Analysis: 1. Your introduction is extremely repetitive. You basically just say "video games help kids learn
math" over and over again. You need to use this space to introduce the reader to how the research
conversation has changed over time. What have researchers learned about this topic that they did not
know before? Have their methods for studying this topic changed? 2. You do not have a thesis that
describes your research conversation.
EVIDENCE : 1. YOUR FIRST PARAGRAPH CONTAINS NO DIRECT QUOTES AT ALL. A
NUMBER OF THE QUOTES YOU HAVE DO NOT SUFFICIENTLY BACK UP THE CLAIM
YOU ARE MAKING. HOW DID YOUR AUTHORS ARRIVE AT THEIR CONCLUSIONS? CAN
YOU INCLUDE NUMERICAL DATA OR DESCRIPTIONS OF THE EXPERIMENTS THEY
CONDUCTED?
2. MAKE SURE THAT YOU INCLUDE PROPER IN-TEXT CITATIONS WHEN YOU ARE
PARAPHRASING KEY INFORMATION.
3. INTRODUCE YOUR AUTHORS! THE FIRST TIME YOU QUOTE OR PARAPHRASE AN
AUTHOR, YOU SHOULD INCLUDE THEIR FULL NAME AND SOMETHING ABOUT WHY
THEY ARE CREDIBLE.
STYLE: 1. YOUR TITLE IS NOT CAPITALIZED PROPERLY.
2. YOU USE A LOT OF REPETITIVE LANGUAGE IN THIS ESSAY, ESPECIALLY IN THE
INTRODUCTION.
3. YOU USE TOO MANY TRANSITION PHASES WITHIN PARAGRAPHS.
4. NO ANNOUNCEMENT USE (I.E. THIS ESSAY WILL...)
OVER ALL COMMENT: THE BIGGEST ISSUE WITH YOUR PAPER IS THAT IT IS REALLY
REPETITIVE. IT ALSO SOUNDS LIKE YOU ARE TRYING TO ARGUE THAT THERE IS NO
CHANGE, BUT I DON'T BUY IT. VIDEO GAMES HAVE CHANGED A LOT SINCE 2000.
MOST CLASSROOMS IN THE US DID NOT USE VIDEO GAMES IN 2000, OR IF THEY DID,
THEY WERE VERY NEW. HOW HAS THE INTRODUCTION OF TABLETS CHANGED
THINGS?
1. LESS REPETITION AND MORE DETAIL. CAN YOU PROVIDE BETTER EXPLAINED
EXAMPLES OF HOW VIDEO GAMES HELP STUDENTS LEARN MATH? CAN YOU
INCLUDE ANY DESCRIPTIONS OF EXPERIMENTS THAT BACK THIS UP?
2. MAKE SURE YOU HAVE A CLEAR THESIS STATEMENT AND TOPIC SENTENCES.
3. INTRODUCE YOUR AUTHORS AND MAKE SURE YOU QUOTE DIRECTLY IN EACH
PARAGRAPH.
4. YOUR PARAGRAPHS COVER TOO MUCH DETAIL. BREAK THEM UP.
Aldeij 1
Abdulrahman Aldeij
Erika Staiger
ENC 1101
6/18/17
Changes in Regards to The Use of Video Games For Learning Mathematics
For the last decade, video games and other online based learning techniques have been
used to foster understanding of mathematics among students. Several researchers have shown a
keen interest in the use of video games to enhance the learning of mathematics as they argue that
educational video games foster understanding of mathematical concepts among children. Video
games constitute useful tools for mathematical education since they promote memory
development, attention and cognitive skills among children. In this sense, video games provide
an important platform for enhancing the learning of mathematical concepts among children. In
essence, the use of video games is still relevant, and it has been coupled with other online based
techniques to foster active learning and comprehension of mathematics among children. When
video games are incorporated in the learning of mathematics, students tend to find learning more
enjoyable as the video games tend to be exciting and full of fun.
Between 2000 and 2010, computer games have been used more often as an educational
tool for teaching math. Since the invention of computing technologies, computer games have
been used to enhance learning among children. Computer games have been used to improve the
comprehension ability of children as well as in improving memory and reasoning among
children. Computer games have also been used to foster learning simulation of technical
concepts of mathematics. Incorporation of such games has improved the students learning ability
Aldeij 2
by motivating them to positively see the contribution of the integration of such techniques in the
learning of mathematics. Researchers indicate that video games constitute powerful learning
environments which primarily support active, experimental and problem-based-learning. On the
same note, computer games provide immediate and contextualized feedback. It is for this reason
that it has continued to be used for decades. Since the year 2000, much has not changed when it
comes to the use of computer games to enhance the learning of mathematical concepts. One of
the most important computer programs that have been used to improve the learning of
mathematics is the MathQuest. This program enhances the comprehension and knowledge of
mathematics among children in the form of games. “This game is planned to complement the
teaching and learning process of primary students in the belief that it will give a better
understanding of the topics covered in the curriculum” (Shafie et al., p.621). It is evident from
this statement that computer games are complimenting the teaching of mathematics in classes
today just as it used to be done a decade ago. There is also clear evidence that much has not
changed when it comes to the use of video games to enhance the learning of mathematical
concepts. Other empirical based research argues that video games present an experiential
learning concept and theory that foster the effective development of mathematical skills. “In the
experiential learning approach, educators purposefully engage with learners in a direct
experience and focused reflection to increase knowledge, develop skills and clarify values”
(Kebritchi et al., p.429). Incorporating computer games in the learning of mathematics, therefore,
has been useful in developing the learning skills and abilities among children.
Action video games have been seen as an effective way of improving attention
capabilities among children. Attention is an essential element in enhancing the learning of
mathematical concepts. The period between 2011 and 2017 are still marked by the use of video
Aldeij 3
games as methods of improving learning of mathematics. Many scholars have conducted
research in regards to the use of video games and there seem not to be any inconsistencies in the
use of video games for the past decade. Although recent research indicates that not all video
games can enhance skills that transfer from the actual act of video games to excellent
mathematical skills, there is clear evidence that action video games are more effective in
improving mathematical skills. “Games that fall into the Action Video Game (AVG) genre have
been found to be the most beneficial for enhancing cognitive and perceptual skills” (Novak et al.,
p.124). Adequate comprehension of mathematics requires working memory, and video games
provide the most efficient platforms for enhancing the development of memory and
mathematical concepts. “Working memory is increasingly involved in mathematics problem
solving as the numerical values within the problem grow larger and/, or the problem is more
complex and requires a considerable number of steps to reach the solution” (Novak et al., p.125).
Clear evidence, therefore, exists indicating that computer games enhances memory and foster the
development of mathematical skills. Video games improve working and long-term memories,
and there are no inconsistencies between the previous research done between the 2000 and 2010
as well as between the year 2011 and 2017. In this sense, “video games constitute useful tools, as
children learn from an early age how to follow specific strategies to achieve their object” (Drigas
et al., p.62).
In conclusion, the use of video games is fundamental for the development of working and
long-term memory. The working memory is required in enhancing mathematical skills while
long-term memory is necessary for retaining useful concepts in mathematics. Several researchers
have reached a similar conclusion that there is no inconsistency in the use of video games and
other online-based learning techniques between the 2000 and 2010 as well as between the year
Aldeij 4
2011 and 2017. In this case, therefore, it is evident video should be incorporated more in the
learning process as they enhance the compression and learning abilities of children more
specifically when it comes to the learning of mathematics.
Aldeij 5
Work Cited
Drigas, Athanasios, and Marios Pappas. "On line and other Game-Based Learning for
Mathematics." iJOE 11.4 (2015): 62-67.
Kebritchi, Mansureh, Atsusi Hirumi, and Haiyan Bai. "The effects of modern mathematics
computer games on mathematics achievement and class motivation." Computers &
education 55.2 (2010): 427-443.
Novak, Elena, and Janet Tassell. "Using video game play to improve education-majors’
mathematical performance: An experimental study." Computers in Human Behavior 53
(2015): 124-130.
Shafie, Afza, and Wan Fatimah Wan Ahmad. "Design and heuristic evaluation of mathQuest: a
role-playing game for numbers." Procedia-Social and Behavioral Sciences 8 (2010): 620625.
Aldeij 1
Abdulrahman Aldeij
Erika Staiger
ENC 1101
6/18/17
Changes in Regards to The Use of Video Games For Learning Mathematics
For the last decade, video games and other online based learning techniques have been
used to foster understanding of mathematics among students. Several researchers have shown a
keen interest in the use of video games to enhance the learning of mathematics as they argue that
educational video games foster understanding of mathematical concepts among children. Video
games constitute useful tools for mathematical education since they promote memory
development, attention and cognitive skills among children. In this sense, video games provide
an important platform for enhancing the learning of mathematical concepts among children. In
essence, the use of video games is still relevant, and it has been coupled with other online based
techniques to foster active learning and comprehension of mathematics among children. When
video games are incorporated in the learning of mathematics, students tend to find learning more
enjoyable as the video games tend to be exciting and full of fun.
Between 2000 and 2010, computer games have been used more often as an educational
tool for teaching math. Since the invention of computing technologies, computer games have
been used to enhance learning among children. Computer games have been used to improve the
comprehension ability of children as well as in improving memory and reasoning among
children. Computer games have also been used to foster learning simulation of technical
concepts of mathematics. Incorporation of such games has improved the students learning ability
Aldeij 2
by motivating them to positively see the contribution of the integration of such techniques in the
learning of mathematics. Researchers indicate that video games constitute powerful learning
environments which primarily support active, experimental and problem-based-learning. On the
same note, computer games provide immediate and contextualized feedback. It is for this reason
that it has continued to be used for decades. Since the year 2000, much has not changed when it
comes to the use of computer games to enhance the learning of mathematical concepts. One of
the most important computer programs that have been used to improve the learning of
mathematics is the MathQuest. This program enhances the comprehension and knowledge of
mathematics among children in the form of games. “This game is planned to complement the
teaching and learning process of primary students in the belief that it will give a better
understanding of the topics covered in the curriculum” (Shafie et al., p.621). It is evident from
this statement that computer games are complimenting the teaching of mathematics in classes
today just as it used to be done a decade ago. There is also clear evidence that much has not
changed when it comes to the use of video games to enhance the learning of mathematical
concepts. Other empirical based research argues that video games present an experiential
learning concept and theory that foster the effective development of mathematical skills. “In the
experiential learning approach, educators purposefully engage with learners in a direct
experience and focused reflection to increase knowledge, develop skills and clarify values”
(Kebritchi et al., p.429). Incorporating computer games in the learning of mathematics, therefore,
has been useful in developing the learning skills and abilities among children.
Action video games have been seen as an effective way of improving attention
capabilities among children. Attention is an essential element in enhancing the learning of
mathematical concepts. The period between 2011 and 2017 are still marked by the use of video
Aldeij 3
games as methods of improving learning of mathematics. Many scholars have conducted
research in regards to the use of video games and there seem not to be any inconsistencies in the
use of video games for the past decade. Although recent research indicates that not all video
games can enhance skills that transfer from the actual act of video games to excellent
mathematical skills, there is clear evidence that action video games are more effective in
improving mathematical skills. “Games that fall into the Action Video Game (AVG) genre have
been found to be the most beneficial for enhancing cognitive and perceptual skills” (Novak et al.,
p.124). Adequate comprehension of mathematics requires working memory, and video games
provide the most efficient platforms for enhancing the development of memory and
mathematical concepts. “Working memory is increasingly involved in mathematics problem
solving as the numerical values within the problem grow larger and/, or the problem is more
complex and requires a considerable number of steps to reach the solution” (Novak et al., p.125).
Clear evidence, therefore, exists indicating that computer games enhances memory and foster the
development of mathematical skills. Video games improve working and long-term memories,
and there are no inconsistencies between the previous research done between the 2000 and 2010
as well as between the year 2011 and 2017. In this sense, “video games constitute useful tools, as
children learn from an early age how to follow specific strategies to achieve their object” (Drigas
et al., p.62).
In conclusion, the use of video games is fundamental for the development of working and
long-term memory. The working memory is required in enhancing mathematical skills while
long-term memory is necessary for retaining useful concepts in mathematics. Several researchers
have reached a similar conclusion that there is no inconsistency in the use of video games and
other online-based learning techniques between the 2000 and 2010 as well as between the year
Aldeij 4
2011 and 2017. In this case, therefore, it is evident video should be incorporated more in the
learning process as they enhance the compression and learning abilities of children more
specifically when it comes to the learning of mathematics.
Aldeij 5
Work Cited
Drigas, Athanasios, and Marios Pappas. "On line and other Game-Based Learning for
Mathematics." iJOE 11.4 (2015): 62-67.
Kebritchi, Mansureh, Atsusi Hirumi, and Haiyan Bai. "The effects of modern mathematics
computer games on mathematics achievement and class motivation." Computers &
education 55.2 (2010): 427-443.
Novak, Elena, and Janet Tassell. "Using video game play to improve education-majors’
mathematical performance: An experimental study." Computers in Human Behavior 53
(2015): 124-130.
Shafie, Afza, and Wan Fatimah Wan Ahmad. "Design and heuristic evaluation of mathQuest: a
role-playing game for numbers." Procedia-Social and Behavioral Sciences 8 (2010): 620625.
Analysis: 1. Your introduction is extremely repetitive. You basically just say "video games help kids learn
math" over and over again. You need to use this space to introduce the reader to how the research
conversation has changed over time. What have researchers learned about this topic that they did not
know before? Have their methods for studying this topic changed? 2. You do not have a thesis that
describes your research conversation.
EVIDENCE : 1. YOUR FIRST PARAGRAPH CONTAINS NO DIRECT QUOTES AT ALL. A
NUMBER OF THE QUOTES YOU HAVE DO NOT SUFFICIENTLY BACK UP THE CLAIM
YOU ARE MAKING. HOW DID YOUR AUTHORS ARRIVE AT THEIR CONCLUSIONS? CAN
YOU INCLUDE NUMERICAL DATA OR DESCRIPTIONS OF THE EXPERIMENTS THEY
CONDUCTED?
2. MAKE SURE THAT YOU INCLUDE PROPER IN-TEXT CITATIONS WHEN YOU ARE
PARAPHRASING KEY INFORMATION.
3. INTRODUCE YOUR AUTHORS! THE FIRST TIME YOU QUOTE OR PARAPHRASE AN
AUTHOR, YOU SHOULD INCLUDE THEIR FULL NAME AND SOMETHING ABOUT WHY
THEY ARE CREDIBLE.
STYLE: 1. YOUR TITLE IS NOT CAPITALIZED PROPERLY.
2. YOU USE A LOT OF REPETITIVE LANGUAGE IN THIS ESSAY, ESPECIALLY IN THE
INTRODUCTION.
3. YOU USE TOO MANY TRANSITION PHASES WITHIN PARAGRAPHS.
4. NO ANNOUNCEMENT USE (I.E. THIS ESSAY WILL...)
OVER ALL COMMENT: THE BIGGEST ISSUE WITH YOUR PAPER IS THAT IT IS REALLY
REPETITIVE. IT ALSO SOUNDS LIKE YOU ARE TRYING TO ARGUE THAT THERE IS NO
CHANGE, BUT I DON'T BUY IT. VIDEO GAMES HAVE CHANGED A LOT SINCE 2000.
MOST CLASSROOMS IN THE US DID NOT USE VIDEO GAMES IN 2000, OR IF THEY DID,
THEY WERE VERY NEW. HOW HAS THE INTRODUCTION OF TABLETS CHANGED
THINGS?
1. LESS REPETITION AND MORE DETAIL. CAN YOU PROVIDE BETTER EXPLAINED
EXAMPLES OF HOW VIDEO GAMES HELP STUDENTS LEARN MATH? CAN YOU
INCLUDE ANY DESCRIPTIONS OF EXPERIMENTS THAT BACK THIS UP?
2. MAKE SURE YOU HAVE A CLEAR THESIS STATEMENT AND TOPIC SENTENCES.
3. INTRODUCE YOUR AUTHORS AND MAKE SURE YOU QUOTE DIRECTLY IN EACH
PARAGRAPH.
4. YOUR PARAGRAPHS COVER TOO MUCH DETAIL. BREAK THEM UP.
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