TA Feedback
1) Quality of ideas
- Argument, research, original thought, complexity, awareness of opposing views, risk
- I am not able to understand the goal or overall argument within this term paper. The thesis stats
that the belief-engine should be considered, however that is not an argument. In addition, the
introduction seems to present the belief-engine as a genuine feature of the nervous system, rather
than as the hypothetical model that it is supposed to be. What is the greater significance in
discussing the belief-engine?
- The remaining arguments in the paper seem to argue mostly on religion, if there is some central
claim you want to make then perhaps pivot the thesis towards that. However, the individual
arguments do not seem to be connected to one another.
- Many of the sections within this term paper seem to follow along the lines of summarizing author
A, then summarizing author B, then providing your own opinion. Remember from tutorials, a
stronger method of forming arguments is to connect the concepts and ideas of both authors with
your own arguments.
Try to be more concise with the summary of literature you do provide, remember that this is not
a literature review. The main focus needs to be on pushing for a central argument.
2) Organization and development
- Title, thesis statement, arrangement and development of ideas, transitions, paragraphs
- While there are some attempts at forming arguments through the paper, the lack of a coherent
central thesis causes a lack of direction in the term paper. The current thesis is mostly a statement
rather than an argument or debatable position that the paper seeks to defend.
- The development of ideas throughout the paper is disjointed due to the lack of a coherent thesis.
One argument is not leading towards another and another. They all seem to be individual
arguments without regard to a greater picture.
- Focus on establishing early on in the paper, what is being argued for, and following that make
good use of topic sentences and transition sentences to maintain a coherent flow throughout the
paper.
3) Clarity and style
- Readability, voice, tone, style
4) Format, sentence structure, and mechanics
- Grammatical correctness, spelling, proofreading, formatting of manuscript
Other comments:
• I can see that you tried hard on this term paper. However, the lack of an argument is a large
weakness that you need to address for the second submission.
TA Feedback
1) Quality of ideas
- Argument, research, original thought, complexity, awareness of opposing views, risk
- I am not able to understand the goal or overall argument within this term paper. The thesis stats
that the belief-engine should be considered, however that is not an argument. In addition, the
introduction seems to present the belief-engine as a genuine feature of the nervous system, rather
than as the hypothetical model that it is supposed to be. What is the greater significance in
discussing the belief-engine?
- The remaining arguments in the paper seem to argue mostly on religion, if there is some central
claim you want to make then perhaps pivot the thesis towards that. However, the individual
arguments do not seem to be connected to one another.
- Many of the sections within this term paper seem to follow along the lines of summarizing author
A, then summarizing author B, then providing your own opinion. Remember from tutorials, a
stronger method of forming arguments is to connect the concepts and ideas of both authors with
your own arguments.
Try to be more concise with the summary of literature you do provide, remember that this is not
a literature review. The main focus needs to be on pushing for a central argument.
2) Organization and development
- Title, thesis statement, arrangement and development of ideas, transitions, paragraphs
- While there are some attempts at forming arguments through the paper, the lack of a coherent
central thesis causes a lack of direction in the term paper. The current thesis is mostly a statement
rather than an argument or debatable position that the paper seeks to defend.
- The development of ideas throughout the paper is disjointed due to the lack of a coherent thesis.
One argument is not leading towards another and another. They all seem to be individual
arguments without regard to a greater picture.
- Focus on establishing early on in the paper, what is being argued for, and following that make
good use of topic sentences and transition sentences to maintain a coherent flow throughout the
paper.
3) Clarity and style
- Readability, voice, tone, style
4) Format, sentence structure, and mechanics
- Grammatical correctness, spelling, proofreading, formatting of manuscript
Other comments:
• I can see that you tried hard on this term paper. However, the lack of an argument is a large
weakness that you need to address for the second submission.
Running head: BELIEF ENGINE
1
Introduction and Thesis
The problem about what belief is and its relation to rationality and knowledge continue
being an essential issue in philosophy since Aristotle and Plato's period. Belief results in
significant questions such as; how can one comprehend the connection between belief and
knowledge?. Scientists consider religion as a belief and obsession neurosis interpreted as human
weakness. Therefore, religious beliefs and phenomena continue to be construed as unnecessary
and labeled as neuroticism in psychology. The belief engine becomes a non-scientific element
resulting from a human brain's capacity to formulate beliefs from the received information. This
is because the brain and nervous system can generate the impression that skepticism research
inspired such discovery. The aspect where the brain develops beliefs does not focus on logic but
survival. The belief engine is applicable in instances where science fails. The belief-engine is an
essential aspect to consider based on the brain's functionality and how it processes information
stored in the brain to generate meaning by studying how it interprets information into beliefs.
BELIEF ENGINE
2
Body
It is vital to determine how people understand and form beliefs before going into the
belief engine on different religious and academic setups. People form beliefs through the brain's
readiness to view random patterns. Such belief formation is perceived from a general viewpoint
and not on supernatural or religious beliefs. Individuals initially form their beliefs and later seek
evidence to support their beliefs. The brain's agency attributing and pattern-seeking properties
are responsible for why people formulate specific beliefs from emotional, personal, and
subjective prompts in historical and social environments that influence belief contents (Grayling,
2011). The brain is considered the belief engine which seeks to discover meaning from the
information that it picks. Once the brain formulates a belief, it begins to make sense of the belief
with explanations after an event. The brain settles on the belief as it seeks supporting evidence, a
process termed as belief-dependent realism (Grayling, 2011). The belief-dependent realism
implies that what people believe determines their reality, which is why people may formulate
different supernatural beliefs and abide by them however much they may be proven wrong.
Although belief is seen to be upheld by specific individuals, particularly supernatural
belief, the belief engine, which is the brain, functions independently. Researchers argue about the
presence of scientists that believe in supernatural occurrences and religious elements (Grayling,
2011). This means that not all scientists base their belief on scientific concepts and theories from
previous discoveries, but some try to reason from a religious viewpoint. Although the scientists
are few, they illustrate the impermeability of an internal barrier that facilitates simultaneous
commitments to faith and science. Believing scientists have a limitation towards other typical
scientists who only view logic from a scientific viewpoint, believing scientists rationalize their
BELIEF ENGINE
3
laboratory practices and religion. Additionally, believing scientists find it challenging to accept
and practice sciences that undermine their faith, limiting their scientific breakthrough (Grayling,
2011). This may cause inconsistencies in scientific discoveries since one party could base its
belief on a supreme being, whereas the other group of scientists may ignore the presence of a
supreme being and limitations concerning the notion of a god. Ultimately, believing scientists
may also pose a challenging scientific advancement element since they argue on supernatural
occurrences from a different viewpoint than other scientists.
Another phenomenon is the theistic belief which is evolved and a current phenomenon
adapted by most individuals. The animism that supports such religion, which is evident in most
traditional societies, including people from the Kalahari Desert and New Guinea, becomes
explained by the agenticity concept (Grayling, 2011). Theistic belief considers proto-science
than religion and attempts to make natural phenomena through 'own agency' as a causative
power, by analogy. Further, theist belief concentrates on general ideas and reasons towards
existence, including superstition, although not in a religious viewpoint. Therefore, theist belief is
not harmful as religious belief, but it overrules the concepts attached to religious beliefs by
explaining certain forms of existence from an ungodly angle. However, clashing theist and
religious belief would cause conflicts between the two groups since both view their phenomenon
as accurate.
Belief is the mental conviction or acceptance of the truth or reality of a concept. The
components of belief include assumed veracity and representational content while noting that
beliefs cannot be linguistically or consciously articulated. Belief systems provide individuals
with the mental capability responsible for analyzing new findings, appreciating the environment,
and having an ordinary meaning of the world's perception (Connors and Halligan, 2015). Also,
BELIEF ENGINE
4
beliefs enable the appraisal and interpretation of human experiences by connecting the
experience with meaningful content. Therefore, beliefs may shelter emotional consequences
where understanding other individuals' thoughts and intentions involves folk psychology. Belief
is, therefore, different from cognitive representations referred to as contemporary cognitive
science, which includes attitudes, knowledge, and memory (Connors and Halligan, 2015).
Ultimately, beliefs are regarded as actual past, previous, or future events.
Natural sciences have succeeded in scientifically analyzing the physiological processes
that enhance human life. To better understand believing, it is vital to understand human
attribution to personal meaning using particular sensory perceptions (Seitz, 2016). Value
attribution and perception are reciprocal processes that work concurrently to enhance believing.
Perception concentrates on elements of physical stimuli such as vision, including the sensory
responsible for processing information. The process involves interactions between the perception
of objects and movements, which leads to understanding specific features in an item. The
internal mental conditions become responsible for external perception, which is interpreted as the
belief engine. Additionally, a physically perceived object's characteristics become processed
because it gets matched to a previous item.
Numerous debates have occurred on the force that drives people's beliefs in gods, where
most researchers ask about the driving force on whether it is based on reason or intuition.
Philosophers debate rationality and irrationality in views towards supernatural events where
sociologists predict rationality dominance and religion suppression (Farias et al., 2017).
Although psychologists had previously delayed on rationality investigation and discussion,
advances have been realized in the previous years. The psychological literature on cognitive
abilities mentions a connection between beliefs in gods and intuitiveness by explaining that such
BELIEF ENGINE
5
beliefs are preconscious and a result of a hyperactive form of seeking agency (Farias et al.,
2017). Further, the belief in the existence of gods from individuals enables such people to
explain a particular event where they base the explanation on gods and mythical creatures. This
gives people the satisfaction to answer complex theories through the notion that the concepts can
be addressed from a "god" perspective than a logical view. The belief engine thrives on intuitive
thinking more than analytical thinking, where it is perceived that analytical thinkers portray less
belief in gods.
Psychology researchers have conducted analyses focused on evaluating the decisionmaking abilities in humans. Scholars address the research question of the role played by belief
bias on the reasoning of undergraduate students taking statistic courses. The experiment on
extrasensory perception revealed that most students showed significant effects for extrasensory
perception when they focused on video clips, whereas there were no extra sensory effects when
the students concentrate on static features (Kaplan, 2017). The experiment was focused on low
believability because individuals have humble opinions on whether the extrasensory perception
exists. This means that if homework problems and classroom examples in statistic courses entail
concepts unfamiliar to students, they may not agree to the statistical and reasoning process as
believable (Kaplan, 2017). Thus, book authors and statistics instructors should consider the
context examples included in the statistical courses.
The ideology in meritocratic belief mentions that success indicates personal
deservingness in systems that reward individuals according to their effort and ability. Most
institutions in Western society believe in a meritocracy in the political, professional, and learning
arena. Therefore, Western societies concentrate on the notion that people deserve what they get
and vice versa. Additionally, most schools impose the belief that success is achieved from hard
BELIEF ENGINE
6
work, which bears the question of why children believe in meritocracy. Research supports that
meritocracy belief performs a justifying function among students who adopt the notion that they
have to work towards success, leading them to perform better in school (Wiederkehr, 2015).
Although this may be seen as a negative approach, the belief engine is valid since it arises as a
learning tool and unit among students. Therefore, individuals learn by leading towards success,
enabling belief creation towards connecting to actual events in life. Additionally, the meritocratic
belief helps boost self-belief as a form of personal identity that allows individuals to achieve
their preferred targets as a form of self-reward.
It is crucial to determine whether the education system produces competent students,
particularly in further and higher education. The challenge comes in establishing whether the
module's role in building students is confident enough to understand and apply theories and
concepts taught in class. Therefore, confidence is defined as the acquired self-belief from an
individual concerning their ability to perform and understand a particular subject. Confidence is
viewed as the self-belief from an individual about their successful task completion from a theory
perspective (Cassidy and Eachus, 2007). Social cognitive theory entails self-efficacy, where the
environment, cognition, and behavior are determined by each other by existing in a mutual
relationship. Self-efficacy is therefore associated with choosing a task, including the efforts
made towards achieving the task. The self-perception from an individual that they are capable of
performing a task increases the chances of completing the task (Cassidy and Eachus, 2007).
Therefore, if students exercise the belief engine because they can accomplish a particular
academic study, they may be successful in completing the task, not because of the physical drive
but the belief system that changes their perception of concepts and understanding level.
BELIEF ENGINE
7
The misidentification by witnesses can lead to the innocent's false conviction and the
guilty's false acquittal. At the heart of analysis based on signal detection theory is the separation
of diagnostic accuracy, the ability to distinguish between the guilty and the innocent in terms of
considering the relative costs associated with different types of errors. This theory's application
shows that the current reform proposals confuse diagnostic accuracy with cost assessment, thus
reducing forensic evidence accuracy and award results in accuracy. This is because most people
may confuse the offender and point out a suspect whose physical looks imply that the person
could be a potential offender (Wells, 2006). The belief engine in this context from eyewitnesses
considers that the lineup for selecting offenders could hardly lack someone who resembles an
offender from their physical appearance. This illustrates that the eye witness has been influenced
by their psychological interpretation, reflecting their judgment. Ultimately, the eyewitnesses do
not depend on their memory of events to point out the right suspect but concentrate on their
psychological understanding and illusion of than offender, influenced by their belief engine.
Academic excellence could also be achieved by believing in learning styles and personal
control. Learning is crucial in understanding beliefs since people understand their daily thoughts
through reading. The learning process is guaranteed by learning since the human mind interprets
events and information regarding each other, making conclusions on the beliefs from interpreting
the connection between events. Numerous studies continue being conducted on personal control
and learning styles to determine whether such a belief system should be encouraged in the
education system. A similar experiment proves that individual control beliefs bridge the gap on
learning approaches that influence academic performance (Eachus, 1997). Apart from believing
that one needs the proper academic credentials, as earlier mentioned, understanding concepts
through personal control and learning styles is a form of belief that results in positive academic
BELIEF ENGINE
8
performance. Consequently, such a belief system in the educational field should be encouraged
by institutions to achieve high performance in their studies.
Counter Argument
Problems may arise if the supernatural beliefs are not contained since investing in beliefs
passionately and religiously could result in conflicts. This is evident in the current discrimination
between religions in most countries, where some countries may refuse to accommodate a
particular religion due to stereotypes such as the religion being violent. Belief is, therefore,
dangerous mainly when upheld against evidence. Psychologists argue that people are yet to be
deliberative and rational thinkers according to society's depiction, where patternicity enables
individuals to make out the sense of noise and crucial data. Simultaneously, agenticity allows
individuals to understand the origin of such meanings (Grayling, 2011). Patternicity is the
process of finding meaning in noise, while agenticity concentrates on individuals' belief in
spiritual and superior beings. This explains why people that lived in the traditional non-digitized
error found ways to survive before science was fully discovered. Controlled belief is an essential
element in the human brain that sets boundaries over what should be upheld and ignored to avoid
conflicts arising from belief in religion and science. However, controlling the belief engine
becomes challenging due to cultural, social, and ethnic backgrounds.
Conclusion
This topic's relevance lies in understanding the belief engine in different contexts and
arenas, including school life, scientific perception of belief, and Beliefs in gods. The connection
between belief and knowledge comes where one has to believe in a particular concept to gain the
BELIEF ENGINE
9
interest in understanding the idea, thereby gaining appropriate knowledge. Beliefs are generated
from the human brain through their past experiences and societal values. Belief is upheld by
different people in society, including students and professionals who believe that they deserve
what they get, which explains success in the career and education areas. Although studies reveal
that belief may be inadequate, particularly in statistic students, other students believe in success
which is their driving force towards their academic achievement. Additionally, the belief engine
is also evident in a religion where scholars mention that most intuitive people believe in gods. At
the same time, the analytical thinkers may take a different perception of believing in supernatural
events. This is because scientists work on tangible objects than normal individuals with the
ability to imagine and believe in gods. Ultimately, the belief engine is connected with cognitive
behaviors and thoughts that shape its basis through which people connect events and create new
beliefs.
References
Alcock, J. (1995). The Belief Engine | Skeptical Inquirer. Retrieved 9 February 2021, from
https://skepticalinquirer.org/1995/05/the-belief-engine/
Cassidy, S. & Eachus, P. (2007). Learning style, Academic belief systems, self-report student
BELIEF ENGINE
10
proficiency, and academic achievement in higher education. Routledge. Retrieved from
http://dx.doi.org/10.1080/713663740
Connors, M. H., & Halligan, P. W. (2015). A cognitive account of belief: a tentative road
map. Frontiers in psychology, 5, 1588.
Eachus, P. (1997). Beliefs in personal control, styles of learning and the prediction of academic
performance of student health professionals. Retrieved from
https://link.springer.com/chapter/10.1007/978-94-011-4886-3_193
Farias, M et al. (2017). Supernatural belief is not modulated by intuitive thinking style or
cognitive inhibition. Retrieved from https://www.nature.com/articles/s41598-017-140909
Grayling, A. (2011). Psychology: How we form beliefs. Nature 474, 446–447. Retrieved from
https://doi.org/10.1038/474446a
Kaplan, J. J (2017). Effect of belief bias on the development of undergraduate students'
reasoning about inference. Retrieved from
https://doi.org/10.1080/10691898.2009.11889501
Seitz, R. J., Paloutzian, R. F., & Angel, H. F. (2016). Processes of believing: Where do they
come from? What are they good for?. F1000Research, 5.
Wiederkehr, V., Bonnot, V., Krauth-Gruber, S., & Darnon, C. (2015). Belief in school
meritocracy as a system justifying tool for low status students. Retrieved from
https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2015.01053
Wells. G. (2020). Psychological science on eyewitnesses' identification and its impact on the
police practice.
I.
A.
Introduction
Topic/focus of the essay
Belief Engine
B.
Thesis Statement
The belief-engine is an essential aspect to consider based on the brain's functionality and how
it processes information stored in the brain to generate meaning by studying how it interprets
information into beliefs.
II.
First paragraph description
A.
Summary of the first piece of supporting evidence/information
People form beliefs through the brain's readiness to view random patterns.
B.
Summary of the second piece of supporting evidence/information
The brain's agency attributing and pattern-seeking properties are responsible for why people
formulate specific beliefs from emotional, personal, and subjective prompts in historical and social
environments that influence belief contents (Grayling, 2011).
III.
A.
Second paragraph description
Summary of the first piece of supporting evidence/information
Researchers argue about the presence of scientists that believe in supernatural occurrences and
religious elements (Grayling, 2011).
B.
Summary of the second piece of supporting evidence/information
This means that not all scientists base their belief on scientific concepts and theories from previous
discoveries, but some try to reason from a religious viewpoint.
IV.
A.
Third paragraph description
Summary of the first piece of supporting evidence/information
The animism that supports such religion, which is evident in most traditional societies, including
people from the Kalahari Desert and New Guinea, becomes explained by the agenticity concept
(Grayling, 2011).
B.
Summary of the second piece of supporting evidence/information
However, clashing theist and religious belief would cause conflicts between the two groups
since both view their phenomenon as accurate.
V.
Fourth paragraph description
A.
Summary of the first piece of supporting evidence/information
The components of belief include assumed veracity and representational content while noting that
beliefs cannot be linguistically or consciously articulated.
B.
Summary of the second piece of supporting evidence/information
Belief systems provide individuals with the mental capability responsible for analyzing new findings,
appreciating the environment, and having an ordinary meaning of the world's perception (Connors
and Halligan, 2015).
VI.
A.
Fifth paragraph description
Summary of the first piece of supporting evidence/information
Problems may arise if the supernatural beliefs are not contained since investing in beliefs
passionately and religiously could result in conflicts.
B.
Summary of the second piece of supporting evidence/information
Controlled belief is an essential element in the human brain that sets boundaries over what should
be upheld and ignored to avoid conflicts arising from belief in religion and science.
VII.
A.
Conclusion
Restatement of thesis
The belief-engine is an essential aspect to consider based on the brain's functionality and how
it processes information stored in the brain to generate meaning by studying how it interprets
information into beliefs.
B.
Concluding remarks
Ultimately, the belief engine is connected with cognitive behaviors and thoughts that shape
its basis through which people connect events and create new beliefs.
Psyc 300W
Handouts v. 4.0
(Revised 19-3)
Psyc 300W: Critical Analysis of Issues in Psychology
Framing/summarizing
– When you summarize effectively, you are condensing the key aspects of the writer's ideas using
your own words
– The purpose is to condense and organize an extended section of a text, a chapter or an entire
book
– Accurately represent the ideas of a text/author/their relevant supporting evidence
– In summaries, the student's opinion is not usually evident
– Summaries that make up parts of larger texts are often used to refer to background material
related to the general topic in question
Framing/summarizing critically
– When you write a critical summary, you are summarizing and paraphrasing from a text and
adding your own ideas. The writer's ideas are accurately represented, evaluated and shaped
critically according to a position on the topic that you are taking.
– Critical summaries give the idea of multiple perspectives, opinions etc. around a topic,
including those of you, the writer. Your position should be based on evidence and logic.
– A key aspect of writing critical summaries is positioning yourself in the ongoing debate.
2
Psyc 300W: Critical Analysis of Issues in Psychology
Logic and Argument
There are various forms of academic writing. We have already looked a summary; you write summaries
of your readings every week for this course, you write summaries of sources while you are researching,
and part of almost any paper will involve summarizing the work of others. Sometimes students will be
writing to explain. Most often though (at least in this course), the type of academic writing you will be
required to do will involve argument. By “argument,” we mean taking a position (adopting a “thesis”),
and then defending it with logic and evidence. “Analysis” and “critique,” are particular types of
argument.
Rosen (279-280) suggests that all arguments have five basic parts:
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
Claim – debatable statement you want readers to accept. This is your thesis. Various types.
Reasons – logic used to convince readers your claim is true.
Evidence – facts, statistics, examples, expert knowledge used to convince readers
Counter-argument – reasons & evidence others (may) use to challenge your claim
Rebuttal – your response to those counter-arguments
One of the most common forms of argument is the “five-part” argument:
1. Introduction – provides context for the argument
2. Claim – state your thesis – a debatable statement about which reasonable people may disagree
3. Support the claim – provide reasons backed with evidence (facts, statistics, expert opinions,
etc. from your sources)
4. Counter-argument(s) – introduce and respond to opposing arguments. Note that this may be
done either before or after your claim
5. Conclusion – restate and expand your claim.
This is obviously not the only way to structure an argument, but it is a tried-and-true approach.
The key is that in an argument, one supports one’s claim with evidence and logic. Four useful types of
logical reasoning:
a.
Generalizations – this is inductive reasoning, and you typically arrive at generalizations
by synthesizing various sources (something you now practice with your weekly reading
summaries). By examining many cases and inferring (concluding) that there is a
connection between them, you may then try to extend that connection to another, specific
case. Thus, generalizations detail the relations between isolated cases or specific facts.
For example (Rosen, 287):
Endangered species must be protected (generalization).
The Florida panther is an endangered species (specific case).
3
Therefore, the Florida panther must be protected (thesis – claim re: specific case).
b.
Cause-and-Effect Logic – an argument that a particular action or situation necessarily
leads to a particular outcome.
c.
Logic of Signs – this is an argument that relies on correlations between things – that
observing one thing is a “sign” of something else. Rosen’s example – having a sore
throat is a “sign” of the flu, because they tend to go together (be correlated). Thus,
observing a sore throat suggests the presence of the flu. IMPORTANT – this sort of
reasoning is correlational – we are simply observing that things tend to occur together,
NOT that one causes the other
d.
Parallel Cases – this type of reasoning by analogy rests on establishing that two cases are
similar in all important respects. If so, then what happened in one case should also be
expected to happen in the other case. The strength of this type of argument rests on the
similarity of the cases.
Rosen suggests that you offer at least three instances of support for your claim.
Problems with argument: fallacy – to avoid logical errors or weaknesses in one’s argument, it is
important to start with good evidence. Use current information from reliable sources. Rely only on
qualified experts, and avoid those with something to gain. Remember that facts and evidence by
themselves cannot establish the validity of a claim. Only by logically connecting the facts and evidence
with one’s claim can one show support for the claim.
Some obvious logical problems to avoid:
1.
Generalizations
2.
Cause/effect reasoning
3.
Either/or reasoning
4.
Personal attacks
5.
Begged question
6.
Slippery slope logic
7.
Straw man logic
– avoid making generalizations too quickly and basing
them on insufficient evidence.
– one event preceding the other does not imply that the first
event caused the other.
– reject arguments that present only two possibilities when
there are actually more than two.
– be sure to criticize the argument, not the person making
the argument
– do not assume the validity of a point that you should be
arguing
– do not argue that one step taken along a path will
inevitably lead to ruin
– do not misrepresent an argument and then dismiss the
misrepresentation as flawed.
4
Psyc 300W: Critical Analysis of Issues in Psychology
Paraphrase and Summary
When should I paraphrase, and when should I summarize?
To paraphrase means to express someone else's ideas in your own language. To summarize means to
distill only the most essential points of someone else's work.
Paraphrase and summary are indispensable tools in essay writing because they allow you to include other
people's ideas without cluttering up your essay with quotations. They help you take greater control of
your essay. Consider relying on either tool when an idea from one of your sources is important to your
essay but the wording is not. You should be guided in your choice of which tool to use by considerations
of space. But above all, think about how much of the detail from your source is relevant to your
argument. If all your reader needs to know is the bare bones, then summarize.
Ultimately, be sure not to rely too heavily on either paraphrase or summary. Your ideas are what matter
most. Allow yourself the space to develop those ideas.
How do I paraphrase?
Whenever you paraphrase, remember these two points:
1. You must provide a reference.
2. The paraphrase must be entirely in your own words. You must do more than merely substitute
phrases here and there. You must also completely alter the sentence structure.
It can be difficult to find new words for an idea that is already well expressed. The following strategy
will make the job of paraphrasing a lot easier:
1. When you are at the note-taking stage, and you come across a passage that may be useful for
your essay, do not copy the passage verbatim unless you think you will want to quote it.
2. If you think you will want to paraphrase the passage, make a note only of the author's basic
point. You don't even need to use full sentences.
3. In your note, you should already be translating the language of the original into your own
words. What matters is that you capture the original idea.
4. Make sure to include the page number of the original passage so that you can make a proper
reference later on.
When it comes time to write the paper, rely on your notes rather than on the author's work. You will find
it much easier to avoid borrowing from the original passage because you will not have recently seen it.
6
Follow this simple sequence:
1. Convert the ideas from your notes into full sentences.
2. Provide a reference.
3. Go back to the original to ensure that (a) your paraphrase is accurate and (b) you have truly
said things in your own words.
Let's look at examples of illegitimate and legitimate paraphrase. The original passage is from Oliver
Sacks' essay "An Anthropologist on Mars":
The cause of autism has also been a matter of dispute. Its incidence is about one in a
thousand, and it occurs throughout the world, its features remarkably consistent even in
extremely different cultures. It is often not recognized in the first year of life, but tends to
become obvious in the second or third year. Though Asperger regarded it as a biological
defect of affective contact-innate, inborn, analogous to a physical or intellectual defectKanner tended to view it as a psychogenic disorder, a reflection of bad parenting, and
most especially of a chillingly remote, often professional, "refrigerator mother." At this
time, autism was often regarded as "defensive" in nature, or confused with childhood
schizophrenia. A whole generation of parents-mothers, particularly-were made to feel
guilty for the autism of their children.
What follows is an example of illegitimate paraphrase:
The cause of the condition autism has been disputed. It occurs in approximately one in a
thousand children, and it exists in all parts of the world, its characteristics strikingly
similar in vastly differing cultures. The condition is often not noticeable in the child's first
year, yet it becomes more apparent as the child reaches the ages of two or three. Although
Asperger saw the condition as a biological defect of the emotions that was inborn and
therefore similar to a physical defect, Kanner saw it as psychological in origin, as
reflecting poor parenting and particularly a frigidly distant mother. During this period,
autism was often seen as a defense mechanism, or it was misdiagnosed as childhood
schizophrenia. An entire generation of mothers and fathers (but especially mothers) were
made to feel responsible for their offspring's autism (Sacks 247-48).
Most of these sentences do little more than substitute one phrase for another. An additional problem with
this passage is that the only citation occurs at the very end of the last sentence in the paragraph. The
reader might be misled into thinking that the earlier sentences were not also indebted to Sacks' essay.
The following represents a legitimate paraphrase of the original passage:
In "An Anthropologist on Mars," Sacks lists some of the known facts about autism. We
know, for example, that the condition occurs in roughly one out of every thousand
children. We also know that the characteristics of autism do not vary from one culture to
the next. And we know that the condition is difficult to diagnose until the child has
entered its second or third year of life. As Sacks points out, often a child who goes on to
develop autism will still appear perfectly normal at the age of one (247).
7
Sacks observes, however, that researchers have had a hard time agreeing on the causes of
autism. He sketches the diametrically opposed positions of Asperger and Kanner. On the
one hand, Asperger saw the condition as representing a constitutional defect in the child's
ability to make meaningful emotional contact with the external world. On the other hand,
Kanner regarded autism as a consequence of harmful childrearing practices. For many
years confusion about this condition reigned. One unfortunate consequence of this
confusion, Sacks suggests, was the burden of guilt imposed on so many parents for their
child's condition (247-448).
Notice that this passage makes explicit right from the beginning that the ideas belong to Sacks, and the
passage's indebtedness to him is signaled in more than one place. The single parenthetical note at the end
of each paragraph is therefore all the citation that is needed. The inclusion of explicit references to Sacks
not only makes the job of providing citations easier. It also strengthens the passage by clarifying the
source of its facts and ideas. And it adds an analytical dimension to the paragraph: the passage doesn't
just reiterate the points in Sacks' passage but lays out the structure of his argument. Note that the
paraphrase splits the original into two separate paragraphs to accentuate the two-part structure of Sacks'
argument. Finally, notice that not all the details from the original passage are included in the paraphrase.
How do I summarize?
Summary moves much farther than paraphrase away from point-by-point translation. When you
summarize a passage, you need first to absorb the meaning of the passage and then to capture in your
own words the most important elements from the original passage. A summary is necessarily shorter
than a paraphrase.
Here is a summary of the passage from "An Anthropologist on Mars":
In "An Anthropologist on Mars," Sacks notes that although there is little disagreement on
the chief characteristics of autism, researchers have differed considerably on its causes.
As he points out, Asperger saw the condition as an innate defect in the child's ability to
connect with the external world, whereas Kanner regarded it as a consequence of harmful
childrearing practices (247-48).
Written by Jerry Plotnick, Director, University College Writing Workshop, University of Toronto. Copyright 2005. All rights reserved.
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Psyc 300W: Critical Analysis of Issues in Psychology
Exploratory Paper
The exploratory paper in this class is intended to be a relatively low-stakes assignment allowing you to
explore your topic and your reactions to the literature, to try to make connections, and to generally “think
out loud on paper.”
As opposed to your ultimate term-paper, your exploratory paper is less concerned with thesis-defending,
and more concerned with thesis-finding – determining exactly what you think your thesis will be for
your term paper.
The following example illustrate the “exploratory” nature of the assignment, although this example
really IS from a free-write exercise. Your exploratory paper must explicitly deal with some research,
and your journey through the relevant literature. However, this should give you the “flavour” that we are
looking for.
I have also posted a couple of sample exploratory papers from an earlier offering of this course. These
are not presented as representing “perfect” exploratory papers (neither are!), but give you an idea of how
some students have described their research and thesis-finding efforts.
I hope this helps.
Gordon
The following example comes from Ede, 1998. It is a free-writing exercise by a student who is
interested in the phenomenon of low voter turnout, and is trying to choose a paper topic:
I just don’t get it. As soon as I could register, I did – it felt like a really important day.
I’d watched my mother vote and my sisters vote and now it was my turn. But why do I
vote; I guess I should ask myself that question – and why don’t other people. DO I feel
that my vote makes a difference? There have been some close elections but not all that
many, so my vote doesn’t literally count, doesn’t decide if we pay a new tax or elect a
new senator. Part of it’s the feeling I get. When I go to vote I know the people at the
polling booth; they’re my neighbors. I know the people who are running for office in
local elections, and for state and national elections – well, I just feel that I should. But the
statistics on voter turnout tell me I’m unusual. In this paper, I want to go beyond
statistics. I want to understand why people don’t vote. Seems like I need to look not only
a research in political science, but maybe also in sociology. (Check journals in
economics too?) I wonder if it’d be okay for me to interview some students, maybe some
staff and faculty, about voting – better check. But wait a minute; this is a small college in
a small town, like the town I’m from. I wonder if people in cities would feel differently –
they might. Maybe what I need to look at is a rural/small town versus urban voting
patterns.
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Psyc 300W: Critical Analysis of Issues in Psychology
Thesis Statements
A thesis statement is an assertion, not a statement of fact or an observation.
– Fact or observation: People use many lawn chemicals.
– Thesis: People are poisoning the environment with chemicals merely to keep their lawns clean.
A thesis takes a stand rather than announcing a subject.
– Announcement: The thesis of this paper is the difficulty of solving our environmental
problems.
– Thesis: Solving our environmental problems is more difficult than many environmentalists
believe.
A thesis is the main idea, not the title. It must be a complete sentence that explains in some detail what
you expect to write about.
– Title: Social Security and Old Age.
– Thesis: Continuing changes in the Social Security System makes it almost impossible to plan
intelligently for one's retirement.
A thesis statement is narrow, rather than broad. If the thesis statement is sufficiently narrow, it can be
fully supported.
– Broad: The American steel industry has many problems.
– Narrow: The primary problem of the American steel industry is the lack of funds to renovate
outdated plants and equipment.
A thesis statement is specific rather than vague or general.
– Vague: Hemingway's war stories are very good.
– Specific: Hemingway's stories helped create a new prose style by employing extensive
dialogue, shorter sentences, and strong Anglo-Saxon words.
A thesis statement has one main point rather than several main points. More than one point may be too
difficult for the reader to understand and the writer to support.
– More than one main point: Stephen Hawking's physical disability has not prevented him from
becoming a world-renowned physicist, and his book is the subject of a movie.
– One Main point: Stephen Hawking's physical disability has not prevented him from becoming a
world renowned physicist.
You can revise your thesis statement whenever you want to while you are writing your essay. Writers
often discover what their real purpose and point is in the process of putting their thoughts into words and
then reading what they've written.
This handout was adapted by Libby Brunsvold from The Scott Foresman Handbook for Writers, 3rd ed., by Maxine Hairston and John J.
Ruszkiewice, NY: Harper Collins, 1993, and Writing with a Thesis, 5th ed., by David Skwire, NY: Holt, 1990.
10
Psyc 300W: Critical Analysis of Issues in Psychology
How to tell a strong thesis sentence from a weak one
Attributes of a strong thesis:
Distinctions between a strong and weak thesis
sentence:
A strong thesis statement takes some sort of
stand.
A weak thesis is neutral and vague about the
topic, while the stronger thesis indicates the stand
of the writer about the topic.
A strong thesis statement suggests the
significance for the discussion.
A weak thesis states an observation and doesn't
indicate the point of the discussion. The stronger
thesis provides an informed perspective on a
controversial topic, provides detail and indicates
a focus.
A strong thesis expresses one main idea or
indicates the relationship between focused ideas.
A weaker thesis has two vaguer topics, the
stronger thesis demonstrates a relationship
between these two issues.
A strong thesis statement may focus on a specific
topic while signaling the relationship to a bigger
issue.
The weak thesis statement is too general; you
can't cover world hunger in 5 - 10 pages. The
strong thesis narrows the subject to a more
specific and manageable topic; it would identify
the specific causes for the existence of hunger.
Adapted from Indiana Writing Tutorial Services, Bloomington Indiana
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Psyc 300W: Critical Analysis of Issues in Psychology
Five kind of weak thesis statements
ones that:
– make no claim
– are obviously true or are a statement of fact
– restate conventional wisdom
– offer personal conviction as the basis for the claim
– make an overly broad claim.
Two strategies can help you write your way into a better thesis:
– Specify
– Subordinate
Guidelines for Recognizing and Fixing Weak Thesis Statements
1. Make a debatable claim.
2. Be skeptical of your first response.
3. Convert broad categories and generic claims to more specific assertions.
4. If your thesis follows the “abstract noun + is + evaluative adjective formula” formula, substitute a
more specific noun and an active verb that will force you to predicate something about a focussed
subject.
5. Examine and question your own key terms and categories.
6. Uncover and make explicit the unstated assumptions (premises) underlying your thesis.
7. Be suspicious of thesis statements that depend on words such as real, accurate, believable, right, and
good.
8. Ask yourself where the writer would need to go next to develop his or her idea.
9. Qualify your claims.
(Adapted from: Weak thesis statements: Recognizing and fixing them. Create: A guide for writers, University of Arizona)
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Psyc 300W: Critical Analysis of Issues in Psychology
Using Topic Sentences
What is a topic sentence?
A topic sentence states the main point of a paragraph: it serves as a mini-thesis for the paragraph. You
might think of it as a signpost for your readers-or a headline-something that alerts them to the most
important, interpretive points in your essay. When read in sequence, your essay's topic sentences will
provide a sketch of the essay's argument. Thus topics sentences help protect your readers from confusion
by guiding them through the argument. But topic sentences can also help you to improve your essay by
making it easier for you to recognize gaps or weaknesses in your argument.
Where do topic sentences go?
Topic sentences usually appear at the very beginning of paragraphs. In the following example from
Anatomy of Criticism, Northrop Frye establishes the figure of the tragic hero as someone more than
human, but less than divine. He backs up his claim with examples of characters from literature, religion
and mythology whose tragic stature is a function of their ability to mediate between their fellow human
beings and a power that transcends the merely human:
The tragic hero is typically on top of the wheel of fortune, half-way between human
society on the ground and the something greater in the sky. Prometheus, Adam, and
Christ hang between heaven and earth, between a world of paradisal freedom and a world
of bondage. Tragic heroes are so much the highest points in their human landscape that
they seem the inevitable conductors of the power about them, great trees more likely to be
struck by lightning than a clump of grass. Conductors may of course be instruments as
well as victims of the divine lightning: Milton's Samson destroys the Philistine temple
with himself, and Hamlet nearly exterminates the Danish court in his own fall.
The structure of Frye's paragraph is simple yet powerful: the topic sentence makes an abstract point, and
the rest of the paragraph elaborates on that point using concrete examples as evidence.
Does a topic sentence have to be at the beginning of a paragraph?
No, though this is usually the most logical place for it. Sometimes a transitional sentence or two will
come before a topic sentence:
We found in comedy that the term bomolochos or buffoon need not be restricted to farce,
but could be extended to cover comic characters who are primarily entertainers, with the
function of increasing or focusing the comic mood. The corresponding contrasting type is
the suppliant, the character, often female, who presents a picture of unmitigated
helplessness and destitution. Such a figure is pathetic, and pathos, though it seems a
gentler and more relaxed mood than tragedy, is even more terrifying. Its basis is the
13
exclusion of an individual from the group; hence it attacks the deepest fear in ourselves
that we possess--a fear much deeper than the relatively cosy and sociable bogey of hell. In
the suppliant pity and terror are brought to the highest possible pitch of intensity, and the
awful consequences of rejecting the suppliant for all concerned is a central theme of
Greek tragedy.
The context for this passage is an extended discussion of the characteristics of tragedy. In this paragraph,
Frye begins by drawing a parallel between the figure of the buffoon in comedy and that of the suppliant
in tragedy. His discussion of the buffoon occurred in a earlier section of the chapter, a section devoted to
comedy. The first sentence of the current paragraph is transitional: it prepares the way for the topic
sentence. The delayed topic sentence contributes to the coherence of Frye's discussion by drawing an
explicit connection between key ideas in the book. In essays, the connection is usually between the last
paragraph and the current one.
Sometimes writers save a topic sentence for the end of a paragraph. You may, for example, occasionally
find that giving away your point at the beginning of a paragraph does not allow you to build your
argument toward an effective climax.
How do I come up with a topic sentence? And what makes a good one?
Ask yourself what's going on in your paragraph. Why have you chosen to include the information you
have? Why is the paragraph important in the context of your argument? What point are you trying to
make?
Relating your topic sentences to your thesis can help strengthen the coherence of your essay. If you
include a thesis statement in your introduction, then think of incorporating a keyword from that
statement into the topic sentence. But you need not be overly explicit when you echo the thesis
statement. Better to be subtle rather than heavy-handed. Do not forget that your topic sentence should do
more than just establish a connection between your paragraph and your thesis. Use a topic sentence to
show how your paragraph contributes to the development of your argument by moving it that one extra
step forward. If your topic sentence merely restates your thesis, then either your paragraph is redundant
or your topic sentence needs to be reformulated. If several of your topic sentences restate your thesis,
even if they do so in different words, then your essay is probably repetitive.
Does every paragraph need one?
No, but most do. Sometimes a paragraph helps to develop the same point as in the previous paragraph,
and so a new topic sentence would be redundant. And sometimes the evidence in your paragraph makes
your point so effectively that your topic sentence can remain implicit. But if you are in doubt, it's best to
use one.
Written by Jenny Hall and Jerry Plotnick, University College Writing Workshop, University of Toronto.
Copyright 2005. All rights reserved.
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Psyc 300W: Critical Analysis of Issues in Psychology
Structuring and planning your draft
Some basic guidelines
When should I begin putting together a plan?Some techniques for integrating note-taking and planning:
Method 1: Index cards
Method 2: The computer
Method 3: Concept maps
H is
idealistic
H has a
highly developed
moral nature
H sees grounds
for acting
H is aware of
his faults
Using a reverse outline (writing first using a certain structure then revising that structure)
How much of my time should I put into planning?
Planning provides the following advantages:
– helps you to produce a logical and orderly argument that your readers can follow
– helps you to produce an economical paper by allowing you to spot repetition
– helps you to produce a thorough paper by making it easier for you to notice whether you
have left anything out
– makes drafting the paper easier by allowing you to concentrate on writing issues such as
grammar, word choice, and clarity
Over-planning poses the following risks:
– doesn't leave you enough time to write and revise
– may lead you to produce papers that try to cover too much ground at the expense of
analytic depth
– can result in a writing style that lacks spontaneity and ease
– does not provide enough opportunity to discover new ideas in the process of writing
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Psyc 300W: Critical Analysis of Issues in Psychology
Outlines
Outlining your first draft by listing each paragraph's topic sentence can be an easy way to ensure that
each of your paragraphs is serving a specific purpose in your paper. You may find opportunities to
combine or eliminate potential paragraphs when outlining—first drafts often contain repetitive ideas or
sections that stall, rather than advance, the paper's central argument.
Additionally, if you are having trouble revising a paper, making an outline of each paragraph and its
topic sentence after you have written your paper can be an effective way of identifying a paper's
strengths and weaknesses.
Example Outline
The following outline is for a 5-7 page paper discussing the link between educational attainment and
health. Review the other sections of this page for more detailed information about each component of
this outline!
I. Introduction
A. Current Problem: Educational attainment rates are decreasing in the United States while healthcare
costs are increasing.
B. Population/Area of Focus: Unskilled or low-skilled adult workers
C. Key Terms: healthy, well-educated
Thesis Statement: Because of their income deficit (cite sources) and general susceptibility to
depression (cite sources), students who drop out of high school before graduation maintain a higher risk
for physical and mental health problems later in life.
II. Background
A. Historical Employment Overview: Unskilled laborers in the past were frequently unionized and
adequately compensated for their work (cite sources).
B. Historical Healthcare Overview: Unskilled laborers in the past were often provided adequate
healthcare and benefits (cite sources).
C. Current Link between Education and Employment Type: Increasingly, uneducated workers work in
unskilled or low-skilled jobs (cite sources).
D. Gaps in the Research: Little information exists exploring the health implications of the current
conditions in low-skilled jobs.
III. Major Point 1: Conditions of employment affect workers' physical health.
A. Minor Point 1: Unskilled work environments are correlated highly with worker injury (cite
sources).
16
B. Minor Point 2: Unskilled work environments rarely provide healthcare or adequate injury recovery
time (cite sources).
IV. Major Point 2: Conditions of employment affect workers' mental health
A. Minor Point 1: Employment in a low-skilled position is highly correlated with dangerous levels of
stress (cite sources).
B. Minor Point 2: Stress is highly correlated with mental health issues (cite sources).
V. Major Point 3: Physical health and mental health correlate directly with one another.
A. Minor Point 1: Mental health problems and physical health problems are highly correlated (cite
sources).
B. Minor Point 2: Stress manifests itself in physical form (cite sources)
VI. Major Point 4: People with more financial worries have more stress and worse physical health.
A. Minor Point 1: Many high-school dropouts face financial problems (cite sources).
B. Minor Point 2: Financial problems are often correlated with unhealthy lifestyle choices such
unhealthy food choices, overconsumption/abuse of alcohol, chain smoking, abusive relationships, etc.
(cite sources).
VII. Conclusion
A. Restatement of Thesis: Students who drop out of high school are at a higher risk for both mental
and physical health problems throughout their lives.
B. Next Steps: Society needs educational advocates; educators need to be aware of this situation and
strive for student retention in order to promote healthy lifestyles and warn students of the risks
associated with dropping out of school.
(Walden University Writing Center: https://academicguides.waldenu.edu/writingcenter/writingprocess/outlining)Psyc
17
300W:
Critical Analysis of Issues in Psychology
Implementing your outline
Introduction/Context
Your introduction provides context to your readers to prepare them for your paper's argument or
purpose. An introduction should begin with discussion of your specific topic (not a broad background
overview) and provide just enough context (definitions of key terms, for example) to prepare your
readers for your thesis or purpose statement.
Sample Introduction/Context: If the topic of your paper is the link between educational attainment and
health, your introduction might do the following: (a) establish the population you are discussing, (b)
define key terms such as healthy and well-educated, or (c) justify the discussion of this topic by pointing
out a connection to a current problem that your paper will help address.
Thesis/Purpose Statement
A thesis or purpose statement should come at the end of your introduction and state clearly and concisely
what the purpose or central argument of your paper is. The introduction prepares your reader for this
statement, and the rest of the paper follows in support of it.
Sample Thesis Statement: Because of their income deficit (Smith, 2010) and general susceptibility to
depression (Jones, 2011), students who drop out of high school before graduation maintain a higher risk
for physical and mental health problems later in life.
Background
After the initial introduction, background on your topic often follows. This paragraph or section might
include a literature review surveying the current state of knowledge on your topic or simply a historical
overview of relevant information. The purpose of this section is to justify your own project or paper by
pointing out a gap in the current research which your work will address.
Sample Background: A background section on a paper on education and health might include an
overview of recent research in this area, such as research on depression or on decreasing high school
graduation rates.
Major & Minor Points
Major points are the building blocks of your paper. Major points build on each other, moving the paper
forward and toward its conclusion. Each major point should be a clear claim that relates to the central
argument of your paper.
Sample Major Point: Employment and physical health may be a good first major point for this sample
paper. Here, a student might discuss how dropping out of high school often leads to fewer employment
18
opportunities, and those employment opportunities that are available tend to be correlated with poor
work environments and low pay.
Minor points are subtopics within your major points. Minor points develop the nuances of your major
points but may not be significant enough to warrant extended attention on their own. These may come in
the form of statistics, examples from your sources, or supporting ideas.
Sample Minor Point: A sample minor point of the previous major point (employment and physical
health) might address worker injury or the frequent lack of health insurance benefits offered by
low-paying employers.
The rest of the body of your paper will be made up of more major and minor points. Each major point
should advance the paper's central argument, often building on the previous points, until you have
provided enough evidence and analysis to justify your paper's conclusion.
More Major and Minor Points: In this paper, more major points might include mental health of high
school dropouts, healthcare access for dropouts, and correlation between mental and physical health.
Minor topics could include specific work environments, job satisfaction in various fields, and correlation
between depression and chronic illness.
Conclusion
Your conclusion both restates your paper's major claim and ties that claim into a larger discussion.
Rather than simply reiterating each major and minor point, quickly revisit your thesis statement and
focus on ending the paper by tying your thesis into current research in your field, next steps for other
researchers, your broader studies, or other future implications.
Sample Conclusion: For this paper, a conclusion might restate the central argument (the link between
lack of education and health issues) and go on to connect that discussion to a larger discussion of the
U.S. healthcare or education systems.
(Walden University Writing Center: https://academicguides.waldenu.edu/writingcenter/writingprocess/outlining)
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Psyc 300W: Critical Analysis of Issues in Psychology
Strategies for Writing Introductions
1.
Announce your topic, using vocabulary that hints at the language, evidence, and logic you will be
using in your paper.
2.
If readers lack the background needed to understand your paper, provide this background. Define
terms, present a brief history, or review a controversy.
3.
If readers know something of your subject, devote less (or no) time to developing background
information and more time to stimulating interest.
4.
Once you have provided background information and gained the reader’s attention, turn the
reader toward your thesis, which is usually the last sentence of the introductory paragraph(s).
Strategies for Writing Conclusions
1.
Summary. The simplest conclusion is a summary, a brief restatement of your paper’s main
points. Avoid conclusions that repeat exactly the material presented elsewhere in the paper.
2.
Summary and comment. More emphatic conclusions build on a summary in one of several ways.
These conclusions will:
– set ideas in the paper in a larger context
– purposefully confuse or trouble the reader
– call for action (or research)
– raise a question
– speculate or warn
– quote a familiar or authoritative source
– tell a story
20
Psyc 300W: Critical Analysis of Issues in Psychology
Peer Review Guidelines and Worksheet
Be respectful of each other's ideas and effort. Sharing work with others is not easy. Don't make it harder
by engaging in unnecessarily harsh criticism of each other's work. But take the role of reviewer seriously
so that you can help each other out.
Engage with each other's ideas. While it can be helpful to point out grammatical errors or awkwardness,
you should focus on ideas, analysis and interpretation
In your peer review, be sure to provide specific examples from the text to back up your comments.
Remember that the purpose of responding to other writers is to help them write a better paper in the end.
Reading other people's drafts will help you to think more carefully about your own choices and strategies
as you work on argument and clarity in your own essay.
Note: As a guide, we expect you to provide about 2 pages of feedback to your peer.
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Psyc 300W: Critical Analysis of Issues in Psychology
Author: _______________________
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10.
Editor: ______________________
Read all instructions before starting
Read your partner's essay carefully.
In the margin of the paper, use a wavy line to signal all of the places where you were confused as
a reader - in other words, where you notice yourself wondering about wordings, not quite
understanding the point or having to stop and re-read.
Can you identify a thesis statement? Write it out in your own words and then check later with the
writer to see if they agree.
Did the writer convey the significance of their question (the 'why this is interesting' factor)?
Can you begin to see how their argument develops and will continue to develop?
Is each point supported by evidence? Is the quality and detail of the evidence sufficient?
What might the author work on to improve their draft? Provide specific examples.
What are some examples of what the author has done well and should continue to do with the
rest of their paper?
Discuss the comments on your sheet and the draft with the essay writer.
Other comments:
When you are finished, return the essay draft and this peer review worksheet to the essay writer. Writers,
remember to keep this sheet and your draft to submit with your final paper.
22
Psyc 300W: Critical Analysis of Issues in Psychology
Peer Review Guidelines
(Emma Leonard)
Peer Review for: (their name here)
Reviewer: (your name here)
Thesis: (place what you believe to be their thesis here – directly quoted. Discuss their thesis… strong or
weak? Does it take a stance? What would you change?)
Introduction: (are they setting up their paper well? Do you feel like you have an adequate introduction
to their paper and are ready to get into the argument?)
Paragraph 1: (discuss each body paragraph of their paper. Does it contribute to their argument? What
works; what doesn’t? Do they tie it back to their thesis? Do they have sufficient/adequate/useful
logic/reasoning/evidence from sources?)
Paragraph 2: (as above)
(Do this for every paragraph they have. Please ensure that even if you like the paragraph and wouldn’t
change everything, try to point out things they’re doing well to assist them in continuing to do this with
the rest of their paper)
Conclusion: (make some comments here on the concluding paragraph.)
Overall: (discuss their paper overall and make some comments on flow and cohesiveness of the entire
paper)
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Psyc 300W: Critical Analysis of Issues in Psychology
Feedback Response for Peer Reviewed Draft
The task for this assignment is to do a reflection on the feedback of your peers. The purpose of the task
is to ensure that you have understood the feedback and comments on the paper and can identify concrete
areas for improvement in the next steps of your paper. Most of you should find it easy to fill several
pages, but your peer review response must fill at least ½ page (125 words).
1. Look over your essay and read the comments in the body of the essay and the feedback guidelines
provided by your peers.
2. Make notes of where you can see the paper has been successful (check marks and comments) and or
where the paper received positive feedback. Describe the strengths of the paper according to your
interpretation of the commentary.
3. Make notes where the paper needs improvement. Describe the areas of the paper that need
improvement and what you can do to change them.
4. Finally, make notes if you don't understand what a comment means, or how it relates to your draft.
This is where you might identify an area that needs attention in a class workshop or in consultation with
your TA.
5. Mention anything that you have observed in your reactions to these comments, how has this process
helped identify concrete steps for revising the paper, and what features of writing a paper, if any, you
would like discussed more in class.
6. If you feel that the feedback you received from a peer was significantly inadequate or disrespectful, or
that your peer did not take the process of reviewing your paper seriously in some other way, comment on
that, providing specific information that your TA can use when assessing your peer’s degree of
participation in the peer review process.
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Psyc 300W: Critical Analysis of Issues in Psychology
Revision and Editing
Most students do not revise their essays, at least not in the sense understood by expert writers. What
they are doing when they think they are revising is not revision, but merely editing (cleaning up spelling,
tinkering with sentences and punctuation). (Of course, some students don’t edit adequately either!)
Most students turn in papers that are essentially first drafts, with all the problems typical of first drafts:
“confused purpose, inadequate development, rambling organization, uncertain audience, lack of clarity”
and so on (Bean, 2001). Now, even the first drafts of experts often display those shortcomings. The
difference is that expert writers view a first draft as an early step in crafting a piece of academic writing.
Expert writers view the writing a first draft as process that leads to “further discovery, development, and
modification of ideas.”
Looking at the sequence of drafts by an expert writer will show the evolution of the writer’s thinking
while she or he grapples with the issues. Early drafts are “writer-oriented,” written for the author as he
or she tries to clarify their meaning for themselves. Later drafts are more “reader-oriented,” stressing
clarity, organization, development, and so on. And the final draft usually differs very substantially from
the original, first draft. As John Bean says, “a C essay is an A essay turned in too soon.”
Thus, once expert writers have completed a first draft, they take another look at their original problem
and think it through again. They may completely dismantle their draft. They may only have arrived at
their true thesis after writing the first draft. They may make a new outline, they may clarify their
purpose.
Revision is for the purpose of “making the essay work for the readers.” Revise with your audience in
mind. In doing so, concentrate on tone (what tone, attitude, style, or voice will you adopt?), audience
knowledge (what can you assume your audience knows?), and persuasion (how convincing is your
argument in light of the literature? How well did you anticipate and address the questions that will occur
to your reader when he or she reads your work?) It may take several drafts to convert a paper from
writer-oriented to reader-oriented. Remind students that they are required to hand in ALL drafts and
outlines with their final paper at the end of term!
Rosen, in chapters 4 and 5, discusses the revision process, and gives an example of the revision process
applied to a sample paper. He also provides some guidance on how to conduct and accept peer review.
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Once the revision is complete, the final step is editing, which involves polishing the paper through
concentrating on spelling and punctuation, sentence structure, paragraphing, coherence. Rosen deals
with editing in Part VIII ff.
Note that it is this process of revision and editing that truly produces the active learning in the discipline
we associate with academic writing.
HINT: You can learn a lot about how much revision and editing your paper requires by:
1.
reading your paper out loud;
2.
having someone else read it out loud to you.
Every place you or your reader stumble is a place where your paper doesn’t work.
HINT: Expert writers make major changes to their writing first, and leave minor details until later.
Novice writers often do the opposite. Start revising globally and finish with the more superficial
problems.
Revision involves three components:
1.
2.
3.
Rethinking – editing sentences and paragraphs, tightening up text to improve clarity and make
presentation more effective;
Restructuring – reworking the structure or outline of the paper;
Proofreading – spelling, grammar, punctuation, awkward or redundant wording.
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Psyc 300W: Critical Analysis of Issues in Psychology
Feedback Response for TA Reviewed 1st Submission
The task for this assignment is to do a reflection on the feedback of your TA. The purpose of the task is
to ensure that you have understood the feedback and comments on the paper and can identify concrete
areas for improvement in the next steps of your paper. Most of you should find it easy to fill several
pages, but your peer review response must fill at least 1 page (250 words).
1.
Look over your essay and read the comments in the body of the essay and the feedback
guidelines provided by your peer.
2.
Make notes of where you can see the paper has been successful (check marks and comments) and
or where the paper received positive feedback. Describe the strengths of the paper according to
your interpretation of the commentary.
3.
Make notes where the paper needs improvement. Describe the areas of the paper that need
improvement and what you can do to change them.
4.
Finally, make notes if you don't understand what a comment means, or how it relates to your
draft. This is where you might identify an area that needs attention in a class workshop or in
consultation with your TA.
5.
Identify three aspects of your paper that you have improved on given the comments made by your
TA. Please indicate where in the 1st submission the comments can be found and where the
changes can be seen in your 2nd submission.
6.
Mention anything that you have observed in your reactions to these comments, how has this
process helped identify concrete steps for revising the paper, and what features of writing a
paper, if any, you would like discussed more in class.
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