from the ...

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Thanks, good work

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