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Is social media ruining our kids’ social skills?
MAY
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CALENDAR
posted by admin in Elementary | 0 Comments
By Tom Antis
There's no question that social media, or more specifically social networking, has
radically changed the way we communicate. In just over five years, the
opportunities and advantages for those who use it properly have exploded.
However, a less positive change comes with a breakdown of interpersonal skills in
young people — those we euphemistically refer to as "digital natives."
From my perspective, my kids — at 9 and 10 years of age — are really too young
for social media. Facebook thinks so too, restricting membership to ages 13 and
above. But I know at least a handful of kids in our neighborhood with profiles on
that particular social network, and talk on the street indicates that the pre-teen
set is active in other venues as well.
For these children, hanging with their friends is more often a virtual activity than
actually getting together in person.
We've always encouraged our kids to be friendly and make friends. Now, thanks
to social networking, the opportunity to "friend" hundreds of people all around
the world is simple. No one has to leave their own room, let alone do the hard
work of developing deep, honest relationships.
Counselors and social science experts argue that a balance needs to be found
between online chatting, tweeting, video chat, and actual face-to-face
interactions. They fear that some kids are letting the internet take control of their
social lives, and slowly the desire and ability to socialize face-to-face is
decreasing.
University of Oxford Professor Susan Greenfield said the culture is
"enthusiastically embracing the erosion of our identity" through social networking
sites. In testimony before Parliament's House of Lords regarding internet
regulations, Greenfield said children who use these sites can lose sight of where
their personalities finish and the outside world begins.
According to Greenfield, children's sense of identity is being eroded by "fastpaced, instant screen reactions," so that members of their generation will define
themselves more by the responses of others than by their own sense of selfworth.
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Parent Today: Is social media ruining our kids’ social skills?
Greenfield fears that because of social network sites, the mid-21st century mind
will be characterized by "short attention spans, sensationalism, inability to
empathize and a shaky sense of identity."
Important social skills develop from face-to-face conversations, says professional
counselor Jared Pizzitola.
"If used in excess, communicating via cyberspace can inhibit communication
skills, but if used in moderation, can help young people become more
comfortable communicating with their peers if they are too shy to do so in
person," Pizzitola told the online magazine NVate. "The key is to make sure your
kids know that real living takes place offline."
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How can parents help their children limit online interactions and develop stronger
social skills?
Like our family, your children may be just testing the waters with supervised
social networking (video chat with Grandma, texting a favorite cousin about
vacation plans, etc.), but these tips may help set the stage for when they earn
additional online privileges.
Moderation is the key. Overuse and overreliance on cyber channels can erode
social skills. A moderate amount of online chat is OK, but it's important to strike a
balance with real, face-to-face conversation.
Politeness counts. Teach your children that good manners count online as well
as face-to-face. Texting may seem fast and impersonal, yet courtesies like "pls"
and "ty" (for please and thank you) are common text terms, or should be.
Watch your words online. Along with outright cyberbullying, many online
interactions step beyond the limits of what is appropriate. Just because the other
person in a conversation is simply an avatar on the screen, everyone should learn
and remember to obey boundaries. Feelings, personal dignity and relationships
matter even in a virtual environment.
Practice. As with anything else, developing good social skills requires practice.
That means you and your kids spending time interacting with others — in person,
not online. By meeting new people, talking with them and getting to know them,
you gradually become better at interacting and building a connection with them.
Take risks. Some conversations are difficult, but social skills grow stronger when
put to the test. Don't allow fear to stop honest face-to-face conversations.
Know what your kids are doing. About 41 percent of U.S. teens claim their
parents have no idea what they are looking at online. Building good social skills
can begin with open, straightforward communication between you and your
children. Establish the expectation early on that your children's participation in
social networking is subject to your access and monitoring of their accounts. You
control their time online, and keep an eye out for those "teachable moments"
when lessons in responsible social interaction are required.
READ MORE
Is Technology Helping or Hurting Our Social Skills?
Kids have lots of opportunities for socializing online, but they come with
certain risks: OnGuardOnline.gov
Is social media creating a generation of cowards?: "Social media: It is probably
conditioning young people out of the leadership and communication skills
they need to lead — or follow — any change at all that requires personal risk."
Tom Antis has been a communications specialist with the Capital Region BOCES
http://www.parenttoday.org/client/index.cfm/2013/5/9/Is-social-media-ruining-our-kids-social-skills
Page 2 of 3
Parent Today: Is social media ruining our kids’ social skills?
4/19/15, 10:35 AM
Communications Service since January 2008. Despite using social networking and
digital multimedia tools in his work, Tom prefers real film for his camera, an
honest-to-goodness ink on paper book to read, and conversations over coffee
rather than cyberspace. He and his wife, Julie, hope to pass along their "oldfashioned" ways to their children.
This entry was posted on May 9, 2013 at 2:50 PM and has received 17639 views. There are currently
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Copyright 2011. Capital Region BOCES. All Rights Reserved
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Page 3 of 3
Is Social Media Sabotaging Real Communication? - Forbes
4/19/15, 10:19 AM
(/)
LEADERSHIP (/LEADERSHIP)
4/30/2012 @ 8:52AM
263,861 views
Is Social Media Sabotaging
Real Communication?
Comment Now
Follow Comments
Susan Tardanico
(http://www.forbes.com/sites/susantardanico/)
Contributor
FOLLOW
I write about
authenticity,
leadership &
communication.
full bio →
Opinions expressed by Forbes
Contributors are their own.
(http://twitter.com/@susantardanico)
(http://www.forbes.com/sites/susantardanico/feed/)
(http://www.authenticleadershipalliance.com)
(http://www.forbes.com/sites/susantardanico/)
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Page 1 of 4
Is Social Media Sabotaging Real Communication? - Forbes
4/19/15, 10:19 AM
(http://commons.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Binette-typo.png)
On a crisp Friday afternoon last October, Sharon Seline exchanged text
messages with her daughter who was in college. They ‘chatted’ back and forth,
mom asking how things were going and daughter answering with positive
statements followed by emoticons showing smiles, b-i-g smiles and hearts.
Happiness.
Later that night, her daughter attempted suicide.
In the days that followed, it came to light that she’d been
holed up in her dorm room, crying and showing signs of
depression — a completely different reality from the one
that she conveyed in texts, Facebook
(http://www.forbes.com/facebook-ipo/) posts and tweets.
As human beings, our only real method of connection is
through authentic communication. Studies show that only
7% of communication is based on the written or verbal
word. A whopping 93% is based on nonverbal body
language. Indeed, it’s only when we can hear a tone of voice
or look into someone’s eyes that we’re able to know when
“I’m fine” doesn’t mean they’re fine at all…or when “I’m in” doesn’t mean
they’re bought in at all.
This is where social media (http://www.forbes.com/social-media/) gets dicey.
Awash in technology, anyone can hide behind the text, the e-mail, the Facebook
post or the tweet, projecting any image they want and creating an illusion of
their choosing. They can be whoever they want to be. And without the ability to
receive nonverbal cues, their audiences are none the wiser.
This presents an unprecedented paradox. With all the powerful social
technologies at our fingertips, we are more connected – and potentially more
disconnected – than ever before.
Every relevant metric shows that we are interacting at breakneck speed and
frequency through social media. But are we really communicating? With 93%
of our communication context stripped away, we are now attempting to forge
relationships and make decisions based on phrases. Abbreviations. Snippets.
Emoticons. Which may or may not be accurate representations of the truth.
A New Set of Communication Barriers
Social technologies have broken the barriers of space and time, enabling us
to interact 24/7 with more people than ever before. But like any revolutionary
concept, it has spawned a set of new barriers and threats. Is the focus now on
communication quantity versus quality? Superficiality versus authenticity? In
an ironic twist, social media has the potential to make us less social; a surrogate
http://www.forbes.com/sites/susantardanico/2012/04/30/is-social-media-sabotaging-real-communication/
Page 2 of 4
Is Social Media Sabotaging Real Communication? - Forbes
4/19/15, 10:19 AM
for the real thing. For it to be a truly effective communication vehicle, all parties
bear a responsibility to be genuine, accurate, and not allow it to replace human
contact altogether.
In the workplace, the use of electronic communication has
overtaken face-to-face and voice-to-voice communication by a
wide margin. This major shift has been driven by two major
forces: the speed/geographic dispersion of business, and the
lack of comfort with traditional interpersonal communication
among a growing segment of our employee population: Gen Y
and Millennials. Studies show that these generations – which
will comprise more than 50% of the workforce by 2020 – would
prefer to use instant messaging or other social media than stop
by an office and talk with someone. This new communication
preference is one of the “generational gaps” plaguing
organizations as Boomers try to manage to a new set of
expectations and norms in their younger employees, and vice
versa.
Page 1
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/2
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realcommunication/2/)
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Page 3 of 4
Is Social Media Sabotaging Real Communication? - Forbes
4/19/15, 10:19 AM
(/)
LEADERSHIP (/LEADERSHIP)
4/30/2012 @ 8:52AM
263,861 views
Is Social Media Sabotaging
Real Communication?
Comment Now
Follow Comments
Susan Tardanico
(http://www.forbes.com/sites/susantardanico/)
Contributor
FOLLOW
I write about
authenticity,
leadership &
communication.
full bio →
Opinions expressed by Forbes
Contributors are their own.
(http://twitter.com/@susantardanico)
(http://www.forbes.com/sites/susantardanico/feed/)
(http://www.authenticleadershipalliance.com)
(http://www.forbes.com/sites/susantardanico/)
21
COMMENTS
15 CALLED-OUT
Follow Comments
http://www.forbes.com/sites/susantardanico/2012/04/30/is-social-media-sabotaging-real-communication/
Page 1 of 4
Is Social Media Sabotaging Real Communication? - Forbes
4/19/15, 10:19 AM
(http://commons.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Binette-typo.png)
On a crisp Friday afternoon last October, Sharon Seline exchanged text
messages with her daughter who was in college. They ‘chatted’ back and forth,
mom asking how things were going and daughter answering with positive
statements followed by emoticons showing smiles, b-i-g smiles and hearts.
Happiness.
Later that night, her daughter attempted suicide.
In the days that followed, it came to light that she’d been
holed up in her dorm room, crying and showing signs of
depression — a completely different reality from the one
that she conveyed in texts, Facebook
(http://www.forbes.com/facebook-ipo/) posts and tweets.
As human beings, our only real method of connection is
through authentic communication. Studies show that only
7% of communication is based on the written or verbal
word. A whopping 93% is based on nonverbal body
language. Indeed, it’s only when we can hear a tone of voice
or look into someone’s eyes that we’re able to know when
“I’m fine” doesn’t mean they’re fine at all…or when “I’m in” doesn’t mean
they’re bought in at all.
This is where social media (http://www.forbes.com/social-media/) gets dicey.
Awash in technology, anyone can hide behind the text, the e-mail, the Facebook
post or the tweet, projecting any image they want and creating an illusion of
their choosing. They can be whoever they want to be. And without the ability to
receive nonverbal cues, their audiences are none the wiser.
This presents an unprecedented paradox. With all the powerful social
technologies at our fingertips, we are more connected – and potentially more
disconnected – than ever before.
Every relevant metric shows that we are interacting at breakneck speed and
frequency through social media. But are we really communicating? With 93%
of our communication context stripped away, we are now attempting to forge
relationships and make decisions based on phrases. Abbreviations. Snippets.
Emoticons. Which may or may not be accurate representations of the truth.
A New Set of Communication Barriers
Social technologies have broken the barriers of space and time, enabling us
to interact 24/7 with more people than ever before. But like any revolutionary
concept, it has spawned a set of new barriers and threats. Is the focus now on
communication quantity versus quality? Superficiality versus authenticity? In
an ironic twist, social media has the potential to make us less social; a surrogate
http://www.forbes.com/sites/susantardanico/2012/04/30/is-social-media-sabotaging-real-communication/
Page 2 of 4
Is Social Media Sabotaging Real Communication? - Forbes
4/19/15, 10:19 AM
for the real thing. For it to be a truly effective communication vehicle, all parties
bear a responsibility to be genuine, accurate, and not allow it to replace human
contact altogether.
In the workplace, the use of electronic communication has
overtaken face-to-face and voice-to-voice communication by a
wide margin. This major shift has been driven by two major
forces: the speed/geographic dispersion of business, and the
lack of comfort with traditional interpersonal communication
among a growing segment of our employee population: Gen Y
and Millennials. Studies show that these generations – which
will comprise more than 50% of the workforce by 2020 – would
prefer to use instant messaging or other social media than stop
by an office and talk with someone. This new communication
preference is one of the “generational gaps” plaguing
organizations as Boomers try to manage to a new set of
expectations and norms in their younger employees, and vice
versa.
Page 1
21 comments, 15 called-out
/2
Comment Now
Continue
(http://www.forbes.com/sites/susantardanico/2012/04/30/issocialmediasabotagingFollow Comments
realcommunication/2/)
Promoted Stories
1.
One Smart Penny (sponsored)
2.
One Smart Penny (sponsored)
3.
Brilliant Mortgage Payoff Plan Has Banks "On Edge" 2 weeks ago onesmartpenny.com One Smart Penny
Own a Home? Banks Won’t Want You Reading This 2 weeks ago onesmartpenny.com One Smart Penny
http://www.forbes.com/sites/susantardanico/2012/04/30/is-social-media-sabotaging-real-communication/
Page 3 of 4
The Prospector : Social Media destroying Social Skills
4/19/15, 10:33 AM
The Prospector
The student news site of Bingham High School
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Social Media destroying Social Skills
Haley Jensen, Staff Writer
January 25, 2013 • 4,136 views
Teenagers text at the dinner table. They tweet walking to class. They check Facebook on dates. Many of them
have become so dependent on technology that they struggle interacting with people in real life. Their only
means of communication are through texting and emails. Social skills are lacking in a majority of high
school students and social media seems to be impacting this.
A study by Stanford University showed that applications like Facebook, Twiter, and FaceTime are not a
replacement for real human interaction. 3,461 American girls aged 8 to 12 were surveyed for the study. It was
concluded that young girls who spend an excessive amount of time using these devices will struggle to
develop normal social skills.
Bingham High School psychologist Clinton Thurgood said, “I do feel that technology is having a great
impact on teen’s social abilities. There is a lot less face to face interaction than in past generations and teens
choose to spend time with computers and video games instead of out with friends.”
Teens are becoming uncomfortable with in-person confrontation of any kind, even talking over the phone. It
is less threatening to text someone or send them a Facebook message. Actually hearing someone’s voice and
making eye contact is starting to become a thing of the past. If someone is shy or awkward, they will
probably have a hard time talking to someone in person. They can have the same conversation via text
message or email. It is easier for them to maintain a flow of conversation when they have time to think of a
response.
“When texting you can be yourself, but in person it is easy to close up and that makes it hard to express what
you feel,” said senior Tiana Warner
http://binghamprospector.org/opinion/2013/01/25/social-media-destroying-social-skills/
Page 1 of 4
The Prospector : Social Media destroying Social Skills
4/19/15, 10:33 AM
Texting also lacks personality and tone. Saying “whatever” in a text could mean, “anything you want” or
“stop talking to me.” Today’s teenagers are losing valuable opportunities to practice in-person interactions
that are needed to develop good social skills. Skills like being comfortable around new people or dealing with
customers at a job are needed in everyday life. Many teens do not understand how to use body language to
portray what they mean. Body language and facial expressions add an emotional element to conversations
that are missing from social media. Meaningful relationships are never going to develop over a computer
screen.
When talking to someone over the Internet or through a text, people often get courage to fire off statements
they would not dare say to someone away from the screen.
Senior T.j. Wenner said, “It’s a lot easier to say something over the phone than it is to say it face to face.”
Like 13 people like this.
Comments
One Response to “Social Media destroying Social Skills”
1. WilliamJ on February 9th, 2013 3:44 am
I am a 35 year old who never had social skills, before everyone was online throwing
around Likes and LoLs. I was backward, a nerd when it was considered a bad thing and
not a fashion statement, and socially awkward down to my every neurological wiring.
As much as I hate to admit it, that carries over into the current online social media world
just as it did in reality, in my experience. From where I stand, I could peruse all of the social media I
could ingest, 5 hours a day, and still sink like a stone as far as making or maintaining friendships by
that medium. In contrast, all the ones I’ve known who did well socializing in the real world, are the
ones who seem to be the most affluent social networkers.
The interesting thing is, before all of those people got “connected” and online, they’d thumb their noses
at nerds like me and those who occupied and chatted in rooms and message boards in the 90s, before it
became socially acceptable to “talk to people on the internet”. It was considered downright lowly and
pathetic.
Back then, I had no problem finding like minds to communicate with online. Now that everyone and
their grandma’s dog (literally) is wired up, it’s worse than my worst year of high school online, and
better in the real world for me, socially. (Better by no means being “good'” or successful, just less
painful).
Of course back then, complete sentences and even paragraphs were used even in daily convo, not
tweets n lols. It was a completely different crowd, and everyone had their own voice, as opposed to
parakeeting where you can’t tell one person from the next. It was also the worst idea in the world to
share your full name in public. Now not doing so breeds contempt and suspicion, which is only natural,
in a world where comprehension and context is devolved and destroyed.
http://binghamprospector.org/opinion/2013/01/25/social-media-destroying-social-skills/
Page 2 of 4
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/joe-robinson/social-network_b_816108.html
Joe Robinson Become a fan
Stress management, productivity trainer, speaker, author, 'Work to Live''
•
•
•
Is Social Networking Destroying Our Social
Lives?
Posted: 02/01/2011 8:49 am EST Updated: 11/17/2011 9:02 am EST
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It's a little ironic that, as social media pushes the virtual friend count to new heights, the culture
as a whole is getting ever more isolated. Researchers say that Americans have fewer close
confidants outside family than ever before. One in four have no confidants at all. A study at the
University of Michigan reported that 75 percent of college students have lower empathy than
their peers did 30 years ago, which isn't going to boost the social cause; neither will a spike in
students' narcissism over that same period, documented in research at San Diego State
University.
Exploding social media hasn't dented the social isolation trend of the last couple of decades. It's a
reminder that there's no substitute for the real social deal -- folks you've actually met in person,
with whom you've shared experiences and built intimacy that goes beyond the surface chatter.
There's no doubt you meet some great folks online, as I have, but the social animal needs to
connect more than superficially with others of the tribe. Our core psychological need for
"relatedness," say researchers, mandates that we have close relationships with others.
It gets harder in the adult and career worlds to take care of that social mandate. Time is the
fastener of friendship, and we have less of that... or so we think. There's always time, if you
make the time and lose the stranglehold of time urgency -- the false emergency that would have
you believe you're too busy to live.
One of the best ways to improve real social life is through a forgotten option that's been shoved
aside by overwork, the flat screen TV and the time sink that social media can be: participant
recreation. Play is the real-life social network. It's a social catalyst that creates immediate
common ground between strangers and makes it easy to forge friendships that can last a lifetime.
The basis for the relating is the fun and the activity, not what anyone does for a living. You get
behind the masks of the workaday world. It's similar to travel in that way -- you accept folks at
face value and the resume doesn't matter. The unconditional realm of play keeps the inauthentic
yardsticks away, which is why it creates the kind of bonds that satisfy your deepest relational
needs.
I saw the power of play close at hand in the course of researching my new book, "Don't Miss
Your Life." I met kayakers, climbers, dancers and a host of other life enthusiasts who had found
camaraderie and real friendships through pursuing their passions and hobbies. Case in point: Kim
Travis, an actress and small theater owner who had to leave New York City and her beloved
softball team to take care of her ill mother in Austin, Texas. Travis' connection with her team
was so important that she commuted from Austin to New York and back every Thursday to
coach her Actor's Equity team in Central Park. Travis loves softball, but the flights every
Thursday were about one thing: the people. "Most of us have been playing together for years,"
she says. "There's not one person on that team who doesn't love the others. We're a family."
Over and over, in dozens of different activities, people had found not just good friends but
family. It was the support of fellow band members, choir singers or orienteering friends that
helped people get through bouts of cancer or the death of a spouse. Several told me they don't
know what they would have done without the support of their activity comrades when life's
biggest challenges came calling.
Our real-life social networks are hugely important, and vanishing. Many suburban streets these
days look like ghost towns -- there's not a soul to be seen. Humans emerge only to go to and
from work. Even the kids are inside, buried in video games. Neighbors who might be burning up
the social media pages inside their homes barely know each other outside.
Over the last three decades, Americans have become less and less participant-oriented and more
and more audience members. We are less likely to join groups, from sports teams to civic
groups, than we used to be. We are more likely to live alone. More social isolation feeds less
empathy and fewer social skills. We get so used to dealing with people via e-mail or online that
we forget how to function around live humans. To break out of isolation row, we have to develop
a skill-set -- tools of "life intelligence" that allow us to self-determine a participant and prosocial
path.
Play offers a highly targeted option to build real relationships that can satisfy your critical social
need. Social connection is a well-vetted predictor of well-being. People who are content with
their social lives are happier and healthier. Studies show that participating in enjoyable social
activities is a strong predictor for increased daily well-being. The more active your leisure life,
the higher your life satisfaction.
There are no agendas in the non-judgmental act of play, so it creates a level playing field that
cuts across the usual social and income barriers. The Broadway Show League that Travis' team
plays in has featured stars from Al Pacino to Kevin Spacey, but teams also include stagehands
and crew members.
Salespeople the world over know that the art of the deal happens on the golf course or over
lunch. You cut to the core in play, making the usual boundaries drop away. The scripted self gets
replaced by the real thing, at ease and no longer on guard. We're a lot more inclined to connect
when our real selves are doing the connecting -- instead of the business card or presentation face.
Playing puts you in the frame of mind to be open to others. Negative feelings close off
receptivity.
Marty Herman, an accountant in Southern California, put himself on a whole new social
trajectory when he took up salsa dancing. He marvels how stepping out into an activity that was
nerve-racking at first has brought a host of real-life friends that he wouldn't have had otherwise.
"Dancing has totally changed my social life," he says. "It's been a huge plus." Playing in an adult
kickball league introduced marketing coordinator Ariana Mayman to dozens of friends, including
three roommates and a boyfriend. "In a big city, it's easy to feel very small and alone," she told
me. "Kickball gives you the confidence to walk up to anyone, anywhere, and feel comfortable
having a conversation."
You don't have to be a social butterfly to unleash the social sparks because the activity itself
brings everyone together. You do have expend some effort, though. You have to get out of the
house, away from the computer and impound the phone. Clicking is so much easier, but it's the
participation that satisfies your core self-determination needs. Friends, optimal moments, elation,
exhilaration -- it's all there for us when we step out of the sedentary box and into the center of
life fully lived.
***
Joe Robinson is the author of "Don't Miss Your Life," on the science, skills and spirit of full-tilt
living. He is the founder of Work to Live and is a work-life balance and stress management
trainer and coach.
Follow Joe Robinson on Twitter: www.twitter.com/WorkLifeSkills
More:
Social Connection Social Isolation Social Media How to Make Friends Adults Play Social
Network Friends Online Friends Unplug and Recharge Real Life Friends Play for Adults
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