This book is dedicated to those who are struggling with the issues of when, whether, or how to have sexual relationships within a positive framework. Does Anyone Still Remember When Sex Was Fun? Positive Sexuality in the Age of AIDS Third Edition Edited by Peter B. Anderson Diane de Mauro Raymond J. Noonan Does Anyone Still Remember When Sex Was Fun? Positive Sexuality in the Age of AIDS Revision History First Edition: 1990 Second Edition: 1992 Revised Second Edition: 1994 Third Edition: 1996 The views expressed in individual signed articles do not necessarily reflect those of the co-editors. Does Anyone Survival Raymond Strategies J. Noonan Still Remember for Positive LoversSexuality in When the 1990s Sex in W theasAge Fun?of AIDS Sur Sur v ival Str Strategies ategies for Lover Lover s in the 1990s Raymond J. Noonan Typography and Graphic Design by Ray Noonan, ParaGraphic Artists, NYC Find us on the World Wide Web at: http://www.paragraphics.com/. Cover design by Beth Aguillard Copyright © 1996 by Kendall/ Hunt Publishing Company Library of Congress Card Catalog Number: 91-76935 ISBN 0-7872-2723-4 All Rights Reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without the prior written permission of the copyright owner. Printed in the United States of America 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 A good friend once told me, “If I don’t touch someone at least once a week, I feel nutsy. It’s like I crawl into a cocoon and take short shallow breaths and hope I can weather the time until I can call up a friend or meet someone new. For me, the contact is where I get my energy. While most of the time I would prefer to have an orgasm with this person, many times it isn’t even necessary.” That statement reflects a host of attitudes that are shared by many people as we journey through the 1990s: feelings of being alone, a desire to share intimacy with others, and a renewed focus on sensuality, among others. Looking toward the next century and beyond, we will be forced to recognize that we all have common needs and goals in our quest for human happiness and dignity. AIDS is currently threatening that quest, both in our sexual lives with individuals and in our social lives as a people. This chapter will outline survival strategies for lovers 1 Does Anyone Still Remember When Sex Was Fun? Positive Sexuality in the Age of AIDS in what some have been calling the age of AIDS. How can we reclaim our newly won sensuality and eroticism from the specter of AIDS and the pall it’s cast over sexuality? F or many of us, the meanings of sex and sexuality remain elusive. As defined by Robert R. Wilson (1974), Sexuality is one of our needs—to express ourselves through our bodies. It is within the core of our personality and identity. It is a basic part of our maleness or femaleness, our self image, our identity, our human awareness and development. Sexuality is part of our desire for personal satisfaction and happiness and stimulates our need to establish fulfilling relationships with others. Sex is a function of sexuality. It is not some thing that we do which is separate from our selves. It is not a goal, not an objective. It is an integral part of us. (p. 3) The reality of AIDS does not change these definitions, which place our sexual “essences” squarely within our relationship to our bodies. As Wilson points out further: “Human beings don’t have a body, we are a body. . . . Sex does not establish who we are, it expresses who we are” (p. 3). Although AIDS is now certainly reminding us of our mortality—a quite unique relationship we have with our bodies, with its own host of attitudes and fears we each have about it—this is not the first condition in which we have been confronted with life-threatening aspects of human sexuality. Only in the last half century have the deadly diseases of syphilis and gonorrhea been controlled; only in the last quarter century has birth control become available and effective enough to eliminate unwanted pregnancies—still far more dangerous than any contraceptive method or abortion. Our “fragile” bodies remain the core of our selves and our sexuality. Yet there is hope. 2 Survival Strategies for Lovers in the 1990s Raymond J. Noonan In today’s world, that’s important to remember. Ours is a world in flux, a world in which many of yesterday’s values, such as monogamy and lifelong sexual exclusivity, are no longer valid for significant segments of the population, and in which others, such as traditional marriage and the meaning of commitment, are being adapted to these new realities. It’s a time when even the continued survival of our species is marked with doubt, given the current and projected state of environmental and political pollution. Sexual survival, however, is dependent upon the individual—as much as it is dependent on others—and it is a sphere in which one’s efforts most definitely can be felt. But this is also a world where the individual is constantly in danger of being consumed by conformity. Individuality never dies, however, and representatives hang on in every culture. One such person is the friend I quoted at the beginning of this chapter, who has been described as a “rugged individualist” and a “survivor.” As a man, he feels content; in his words, he says he has “loved and been loved.” As a lover, he’s still surviving—in his own way. What are his secrets, and are there guidelines that the rest of us can “try on for size” in our efforts to survive sexually and socially? And what—in our struggles during the age of AIDS and its aftermath—can we do to reclaim our sexual heritage? A SOME GUIDELINES lthough originally intended to apply to all times, the following general guidelines for the satisfying and healthy expression of sexuality are particularly relevant to our lives today—during what hopefully will be the closing years of the age of AIDS. They will be vital in the aftermath of AIDS that will probably occur later in the 1990s and into the twenty-first century. 3 Does Anyone Still Remember When Sex Was Fun? Positive Sexuality in the Age of AIDS RELAX The most important thing one can learn in order to survive sexually is to relax. Take the time to find out what you want from yourself and what you want from others. The affliction of our times is not AIDS but stress, and it permeates our lives right into the bedroom. We have yet to discover what role stress in general may play in an individual’s susceptibility to AIDS, although the evidence suggests it may be important. Most of the action of this slow killer begins with our work lives; as inflation and economic uncertainty make earning a living more and more difficult, as well as with the other effects of the steadily disappearing “middle class,” stress not only deteriorates our general health, but also our sexual health. When sex is satisfying, it tends to have a rejuvenating, energizing effect on our entire outlook on life. So relax: when you find yourself being wound up, stop for a minute. Take slow deep breaths. This brings more oxygen into the muscles which relaxes them, giving you a more all-around relaxed feeling. Nothing in sex, except birth control and stopping AIDS as well as the other sexually transmitted diseases (STDs), is immediately necessary. You don’t have to have an orgasm right away or every time; you can even make love without intercourse. You certainly can use some of the various contraceptive methods to both prevent an unwanted pregnancy and prevent the spread of AIDS and other STDs; once they’ve been integrated into your lovemaking, these too will come easily and naturally—it just takes a little time and practice. Plus, it can be fun. BE SENSITIVE When you relax, you gain the ability to be aware of yourself and your feelings. When you are tense, your muscles become tight and hard, acting as a Reichian “armor” that protects you not only from hurt but also from pleasure—a costly form of 4 Survival Strategies for Lovers in the 1990s Raymond J. Noonan “protection.” When you allow your body to feel all it’s capable of feeling, you begin to be aware of what pleases others. Likewise, take the time to ask your partners about their likes and dislikes, their interests and ideas. There is nothing so boring as a one-sided “I-am-the-center-of-the-world” kind of lover. Be interested as well as interesting; these are sure keys to building satisfying, fulfilling relationships. BELIEVE IN SOMETHING Reflecting on the complexities of establishing intimacy, Barbara G. Schrank (1980), a former editor of Sexology Today magazine, once said, “A lot of hurt has come out of the sexual revolution; before, the rules and expectations made it easier to survive.” Indeed, in the past, the strong sense of what was moral and immoral—however hypocritical—made it easier to know how to act. There were fewer choices to be made by the individual, so it was easier to survive. With the sexual revolution, the choice of proper behavior rests more and more with the individual (Kirkendall & Whitehurst, 1971). Philosophers call this choice of moralities “situation ethics” and much debate has occurred between those with this “new-ethics” base and those with a “fundamentalist” prescribed-morality base. Casting my lot with the “new ethicists,” I think it is important to emphasize that America is no longer a society dominated by one culture. We are multicultural, both religiously and secularly, and we can no longer accept the attempts by some to impose a homogeneous fundamentalist morality. In the current evolution of the sexual revolution, we must acknowledge that there are many moralities, particularly with regard to sexuality and how each cherishes our humanity, each equally valid. In sexual matters, in particular, do we find the effects of vastly differing cultures, and, more recently, of individual 5 Does Anyone Still Remember When Sex Was Fun? Positive Sexuality in the Age of AIDS choices; this is probably the most important part of the sexual revolution. But individual choices mean you have to be moral; you have to believe in something and value something. You have to make your choices from a set of principles: it can be fundamentalist; it can be humanistic; it can be your own unique formula of reasoned right and wrong. These guidelines can be such an individualized morality. BE YOURSELF No one can be you and you can’t be anyone else. Don’t try to live up to unrealistic, stereotyped symbols of what men and women should be. Given our essentially androgynous nature, each of us has characteristics of both women and men. Given this nature of integrated femininity and masculinity, men can and ought to be sensitive, intuitive, and nurturing just as women can and ought to be assertive, independent, and logical (Singer, 1976; see also: Jordan, Kaplan, Miller, Stiver, & Surrey, 1991). R FOR BETTER RELATIONSHIPS elationships today are an intricate mix of past values and contemporary changes. One might even say that today there is evident a renaissance in relationships that is changing the landscape of contemporary coupling, one in which traditional marriage is no longer the sole option. Many may want to explore the myriad same-sex, both-sex, or other-sex opportunities for relationships; within these parameters lie a wide spectrum of relationship possibilities (Kirkendall & Gravatt, 1984; Libby & Whitehurst, 1977; Macklin & Rubin, 1983; Noonan, 1979). Another important aspect of how relationships may survive is what began in the 1960s as a new tribalism, perhaps best 6 Survival Strategies for Lovers in the 1990s Raymond J. Noonan symbolized by the Broadway musical Hair and represented by the scientific concept of synergy—the idea that one plus one plus one is greater than three. Everyone knew that one person could not accomplish much alone; yet if you added another person you could do more; and if you added a third, you could do still more than any of the individuals could do alone or separately. Synergy is another key to our sexual and relationship survival. Applied to relationships, new kinds of the historically traditional extended family have appeared alongside the newly traditional nuclear family (which dates roughly from, and grew out of the needs of, the Industrial Revolution). Many people are turning to these “families of choice,” becoming part of generalized “friendship networks,” or pseudo-extended families called “intentional” or “expanded” families (Francoeur & Francoeur, 1974; Lindsey, 1981; Ramey, 1976). All of these alternatives utilize, like the truly traditional extended family of yesteryear, the concept of synergy. Another survival strategy using this concept of synergy is the “open relationship”—the broad term referring to the kind of pair-bonding called “open marriage” by Nena O’Neill and George O’Neill (1972). I believe the open relationship in some form—whether it is monogamous or not—is the wave and hope of the future, because it affirms the bond chosen between two people—while also affirming their individuality and place in the world with others. To achieve this freedom, we must move beyond jealousy and ownership of the other toward a mutual respect and understanding of the other and her or his needs. With respect to AIDS, it is important to note that monogamous relationships are not crucial to the prevention of AIDS or the spread of HIV. Non-monogamous individuals and couples must honestly take it into account when entering into new sexual relationships, and if ordinary contraceptive or prophy7 Does Anyone Still Remember When Sex Was Fun? Positive Sexuality in the Age of AIDS lactic measures, like using condoms and/or spermicides, are followed properly and religiously, there is very low risk of contracting the virus.1 O USING, MISUSING, AND ABUSING ftentimes in relationships, we “use” each other in various ways to fulfill our own needs. When goals are similar and the “using” is mutual and nonexploitative, there is usually no problem, as in the case of friends, where consideration, sensitivity, and caring are of paramount importance in maintaining the friendship. To insure that it remains mutual and nonexploitative, the following guidelines might be helpful. AVOID GIVING UP FRIENDS OR LOVERS Don’t break dates for trivialities—especially not because an opportunity to become sexually involved with someone else comes up. Such behavior reflects a basic lack of consideration and respect for the other. Very seldom will an instant attraction or opportunity not be transferable to a more convenient, more relaxing, freer time. Mostly such actions will pay dividends in rewarding times with the new lover, and continued warmth, affection, and good times with the old friend and/or lover. Survival Strategies for Lovers in the 1990s Raymond J. Noonan MAKE YOUR LOVERS YOUR FRIENDS While no one can always be there whenever you need them, the more friends you have, the less likely you will find yourself alone and greatly in need. Friends can satisfy emotional, intellectual, spiritual, and social needs, as well as physical and sexual needs. So cultivate friends and use them wisely. Friends talk about their expectations about sexuality and sensuality as an integral part of their relationship; talking about sexual health, including methods to minimize the spread of AIDS, as well as unwanted pregnancies and other STDs, are caring things that friends should do. Don’t forget to listen as well. LOVE YOURSELF FIRST Using becomes misusing or abusing when it becomes uncaring, when it lacks the consideration that makes life in general worthwhile. When that happens, do what you can to correct the situation in which you feel abused, but if that fails, leave. Life has enough hurts and disappointments without staying around for unnecessary—and unhealthy—ones. It’s your own self-respect and self-worth that are important in these situations. There is also enough joy and happiness available for everyone if you can put aside being on the defensive all the time—which is what will happen if you stay in a bad relationship too long. Bertrand Russell (1929), one of many philosophers throughout history to address sexual issues, made this point about respect in his visionary, still controversial book, Marriage and Morals: 1 See R. J. Noonan, “New Directions, New Hope for Sexuality: On the Cutting Edge of Sane Sex,” this volume, for a more detailed presentation of this thesis and the author’s development of his rational and honest, sexand life-affirming “Sane Sex” approach to sexual health and education, including differing alternatives for avoiding HIV transmission; see also P. B. Anderson, “A Few Notes on HIV Transmission.” 8 Morality in sexual relations, when it is free from superstition, consists essentially of respect for the other person, and unwillingness to use that person solely as a means of personal gratification, without regard to his or her desires. (p. 153) 9 Does Anyone Still Remember When Sex Was Fun? Positive Sexuality in the Age of AIDS Raymond J. Noonan Loving yourself will help you to respect both yourself and others. It will also help you to survive sexually and to live. Respect is the basis, the sine qua non, for any true moral code. Defeating the negative impact of AIDS means taking control of your own life, to which almost everything we talk about in this book can contribute. It also means confronting your fears—the AIDS-Related Fears and Anxieties, or ARFA, that I describe in a later chapter in this book—the rational, realistic fears, as well as the irrational, unwarranted fears about AIDS, intimacy, and sexuality that many people have developed. One doesn’t need to become a celibate recluse, locking oneself away from others, both socially or sexually, to avoid AIDS. Many people don’t even need to give up multiple sexual partners or many of the other healthy sexual activities that may enhance their lives and relationships. While it goes without saying that sexuality is intimately connected to our attitudes and actions in life in general, this chapter has focused on our sexual selves and our relationships with others. On a global scale, we have consistently avoided educating people honestly about sexual health—and this is only beginning to change slowly as a result of AIDS. As we choose our course along life’s journey, common sense and calm rationality—and a commitment to the value of others—must replace political expediency and economic exploitation as the dominant values guiding our personal—as well as our national and international—affairs. This is particularly true with respect to AIDS and the devastating impact it has had all over the world. No longer can we tolerate the sensationalism and fear-mongering that permeate much of our “information” about AIDS and how to prevent its transmission. We still have a long way to go in our educational efforts. In both the long run and short run, all relationships will become more difficult because of the impact of AIDS on our individual sensibilities and collective consciousness—both in the enormous toll in suffering it has caused and will cause, and in its value as a symbol or metaphor for those who wish to make it more than it is, particularly to try to control other people’s lives and behavior. Despite these realities, we cannot allow ourselves to lose our sense of the beauty of humanity and our wonderfully diverse sexual heritage. Remember, the essence of true beauty is in the smile, particularly the smile that overflows into the eyes. The smile betrays happiness, one of the most elusive of human wants and desires for many people. Many try to find it in the diverse connections of their sexual relationships; some find happiness there and some don’t. Some try to find it within the complexity, energy, and joy they experience with multiple sex partners; some find it and some don’t. Most look for it in the struggles and joys of one lifelong monogamous relationship; again some find it, but most don’t. Many endure condemnation to find joy, love, and happiness with members of their own sex, while others endure the deep misunderstanding between women and men to find these with members of the other sex, and still others seek these goals with both sexes and endure exhortations from both sides telling them to make up their minds; again some achieve these elusive treasures, and some don’t. Still others try to find happiness by being alone, with its peace, strength, solitude, and occasional loneliness; again some find it and some don’t. The possibilities are endless, the potential always there. Thoreau once wrote that the majority of people lead lives of quiet desperation. If it’s true, it hasn’t been without the search for someone with whom to share it. In our confrontation with AIDS and the clash of values surrounding it, we need to hold on to both our relationships and our selves, for together they make the world less desperate and more meaningful—and more full of life, love, joy, happiness, dignity, respect, fun, and pleasure. Does anyone still remember when sex was fun? Let’s answer with a resounding “Yes!”—and remember that it can still be that—and so much more! 10 Survival Strategies for Lovers in the 1990s 11 Does Anyone Still Remember When Sex Was Fun? Positive Sexuality in the Age of AIDS BIBLIOGRAPHY Francoeur, A. K., & Francoeur, R. T. (1974). Hot & cool sex: Cultures in conflict. New York: Harcourt Brace Jovanovich. Jordan, J. V., Kaplan, A. G., Miller, J. B., Stiver, I. P., & Surrey, J. L. (1991). Women’s growth in connection: Writings from the Stone Center. New York: Guilford Press. Kirkendall, L. A., & Gravatt, A. E. (Eds.). (1984). Marriage and the family in the year 2020. Buffalo, NY: Prometheus Books. Kirkendall, L. A., & Whitehurst, R. N. (Eds.). (1971). The new sexual revolution. New York: Donald W. Brown. Libby, R. W., & Whitehurst, R. N. (1977). Marriage and alternatives: Exploring intimate relationships. Glenview, IL: Scott, Foresman and Company. Lindsey, K. (1981). Friends as family. Boston: Beacon Press. Macklin, E. D., & Rubin, R. H. (Eds.). (1983). Contemporary families and alternative lifestyles: Handbook on research and theory. Beverly Hills: Sage Publications. Noonan, R. J. (1979). Evolving marriage: The new sexualities in perspective. Paper delivered at the IV World Congress of Sexology, Mexico City, Mexico, December 17, 1979. O’Neill, N., & O’Neill, G. (1972). Open marriage: A new life style for couples. New York: M. Evans and Company. Ramey, J. (1976). Intimate friendships. Englewood Cliffs, NJ: Prentice-Hall. Russell, B. (1929). Marriage and morals. New York: Horace Liveright. Schrank, B. G. (1980). Personal communication. Singer, J. (1976). Androgyny: Toward a new theory of sexuality. Garden City, NY: Anchor Press/Doubleday. Wilson, R. R. (1974). Introduction to sexual counseling. Chapel Hill, NC: Carolina Population Center. This chapter is revised and updated from ideas first presented in an article written by the author and published in Sexology Today in December, 1980. 12 A Legacy Joan D. Lambert of Pleasure A Legacy of Pleasure Joan D. Lambert S exuality is a positive and fulfilling aspect of our lives. That fact must be stressed over and over again as today’s AIDS crisis expands inexorably into an epidemic of tragic proportions. Sexuality itself has suddenly become suspect, fair game for moralistic judgments and homophobic reactions. Thus, for sexologists, AIDS represents not only a tragedy but an opportunity to stand up and affirm the belief that led most of us into the field: sexuality is a life-affirming, wondrous capacity. It is under siege and we must defend it. This chapter will present a defense based on a new interpretation of human sexual evolution. The evolutionary approach offers a mind-expanding framework for sexual self-understanding. It encompasses facts and theories provided by every discipline that impinges on sexuality (i.e., psychology, anthropology, biology, sociobiology, physiology, neurology, endocrinology) and, in search of answers, attempts to put them together like an immense jigsaw puzzle. It deals not just with historical and cross-cultural data, but also delves deep into the mysteries of pre-human sexual development to ask what aspects of our 13 Does Anyone Still Remember When Sex Was Fun? Positive Sexuality in the Age of AIDS present selves may reflect our earliest beginnings. Are there evolutionary roots, for instance, to the gender and sexual preference differences that continue to challenge our understanding? And how did the business of reproducing—a fairly straightforward process for most other species—become so complicated, so fraught with emotions and ideologies, among humans all over the world? In the midst of the complexity and variety that characterizes human sexual relationships, the evolutionary perspective can also reveal basic sexual patterns common to all species, all eras. When questions about four or five, or even ten million year-old sexual behavior are routine, we can begin to see ourselves naked, so to speak, to see what lies beneath the trappings of culture, the vagaries of the individual psyche and body. This multi-faceted approach is particularly valuable in the age of AIDS, for it permits us to transcend immediate realities that are so tragic, so enveloping, and to see ourselves in terms of what went before and what might come after. That, in turn, allows us to view AIDS not just as an epidemic that destroys bodies and lives but as an opportunity to re-think (perhaps re-invent is a better word) our sexual selves. Our minds can delve beyond the present horror, beyond contemporary sexual customs and politics, to reveal ourselves as creatures of our evolutionary past as well as of our present culture. The paradigm to be presented below emerges from this expanded framework. It suggests an entirely new way of viewing human sexuality, one that stresses its positive impact on our lives, today and in the past. The new scenario views sexuality as a beneficent force that helped to make us human, that can help us to maintain those aspects of our humanity that seem most promising and to escape from those that seem destructive. In so doing, it stands in contrast to traditional evolutionary theory which often regards sexuality as a ‘problematic’ or a potentially divisive force that perpetuates existing gender stereotypes. 14 A Legacy of Pleasure Joan D. Lambert E THE NEW SEXUAL SCENARIO stablished evolutionary theory focuses on reproductive success as central to the human emergence (Lovejoy, 1981; Symons, 1979). The new paradigm affirms sexuality as a life-enhancing experience by suggesting that sexual pleasure, as well as reproductive success, was integral to the evolution of that doubly intelligent creature: Homo Sapiens Sapiens. Second, the new theory suggests that sexual evolution played a large role in the development of humanness. Experts have pondered for years over the evolution of the large human brain, wondering why humans, alone among primates, began to alter their world in radical ways, began to speak and imagine and create. Sexual adaptations were a major catalyst for those profound shifts. Third, the new evolutionary scenario suggests that our sexual systems evolved to maximize somatosensory pleasure because it was essential to pre-human survival. It proposes further that touching may originally have been one of the most important ingredients in our somatosensory repertoire, that the vagaries of human evolution interrupted the development of touch communication, and that humanity has suffered badly from its loss. Fourth, the new theory suggests that pleasure-inducing sexual behavior may have evolved as an important mechanism for the control of aggression between individuals and within groups. Homo Sapiens’ remarkable talents have often been used in destructive ways—we have developed the capacity to destroy the earth that sustains us as well as the ability to write music and books, to create paintings and beautiful buildings. These destructive tendencies, however, though they may never be eradicated, can be controlled. They appear to become dominant only in the absence of positive and rewarding somatosensory experiences. When sexuality is considered a natural and enhancing part of life, violence tends to diminish. When it is viewed negatively, violence escalates. 15 Does Anyone Still Remember When Sex Was Fun? Positive Sexuality in the Age of AIDS THE PRE-HUMAN STORY: DISPERSAL B etween four and twelve million years ago, a drought of unimaginable proportions decimated the parts of Africa that are now considered the cradle of mankind. Lakes and rivers dried up, trees disappeared, and once verdant forests gave way to arid plains and endless grasslands or deserts. Our hominid (pre-human) ancestors were forced to come down from the trees and make their living on the ground. No one can say how they survived, for there are no fossil clues. There was not enough water to fossilize bones, and they turned instead to dust. For many years, experts believed that hominids must have learned to hunt, to make tools and weapons, in order to survive the rigors of the Pliocene drought. But the discovery in 1974 of an almost complete three-and-a-half million year-old skeleton named Lucy rudely disproved these rather pretentious fantasies. For Lucy was as upright as you or I; her brain, however, was distressingly primitive. Neither she nor any of her kind could possibly have been capable of organized hunting. Existing fossil evidence also suggests that hominids probably did not live in the communal groups essential to hunting until at least another two million years had passed. Still further erosion of the hunting hypothesis came from the logical conclusion that in such adverse conditions there were probably few animals to hunt, and that four-legged animals with fangs and claws would have been far more proficient at catching those few. We do know, however, that hominids perfected the upright stance during those difficult years. Our ancestors stood up and walked far earlier than had ever been expected—perhaps five million years ago. No one can say precisely why, but all experts agree that there must have been a compelling reason. Four legs are faster, more efficient, and more stable; what could have persuaded these vulnerable, fangless, clawless creatures to stand up and stride brazenly across the savannah? Other questions 16 A Legacy of Pleasure Joan D. Lambert continue to defy explanation. If hunting wasn’t the answer to hominid survival, what was? How did these unprepossessing creatures, bereft of the forests that had once sustained them and still unaccustomed to life on the ground, possibly find enough to eat? The fruits and berries on which they had formerly depended were in short supply, as were small animals and birds. And water must have been an even scarcer resource. When environmental conditions are harsh, animals tend to disperse. That way, each individual can eke out a living by utilizing the resources of a larger territory. In fact, the living habits of many species can be predicted by the availability of food in a habitat. When food is abundant, animals live in groups. When food is scarce, they very sensibly spread out across the land. If animals do not or cannot disperse when starvation threatens, social chaos results. Males threaten and kill any smaller animal, females desert their offspring, mating may cease, and the old, the weak, and the young are soon eradicated. Entire species have become extinct under these circumstances. Our hominid ancestors probably followed these age-old dispersal instincts in order to survive the horrors of the drought. Gradually, as conditions worsened, individual animals (or a female and her dependent young) wandered away from the group, avoiding contact with other hominids in order to increase their own chance of finding enough to eat. Their enforced separation kept them alive and may have saved the species from extinction, but it also entailed the loss of certain adaptative behaviors. Grooming, for example, is an essential behavior for primates. They spend long hours grooming each other, for the activity transmits important personal and social messages as well as keeping the animals’ fur and skin healthy and free of parasites. It seems also to be a highly pleasurable exercise—animals close their eyes, swoon, and look utterly relaxed. Grooming partners often seem highly affectionate, and they clearly enjoy giving and receiving pleasure. Once they had dispersed, however, 17 Does Anyone Still Remember When Sex Was Fun? Positive Sexuality in the Age of AIDS hominids could no longer groom; in the absence of grooming, infestations of parasites must have caused many fatal infections. Those animals with the least fur would have survived best, and, in the time-honored manner of natural selection, the naked ape was eventually born. An evolutionary mechanism known as neoteny was probably instrumental in this process. Neoteny, which means the retention of child-like characteristics into adulthood, is used by many species as a defense against aggression, for most animals are ‘programmed’ to recognize neotenous characteristics like hairlessness, rounded cheeks and head, smaller stature, and to leave the animal who possesses them alone. Hominid females, particularly, must have benefited from neoteny, for it helped to protect them against aggression from the much larger males. As a result, females lost most of their fur, retaining only a coating of fine down and the pubic and axillary hair essential to sexual scent messages. Males, in contrast, who needed to look as threatening as possible to compete with other males for mating privileges, retained significant amounts of facial and body hair. Fur loss was thus beneficial to the species in two ways: it helped to defuse aggression between animals and to enhance individual health. But it also had negative consequences—in the absence of fur, infants could no longer cling and had to be carried by their mothers, a difficult feat for a four-legged animal. This dilemma may explain the puzzling evolution of the upright stance; on two legs, female hominids had one arm free for the baby and one for gathering food. After some generations, this trait, too, spread through the population, for its presence was far more valuable to individual animals that its absence. Furlessness resulted in the two-legged stance, which permitted our ancestors to use their hands to make complex tools, and ultimately to transform their world. Yet, at the same time, the communication and sensory stimulation that had accompanied 18 A Legacy of Pleasure Joan D. Lambert grooming was disrupted, forever changing the nature of the human relationship to pleasure. However far we have come from our primate heritage, we may never have entirely lost the need for the somatosensory pleasure once associated with grooming, or for touching as an important form of interpersonal and social communication. Could that be one reason why humans so often misunderstand and misinterpret each other’s motives? Perhaps if we learned to “groom” again, in the modern form of massage or ritualized touching, we might find that we understood each other and our society a great deal better. THE SEXUAL PLEASURE ADAPTATION D ispersal triggered another critical problem. If hominids were so widely scattered, how were they to propogate? Natural selection solved this reproductive dilemma with “hidden” ovulation, continual receptivity, and, especially, sexual pleasure. These new strategies, by encouraging males and females to mate whenever they met, and by increasing the female’s reproductive potential, insured that no period of fertility would be unexploited. Females of most primate species have a period of estrus, or fertility, when ovulation occurs. Mating takes place primarily at that time. Estrus periods may be as infrequent as every five years, since they cease at fertilization and begin again only when the current infant is weaned. At some point in our evolution, human females diverged from this established pattern to become physically receptive to sexual activity at any time of the month or the year, whether or not an infant was weaned, whether or not they were fertile. Further, ovulation became more frequent and it became “hidden”—both females and males lost the ability to determine exactly when ovulation occurred and when fertility was therefore at its peak. 19 Does Anyone Still Remember When Sex Was Fun? Positive Sexuality in the Age of AIDS Like furlessness and the upright stance, these were costly adaptations. They solved the reproductive dilemma, but they also had disadvantages. For continual mating requires energy expenditures that might better be relegated to searching for food, and continual pregnancy depletes female energy resources. Mating also makes animals vulnerable to attack, for they tend to become preoccupied with the matter at hand. Thus, a growing capacity to experience sexual pleasure was an essential accompaniment to these shifts in sexual strategy, for it motivated hominids to mate whenever the occasion arose, regardless of knowledge of fertility and despite potential drawbacks. Three suppositions about these newly acquired traits emerge: hominids who were most motivated to mate were most genetically ‘fit.’ These individuals left more genes behind them, and with their genes came a penchant for sexual activity. Second, with that penchant came a strange paradox: sexual activity grew more and more removed from its original reproductive purpose, and instead, the experience of pleasure began to be paramount. Hominids began to engage in sexual behavior because they found it intrinsically rewarding, and pleasure itself was the reward. This was a profound shift, for sexual behavior was no longer ‘hard-wired’ to its original reproductive intent. Third, hominids developed a distinct preference for privacy during their sexual activities. Otherwise they would too often have ended up in a predator’s stomach! Contemporary sexual physiology offers a major source of support for these premises. The human female has a repertoire of sexual skills that are unsurpassed in the animal kingdom. Besides continual receptivity, they include a capacity for orgasm that is theoretically endless and the absence of any refractory period during the sexual response cycle. The human male’s interest in sex is also clearly uninhibited by questions of fertility; an opportunist, he will usually engage in sexual activity whenever he can. He also has the largest penis of any primate, possibly 20 A Legacy of Pleasure Joan D. Lambert because its size helped him to compete with other males for mating privileges. It may also have made him more attractive to females; as primatologist Sara Hrdy has pointed out, females are usually in charge of partner selection, and a virile-looking male may have had an advantage. The sexual pleasure adaptation also helps to explain the evolution of homosexuality as a normal part of the sexual repertoire for a percentage of males. In primate groups, large numbers of males have difficulty gaining access to females. With strong sexual impulses and pleasure the intrinsic reward, hominid males may have turned to other males until and unless females were available. (A similar, though less pronounced female tendency may also have evolved.) Eventually homosexuality, too, became established in the gene pool, for the opportunities for somatosensory pleasure it afforded may to some degree have offset the loss of direct genetic success. The human preoccupation with sex evolved to balance the effects of dispersal, and it certainly succeeded. Our sexual abilities (and our fecundity) seem positively redundant today, but they were essential to the genetic success of individual hominids. Those who mated as often as possible because they enjoyed sex for its own sake passed on more genes, and with their genes went a highly developed capacity for sexual pleasure. In this way, humans became the sexiest creatures ever to inhabit the earth. C SEX TO DEFUSE AGGRESSION ontinual sexual receptivity may have had another essential purpose—the diffusion of male aggression toward females and their young. Infanticide was a particularly onerous issue for hominid females. Male primates will often try to kill the young of “strange” females (females with whom they have not mated), for when an infant is killed, its mother soon becomes fertile again, 21 Does Anyone Still Remember When Sex Was Fun? Positive Sexuality in the Age of AIDS allowing the new male to get his own genes into circulation. Since hominid females and males were widely separated, according to the new evolutionary scenario, any male who came across a strange female could be expected to try to kill her infant. This situation spelled potential disaster for females whose lives were already marginal and whose fertility may often have been negatively affected by nutritional deficiencies. If a female had managed to give birth to a healthy infant, she had to keep it alive. A direct physical defense was impossible as evolutionary necessity demanded that males be almost twice as large as females—they had to grow large to compete for access to females, while females had to remain small to maximize their breeding potential. (A small body uses fewer resources and is therefore more efficient when food is scarce.) Instead, sexual interaction was the solution, for it provided female hominids with the ability to defuse male aggression. A female who could distract males from infanticide by persuading them to mate instead obviously had a distinct genetic advantage over her less “libidinous” sisters. There was a further advantage. Males do not kill infants of females with whom they have mated. So a female who was willing to mate with every male in the area as often as possible possessed an even stronger defense against infanticide, for every consort might then be persuaded to believe he was ‘Daddy.’ This is a common strategy among female primates. As primatologist Sara Hrdy observes, females take full advantage of the masculine paternity dilemma, seeming to understand that if there is even a chance that their genes are represented in an infant, males will hedge their bets by leaving it alone. Tactics of this type are evident in all species and do not demand any special intelligence. Rat females and males, for instance, know the difference between ‘familiar’ and ‘unfamiliar’ partners and act accordingly, exhibiting the tenets of natural selection. Animals that “make decisions” that work leave more genes behind them, and the successful behaviors eventually become part of the species’ repertoire. 22 A Legacy of Pleasure Joan D. Lambert The female willingness to engage in sex probably had other advantages. Primate males defer to and share food with females only when they are in estrus. Since the hominid female was essentially in estrus all the time, she had an unusual degree of what may best be termed “psychological” power over the physically stronger male. Her enhanced status served to offset male superior strength and, therefore, to maintain a balance of power between the sexes. Such a balance was beneficial to both sexes, since males depended on females to bring their genes (in the form of sperm) to maturity. A powerful female who could compete successfully for resources was more likely to manage this difficult task than one without such power. Sex then, became an aggression-reducing mechanism between female and male very early in our evolution. It soon took on an even more important role, for as hominids once again began to live in groups about two to three million years ago, sexual behavior became an important mechanism for maintaining the stability of the communal band. In fact, evolving hominids may have become dependent on it to inhibit interpersonal and social violence. A THE VIOLENCE CONNECTION ggressive tendencies are characteristic of all species. They are essential to individual survival (as in the killing of game or self-defense), yet can be maladaptive if they induce life-threatening behavior (as in challenging rather than fleeing a stronger aggressor). A balance must be maintained between the opposing strategies of ‘fight’ and ‘flight,’ or aggression and conciliation, if an individual animal is to survive and pass on its genes. A balance between aggressive and conciliatory impulses is also essential to the maintenance of social cohesion. The opposing pain (or violence) and pleasure centers of the 23 Does Anyone Still Remember When Sex Was Fun? Positive Sexuality in the Age of AIDS central nervous system may have evolved to maintain this balance. Stimulation of the pleasure center through positive sensory stimulation of the young (through licking, nursing, body contact) as well as adult interaction (body contact, grooming, etc.) prevents undue growth of the violence center and thus functions to cement bonds between individuals and maintain stability within the group. Among primates, grooming is probably the most important mechanism for stimulation of the pleasure center. Among furless hominids, pleasure-inducing sexual activity may have replaced grooming as the primary mechanism for maintaining the necessary balance between the pain and pleasure centers. Sex kept the peace between individuals and within groups because it provided the essential somatosensory stimulation that inhibited dysfunctional violence and promoted conciliation. Sexually derived behaviors may still fulfill this function, for when our sexual/sensual impulses are repressed by social customs, aggressive behavior may predominate, with negative consequences to individuals and ultimately to the species.1 A Legacy of Pleasure Joan D. Lambert Further, it is interesting to note that women may have evolved with a biological advantage over the male in experiencing and integrating somatosensory pleasure. Conversely, women may also exhibit greater vulnerability to pleasure deprivation than men, probably because their greater integrative capacity implies enhanced development of neural connections between the sexual, the emotional, and the cognitive realms of the brain (Prescott, 1977, 1983). As a result, deprivation is felt and known more keenly. Men, in turn, with fewer integrative connections and stronger aggressive impulses, may require more somatosensory ‘infusions’ to provide the necessary balance between the pain and pleasure centers of the brain. A number of possible conclusions emerge from these speculations. First, in the absence of positive attitudes toward sexuality, women will suffer disproportionately, as emotional and cognitive faculties could be affected. Second, while somatosensory experiences are neglected or rejected, men will be unusually aggressive. Third, if humans, as suggested above, have become dependent on pleasure-inducing sexual activity to balance aggressive tendencies, the development and enhancement of somatosensory experiences may be crucial to continued survival. 1 Support for this premise comes from a series of studies conducted by Dr. James Prescott, a neurophysiologist with the National Institutes of Health. He analyzed the relationship between attitudes toward violence and body pleasure in 49 cultures around the world. Prescott found an astonishing 98% correlation between a culture’s acceptance of somatosensory pleasure as a normal and valuable human capacity and its intolerance for violence. That is, when a particular society was nurturant toward its children and was tolerant of both premarital and extramarital sexuality, violence within the community and directed toward others was virtually absent. When children were treated harshly and rigid rules surrounded sexual behavior, particularly for women, violence was the rule. He concluded that attitudes toward body pleasure and repression or celebration of sexuality are integrally connected—when punitive and repressive attitudes toward sexuality and pleasure exist, violence, drug abuse, and low interpersonal tolerance follow. 24 T THE GROWTH OF THE BRAIN AND SEXUAL ADAPTATION he large human brain developed, at least in part, because hominid sexual behavior was no longer ‘hard-wired’ to reproductive success. Once pleasure had become the intrinsic reward, sexual experiences began to be interpreted and understood as pleasurable. More neural circuits between the older limbic brain and the emerging emotive and cognitive centers were required to fulfill these functions. The brain grew to accommodate the new circuits; its growth, in turn, stimulated still more 25 Does Anyone Still Remember When Sex Was Fun? Positive Sexuality in the Age of AIDS emotional and cognitive complexity. Interestingly, the need for privacy may have facilitated these shifts. To minimize chances of attack while mating, pre-humans had to find a relatively secure spot, which meant thinking ahead, planning, and probably a greater opportunity for emotional interaction when mating did take place. Because of the two-legged stance, mating may also have occurred primarily face-to-face, permitting communication via facial gestures and possibly vocal utterances. Over time, the cognitive and sensory aspects of sexual interactions became just as important as its physical expression. Emerging humans began not just to mate but to think and feel about the nature of their mating activities and about their mating partners. Individuals who were capable of these new skills had a genetic advantage, for their emotional and cognitive abilities permitted them to ‘understand’ their relationships, their position in the group and their world. Much of the behavior described above that contributed to (and accompanied) brain growth could be called sensual. The word implies an expansion of sexual from a simple physical response to include emotive, erotic, and cognitive components. It, too, now became integral to the human condition, both as a source of sensory pleasure and inhibitor of violence, and as a means of communication between individuals. Another impetus for brain growth was paradoxical. As the brain expanded to encompass the emerging human potential, it created an obstetrical dilemma. Our female ancestors could not develop a pelvic girdle wide enough to permit easy passage of a big-brained baby. The pelvic bones of an upright creature cannot be too widely spaced; if they were, the female would have to walk with a waddle so pronounced as to be totally impractical. The solution, once again, was costly. Infants began to be born prematurely, before their brains were fully developed. Altricial (accelerated) birth meant that they lived for nearly a year as extra-uterine embryos (Gould, 1985). 26 A Legacy of Pleasure Joan D. Lambert As a result, females began, for the first time, to require assistance in child-rearing. They might be weakened or even killed by a difficult birth (probably enormous numbers of females died in childbirth in these transitional years, for the newly enlarged skull was still very thick and lacked a fontanelle), and the underdeveloped infant needed constant, energy-depriving care. The relationships that evolved as a result of shared child-rearing required still more sexual, cognitive, and emotional connections. Agreements and bargains and reciprocal arrangements between offspring and their relations increased, and social customs, traditions, and finally institutions and policies emerged to regulate them. The complications of nurture, as well as nature, and the multiple interactions between them, had become essential to sexual interactions. And so Homo Sapiens Sapiens was born. T A HERITAGE OF PLEASURE his is necessarily a distressingly brief recapitulation of a four or five million year story. But it suffices to provide a framework for the major point of this chapter: the pursuit of somatosensory pleasure, however we choose to obtain it, is our heritage, not our downfall. Sensual and sexual stimulation are, or have the potential to be, positive forces in the human experience. They can help us to communicate, to control violence, to express the best of our emotions. Without positive sexuality, we are bereft, unable to fulfill our potential and prone to destructive impulses. In the age of AIDS, this knowledge can help us to celebrate our sexuality, for it is truly a wondrous gift. We can remind ourselves that it is the affirmation of pleasure as an intrinsic and valuable human capacity, not denial, that will ultimately save us from becoming hedonists bent on self-destruction, as so many critics contend. While the experience of 27 Does Anyone Still Remember When Sex Was Fun? Positive Sexuality in the Age of AIDS pleasure is called sinful, so shall we be sinful in the sense of doing violence to each other. We need to remember, also, that it is the celebration of touch as an important mechanism for emotional, cognitive, and sensory communication, rather than the prudery of the “do not touch” mentality, with its advocacy of emotional repression, that will finally permit us to realize our full human potential. For somatosensory experiences, sexual and sensual, are essential to the control of human violence. Our brains are constructed in such a way that only sensuality, construed here to mean sexuality in its most expansive sense, can safely moderate aggressive impulses; to deny our sensuality is to deny the potential for individual and social harmony. It is the confirmation of that sensual heritage, rather than the hardening effect of stoicism, that will usher in a longed-for era of world peace. AIDS has forced us to re-think our personal sexual lives and our professional positions. Clearly, unprotected genital sex can be dangerous, even deadly under certain circumstances. But once we recognize that sensuality, as well as sexuality, are our birthright, we may be able to reduce our dependence on purely genital sex and expand our perceptions of sexuality to include the whole range of sensual and somatosensory experiences of which we are capable. If the tragedy of AIDS can help us to re-invent the meaning of sexuality, we can surely find some comfort amidst the pain. A Legacy of Pleasure Joan D. Lambert Hubbard, R. (1979). Have only men evolved? In Biological woman: The convenient myth. Cambridge, MA: Schenkman Publishing. Johanson, D. C., & Maitland, A. E. (1981). Lucy: The beginnings of humankind. New York: Simon & Schuster. Lovejoy, C. O. (1981). The origin of man. Science, 211, 4479 Prescott, J. W. (1977). Phylogenetic and ontogenic aspects of human affectional development. In Gemme, R. & Wheeler, C.C., Eds. Progress in Sexology: Selected papers from the proceedings of the 1976 International Congress of Sexology. New York: Plenum Press. Prescott, J. W. (1983). Developmental origins of violence: Psychobiological, cross-cultural & religious perspectives. Invited Address: American Psychological Association. Strum, S. (1987). Almost human. New York: Random House. Symons, D. (1979). The evolution of human sexuality. New York: Oxford University Press. Wilson, E. O. (1975). Sociobiology: The new synthesis. Cambridge, MA: Harvard University Press. REFERENCES Fisher, H. E. (1982). The sex contract: The evolution of human behavior. New York: William Morrow & Co. Goodall, J. (1971). In the shadow of man. New York: Dell Publishing Co. Gould, S. J. (1985). The most compelling pelvis since Elvis. Discover, December. Hrdy, S. B. (1981) The woman that never evolved. Cambridge, MA: Harvard University Press. 28 29 Does Anyone Still Remember When Sex Was Fun? Positive Sexuality in the Age of AIDS Index Index Abortion, 2, 103, 151, 155, 201-202, 204, 216 Abstinence, sexual, 88, 93, 110, 138, 147, 151, 172, 178-180, 187, 190, 197 as risk behavior, 178-180, 190 Abuse, 9 Adaptation, 25 Adolescents and AIDS, 121 Adulthood, 188, 195 Advantage 24® contraceptive, 172, 178 Africa, 16, 165-166, 168, 202 Age of AIDS, 2-3, 31, 89, 93, 97, 130, 132, 135, 137-139, 141-142 Aggression, 15, 18, 21-25, 28 AIDS and mortality, 2 and the clash of values, 11 as metaphor, 11, 146, 159161 as opportunity, 13-14, 31, 35 as part of comprehensive sexuality education program, 151 as plague, 161, 217 as serious health crisis, 1, 150 education, 203-204 impact on individuals, 1, 10, 31, 35, 84, 91-92, 192, 216 impact on relationships, 192, 209-210 impact on sexuality, 2, 13, 30, 84, 91, 97 impact on society, 1, 10, 209, 216 in Africa, 165-166, 168 on television, 147, 149 prevalence, 87 prevention, 4, 7, 9-10, 45, 76, 106, 126, 141, 147148, 150, 159, 173, 179, 188-189, 192, 203-204 search for cure, 216 transmission, 147-148 used to control sexuality, 11 See also HIV “AIDS brain,” 168, 194 “AIDS doesn’t discriminate,” 180-181 AIDS education, 90, 99, 105106 AIDS phobia, 193-194 AIDS prevention, 88-90, 137 AIDS test See HIV-antibody test AIDS virus See HIV AIDS-industrial complex, 186 AIDS-Related Fears and Anxieties (ARFA), 10, 193-195, 197, 210 Alcohol, 42, 103-104, 115116, 119, 123, 127, 154, 157-158, 162 American Public Health Association, 201 American society as multicultural, 5 Anal intercourse, 39, 41, 91, 93-95, 109, 114, 118, 123, 147, 151, 166, 170171, 181 Anderson, P. B., 8, 30, 38, 45 Androgyny, 6 Anonymous sex, 160 Anthropological aspects, 13 Anxiety, 194 See also AIDS-Related Fears and Anxieties (ARFA) ARFA See AIDS-Related Fears and Anxieties Attitudes and sexuality, 10 toward disadvantaged classes, 150 Barrier sex, 173, 210 Barriers to HIV chemical, 177 mechanical, 177 Bigler, M. O., 130 Birth control See Contraception Bisexuality, 6, 11, 32, 77, 9395, 112, 186, 192 Bisexuals and AIDS, 51, 84-85, 89, 114, 131, 163 Blood transfusion, 38 Bondage and discipline (B&D), 35 Brandt, A., 160 Calderone, M. S., 206 Casual sex, 55, 195 CDC See Centers for Disease Control and Prevention Celibacy, 10-11, 84, 194, 197 Censorship of AIDS materials, 204 of the Internet, 201-202, 204, 222 Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), 147, 155, 164, 211 Child sexual abuse, 200 Chlamydia, 177-178 Choices, 5-6, 93, 127, 151, 155, 158-159, 172, 176, 180, 186, 189, 192-193, 200, 202-203 235 Classism, 207 Cock rings, 35 Cockburn, B. (songwriter), 144, 210 College students and AIDS, 121, 157 Commitment, 3, 189, 195 Communication, 15, 18-19, 26-28, 31-32, 34-35, 77, 91, 96, 101-102, 126, 141, 159, 191, 208 Comstock Act, 201 Condom-specific impotence, 173, 210 Condoms, 8-9, 32, 35, 4142, 45, 73, 90-94, 100, 103, 110, 115, 117-118, 123, 127, 131, 147, 157, 170-177, 179, 186, 188, 190, 194, 204, 210-211 and sensitivity, 174 integrating into lovemaking, 174 male refuses to use, 171172 opposition to use of, 147 promoting use of, 173174, 188 Conformity, 3 Contraception, 2, 4, 7, 95, 103, 111, 117, 119, 127, 151, 155, 171-172, 189, 202, 204, 212-214, 216 Coping strategies, 193 Cross-cultural issues, 13 Culture and sexuality, 14 Cunnilingus, 176 See Oral sex Cuomo, M., 146 Dating, 151 de Mauro, D., 187 Death sex as a source of, 145 Decline of American rights, 202, 210 Dental dams, 176 Deprivation of pleasure impact on women, 25 Desperation, 11 Diaphragm use in preventing infection, 177, 186 Dignity, 1, 11, 97, 195 Dildos, 35 Disadvantaged groups and AIDS, 163, 181, 186 Discrimination, 137 Dishonesty, 173-174 236 Drug use, 42, 115, 119, 147, 150, 162 and AIDS, 131, 163-164, 190 intravenous, 162 sharing needles, 38, 41, 99, 103, 115, 119, 147, 165 Dworkin, A., 186 Education and AIDS, 150 developmentally appropriate, 151 for sexuality, 10, 31, 151, 174, 187, 189, 192-193, 209 See also Sexuality education Ehrhardt, A., 203-204 Eisenstadt v. Baird, 202 Epidemic as metaphor, 161 Eros, 144-145, 197 Eroticism, 2 Evolution, 18, 22, 24 human sexual, 5, 13-15, 21, 205 Exchange of blood or semen, 39 False assumptions about AIDS, 170 Families expanded, 7 extended, 7 intentional, 7 nuclear, 7 of choice, 7 Family life education See Sexuality education Fantasy, 34, 83, 94, 208 Fear, 31, 214 about death, 2 irrational, unreasonable, or unwarranted, 10, 146, 148-149, 151, 155, 157, 176, 193-194 of AIDS, 10, 33, 57, 84, 88-89, 146, 169, 193194, 207 of being contagious, 194 of homosexuals, 193 of intimacy, 149 of promoting AIDS, 145, 150-151 of sex and intimacy, 10, 79, 84, 87, 149, 193-194 rational, 10, 91, 193-194 used to prevent AIDS, 10, 100-101, 150, 193-194 Fear reduction, 44 Fellatio See Oral sex Femininity, 6 Feminism, 182, 184-185 First Amendment rights, 201, 203 Fossil record, 16 Francoeur, A. K., 7 Francoeur, R. T., 7 Freedom, 7 Friendship, 8-9 Friendship networks, 7 Frottage, 33, 35 Fumento, M., 145, 149, 160 Fun, 11, 91-93, 96 Fundamentalism, 5-6, 87 Gay men, 84-87, 90 and AIDS, 46, 83-85, 87, 89, 114 Gay Men’s Health Crisis, 85 Gender orientation, 112-113 Genetic success, 20-23, 26 Gonorrhea, 2, 64, 86, 95, 177-178 Gordon, S., 206 Gospels, 133, 140 Gould, S. J., 26 Gravatt, A. E., 6 Griswold v. Connecticut, 202 Grooming, 17, 19, 24, 34 Group sex, 35, 160 as metaphor, 160 Guilt, sexual, 75, 190, 194, 208 Haffner, D., 187 Happiness, 1-2, 9, 11 Heilmann, K., 153, 157 Helms Amendment, 204 Hendrixson, L. L., 99 Hepatitis B, 86, 95 Herpes, 86, 162, 177-178, 192 Heterophobia, 182-185 internalized, 183 Heterosexuality, 6, 11, 32, 94-95, 109, 112, 186, 192, 204 Heterosexuals and AIDS, 39-40, 47, 53, 145, 160-161, 163-165, 170-172, 189-190, 211 History of AIDS, 207 HIV (Human Immunodeficiency Virus) incidence, 187 Index HIV (Human Immunodeficiency Virus), continued incubation period, 159 infectivity, 187 man-to-woman transmission of, 171 prevalence, 63, 169, 187 repeated exposure to, 162, 176 risk in casual situations, 33, 39, 119, 159 transmission, 8, 30, 32-33, 38-40, 42, 85, 88, 93, 117, 151, 159, 162, 165, 170-171, 177, 187, 207 woman-to-man transmission of, 171 See also AIDS HIV-antibody test, 32, 44, 93, 103, 119 Homo Sapiens Sapiens, 15, 27 Homophobia, 13, 31, 87, 90, 166, 182-183, 193 internalized, 183 Homosexuality, 6, 11, 21, 32, 77, 86, 89-90, 93, 9596, 103, 110-114, 136, 151, 165, 170, 186, 192, 204 Homosexuals and AIDS, 39, 46, 114, 131, 165, 181 irrational fear of, 193 Honesty, 7, 10, 141, 150151, 171, 173-174, 187, 189, 191-192, 217 Hope, 2, 87, 136-138, 175 Hot, Horny & Healthy: Eroticizing Safer Sex (workshop), 85, 88, 9092, 94-95, 97-98 Hotlines, 222, 224 Hrdy, S., 21-22 Hugging, 33, 35, 110, 118119 Human Immunodeficiency Virus See HIV Humanism, 6 Ignorance of AIDS, 76, 145 of sex, 76, 145 Immorality See Morality and immorality Individuality, 3, 5-7 Industrial Revolution, 7 “Innocent victims of AIDS,” 195 Instincts life, 144 See also Eros Isolation sex, 173, 210 Jäger, H., 193 Jealousy, 7 Joffe, C., 203 John Paul II, 148 Jordon, J. V., 6 Joy, 9, 11, 30, 32, 36, 100 Judeo-Christian heritage, 130, 195-196 “Just say no,” 175 Kaplan, A. G., 6 King, B. M., 121 Kirkendall, L. A., 5-6, 215216 Kissing, 35, 90, 110, 118119, 208 Koop, C. E., 99, 147 Kutchinsky, B., 44 Lambert, J. D., 13, 205 Lawrence, Jr., R. J., 196-197 Leik, R. K., 188 Lesbians, 181 and AIDS, 115, 190 Libby, R. W., 6 Lieberman, L., 141 Lindsey, K., 7 Listening, 9 Loneliness, 11 Love, 9-11, 103, 114, 133134, 136-138, 140, 151, 176, 210 Lovers in a Dangerous Time (song excerpt), 144 Lucy (early hominid skeleton), 16 Macklin, E. D., 6 Mahoney, Archbishop, 147 Marriage, 3, 9, 103, 110, 114, 122, 151, 188, 190191, 195-196, 209 alternatives to traditional, 6 Masculinity, 6, 175 Massage, 33, 35 Masturbation, 34-35, 83, 95, 107, 110, 118, 151, 187, 197, 208 mutual, 34, 93, 95, 208 McMahon, K. T., 141 Megan’s laws, 200 Miller, J. B., 6 Minorities and AIDS, 150, 163-166, 181, 207 Minority women and AIDS, 76, 150 Money, J., 203 Monogamy, 3, 7, 11, 68, 138, 147, 172, 179, 187, 189-191, 196, 208 as risk behavior, 179-180, 190 serial, 189 Morality and immorality, 56, 9-10, 13, 133, 136, 151, 195, 198-200, 203205, 207 Morality concealed in science, 151 Motivation, 47 Multidisciplinary study of sexuality, 13-14 Multiple sexual partners, 7, 10-11, 45, 54, 63, 85, 111, 123, 150-151, 177, 186-188, 192, 194 Myths, 153 Myths of monogamy, 187, 189 National Center for Health Statistics, 155 National Conference of Catholic Bishops, 147 National Research Council, 161 Neoteny, 18 New Testament, 197 Nonoxynol-9, 42, 117-118, 170-172, 177-178, 186 Noonan, R. J., 1, 6, 8, 144, 149, 192, 208, 209, 222 North, B. B., 177-178, 187 Number of sex partners impact on AIDS risk, 53, 63, 67, 90, 177, 187-188 NYC Department of Health, 207 O’Neill, G., 7, 191 O’Neill, N., 7, 191 Old Testament, 140 Open marriage, 7, 191 Open relationships, 7, 191 Opportunistic diseases, 39, 156 Oral sex, 40, 90-91, 93, 95, 109, 146-148, 151, 176 Orgasm, 1, 4, 20, 33-34, 93, 95-96, 110, 118, 141 237 Does Anyone Still Remember When Sex Was Fun? Positive Sexuality in the Age of AIDS Outercourse, 184, 208 Palacios-Jimenez, L., 84, 98 Paraphilias, 145 Pleasure, 4, 11, 13, 15, 17, 19-21, 23-28, 34-35, 75, 97, 100, 109, 139-140, 158, 208 Political correctness, 181182, 213 Politics impact on AIDS, 146, 149, 182, 193, 195, 207 impact on sexuality, 3, 10, 14, 76, 90, 149, 182186, 200, 206, 211 Pornography, 150, 204 Post-Modern Era of the Sexual Revolution, 192 Power relations, 126 Pregnancy, 155 unintended, 2, 4, 9, 150, 160, 171-172, 174-175, 179-180, 208 Premarital sex, 188 Prescott, J., 24-25 Primates, 15, 19, 22-24 Pro-Sex Forum, 149 Promiscuity, 72, 150, 160, 187, 190 Prostitution, 165-166, 207 Psychosocial aspects of AIDS, 121, 144-145 Quality of life with HIV infection, 39 Racism, 150, 166, 207 Ramey, J., 7 Rape, 75 Reiss, I. L., 158, 160, 163164, 179-180, 188, 190 Relationships, 2, 5-11, 14, 19, 27, 33, 84, 86, 90, 109, 140-141, 151, 173, 175, 190-191, 193, 195, 209 failures in, 195 Relative risk See Risk behavior Repeated exposure to HIV, 162, 176 Reproduction, 14-15, 19-20, 25 Respect, 7-11, 102, 141, 151 Response to AIDS by authorities, 149, 188, 194 by general public, 145 238 by government, 146-147, 169, 178 by health professionals, 145, 148, 158, 188, 193194, 209 by media, 48, 101, 146, 148, 153, 158, 193-195, 207 by politicians, 193-195 by religious community, 87, 130-142, 178, 193195 by society, 146 Richie, D., 45 Risk, 31-32, 36 of HIV infection from a health care worker, 42 perception, 152 real, 154, 156, 188, 190 sexual, 31, 35, 39-41 Risk behavior, 32, 36, 46, 73, 84, 87-88, 90-91, 93, 115, 119, 122, 146-148, 152-153, 157-159, 162, 169-170, 176-177, 179180, 187-188, 204 evaluating, 151-152, 154, 179 relative risk, 8, 32, 90, 93, 147-148, 151, 154-157, 188-189 Risk groups, 46, 48, 115, 131, 163 Risk reduction, 31-33, 3536, 41-42, 46, 85, 147, 156, 170, 178, 186, 188, 190, 208 Risk-taking, 30 Roe v. Wade, 202 Romance, 86, 151, 208 Rubin, R. H., 6 Rudin, A. J., 134 Russell, B., 9 Rust v. Sullivan, 201 Sadomasochism, 34-35 Safe sex, 33-34, 86, 89-90, 118, 147, 157, 208-210 implication that sex is dangerous, 208-209 Safer sex, 30, 33, 44, 76, 8385, 88, 90-97, 126, 131, 138, 141, 169, 180, 208209, 211 eroticizing, 84-85 implication that sex is dangerous, 173, 208-209 Safer-sex-induced impotence, 173 Sane Sex, 8, 144, 148-151, 175, 192-193, 209, 212213, 216-217 Sane Sex Alternative, 8, 148149, 151, 216 Schrank, B. G., 5 Schwartz, L. B., 71 Self-awareness, 4 Self-control, 147 Self-esteem, 121, 140, 194 Self-image, 2 Self-respect, 9, 101 Self-worth, 9 Sensationalism, 10 Sensuality, 1-2, 9, 26-28 Separation of church and state, 151 Serostatus, 103 Sex and caring, 8 and drugs as equated evils, 162, 195 and relaxation, 4 and sensitivity, 4, 8 and the future, 1, 3, 7, 142, 149, 216 and the search for happiness, 11 as a core aspect of self, 2, 140 as a function of sexuality, 2 as a set of needs, 2 as communication, 208 as dangerous, x, 74, 79, 124, 146, 148, 208-209 as fun, 11, 84 as inherently safe, 145, 151, 208-209 as pleasure, 5 as promoting AIDS, 209 as recreational, 83, 87 as relational, 96-97, 141, 208 feminist model of, 80 meanings of, 2, 32, 140141, 158 outside marriage, 51, 138, 188, 190, 197 promoted as healthy, 149, 151, 192, 217 without intercourse, 4 Sex history of potential partners, 159 Sex in the media, 206 Sex Institute (NYC), 149, 222 Sex negative attitudes effects on health professionals, 151 Index Sex negative attitudes, continued effects on individuals, 145, 209 effects on society, 145, 209 effects on youth, 188 Sex play, 91, 94, 162 Sex toys, 34-35, 94, 118 Sex-positive attitudes, 149 promoting, 145 Sexism, 72, 150, 182, 207 Sexology Today, 5, 12 SexQuest, 222 Sexual assault, 75 Sexual development pre-human, 13 Sexual discovery, 33 Sexual ethics, 151, 197 Sexual expression, 2-3, 3132, 72, 80, 84, 150, 157158, 175, 186, 192 Sexual health, 8-10, 72, 77, 100, 106, 192, 216 impact of stress, 4 Sexual Health Initiative, 156, 172, 211-215, 217 Sexual heritage, 3, 11, 27, 216 Sexual lifestyles, 186, 208 Sexual orientation, 112 Sexual preference, 14 Sexual responsibility, 95-96, 141, 147-149, 151, 187, 192 Sexual revolution, 5-6, 83, 97, 192 Sexual selves, 10-11, 14, 36 Sexual survival, 3, 5-7, 10 Sexual values, 3, 5-6, 10-11, 30, 110, 119, 137-139, 141, 147, 151, 196-197, 203 Sexuality as beneficial force, 14 as life-enhancing, 13, 15 impact of AIDS on, 2 life-threatening aspects of, 2, 30 Sexuality education, 8-9, 10, 48, 76, 99, 101, 103, 119-120, 123, 131, 137, 139, 149, 151, 174, 187, 189, 192-193, 206, 209, 217 avoiding accurate, 10 for preschool children, 106 for preteens, 109 for young children, 108 impact of accurate, 187 See also Education Sexually transmitted diseases (STDs), 4, 9-10, 79, 86, 89, 96-97, 103, 110, 117-118, 150, 160, 170172, 174-175, 177-180, 189, 192, 204, 211-216 Sharing needles See Drug use Shernoff, M., 83, 98 Singer, J., 6 Situation ethics, 5 “Sixty Seconds of Sane Sex,” 149 Slogans, 159 Smoking, 154, 157-158 Social cohesion, 23, 28 Solitude, 11 Somatosensory pleasure See Touch Sontag, S., 160 Spermicides, 42, 103, 117118, 127, 170-172, 177, 186, 190, 194 Spirituality, 9 and AIDS, 130-132, 135, 137 and positive sexuality, 138, 140-141, 196-197 Sponge, contraceptive, 177178 St. Augustine, 195-196 Steroids and AIDS, 116 Stiver, I. P., 6 Stress impact of, 4, 42 Sublimation See Eros Surrey, J. L., 6 Survival strategies for lovers, 1, 222 Sussman, M. B., 169, 209 Synergy, 7 Syphilis, 2, 64, 87, 124, 177 Taking control of your life, 10 Telecommunications Act of 1996, 201 Thoreau, H. D., 11 Today® sponge, 177 Tolerance, 151 Touch, 15, 18-19, 24-25, 28, 33-34, 39, 92, 208 Trichomonas, 177-178 Trust, 34, 55, 75, 119, 174175, 191 Ulene, A., 33 United Nations Global Program on HIV/AIDS, 178 Unprotected sexual intercourse, 38 Unwanted pregnancy See Pregnancy, unintended Urquhart, J., 153, 157, 165 Using others, 8-9 Vaginal acidity (pH) effect on HIV, 171 Vaginal intercourse, 40, 109, 117, 146-147, 151, 171 Vatican Conference on AIDS (1989), 148 Vibrators, 32, 34-35 Violence, 15, 23-24, 26-28 Webster v. Reproductive Health Services, 202 Westheimer, R., 141 Whitehurst, R. N., 5-6 Wilson, R. R., 2 Women and AIDS, 53, 71, 94, 127, 150, 166, 171, 178, 189 and condoms, 125 minority, and AIDS, 72, 150 Wood, L. J., 137 Wordsworth, W., 97 World Council of Churches, 133, 137 World Wide Web, 222 X Prize Foundation, 215 Young people and AIDS, 99, 101, 116, 136, 180, 188, 194 and condoms, 188 and drug use, 103 and relationships, 195 Contributors Cont Contr ibutor butor s Peter B. Anderson, PhD, is Associate Professor of Health and Human Sexuality Education in the Department of Human Performance and Health Promotion at the University of New Orleans in New Orleans, Louisiana. Dr. Anderson received his Ph.D. from the Human Sexuality Program in the Department of Health Education at New York University where he had the opportunity to study in both Africa and Scandinavia and later to teach in Denmark as an adjunct in the NYU program. Dr. Anderson has worked, published, and studied in the area of human sexuality for the past 20 years. He can be contacted at pbahp@ucc.uno.edu. Mark O. Bigler, CSW, PhD, completed work on his Ph.D. in the Human Sexuality Program in the Department of Health Education at New York University. He worked as an HIV Coordinator and Sex Educator at Phoenix House, a large residential drug treatment program in New York City, where he was instrumental in the development and implementation of an extensive sexuality curriculum. In addition, he was a Fellow of Social Work in Psychiatry at the Cornell University Medical Center where he received training in sex therapy under the direction of Dr. Helen Singer Kaplan. Dr. Bigler is also a practicing Mormon. Dr. Bigler is currently in private practice as a licensed clinical social worker in Utah and teaches as an adjunct faculty member in Health Promotion at Weber State University in Ogden, Utah. Diane de Mauro, PhD, is a psychologist/sexologist and has worked for the past 20 years in the sexuality field in the United States 239 xiii Does Anyone Still Remember When Sex Was Fun? Positive Sexuality in the Age of AIDS Contributors and Central and South America. Formerly the director of program services for SIECUS (Sex Information and Education Council of the United States), Dr. de Mauro is currently Director of the Sexuality Research Fellowship Program at the Social Science Research Council (SSRC), New York City. Ronald Moglia, EdD, is the former director of the Human Sexuality Program and is Associate Professor of Health Education in the Department of Health Studies at New York University. He is a nationally known sex educator, has served on the Board of Directors of the Society for the Scientific Study of Sex, and has conducted international studies in Human Sexuality in Sweden, China, Sri Lanka, Thailand, and Hong Kong. Linda L. Hendrixson, PhD, recently graduated from the Human Sexuality Program in the Department of Health Studies at New York University. Her doctoral research focused on the psychosocial and psychosexual impact of HIV/AIDS on rural women. Dr. Hendrixson teaches human sexuality and health studies in northern New Jersey and is past president of the Sussex County AIDS Task Force. Bruce M. King, PhD, is a Professor of Psychology at the University of New Orleans (UNO). He is the author of numerous papers in both psychology and sexuality and a 1996 recipient of a Research Professor Award from the Office of Research at UNO. His new textbook, Human Sexuality Today, is the most up-to-date and highly referenced sexuality text on the market today. Berl Kutchinsky, PhD, was a psychologist and Senior Lecturer at the Institute of Criminal Science, University of Copenhagen, Copenhagen, Denmark. His interest in AIDS problems stemmed from many years of criminological and sexological research into the relationship between knowledge, attitudes, and behavior. At the Fourth World Conference on AIDS held in Stockholm in June, 1988, he was the organizer of an interdisciplinary Round Table on AIDS Prevention and Safer Sex. Joan D. Lambert, EdM, (Harvard Graduate School of Education) is a doctoral candidate in the Human Sexuality Program in the Department of Health Studies at New York University. She has a long-standing interest in human sexual evolution, particularly female sexual evolution, and its implications for women today. Ms. Lambert’s novel, Circles of Stone, deals with these subjects and will be published by Pocketbooks/Simon & Schuster in early 1997. xiv Raymond J. Noonan, MA, was one of the first to publicly address the scarcity of positive attitudes toward human sexuality in the age of AIDS. To further his ideas, he founded the “Pro-Sex Forum” in 1986 to confront sex negativity and AIDS hysteria at a national level and to advance his alternative “Sane Sex” messages of sanity and hope in these beleaguered times. Mr. Noonan has served as Assistant Program Management Officer and Public Health Educator, Special Projects, for the Division of AIDS Program Services, New York City Department of Health. Mr. Noonan is presently an adjunct instructor in sexuality and health education at the Fashion Institute of Technology, the Manhattan campus of the State University of New York (FIT-SUNY). He also directs the Sex Institute in New York City (http://www.SexQuest.com/ on the World Wide Web) which offers sexuality education and consultation services and conducts research and publishing programs in the sexual sciences. He has worked in the field of sexology for over 25 years and is currently seeking to adapt his “Sane Sex” approach to sexuality education to video. He is completing his doctoral research in the Human Sexuality Program in the Department of Health Studies at New York University. He can be contacted at rjnoonan@sexquest.com. Deborah Richie, MA, is currently pursuing her Ed.D. in the college of Education at the University of Illinois in Urbana/Champaign, Illinois. She received her M.A. in Human Sexuality from New York University in 1988 and returned to NYU as an adjunct assistant professor in the summers of 1992 and 1994 to teach Human Sexuality in Denmark. She is the Sexuality Education Coordinator at the xv Does Anyone Still Remember When Sex Was Fun? Positive Sexuality in the Age of AIDS Does Anyone Still Remember When Sex Was Fun? Positive Sexuality in the Age of AIDS McKinley Health Center at the University of Illinois and the recipient of the 1992-93 Student Affairs Outstanding Staff Award and the 1994-95 Outstanding Ally Award from the Office of Lesbian, Gay, and Bisexual Concerns. ADDITIONAL NOTES Lisa B. Schwartz, PhD, has been working as a private consultant in the field of health and sexuality education for the last ten years. Formerly the Director of Education for the AIDS Task Force of Philadelphia, her experience includes working with adolescents to older adults. Currently receiving additional clinical training from the Family Institute of Philadelphia, she received her doctoral degree in human sexuality education from the University of Pennsylvania. She is a member of the Union of American Hebrew Congregation’s HIV/AIDS committee. Michael Shernoff, CSW, ACSW, is currently in private practice in New York City. He was Founder and Co-Director of Chelsea Psychotherapy Associates in Manhattan. He was an adjunct faculty member in the Education Department of Gay Men’s Health Crisis (GMHC), in which capacity he trained professionals for working with people with AIDS. Mr. Shernoff co-chaired the AIDS Task Force of the Society for the Scientific Study of Sex and the Task Force on AIDS and the Family of the American Orthopsychiatric Association, and was on the executive committee of the National Coalition on AIDS and Families. He was one of the recipients of the 1988 Diego Lopez Memorial Award for outstanding contributions to the field of AIDS, awarded by the AIDS Task Force of the NYC Chapter of the National Association of Social Workers. He has co-authored a book about AIDS prevention, and numerous articles and pamphlets about AIDS and mental health. He can be contacted at MShernoff@aol.com. xvi 240
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