One of my greatest accomplishment is being a mommy and to further in my education nothing is going to stop me. I have a very positive attitude and I can do anything my mind put into. Being that I can do things in life I can also help others.
Well saying things like "mommy" and "nothing is going to stop me" are very personal, which is okay. Only it's not in an academic tone. It's in a very casual, 5th grade almost. These are wonderful ideas but it should come with a more mature and academic voice.