Example: There is a man who lives down
the block who is my friend who likes to go to the store. One day, he drove his
beat up old car to the store around the corner he didn’t want to park in the
parking lot so he parked out front. Which was not the best idea.
In this example,
in the first sentence, the word who appears too many times and is
distracting to the reader. In addition, how can we change “down the block” so it
is appropriate for an academic audience? What can we do to improve this
Revision: My friend, who lives nearby, likes to
go to the store.
In the second and
third sentences, we have several errors. The second sentence is a run on
sentence. We need punctuation in between “corner” and “he.” In addition, the
last sentence is a fragment (incomplete thought). How can we revise these
One day, my friend
drove to the store and parked out front, which was not the best
By getting rid of
“beat up old car” and “around the corner” as well as making the two sentences
into one, we get rid of the run on and fragment while also making the sentence
Part 1: Review the following information in your
1. Effective Sentences (Ch. 6, pages
2. Fix Major Sentence Errors (Ch. 6, pages
3. Avoid Deadwood Constructions (Ch. 6,
4. Word Order (Ch. 6, page
5. Selecting the Correct Words (Ch. 7,
6. Selecting the Best Words (Ch. 7, pages
2:The sentences below contain the types of
errors you've studied in the pages above, including run-ons, fragments, comma
splices, using unnecessary words, phrases, and clauses, misusing coordinating
conjunctions, misusing/misspelling words, and using vague verbs, nouns, and
In your main post, select 3 three of the following
sentences. Explain what each type(s) of error(s) each sentence contains, and
what changes are needed. Then, revise each error and post the corrected
1. We went to
the theater and the movie was sold-out and we had to pick another one and we
didn’t really like it.
vacation, we did alot of fun things.
3. Sara June
said she deserved an “A” in math, irregardless of her 59 average in the coarse,
but her arguments were in vein.
4. My brother
Austin, who happens to be older than me, can’t drive to work this week due to
the fact that he was in a wreck in his car at 2:00 A.M. early Saturday
of to weeks with to friends are always to short, and although your to tired to
return to work, your to broke not to.
6. A scientist
is obsessed. He wants to recreate life. He creates a monster.
7. The machine
we got was missing a few things.
8. It was
revealed to us by staff members today that there were many adults at the company
picnic throwing their trash on the ground as well as their children.
9. Did the
high school principle loose you’re heavy metal DB and it’s case to?
Personally, I believe that there are too many people who go to eat out in
restaurants who always feel that they must continually assert their superior
natures by action in a rude, nasty fashion to the people who are employed to
wait on their tables.
11. Roger was
an awesome guy he was really a big deal in his company.
12. Their is a
new detective show on television. Starring Phil Noir. It is set in the 1940’s.
According to TV Guide.
signed up for a course at my local college, it is “Cultivating the Mold in
You’re Refrigerator for Fun and Profit.”
14. The reason
why the attorney objected was due to when the prosecutor tried to introduce the
old antique gun as evidence.
15. Peter the
Penguin was disappointed at the airport’s security check-point he learned he was
on the no-fly list.
Part 3 - Optional Activity: Post
3-5 of your own sentences from your rough draft of the business letter that you
revised to improve sentence structure or word choice. Include both the original
sentences and the revised ones in your post.