University of Maryland College Park Improving a Message Rewrite Challenge Task

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3.1 Radical Rewrite: Improving a Message About Checking References Your Task. Analyze the following e-mail to be sent by the vice president of human resources to all managers. List at least five weaknesses. In addition to grammar faults, pay special attention to dangling modifiers, parallelism, and passive voice. Your instructor may ask you to revise this e-mail so that it reflects writing techniques you learned in this and previous chapters. To: All Managers From: Mark Sanchez Subject: Improving Reference-Checking Procedures With our recent increase in hiring, many of you are reviewing candidates’ applications and their references are being checked. Our CEO has asked me to provide all managers with guidance on how to check references to obtain the best information. Generally, the two ways to check references are by calling or to make an inquiry by writing. Calling is preferred because its easier, can be done more quickly, and calling can reveal more. The main advantage of calling is that people will often provide more valuable information over the phone then they would in writing. However writing does provide stronger documentation. Which can be used to prove that you did your homework. References from former employers are likely to be more valuable than personal references, and can help avoid negligent hiring claims. Educational references should also checked when necessary When calling to check references, several important steps should be followed to obtain the best information: • Call once to schedule the reference check, then call back when you said you would. • Plenty of time for the call should be allotted. • Ask only about job-related information, do not ask inappropriate questions. • Good notes should be taken, especially in relation to the candidate’s former employment. • At the end, you should summarize and thank the reference for the information. By following these guidelines, meaningful information can be obtained that will help you make the best hiring decisions. Mark Vice President, Human Resources | mark.sanchez@zycamindustries | Office: 455-390-5539 | Cell: 455-290-9760 [Your instructor may ask you to list at least five weaknesses.]
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3.1 Radical Rewrite: Improving a Message About Checking References
Your Task. Analyze the following e-mail to be sent by the vice president of human resources to all
managers. List at least five weaknesses. In addition to grammar faults, pay special attention to dangling
modifiers, parallelism, and passive voice. Your instructor may ask you to revise this e-mail so that it
reflects the writing techniques you learned in this and previous chapters.

From: Mark Sanchez
Date: NN/NN/nnnn
To:
All Managers
Subject: Improving reference-checking procedures
Dear all,
I would like to inform you that, there has been an increase in hiring during recent times, and many of you
have been reviewing candidates’ applications and checking their references. Our CEO has asked me to
provi...