PROMPT: Tell a story from your life, describing an experience that either demonstrates your character or helped to shape it Never Good Enough My fingers were sore from being prodded with pins and needles. My parents tossed and turned due to the rambling of my sewing machine that echoed throughout the house. The sun was peeking through my curtains as I snipped the last piece of silk thread. It was 7 a.m. and what was only meant to take twenty minutes of ‘adding the finishing touches’ to my gown had turned into an all-nighter. I was working on a dress for a Family, Career, and Community Leaders of America (FCCLA) competition and everything had to be flawless. At the awards ceremony, my heart was pounding incessantly and I couldn’t tell whether it was my nerves or the Redbull fueled haze I was suffering from the night before. The announcer called my name and the word “silver” trailed off from her mouth, suddenly everything became cloudy. My mind kept shouting back at me, “Silver! What did you do wrong? Did you forget how to sew on a zipper correctly? Did you forget to include all your pattern pieces?” It felt as if I was about to drown into my own thoughts. I quickly snapped back to reality when I was greeted with enormous praise from my fashion teacher and friends. I accepted the remarks with a plastic smile spread across my face. I looked over to my friend, who proudly flaunted her bronze medal. The dark feeling of jealousy began to rise in me, why can’t I be as happy as her? I questioned myself. I stared down at my silver medal and I couldn’t help but feel...inadequate. Inadequate, that word haunted me. Throughout my entire life I felt like I had to be perfect in everything I did, whether it was in school or making a homemade mothers day card. My biggest fear was disappointing my parents. After the competition I did what any rational person would do in my situation. I stopped by at the craft store and bought a can of gold spray paint. Pathetic, I know. I was willing to do anything to save myself from my parent’s criticism. I decided it would be best to stop participating in fashion competitions. It wasn’t until my junior year of high school where the paint began to peel off the medal. Maybe I should’ve sanded and primed it first. The silver layer I once tried so hard to hide was beginning to shine through, as if to mock me. But something was different this time, rather than feeling resentment, I saw a glimmer of potential. I realized that receiving any medal in an FCCLA competition was an honor in itself, nonetheless placing silver. It was time to stop feeling sorry for myself and to get up and do something about it. I began to take up independent fashion projects and hone in on my weaknesses and improve upon them. I was determined to come back a stronger competitor. Through this experience, I discovered one characteristic of myself that I never acknowledged before: I was a perfectionist. I never realized that my actions were considered a toxic behavior and that I was destroying my self-esteem. By constantly trying to be at the top, I was internally tearing myself down. But maybe I can turn this negative characteristic into something I can use to my advantage. I came to understand that perfection was unattainable, but I can transform it into motivation. With this newfound motivation, I worked hard on improving upon my fashion skills throughout junior year while also indirectly refining my perception on failure and success. In the end, I learned that between inadequacy and unattainable perfection, there is room for improvement and by constantly improving on oneself there is fulfillment.
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