I don't think that you will ever read this but here goes! I know the topic says families in chaos. I think I am in chaos with my inner self. I am living with my mother who has Parkinsons Diesease and is in a power wheelchair. I have Cerebral Palsy and am in a power wheelchair. The town we live in is so small and inaccessable that I want to go home. But I really can't leave my mother because if I did I couldn't come back down here for a visit. I have to get help from an aide to get the things I need help with. My mother has an attendant five days a week eight hours a day 8 to 5 nothing on weekends or holidays. I have to be here every evening and every weekend and every holiday in case she needs anything. My other family would have put her in a nursing home.
My problem is that I am 56 and I came to be with my mother nine years ago when the love of my life had a heart attack and died I really didn't expect to be down here this long. My mother can't even speak anymore I would like to have some fun. I guess right now all I get to do is go to school and go to Walmart! I go to school at university of phoenix and will be graduating at the end of June 2013! I really don't know why I keep trying to impress any of my family. I will never do anything good enough! Those days when I thought I could be good enough were over long time ago. Even before my dad told me he hated me on his death bed. I was about six when he came into my room and did unspeakble things to me. , I think that my migrains and being exhausted with NO PRIVACY! There is no door to my room and my mother has all kinds of therapists and nurses etc. They can just look in my room and see me no matter what i'm doing I don't think that anyone knows that I am here maybe they know and just want me to go away. They tell me they want me to stay and if they do they have a very way of showing it but as I think back they have never welcomed me with open arms or an opened heart. So I guess it's true what they always told me I am damaged goods. I guess tht is why I can't even get a heavy duty wheelchair to go cruising in. When I say cruise I don't mean around the block I go cruising around the city when the city accessible.That's how me an Mike met he follow me around the city in his van . one day he got out of his van and politely asked me if I was lost and if I needed a ride home that I was 5 miles away from home. I told him my philosaphy about wheelchairs he told me about with elevator I know I want to much I really want to BE HEARD NOT FEEL INVISIBLE