Assessment Criteria for Evaluating Application of the ABC’s ** = Essential Steps BALANCE (Always applied first) **Did - Did not Stop the build up of tension by stimulating the parasympathetic nervous system by using Natural Rhythmic (Diaphragmatic) Breathing and/or grounding. (Essential step) Did - Did not Use a well-established rhythm phrase (Thought Focusing) to redirect negative thinking Did - Did not Consider the tension levels and degree of balance of other people involved in the situation Did - Did not Consider balance between types and levels of activity and insure sufficient sleep, exercise and proper nutrition ACCEPT **Did - Did not Apply acceptance by letting go of resentment, should, blame, judgment and emotional recycling by recognizing the reality and limitations of the situation and seeing it as a starting point for moving in a healthy direction. (Essential step) Did - Did not Demonstrate acceptance of other people involved by separating the person from their actions, viewing the situation from their perspective, recognizing that this makes sense to them, and imagining how they feel about what is happening. Did - Did not Demonstrate acceptance of emotion and/or pain by allowing oneself to fully experience it without resistance through tension or breath holding while avoiding escalating or recycling by dwelling on it. CLARIFY **Did - Did not Clarify the situation by asking questions from different perspectives in order to see a larger picture and relevant details more clearly. (Essential step) Did - Did not Consider whether the situation requires an immediate, short-term, or long-term solution and identifying appropriate times to effectively deal with it. Did - Did not Explore a range of choices and identify likely outcomes and effects of making those choices. Did - Did not Review values, priorities, and goals to guide decision making. Did - Did not Separate stressors, breaking them down into workable components and determining when they can be most effectively dealt with. Did - Did not Assess the overall direction things seem to be moving in and whether this needs to be changed Did - Did not Clarify what is known and not known along with the degree of certainty Overall Grading Criteria 4.0 Began by using the balance techniques to stop the build-up of tension. Applied Essential Steps for all three principles and at least one additional criteria listed above for each principle. 3.0 Began by using the balance techniques to stop the build-up of tension. Applied the Essential Steps for all three principles according to criteria described above. 2.0 Began by using the balance techniques to stop the build-up of tension and applied 2 out of 3 principles according to criteria described above. 1.0 Used one principle as described above 0.0 Did not apply any of the principles as described above VIDEO https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j2Ms 1bZu8p8&list=PLVEoEGaGQJ2wpoGL8Tbx8 We3nUPrJTWPQ&index=12&t=11s Excerpts from Successful Student Projects (shared with permission of the students who described their experiences) #1 Visiting friends and Christmas shopping was great but the combination creates stress by building up lots of little issues. I stayed with one friend even though another wanted me to stay with her. Then I could not come up with a time to meet that was convenient for everyone. The bottom line is when you are trying to coordinate schedules for 10 people, you can not please everyone. Throw in Christmas shopping in a very crowded mall and I was feeling tense. Well the situation itself and part of the stress was my weekend was out of balance. I wanted to see my friends but by traveling there, seeing everyone and being on the go ALL day after a very busy work week, I did not get ANY down time. Nor did I get a chance to take care of my weekend chores or catch up on lost sleep. I knew when I made the plans that it would be a people filled weekend and I should accept it up front. When I felt myself getting tense, I practiced breathing (Balance)and reminded myself of how good it was to see everyone . I also had to accept that I can not please everyone and had to just let go some of the comments from the ones that felt slighted. (Accept and clarify) I made the choice that was best for me so I realized what they were saying but did not let it get me down. I also clarified the situation by looking at not going at all. In the end, I had a great time and being with friends helped psyche me up and bring balance to a life that I knew would became TOTALLY work oriented at 6AM Monday morning. #2 I got up early and was planning to be at work by 6AM so I could review the situation with the third shift supervisor and the operators. It was 5:30AM and I was set to walk out the door when I realized, I had locked my purse WITH the garage door opener in my car the night before. I practiced my breathing (Balance). After 30 seconds of breathing I accepted there was no way to get into the garage without major damage. I then called the locksmith (Clarify). I was surprised when he answered. Then he told me he could help but I was 10th in line. I went through all of the options (Clarify). I realized that calling my boss was the best option. Since we were having a meeting at 6:30, I knew she would be up. The ABCs allowed me to clarify the situation by running through the various options. The acceptance step made me realize it was done and there was nothing I could to change it at that time. Even though I am in a very high pressure time at work, I have been maintaining my balance and that allowed me to take this in stride. #3 Today my writing instructor told us that our portfolios were due on Wednesday. Normally, I would have panicked to the point of becoming seriously upset. However, I remembered to practice my breathing, along with some thought focusing. This helped me to focus on the task at hand, which led to me to becoming more in balance with my thoughts. After doing this I was better able to focus on "What can I do about the situation"- clarify. I was feeling overwhelmed, so I continued to breathe for a couple of minutes. I (accepted and clarified) the fact that the only control I had was to do the best that I can . As a result I had no added build up of tension. In the past this would have resulted in an all-day headache. Instead I worked on my paper all day without worrying about failing the course. #4 Today was a little easier because of no school or work, However, this afternoon, while working on one of my essays I noticed that I was feeling tension in my back. I was having problems looking up resources on the Internet for one of my essays. When I was unable to find the information I became upset because it was taking so long. Once I realized that the tension was building I decided to take a break to practice the abc's. The first thing was to practice my breathing, grounding and thought focusing. I took a few deep breathes while grounding, and saying the Serenity Prayer (Balance). This always relaxes me enough so that I can focus on what I need to do. At this point I realized that I had to (accept and clarify) the fact that I was having a difficult time. I was able to allow myself to feel disappointed with my search results. By accepting and clarifying my emotions along with the situation I was able to resume looking up the information that I needed without the added tension. Thus I found the information I needed without a headache! #5 Unfortunately, today was not the best day for me. When I came to my writing class I was prepared (so I thought) to turn in my essays. I had one last paper for my teacher to look at. With great disappointment, I had to rewrite the entire essay. Needless, to say the essay was due in one hour. Panic struck right away. I was upset and angry that I had so little time to rewrite an entire essay. I felt hopelessness sink in (clarify). I was having a difficult time focusing on my paper regardless of how hard I was trying to write I just couldn't. Well that is when it dawned on me. I told myself to step outside for some fresh air (balance and clarify). I accepted the fact that I needed a break to practice the abc's. I took a few deep breaths and cleared my mind as much as I could for a few minutes. This helped me to gain a little perspective as far as what I needed to do. I had to ask the teacher if there was any way that she could give me some more time (accepted the situation and ! clarified what needed to be done). I realized that I was not alone and this helped. I noted to myself that the situation may be out of my control, and even though I was upset I realized that I can only do so much. As it was my instructor allotted me more time along with a few others. I accepted that I would not be able to attend my other classes for the day but this needed to come first(further clarifying what needed to be done). In the past I would have given up and turned in the essay as it was. But by being in more control of my thoughts and emotions I was able to finish a much nicer essay, without the tension I was previously feeling. #6 Earlier in the day I became upset with my manager because they have too many employees working-therefore I wasn't making the money that I could have otherwise been making if there were fewer workers. After feeling upset, I decided that I had better balance my emotions better if the day was going to be saved. I took a few minutes to regain (balance). I practiced my breathing and thought focusing. After feeling back in touch with myself I decided I needed to figure out why I was so upset. After all, this situation wasn't anything unusual I asked myself why this was upsetting me so much today. After thinking about this question I was able to (clarify) that Christmas is nearing and that I needed the extra money. I had to realize that I was not the only one at work who needed to make money (Accept), therefore I didn't want to feel angry at the other workers. This helped me to become less upset. Don't get me wrong I still was upset bur at least it wasn’t controlling my every thought. I realized that there wasn't anything I could do about the situation and that I needed to make the best of it. By (accepting and clarifying) I understood why I was feeling the way I was. As a result, I had a productive day without all the anger I felt earlier. I still didn't make as much money but my attitude helped the others around me. Instead of complaining I decided to let management know how I was feeling about the situation. #7 Today I had a run in with my oldest son. He has a negative attitude. I began to yell at him for being so mean to his brother and his sister. When I realized that this was not solving anything I told him that I needed a few minutes of alone time before dealing with the situation any further (clarify and balance). I went into my bedroom to find balance within myself. I took a few breaths, grounded, and repeated the serentiy prayer. I was now feeling less tension. I did this for about 20 minutes because I realized that this week has been stressful for everyone. I asked myself why he might be so angry-was he angry at me and didn't want to tell me? Did he have a bad day at school? Did his brother and sister do something first-which I didn't even ask before because by not being in balance with myself the thought never even came to my mind. At this point I began to feel sad that I never even asked what was going on. Instead I had just started to yell. While clarifying this I was better able to realize that I made a few mistakes and needed to resolve this with my son. I (accepted)the fact that I may have been in the wrong by not finding out what was going on in order for him to be so mean. I apologized to my son for yelling at him without knowing the full extent to the situation. He told me that he had a bad day at school and had a lot on his mind. By clarifying and accepting what I had done wrong and by further clarifying the situation we were happy to see a more positive response in communication. He apologized to me and his sister and brother. In practicing the abc's-my son as well- we had a much more productive evening. #8 My husband and I were traveling to go home for Thanksgiving. We'd been in the car about two hours when he made a negative comment about my mother. This upset me because from my point of view, she's been nothing but nice to him. I started to get angry, but I began taking deep breaths (balance). Then I tried to consider where he was coming from. First, I knew we were both tired since we'd gotten up at five in the morning, and I also suspected that I wasn't the only one starting to feel hungry. Since we were both out of balance and in a situation where little could be done to restore it, I decided not to try to discuss it. As I started to calm down, I began to remember things he's said in the past. Any resentment he feels towards my mother doesn't come from things she's done to him; he believes that my mother treats me vastly different from my siblings (clarify). He doesn't understand that in a large family no one is keeping score the ! way he and his only brother do. I know that he's coming from someplace completely different from me (accept). Calmly, I just asked him to try to understand that I am happy, and I don't judge my mother's love for me based on what she does for anyone else. He apologized, and the rest of the drive went smoothly. #9 Once again, we had to wake up at 5:00 to travel. It's always been my husbands way to start an argument on mornings when he is tired so he can stay in bed longer, but for some reason, I was unprepared. We wound up laying in bed bickering for almost twenty minutes. If I had been prepared for balance, I could have suggested that we go to sleep earlier. Instead of arguing, I could have clarified how important it was for me to get back on time since Monday was a big day for me. The most important thing I could have done, however, would have been just to accept the situation as it was. He was tired and wanted to sleep. I could have reset the alarm or gone and showered myself. We would have been behind, but no more than what the agreement caused, and we both would have been happier. #10 We have 30 head of sheep we are taking care of out at the farm I keep my horse at. (My cousin’s) Well they got out of their pen last night and were running around the barn and eating a large amount of feed. Accepting: I had to stay cool and evaluate the situation and think of how to get the sheep back in the right pens. Balance: I diffidently used the Diaphragmatic Breathing to keep my cool. Although there were sheep running all over. Clarify: I had to get help to block off exits so the sheep would return to their pens. Result: Because I stayed cool I think the sheep responded better to my commands. It was not very difficult getting them back in the pens. The stress management really helped in this situation. When everyone else was screaming at the sheep I stayed cool and the sheep listened to me. #11 Several people (family) wanted to come and see our new home. They ALL decided to come on the same day. (yesterday). I wanted to show off my new home so I let them come. At first I felt that old "frantic" feeling come over me. (I still have tons of boxes to unpack, I have half painted walls, and no washer and dryer yet!!! (they spent the night, so I needed sheets washed). I kept the principle of balance in mind. I didn't want to make this harder than it was, so I thought through the situation and did what I could to make it fun instead of stressful. I needed to think of it as a relaxing time with my family, not a stressed out mess. I accepted the fact that we have only been in our new home for about a week and a half, so people are going to expect to see a few boxes. It's not the end of the world. I stored the boxes I could unpack at a later date and had a small area in each closet for those that I hadn't unpacked yet. My house still looked good. I used clarity by asking myself questions (do I stress over no washer and dryer or just buy a couple of new sets of sheets. (on sale, of course). I looked at the big picture (a fun day with my family, and the boxes were still there when the day ended). There were a few obstacles, but the day was a success!!! Comment: You see how Rebecca Lantzy discussion post is, this is how the assignment should be. Lily Lange I was laying in bed after work and was starting to get into a little bit of a nighttime depression. I was overthinking and thinking that my boyfriend doesn't want to be with me and isn't happy. Using the ABC's I practiced ACCEPTANCE by accepting these feelings that I am feeling and validating them because I feel this way due to past trauma. I used BALANCE by practicing the methods of grounding and rhythmic breathing to help calm me down. I also redirected my thoughts and used CLARIFYING by telling myself that my boyfriend would talk to me if something was wrong or if he wasn't happy. I also talked with him about these feelings to get that form of reassurance. Rebecca Lantzy Recently, I was at the self check-out at Meijer and used my phone to pay for my purchase. When I got to my car, I placed the bags in the passenger seat, then walked around to the divers side and got into my car. Once I was in the car, I reached into my purse for my phone and couldn't find it. I searched my purse several times then looked through at the passenger seat before getting out of my car, walking around to the passenger door, and searching through the passenger seat and floor. With no luck searching inside the car, I started looking on the ground and that's when I began to tense up and feel panic that I lost my phone. At that point, I started to take some slow, deep breaths to calm myself and let go of the tension. I accepted my phone wasn't in the car, and now that I wasn't in such a state of panic, I walked back into the store and looked around the self checkout I used and asked the person working that section if they saw a phone left behind or if anyone turned in a phone. They hadn't, and this person called my phone to see if we could hear it, which we could not, and I thanked this person for their help. As I walked back to my car, I came to terms with the fact I somehow lost my phone, and decided the best thing to do was to go home, and contact my wireless provider to see what can be done about replacing a lost phone, because surprisingly this was the first time this happened to me. As I'm driving home, I hear something sliding around, and pull over to investigate. To my surprise, my phone was stuck between the drivers seat and center console and I have no idea how it could have gotten there or how I didn't hear it drop in the first place. BALANCE **Did - Did not Stop the build up of tension by stimulating the parasympathetic nervous system by using Natural Rhythmic (Diaphragmatic) Breathing and/or grounding. (Essential step) Did - Did not Use a well-established rhythm phrase (Thought Focusing) to redirect negative thinking Did - Did not Consider the tension levels and degree of balance of other people involved in the situation Did - Did not Consider balance between types and levels of activity and insure sufficient sleep, exercise and proper nutrition ACCEPT **Did - Did not Apply acceptance by letting go of resentment, should, blame, judgment and emotional recycling by recognizing the reality and limitations of the situation and seeing it as a starting point for moving in a healthy direction. (Essential step) Did - Did not Demonstrate acceptance of other people involved by separating the person from their actions, viewing the situation from their perspective, recognizing that this makes sense to them, and imagining how they feel about what is happening. Did - Did not Demonstrate acceptance of emotion and/or pain by allowing oneself to fully experience it without resistance through tension or breath holding while avoiding escalating or recycling by dwelling on it. CLARIFY **Did - Did not Clarify the situation by asking questions from different perspectives in order to see a larger picture and relevant details more clearly. (Essential step) Did - Did not Consider whether the situation requires an immediate, short-term, or long-term solution and identifying appropriate times to effectively deal with it. Did - Did not Explore a range of choices and identify likely outcomes and effects of making those choices. Did - Did not Review values, priorities, and goals to guide decision making. Did - Did not Separate stressors, breaking them down into workable components and determining when they can be most effectively dealt with. Did - Did not Assess the overall direction things seem to be moving in and whether this needs to be changed Did - Did not Clarify what is known and not known along with the degree of certainty Applying ABC's Contains unread posts Megan Kreutzkamp posted Jul 18, 2021 1:03 PM Subscribe Situation #1 Recently I have been starting to workout to try to lead a healthier lifestyle. I do not have the greatest physical fitness, especially when it comes to cardio. In this instance I was heading over to the community gym that it is in my apartment’s main building. When I got in there, there was one other person who you could tell was fit. Usually, I do not like working out when other people are around because of my self-consciousness but that day I stepped into the gym and proceeded to start to workout. But as two more individuals joined the party I started to get anxious and all those negative feelings of others potentially judging me swirled around in my head. I could feel myself start to get more nervous and worked up. I paused my workout and pretended to adjust my sock and after standing back up I tried to roll forward on the balls of my feet, bending my knees slightly and take some breaths, using the Natural Rhythmic Breathing technique (Balance). I then accepted and recognized that I am not at the same fitness levels as everybody else in the room and that in this moment I am doing something to better myself health wise (Acceptance). While continuing to take some calming breaths, I looked at the situation further. Are those people really paying that close attention to me? Probably not. Is that person in the corner doing their workout thinking about how short I can jog on the treadmill? No, probably not. Are we all here for the same reasons? Yes, yes, we are. I asked myself what I was doing there, to get healthier and what are they all doing there, to get healthier. We were all there to better ourselves and even though I had managed to wrap myself up in what others might be thinking of me, odds are they probably were not judging me (Clarify). Situation #2 This year has been a bit rough for our family, we have had four deaths, three of them happening between the 4th and 11th of July. Two of those deaths were family friends that I was not particularly close to and one a family member that we shared a lot of good times with. I always have this sense in the pit of my stomach when I am going to get bad news, I do not know if it is because of the way my mom words a text message to give her a call but ten out of ten times my sense proves correct. Sadly, this was one of those times. I woke up from a missed call and text message from my mom. It was news that my uncle who had moved to Florida a couple years back had passed away. I immediately felt the tension begin to build and because I was on the phone, I started to push back that feeling of sadness which caused a headache to form at the front of my head. I knew this was not how I needed to handle the situation and asked my mom if I could call her back later. When I got off the phone I started to practice the Natural Rhythmic Breathing coupled with using my rhythm phrase to redirect my thoughts from falling down a negative rabbit hole sadness usually takes me (Balance). I did not try to fight the sadness anymore and let myself be sad. I reminded myself feeling sad is okay and that I am allowed to cry, I did not resist the emotion (Acceptance). I clarified the situation by remembering how we, as a family unit, have dealt with death before. We were able to get through it together and my family is the strength in this situation. I recognized that this emotion is something that I will feel mostly in the short-term and that this situation is shortterm. While sitting on the couch I asked myself who do I have with me right now that I could turn to seek comfort? My fiancé. He was my resource in that moment to feel better. Although my family was not with me right then I knew that they too were feeling the same sadness I was somewhere else in the state and again was able to know that, in time, it will get better. The sadness will fade and all we will have left are the good memories (Clarify). BALANCE **Did - Did not Stop the build up of tension by stimulating the parasympathetic nervous system by using Natural Rhythmic (Diaphragmatic) Breathing and/or grounding. (Essential step) Did - Did not Use a well-established rhythm phrase (Thought Focusing) to redirect negative thinking Did - Did not Consider the tension levels and degree of balance of other people involved in the situation Did - Did not Consider balance between types and levels of activity and insure sufficient sleep, exercise and proper nutrition ACCEPT **Did - Did not Apply acceptance by letting go of resentment, should, blame, judgment and emotional recycling by recognizing the reality and limitations of the situation and seeing it as a starting point for moving in a healthy direction. (Essential step) Did - Did not Demonstrate acceptance of other people involved by separating the person from their actions, viewing the situation from their perspective, recognizing that this makes sense to them, and imagining how they feel about what is happening. Did - Did not Demonstrate acceptance of emotion and/or pain by allowing oneself to fully experience it without resistance through tension or breath holding while avoiding escalating or recycling by dwelling on it. CLARIFY **Did - Did not Clarify the situation by asking questions from different perspectives in order to see a larger picture and relevant details more clearly. (Essential step) Did - Did not Consider whether the situation requires an immediate, short-term, or long-term solution and identifying appropriate times to effectively deal with it. Did - Did not Explore a range of choices and identify likely outcomes and effects of making those choices. Did - Did not Review values, priorities, and goals to guide decision making. Did - Did not Separate stressors, breaking them down into workable components and determining when they can be most effectively dealt with. Did - Did not Assess the overall direction things seem to be moving in and whether this needs to be changed Did - Did not Clarify what is known and not known along with the degree of certainty I believe that overall, I handled both situations as a 4.0. I was able to implement all facets of the ABC’s into each situation correctly and in order. It was definitely challenging to get myself to recognize them in the moment, but I know that because of this class I was able to handle myself better than without it. Regarding my first situation, I was able to immediately calm myself down, see things for what they were and was better able to ask myself questions that kept me from leaving the gym. Previously, I would have been so nervous I would have left, but because I was able to recognize that from their perspectives, they were not paying attention to me and remind myself of what we were all there for which included my values in leading healthier lifestyle. While in my second situation I was able to direct my negative thoughts that come from sadness away, allowed myself to feel the emotion in its entirety and recognize the strengths in that situation as well as clarify that it is not a long-term feeling or situation.
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