This book is dedicated to those who are struggling with
the issues of when, whether, or how to have sexual
relationships within a positive framework.
Does Anyone
Still Remember
When Sex Was Fun?
Positive Sexuality in
the Age of AIDS
Third Edition
Edited by
Peter B. Anderson
Diane de Mauro
Raymond J. Noonan
Does Anyone Still Remember When Sex Was Fun?
Positive Sexuality in the Age of AIDS
Revision History
First Edition: 1990
Second Edition: 1992
Revised Second Edition: 1994
Third Edition: 1996
The views expressed in individual signed articles do not necessarily reflect
those of the co-editors.
Does Anyone
Survival
Raymond
Strategies
J. Noonan
Still Remember
for
Positive
LoversSexuality
in
When
the 1990s
Sex
in W
theasAge
Fun?of AIDS
Sur
Sur v ival Str
Strategies
ategies
for Lover
Lover s in
the 1990s
Raymond J. Noonan
Typography and Graphic Design by Ray Noonan, ParaGraphic Artists, NYC
Find us on the World Wide Web at: http://www.paragraphics.com/.
Cover design by Beth Aguillard
Copyright © 1996 by Kendall/ Hunt Publishing Company
Library of Congress Card Catalog Number: 91-76935
ISBN 0-7872-2723-4
All Rights Reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced,
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Printed in the United States of America
10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
A
good friend once told me, “If I don’t touch someone
at least once a week, I feel nutsy. It’s like I crawl into a
cocoon and take short shallow breaths and hope I can
weather the time until I can call up a friend or meet someone
new. For me, the contact is where I get my energy. While most
of the time I would prefer to have an orgasm with this person,
many times it isn’t even necessary.”
That statement reflects a host of attitudes that are shared
by many people as we journey through the 1990s: feelings of
being alone, a desire to share intimacy with others, and a
renewed focus on sensuality, among others. Looking toward the
next century and beyond, we will be forced to recognize that
we all have common needs and goals in our quest for human
happiness and dignity. AIDS is currently threatening that quest,
both in our sexual lives with individuals and in our social lives
as a people. This chapter will outline survival strategies for lovers
1
Does Anyone Still Remember When Sex Was Fun?
Positive Sexuality in the Age of AIDS
in what some have been calling the age of AIDS. How can we
reclaim our newly won sensuality and eroticism from the specter
of AIDS and the pall it’s cast over sexuality?
F
or many of us, the meanings of sex and sexuality remain
elusive. As defined by Robert R. Wilson (1974),
Sexuality is one of our needs—to express ourselves through
our bodies. It is within the core of our personality and
identity. It is a basic part of our maleness or femaleness, our
self image, our identity, our human awareness and development. Sexuality is part of our desire for personal satisfaction
and happiness and stimulates our need to establish fulfilling
relationships with others.
Sex is a function of sexuality. It is not some thing that we
do which is separate from our selves. It is not a goal, not an
objective. It is an integral part of us. (p. 3)
The reality of AIDS does not change these definitions,
which place our sexual “essences” squarely within our relationship to our bodies. As Wilson points out further: “Human
beings don’t have a body, we are a body. . . . Sex does not establish
who we are, it expresses who we are” (p. 3).
Although AIDS is now certainly reminding us of our mortality—a quite unique relationship we have with our bodies,
with its own host of attitudes and fears we each have about
it—this is not the first condition in which we have been
confronted with life-threatening aspects of human sexuality.
Only in the last half century have the deadly diseases of syphilis
and gonorrhea been controlled; only in the last quarter century
has birth control become available and effective enough to
eliminate unwanted pregnancies—still far more dangerous than
any contraceptive method or abortion. Our “fragile” bodies
remain the core of our selves and our sexuality. Yet there is hope.
2
Survival Strategies for Lovers in the 1990s
Raymond J. Noonan
In today’s world, that’s important to remember. Ours is a
world in flux, a world in which many of yesterday’s values, such
as monogamy and lifelong sexual exclusivity, are no longer valid
for significant segments of the population, and in which others,
such as traditional marriage and the meaning of commitment,
are being adapted to these new realities. It’s a time when even
the continued survival of our species is marked with doubt,
given the current and projected state of environmental and
political pollution.
Sexual survival, however, is dependent upon the individual—as much as it is dependent on others—and it is a sphere
in which one’s efforts most definitely can be felt. But this is also
a world where the individual is constantly in danger of being
consumed by conformity. Individuality never dies, however, and
representatives hang on in every culture. One such person is the
friend I quoted at the beginning of this chapter, who has been
described as a “rugged individualist” and a “survivor.” As a man,
he feels content; in his words, he says he has “loved and been
loved.” As a lover, he’s still surviving—in his own way.
What are his secrets, and are there guidelines that the rest
of us can “try on for size” in our efforts to survive sexually and
socially? And what—in our struggles during the age of AIDS
and its aftermath—can we do to reclaim our sexual heritage?
A
SOME GUIDELINES
lthough originally intended to apply to all times, the
following general guidelines for the satisfying and
healthy expression of sexuality are particularly relevant
to our lives today—during what hopefully will be the closing
years of the age of AIDS. They will be vital in the aftermath of
AIDS that will probably occur later in the 1990s and into the
twenty-first century.
3
Does Anyone Still Remember When Sex Was Fun?
Positive Sexuality in the Age of AIDS
RELAX
The most important thing one can learn in order to survive
sexually is to relax. Take the time to find out what you want from
yourself and what you want from others. The affliction of our
times is not AIDS but stress, and it permeates our lives right into
the bedroom. We have yet to discover what role stress in general
may play in an individual’s susceptibility to AIDS, although the
evidence suggests it may be important. Most of the action of this
slow killer begins with our work lives; as inflation and economic
uncertainty make earning a living more and more difficult, as
well as with the other effects of the steadily disappearing “middle
class,” stress not only deteriorates our general health, but also our
sexual health. When sex is satisfying, it tends to have a rejuvenating, energizing effect on our entire outlook on life. So relax: when
you find yourself being wound up, stop for a minute. Take slow
deep breaths. This brings more oxygen into the muscles which
relaxes them, giving you a more all-around relaxed feeling. Nothing in sex, except birth control and stopping AIDS as well as the
other sexually transmitted diseases (STDs), is immediately necessary. You don’t have to have an orgasm right away or every time;
you can even make love without intercourse. You certainly can
use some of the various contraceptive methods to both prevent
an unwanted pregnancy and prevent the spread of AIDS and
other STDs; once they’ve been integrated into your lovemaking,
these too will come easily and naturally—it just takes a little time
and practice. Plus, it can be fun.
BE SENSITIVE
When you relax, you gain the ability to be aware of yourself
and your feelings. When you are tense, your muscles become
tight and hard, acting as a Reichian “armor” that protects you
not only from hurt but also from pleasure—a costly form of
4
Survival Strategies for Lovers in the 1990s
Raymond J. Noonan
“protection.” When you allow your body to feel all it’s capable
of feeling, you begin to be aware of what pleases others. Likewise, take the time to ask your partners about their likes and
dislikes, their interests and ideas. There is nothing so boring as
a one-sided “I-am-the-center-of-the-world” kind of lover. Be
interested as well as interesting; these are sure keys to building
satisfying, fulfilling relationships.
BELIEVE IN SOMETHING
Reflecting on the complexities of establishing intimacy,
Barbara G. Schrank (1980), a former editor of Sexology Today
magazine, once said, “A lot of hurt has come out of the sexual
revolution; before, the rules and expectations made it easier to
survive.” Indeed, in the past, the strong sense of what was moral
and immoral—however hypocritical—made it easier to know
how to act. There were fewer choices to be made by the
individual, so it was easier to survive. With the sexual revolution,
the choice of proper behavior rests more and more with the
individual (Kirkendall & Whitehurst, 1971). Philosophers call
this choice of moralities “situation ethics” and much debate has
occurred between those with this “new-ethics” base and those
with a “fundamentalist” prescribed-morality base.
Casting my lot with the “new ethicists,” I think it is
important to emphasize that America is no longer a society
dominated by one culture. We are multicultural, both religiously and secularly, and we can no longer accept the attempts
by some to impose a homogeneous fundamentalist morality.
In the current evolution of the sexual revolution, we must
acknowledge that there are many moralities, particularly with
regard to sexuality and how each cherishes our humanity, each
equally valid.
In sexual matters, in particular, do we find the effects of
vastly differing cultures, and, more recently, of individual
5
Does Anyone Still Remember When Sex Was Fun?
Positive Sexuality in the Age of AIDS
choices; this is probably the most important part of the sexual
revolution. But individual choices mean you have to be moral; you
have to believe in something and value something. You have to
make your choices from a set of principles: it can be fundamentalist; it can be humanistic; it can be your own unique formula
of reasoned right and wrong. These guidelines can be such an
individualized morality.
BE YOURSELF
No one can be you and you can’t be anyone else. Don’t try
to live up to unrealistic, stereotyped symbols of what men and
women should be. Given our essentially androgynous nature,
each of us has characteristics of both women and men. Given
this nature of integrated femininity and masculinity, men can
and ought to be sensitive, intuitive, and nurturing just as women
can and ought to be assertive, independent, and logical (Singer,
1976; see also: Jordan, Kaplan, Miller, Stiver, & Surrey, 1991).
R
FOR BETTER RELATIONSHIPS
elationships today are an intricate mix of past values
and contemporary changes. One might even say that
today there is evident a renaissance in relationships that
is changing the landscape of contemporary coupling, one in
which traditional marriage is no longer the sole option. Many
may want to explore the myriad same-sex, both-sex, or other-sex
opportunities for relationships; within these parameters lie a
wide spectrum of relationship possibilities (Kirkendall & Gravatt, 1984; Libby & Whitehurst, 1977; Macklin & Rubin,
1983; Noonan, 1979).
Another important aspect of how relationships may survive
is what began in the 1960s as a new tribalism, perhaps best
6
Survival Strategies for Lovers in the 1990s
Raymond J. Noonan
symbolized by the Broadway musical Hair and represented by
the scientific concept of synergy—the idea that one plus one
plus one is greater than three. Everyone knew that one person
could not accomplish much alone; yet if you added another
person you could do more; and if you added a third, you could
do still more than any of the individuals could do alone or
separately. Synergy is another key to our sexual and relationship
survival.
Applied to relationships, new kinds of the historically traditional extended family have appeared alongside the newly
traditional nuclear family (which dates roughly from, and grew
out of the needs of, the Industrial Revolution). Many people
are turning to these “families of choice,” becoming part of
generalized “friendship networks,” or pseudo-extended families
called “intentional” or “expanded” families (Francoeur & Francoeur, 1974; Lindsey, 1981; Ramey, 1976). All of these alternatives utilize, like the truly traditional extended family of
yesteryear, the concept of synergy.
Another survival strategy using this concept of synergy is
the “open relationship”—the broad term referring to the kind
of pair-bonding called “open marriage” by Nena O’Neill and
George O’Neill (1972). I believe the open relationship in some
form—whether it is monogamous or not—is the wave and
hope of the future, because it affirms the bond chosen between
two people—while also affirming their individuality and place
in the world with others. To achieve this freedom, we must
move beyond jealousy and ownership of the other toward a
mutual respect and understanding of the other and her or his
needs.
With respect to AIDS, it is important to note that monogamous relationships are not crucial to the prevention of AIDS
or the spread of HIV. Non-monogamous individuals and couples must honestly take it into account when entering into new
sexual relationships, and if ordinary contraceptive or prophy7
Does Anyone Still Remember When Sex Was Fun?
Positive Sexuality in the Age of AIDS
lactic measures, like using condoms and/or spermicides, are
followed properly and religiously, there is very low risk of
contracting the virus.1
O
USING, MISUSING, AND ABUSING
ftentimes in relationships, we “use” each other in various
ways to fulfill our own needs. When goals are similar and
the “using” is mutual and nonexploitative, there is usually
no problem, as in the case of friends, where consideration,
sensitivity, and caring are of paramount importance in maintaining the friendship. To insure that it remains mutual and
nonexploitative, the following guidelines might be helpful.
AVOID GIVING UP FRIENDS OR LOVERS
Don’t break dates for trivialities—especially not because
an opportunity to become sexually involved with someone
else comes up. Such behavior reflects a basic lack of consideration and respect for the other. Very seldom will an instant
attraction or opportunity not be transferable to a more convenient, more relaxing, freer time. Mostly such actions will
pay dividends in rewarding times with the new lover, and
continued warmth, affection, and good times with the old
friend and/or lover.
Survival Strategies for Lovers in the 1990s
Raymond J. Noonan
MAKE YOUR LOVERS YOUR FRIENDS
While no one can always be there whenever you need them,
the more friends you have, the less likely you will find yourself
alone and greatly in need. Friends can satisfy emotional, intellectual, spiritual, and social needs, as well as physical and sexual
needs. So cultivate friends and use them wisely. Friends talk
about their expectations about sexuality and sensuality as an
integral part of their relationship; talking about sexual health,
including methods to minimize the spread of AIDS, as well as
unwanted pregnancies and other STDs, are caring things that
friends should do. Don’t forget to listen as well.
LOVE YOURSELF FIRST
Using becomes misusing or abusing when it becomes
uncaring, when it lacks the consideration that makes life in
general worthwhile. When that happens, do what you can to
correct the situation in which you feel abused, but if that fails,
leave. Life has enough hurts and disappointments without
staying around for unnecessary—and unhealthy—ones. It’s
your own self-respect and self-worth that are important in
these situations. There is also enough joy and happiness available for everyone if you can put aside being on the defensive
all the time—which is what will happen if you stay in a bad
relationship too long. Bertrand Russell (1929), one of many
philosophers throughout history to address sexual issues, made
this point about respect in his visionary, still controversial
book, Marriage and Morals:
1 See R. J. Noonan, “New Directions, New Hope for Sexuality: On the
Cutting Edge of Sane Sex,” this volume, for a more detailed presentation
of this thesis and the author’s development of his rational and honest, sexand life-affirming “Sane Sex” approach to sexual health and education,
including differing alternatives for avoiding HIV transmission; see also
P. B. Anderson, “A Few Notes on HIV Transmission.”
8
Morality in sexual relations, when it is free from superstition,
consists essentially of respect for the other person, and unwillingness to use that person solely as a means of personal
gratification, without regard to his or her desires. (p. 153)
9
Does Anyone Still Remember When Sex Was Fun?
Positive Sexuality in the Age of AIDS
Raymond J. Noonan
Loving yourself will help you to respect both yourself and others.
It will also help you to survive sexually and to live. Respect is
the basis, the sine qua non, for any true moral code.
Defeating the negative impact of AIDS means taking control
of your own life, to which almost everything we talk about in this
book can contribute. It also means confronting your fears—the
AIDS-Related Fears and Anxieties, or ARFA, that I describe in a
later chapter in this book—the rational, realistic fears, as well as
the irrational, unwarranted fears about AIDS, intimacy, and
sexuality that many people have developed. One doesn’t need to
become a celibate recluse, locking oneself away from others, both
socially or sexually, to avoid AIDS. Many people don’t even need
to give up multiple sexual partners or many of the other healthy
sexual activities that may enhance their lives and relationships.
While it goes without saying that sexuality is intimately
connected to our attitudes and actions in life in general, this
chapter has focused on our sexual selves and our relationships
with others. On a global scale, we have consistently avoided
educating people honestly about sexual health—and this is only
beginning to change slowly as a result of AIDS. As we choose
our course along life’s journey, common sense and calm rationality—and a commitment to the value of others—must replace
political expediency and economic exploitation as the dominant
values guiding our personal—as well as our national and international—affairs. This is particularly true with respect to AIDS
and the devastating impact it has had all over the world. No
longer can we tolerate the sensationalism and fear-mongering
that permeate much of our “information” about AIDS and how
to prevent its transmission. We still have a long way to go in
our educational efforts.
In both the long run and short run, all relationships will
become more difficult because of the impact of AIDS on our
individual sensibilities and collective consciousness—both in
the enormous toll in suffering it has caused and will cause, and
in its value as a symbol or metaphor for those who wish to make
it more than it is, particularly to try to control other people’s
lives and behavior. Despite these realities, we cannot allow
ourselves to lose our sense of the beauty of humanity and our
wonderfully diverse sexual heritage. Remember, the essence of
true beauty is in the smile, particularly the smile that overflows
into the eyes. The smile betrays happiness, one of the most
elusive of human wants and desires for many people. Many try
to find it in the diverse connections of their sexual relationships;
some find happiness there and some don’t. Some try to find it
within the complexity, energy, and joy they experience with
multiple sex partners; some find it and some don’t. Most look
for it in the struggles and joys of one lifelong monogamous
relationship; again some find it, but most don’t.
Many endure condemnation to find joy, love, and happiness
with members of their own sex, while others endure the deep
misunderstanding between women and men to find these with
members of the other sex, and still others seek these goals with
both sexes and endure exhortations from both sides telling them
to make up their minds; again some achieve these elusive
treasures, and some don’t. Still others try to find happiness by
being alone, with its peace, strength, solitude, and occasional
loneliness; again some find it and some don’t.
The possibilities are endless, the potential always there.
Thoreau once wrote that the majority of people lead lives of quiet
desperation. If it’s true, it hasn’t been without the search for
someone with whom to share it. In our confrontation with AIDS
and the clash of values surrounding it, we need to hold on to
both our relationships and our selves, for together they make the
world less desperate and more meaningful—and more full of life,
love, joy, happiness, dignity, respect, fun, and pleasure.
Does anyone still remember when sex was fun? Let’s answer
with a resounding “Yes!”—and remember that it can still be
that—and so much more!
10
Survival Strategies for Lovers in the 1990s
11
Does Anyone Still Remember When Sex Was Fun?
Positive Sexuality in the Age of AIDS
BIBLIOGRAPHY
Francoeur, A. K., & Francoeur, R. T. (1974). Hot & cool sex: Cultures in conflict.
New York: Harcourt Brace Jovanovich.
Jordan, J. V., Kaplan, A. G., Miller, J. B., Stiver, I. P., & Surrey, J. L. (1991).
Women’s growth in connection: Writings from the Stone Center. New York:
Guilford Press.
Kirkendall, L. A., & Gravatt, A. E. (Eds.). (1984). Marriage and the family in the
year 2020. Buffalo, NY: Prometheus Books.
Kirkendall, L. A., & Whitehurst, R. N. (Eds.). (1971). The new sexual revolution.
New York: Donald W. Brown.
Libby, R. W., & Whitehurst, R. N. (1977). Marriage and alternatives: Exploring
intimate relationships. Glenview, IL: Scott, Foresman and Company.
Lindsey, K. (1981). Friends as family. Boston: Beacon Press.
Macklin, E. D., & Rubin, R. H. (Eds.). (1983). Contemporary families and
alternative lifestyles: Handbook on research and theory. Beverly Hills: Sage
Publications.
Noonan, R. J. (1979). Evolving marriage: The new sexualities in perspective.
Paper delivered at the IV World Congress of Sexology, Mexico City, Mexico,
December 17, 1979.
O’Neill, N., & O’Neill, G. (1972). Open marriage: A new life style for couples.
New York: M. Evans and Company.
Ramey, J. (1976). Intimate friendships. Englewood Cliffs, NJ: Prentice-Hall.
Russell, B. (1929). Marriage and morals. New York: Horace Liveright.
Schrank, B. G. (1980). Personal communication.
Singer, J. (1976). Androgyny: Toward a new theory of sexuality. Garden City, NY:
Anchor Press/Doubleday.
Wilson, R. R. (1974). Introduction to sexual counseling. Chapel Hill, NC: Carolina
Population Center.
This chapter is revised and updated from ideas first presented in an article written
by the author and published in Sexology Today in December, 1980.
12
A Legacy
Joan
D. Lambert
of Pleasure
A Legacy of
Pleasure
Joan D. Lambert
S
exuality is a positive and fulfilling aspect of our lives. That
fact must be stressed over and over again as today’s AIDS
crisis expands inexorably into an epidemic of tragic proportions. Sexuality itself has suddenly become suspect, fair game
for moralistic judgments and homophobic reactions. Thus, for
sexologists, AIDS represents not only a tragedy but an opportunity to stand up and affirm the belief that led most of us into
the field: sexuality is a life-affirming, wondrous capacity. It is
under siege and we must defend it.
This chapter will present a defense based on a new interpretation of human sexual evolution. The evolutionary approach offers a mind-expanding framework for sexual self-understanding. It encompasses facts and theories provided by every
discipline that impinges on sexuality (i.e., psychology, anthropology, biology, sociobiology, physiology, neurology, endocrinology) and, in search of answers, attempts to put them together
like an immense jigsaw puzzle. It deals not just with historical
and cross-cultural data, but also delves deep into the mysteries
of pre-human sexual development to ask what aspects of our
13
Does Anyone Still Remember When Sex Was Fun?
Positive Sexuality in the Age of AIDS
present selves may reflect our earliest beginnings. Are there
evolutionary roots, for instance, to the gender and sexual preference differences that continue to challenge our understanding? And how did the business of reproducing—a fairly
straightforward process for most other species—become so
complicated, so fraught with emotions and ideologies, among
humans all over the world?
In the midst of the complexity and variety that characterizes
human sexual relationships, the evolutionary perspective can
also reveal basic sexual patterns common to all species, all eras.
When questions about four or five, or even ten million year-old
sexual behavior are routine, we can begin to see ourselves naked,
so to speak, to see what lies beneath the trappings of culture,
the vagaries of the individual psyche and body.
This multi-faceted approach is particularly valuable in the
age of AIDS, for it permits us to transcend immediate realities
that are so tragic, so enveloping, and to see ourselves in terms
of what went before and what might come after. That, in turn,
allows us to view AIDS not just as an epidemic that destroys
bodies and lives but as an opportunity to re-think (perhaps
re-invent is a better word) our sexual selves. Our minds can
delve beyond the present horror, beyond contemporary sexual
customs and politics, to reveal ourselves as creatures of our
evolutionary past as well as of our present culture.
The paradigm to be presented below emerges from this
expanded framework. It suggests an entirely new way of viewing
human sexuality, one that stresses its positive impact on our lives,
today and in the past. The new scenario views sexuality as a
beneficent force that helped to make us human, that can help us
to maintain those aspects of our humanity that seem most
promising and to escape from those that seem destructive. In so
doing, it stands in contrast to traditional evolutionary theory
which often regards sexuality as a ‘problematic’ or a potentially
divisive force that perpetuates existing gender stereotypes.
14
A Legacy of Pleasure
Joan D. Lambert
E
THE NEW SEXUAL SCENARIO
stablished evolutionary theory focuses on reproductive
success as central to the human emergence (Lovejoy, 1981;
Symons, 1979). The new paradigm affirms sexuality as a
life-enhancing experience by suggesting that sexual pleasure, as
well as reproductive success, was integral to the evolution of that
doubly intelligent creature: Homo Sapiens Sapiens. Second, the
new theory suggests that sexual evolution played a large role in
the development of humanness. Experts have pondered for years
over the evolution of the large human brain, wondering why
humans, alone among primates, began to alter their world in
radical ways, began to speak and imagine and create. Sexual
adaptations were a major catalyst for those profound shifts.
Third, the new evolutionary scenario suggests that our sexual
systems evolved to maximize somatosensory pleasure because it
was essential to pre-human survival. It proposes further that
touching may originally have been one of the most important
ingredients in our somatosensory repertoire, that the vagaries of
human evolution interrupted the development of touch communication, and that humanity has suffered badly from its loss.
Fourth, the new theory suggests that pleasure-inducing
sexual behavior may have evolved as an important mechanism
for the control of aggression between individuals and within
groups. Homo Sapiens’ remarkable talents have often been used
in destructive ways—we have developed the capacity to destroy
the earth that sustains us as well as the ability to write music
and books, to create paintings and beautiful buildings. These
destructive tendencies, however, though they may never be
eradicated, can be controlled. They appear to become dominant
only in the absence of positive and rewarding somatosensory experiences. When sexuality is considered a natural and enhancing
part of life, violence tends to diminish. When it is viewed
negatively, violence escalates.
15
Does Anyone Still Remember When Sex Was Fun?
Positive Sexuality in the Age of AIDS
THE PRE-HUMAN STORY: DISPERSAL
B
etween four and twelve million years ago, a drought of
unimaginable proportions decimated the parts of Africa
that are now considered the cradle of mankind. Lakes
and rivers dried up, trees disappeared, and once verdant forests
gave way to arid plains and endless grasslands or deserts. Our
hominid (pre-human) ancestors were forced to come down from
the trees and make their living on the ground. No one can say
how they survived, for there are no fossil clues. There was not
enough water to fossilize bones, and they turned instead to dust.
For many years, experts believed that hominids must have
learned to hunt, to make tools and weapons, in order to survive
the rigors of the Pliocene drought. But the discovery in 1974
of an almost complete three-and-a-half million year-old skeleton named Lucy rudely disproved these rather pretentious
fantasies. For Lucy was as upright as you or I; her brain, however,
was distressingly primitive. Neither she nor any of her kind
could possibly have been capable of organized hunting. Existing
fossil evidence also suggests that hominids probably did not live
in the communal groups essential to hunting until at least
another two million years had passed. Still further erosion of
the hunting hypothesis came from the logical conclusion that
in such adverse conditions there were probably few animals to
hunt, and that four-legged animals with fangs and claws would
have been far more proficient at catching those few.
We do know, however, that hominids perfected the upright
stance during those difficult years. Our ancestors stood up and
walked far earlier than had ever been expected—perhaps five
million years ago. No one can say precisely why, but all experts
agree that there must have been a compelling reason. Four legs
are faster, more efficient, and more stable; what could have
persuaded these vulnerable, fangless, clawless creatures to stand
up and stride brazenly across the savannah? Other questions
16
A Legacy of Pleasure
Joan D. Lambert
continue to defy explanation. If hunting wasn’t the answer to
hominid survival, what was? How did these unprepossessing
creatures, bereft of the forests that had once sustained them and
still unaccustomed to life on the ground, possibly find enough
to eat? The fruits and berries on which they had formerly
depended were in short supply, as were small animals and birds.
And water must have been an even scarcer resource.
When environmental conditions are harsh, animals tend to
disperse. That way, each individual can eke out a living by
utilizing the resources of a larger territory. In fact, the living
habits of many species can be predicted by the availability of
food in a habitat. When food is abundant, animals live in
groups. When food is scarce, they very sensibly spread out across
the land. If animals do not or cannot disperse when starvation
threatens, social chaos results. Males threaten and kill any
smaller animal, females desert their offspring, mating may cease,
and the old, the weak, and the young are soon eradicated. Entire
species have become extinct under these circumstances.
Our hominid ancestors probably followed these age-old
dispersal instincts in order to survive the horrors of the drought.
Gradually, as conditions worsened, individual animals (or a
female and her dependent young) wandered away from the
group, avoiding contact with other hominids in order to increase
their own chance of finding enough to eat. Their enforced
separation kept them alive and may have saved the species from
extinction, but it also entailed the loss of certain adaptative
behaviors. Grooming, for example, is an essential behavior for
primates. They spend long hours grooming each other, for the
activity transmits important personal and social messages as well
as keeping the animals’ fur and skin healthy and free of parasites.
It seems also to be a highly pleasurable exercise—animals close
their eyes, swoon, and look utterly relaxed. Grooming partners
often seem highly affectionate, and they clearly enjoy giving
and receiving pleasure. Once they had dispersed, however,
17
Does Anyone Still Remember When Sex Was Fun?
Positive Sexuality in the Age of AIDS
hominids could no longer groom; in the absence of grooming,
infestations of parasites must have caused many fatal infections.
Those animals with the least fur would have survived best, and,
in the time-honored manner of natural selection, the naked ape
was eventually born.
An evolutionary mechanism known as neoteny was probably instrumental in this process. Neoteny, which means the
retention of child-like characteristics into adulthood, is used by
many species as a defense against aggression, for most animals
are ‘programmed’ to recognize neotenous characteristics like
hairlessness, rounded cheeks and head, smaller stature, and to
leave the animal who possesses them alone. Hominid females,
particularly, must have benefited from neoteny, for it helped to
protect them against aggression from the much larger males. As
a result, females lost most of their fur, retaining only a coating
of fine down and the pubic and axillary hair essential to sexual
scent messages. Males, in contrast, who needed to look as
threatening as possible to compete with other males for mating
privileges, retained significant amounts of facial and body hair.
Fur loss was thus beneficial to the species in two ways: it
helped to defuse aggression between animals and to enhance
individual health. But it also had negative consequences—in
the absence of fur, infants could no longer cling and had to
be carried by their mothers, a difficult feat for a four-legged
animal. This dilemma may explain the puzzling evolution of
the upright stance; on two legs, female hominids had one arm
free for the baby and one for gathering food. After some
generations, this trait, too, spread through the population, for
its presence was far more valuable to individual animals that
its absence.
Furlessness resulted in the two-legged stance, which permitted our ancestors to use their hands to make complex tools, and
ultimately to transform their world. Yet, at the same time, the
communication and sensory stimulation that had accompanied
18
A Legacy of Pleasure
Joan D. Lambert
grooming was disrupted, forever changing the nature of the
human relationship to pleasure. However far we have come from
our primate heritage, we may never have entirely lost the need
for the somatosensory pleasure once associated with grooming,
or for touching as an important form of interpersonal and social
communication. Could that be one reason why humans so often
misunderstand and misinterpret each other’s motives? Perhaps
if we learned to “groom” again, in the modern form of massage
or ritualized touching, we might find that we understood each
other and our society a great deal better.
THE SEXUAL PLEASURE ADAPTATION
D
ispersal triggered another critical problem. If hominids
were so widely scattered, how were they to propogate?
Natural selection solved this reproductive dilemma
with “hidden” ovulation, continual receptivity, and, especially,
sexual pleasure. These new strategies, by encouraging males and
females to mate whenever they met, and by increasing the
female’s reproductive potential, insured that no period of fertility would be unexploited.
Females of most primate species have a period of estrus, or
fertility, when ovulation occurs. Mating takes place primarily
at that time. Estrus periods may be as infrequent as every five
years, since they cease at fertilization and begin again only when
the current infant is weaned. At some point in our evolution,
human females diverged from this established pattern to become
physically receptive to sexual activity at any time of the month
or the year, whether or not an infant was weaned, whether or
not they were fertile. Further, ovulation became more frequent
and it became “hidden”—both females and males lost the ability
to determine exactly when ovulation occurred and when fertility
was therefore at its peak.
19
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Like furlessness and the upright stance, these were costly
adaptations. They solved the reproductive dilemma, but they
also had disadvantages. For continual mating requires energy
expenditures that might better be relegated to searching for
food, and continual pregnancy depletes female energy resources.
Mating also makes animals vulnerable to attack, for they tend
to become preoccupied with the matter at hand. Thus, a growing capacity to experience sexual pleasure was an essential
accompaniment to these shifts in sexual strategy, for it motivated
hominids to mate whenever the occasion arose, regardless of
knowledge of fertility and despite potential drawbacks.
Three suppositions about these newly acquired traits
emerge: hominids who were most motivated to mate were most
genetically ‘fit.’ These individuals left more genes behind them,
and with their genes came a penchant for sexual activity. Second,
with that penchant came a strange paradox: sexual activity grew
more and more removed from its original reproductive purpose,
and instead, the experience of pleasure began to be paramount.
Hominids began to engage in sexual behavior because they
found it intrinsically rewarding, and pleasure itself was the
reward. This was a profound shift, for sexual behavior was no
longer ‘hard-wired’ to its original reproductive intent. Third,
hominids developed a distinct preference for privacy during
their sexual activities. Otherwise they would too often have
ended up in a predator’s stomach!
Contemporary sexual physiology offers a major source of
support for these premises. The human female has a repertoire
of sexual skills that are unsurpassed in the animal kingdom.
Besides continual receptivity, they include a capacity for orgasm
that is theoretically endless and the absence of any refractory
period during the sexual response cycle. The human male’s
interest in sex is also clearly uninhibited by questions of fertility;
an opportunist, he will usually engage in sexual activity whenever he can. He also has the largest penis of any primate, possibly
20
A Legacy of Pleasure
Joan D. Lambert
because its size helped him to compete with other males for
mating privileges. It may also have made him more attractive
to females; as primatologist Sara Hrdy has pointed out, females
are usually in charge of partner selection, and a virile-looking
male may have had an advantage.
The sexual pleasure adaptation also helps to explain the
evolution of homosexuality as a normal part of the sexual
repertoire for a percentage of males. In primate groups, large
numbers of males have difficulty gaining access to females. With
strong sexual impulses and pleasure the intrinsic reward, hominid males may have turned to other males until and unless
females were available. (A similar, though less pronounced
female tendency may also have evolved.) Eventually homosexuality, too, became established in the gene pool, for the opportunities for somatosensory pleasure it afforded may to some
degree have offset the loss of direct genetic success.
The human preoccupation with sex evolved to balance the
effects of dispersal, and it certainly succeeded. Our sexual abilities
(and our fecundity) seem positively redundant today, but they
were essential to the genetic success of individual hominids. Those
who mated as often as possible because they enjoyed sex for its
own sake passed on more genes, and with their genes went a
highly developed capacity for sexual pleasure. In this way, humans
became the sexiest creatures ever to inhabit the earth.
C
SEX TO DEFUSE AGGRESSION
ontinual sexual receptivity may have had another essential
purpose—the diffusion of male aggression toward females
and their young. Infanticide was a particularly onerous issue
for hominid females. Male primates will often try to kill the young
of “strange” females (females with whom they have not mated),
for when an infant is killed, its mother soon becomes fertile again,
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Positive Sexuality in the Age of AIDS
allowing the new male to get his own genes into circulation. Since
hominid females and males were widely separated, according to
the new evolutionary scenario, any male who came across a
strange female could be expected to try to kill her infant. This
situation spelled potential disaster for females whose lives were
already marginal and whose fertility may often have been negatively affected by nutritional deficiencies. If a female had managed
to give birth to a healthy infant, she had to keep it alive. A direct
physical defense was impossible as evolutionary necessity demanded that males be almost twice as large as females—they had
to grow large to compete for access to females, while females had
to remain small to maximize their breeding potential. (A small
body uses fewer resources and is therefore more efficient when
food is scarce.) Instead, sexual interaction was the solution, for it
provided female hominids with the ability to defuse male aggression. A female who could distract males from infanticide by
persuading them to mate instead obviously had a distinct genetic
advantage over her less “libidinous” sisters.
There was a further advantage. Males do not kill infants of
females with whom they have mated. So a female who was willing
to mate with every male in the area as often as possible possessed
an even stronger defense against infanticide, for every consort
might then be persuaded to believe he was ‘Daddy.’ This is a
common strategy among female primates. As primatologist Sara
Hrdy observes, females take full advantage of the masculine
paternity dilemma, seeming to understand that if there is even a
chance that their genes are represented in an infant, males will
hedge their bets by leaving it alone. Tactics of this type are evident
in all species and do not demand any special intelligence. Rat
females and males, for instance, know the difference between
‘familiar’ and ‘unfamiliar’ partners and act accordingly, exhibiting
the tenets of natural selection. Animals that “make decisions” that
work leave more genes behind them, and the successful behaviors
eventually become part of the species’ repertoire.
22
A Legacy of Pleasure
Joan D. Lambert
The female willingness to engage in sex probably had other
advantages. Primate males defer to and share food with females
only when they are in estrus. Since the hominid female was
essentially in estrus all the time, she had an unusual degree of
what may best be termed “psychological” power over the physically stronger male. Her enhanced status served to offset male
superior strength and, therefore, to maintain a balance of power
between the sexes. Such a balance was beneficial to both sexes,
since males depended on females to bring their genes (in the
form of sperm) to maturity. A powerful female who could
compete successfully for resources was more likely to manage
this difficult task than one without such power.
Sex then, became an aggression-reducing mechanism between female and male very early in our evolution. It soon took
on an even more important role, for as hominids once again
began to live in groups about two to three million years ago,
sexual behavior became an important mechanism for maintaining the stability of the communal band. In fact, evolving
hominids may have become dependent on it to inhibit interpersonal and social violence.
A
THE VIOLENCE CONNECTION
ggressive tendencies are characteristic of all species.
They are essential to individual survival (as in the killing
of game or self-defense), yet can be maladaptive if they
induce life-threatening behavior (as in challenging rather than
fleeing a stronger aggressor). A balance must be maintained
between the opposing strategies of ‘fight’ and ‘flight,’ or aggression and conciliation, if an individual animal is to survive and
pass on its genes. A balance between aggressive and conciliatory
impulses is also essential to the maintenance of social cohesion.
The opposing pain (or violence) and pleasure centers of the
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central nervous system may have evolved to maintain this
balance. Stimulation of the pleasure center through positive
sensory stimulation of the young (through licking, nursing,
body contact) as well as adult interaction (body contact, grooming, etc.) prevents undue growth of the violence center and thus
functions to cement bonds between individuals and maintain
stability within the group.
Among primates, grooming is probably the most important
mechanism for stimulation of the pleasure center. Among furless
hominids, pleasure-inducing sexual activity may have replaced
grooming as the primary mechanism for maintaining the necessary balance between the pain and pleasure centers. Sex kept
the peace between individuals and within groups because it
provided the essential somatosensory stimulation that inhibited
dysfunctional violence and promoted conciliation. Sexually derived behaviors may still fulfill this function, for when our
sexual/sensual impulses are repressed by social customs, aggressive behavior may predominate, with negative consequences to
individuals and ultimately to the species.1
A Legacy of Pleasure
Joan D. Lambert
Further, it is interesting to note that women may have
evolved with a biological advantage over the male in experiencing and integrating somatosensory pleasure. Conversely, women
may also exhibit greater vulnerability to pleasure deprivation
than men, probably because their greater integrative capacity
implies enhanced development of neural connections between
the sexual, the emotional, and the cognitive realms of the brain
(Prescott, 1977, 1983). As a result, deprivation is felt and known
more keenly. Men, in turn, with fewer integrative connections
and stronger aggressive impulses, may require more somatosensory ‘infusions’ to provide the necessary balance between the
pain and pleasure centers of the brain.
A number of possible conclusions emerge from these speculations. First, in the absence of positive attitudes toward sexuality,
women will suffer disproportionately, as emotional and cognitive
faculties could be affected. Second, while somatosensory experiences are neglected or rejected, men will be unusually aggressive.
Third, if humans, as suggested above, have become dependent
on pleasure-inducing sexual activity to balance aggressive tendencies, the development and enhancement of somatosensory experiences may be crucial to continued survival.
1 Support for this premise comes from a series of studies conducted by Dr.
James Prescott, a neurophysiologist with the National Institutes of Health.
He analyzed the relationship between attitudes toward violence and body
pleasure in 49 cultures around the world. Prescott found an astonishing
98% correlation between a culture’s acceptance of somatosensory pleasure
as a normal and valuable human capacity and its intolerance for violence.
That is, when a particular society was nurturant toward its children and
was tolerant of both premarital and extramarital sexuality, violence within
the community and directed toward others was virtually absent. When
children were treated harshly and rigid rules surrounded sexual behavior,
particularly for women, violence was the rule. He concluded that attitudes
toward body pleasure and repression or celebration of sexuality are integrally connected—when punitive and repressive attitudes toward sexuality
and pleasure exist, violence, drug abuse, and low interpersonal tolerance
follow.
24
T
THE GROWTH OF THE BRAIN
AND SEXUAL ADAPTATION
he large human brain developed, at least in part, because
hominid sexual behavior was no longer ‘hard-wired’ to
reproductive success. Once pleasure had become the intrinsic reward, sexual experiences began to be interpreted and
understood as pleasurable. More neural circuits between the older
limbic brain and the emerging emotive and cognitive centers were
required to fulfill these functions. The brain grew to accommodate the new circuits; its growth, in turn, stimulated still more
25
Does Anyone Still Remember When Sex Was Fun?
Positive Sexuality in the Age of AIDS
emotional and cognitive complexity. Interestingly, the need for
privacy may have facilitated these shifts. To minimize chances of
attack while mating, pre-humans had to find a relatively secure
spot, which meant thinking ahead, planning, and probably a
greater opportunity for emotional interaction when mating did
take place. Because of the two-legged stance, mating may also have
occurred primarily face-to-face, permitting communication via
facial gestures and possibly vocal utterances.
Over time, the cognitive and sensory aspects of sexual
interactions became just as important as its physical expression.
Emerging humans began not just to mate but to think and feel
about the nature of their mating activities and about their
mating partners. Individuals who were capable of these new
skills had a genetic advantage, for their emotional and cognitive
abilities permitted them to ‘understand’ their relationships, their
position in the group and their world. Much of the behavior
described above that contributed to (and accompanied) brain
growth could be called sensual. The word implies an expansion
of sexual from a simple physical response to include emotive,
erotic, and cognitive components. It, too, now became integral
to the human condition, both as a source of sensory pleasure
and inhibitor of violence, and as a means of communication
between individuals.
Another impetus for brain growth was paradoxical. As the
brain expanded to encompass the emerging human potential,
it created an obstetrical dilemma. Our female ancestors could
not develop a pelvic girdle wide enough to permit easy passage
of a big-brained baby. The pelvic bones of an upright creature
cannot be too widely spaced; if they were, the female would
have to walk with a waddle so pronounced as to be totally
impractical. The solution, once again, was costly. Infants began
to be born prematurely, before their brains were fully developed.
Altricial (accelerated) birth meant that they lived for nearly a
year as extra-uterine embryos (Gould, 1985).
26
A Legacy of Pleasure
Joan D. Lambert
As a result, females began, for the first time, to require
assistance in child-rearing. They might be weakened or even
killed by a difficult birth (probably enormous numbers of
females died in childbirth in these transitional years, for the
newly enlarged skull was still very thick and lacked a fontanelle),
and the underdeveloped infant needed constant, energy-depriving care. The relationships that evolved as a result of shared
child-rearing required still more sexual, cognitive, and emotional connections. Agreements and bargains and reciprocal
arrangements between offspring and their relations increased,
and social customs, traditions, and finally institutions and policies emerged to regulate them. The complications of nurture,
as well as nature, and the multiple interactions between them,
had become essential to sexual interactions. And so Homo
Sapiens Sapiens was born.
T
A HERITAGE OF PLEASURE
his is necessarily a distressingly brief recapitulation of a
four or five million year story. But it suffices to provide
a framework for the major point of this chapter: the
pursuit of somatosensory pleasure, however we choose to obtain
it, is our heritage, not our downfall. Sensual and sexual stimulation are, or have the potential to be, positive forces in the
human experience. They can help us to communicate, to control
violence, to express the best of our emotions. Without positive
sexuality, we are bereft, unable to fulfill our potential and prone
to destructive impulses. In the age of AIDS, this knowledge can
help us to celebrate our sexuality, for it is truly a wondrous gift.
We can remind ourselves that it is the affirmation of pleasure as
an intrinsic and valuable human capacity, not denial, that will
ultimately save us from becoming hedonists bent on self-destruction, as so many critics contend. While the experience of
27
Does Anyone Still Remember When Sex Was Fun?
Positive Sexuality in the Age of AIDS
pleasure is called sinful, so shall we be sinful in the sense of doing
violence to each other.
We need to remember, also, that it is the celebration of
touch as an important mechanism for emotional, cognitive, and
sensory communication, rather than the prudery of the “do not
touch” mentality, with its advocacy of emotional repression,
that will finally permit us to realize our full human potential.
For somatosensory experiences, sexual and sensual, are essential
to the control of human violence. Our brains are constructed
in such a way that only sensuality, construed here to mean
sexuality in its most expansive sense, can safely moderate aggressive impulses; to deny our sensuality is to deny the potential
for individual and social harmony. It is the confirmation of that
sensual heritage, rather than the hardening effect of stoicism,
that will usher in a longed-for era of world peace.
AIDS has forced us to re-think our personal sexual lives and
our professional positions. Clearly, unprotected genital sex can
be dangerous, even deadly under certain circumstances. But
once we recognize that sensuality, as well as sexuality, are our
birthright, we may be able to reduce our dependence on purely
genital sex and expand our perceptions of sexuality to include
the whole range of sensual and somatosensory experiences of
which we are capable. If the tragedy of AIDS can help us to
re-invent the meaning of sexuality, we can surely find some
comfort amidst the pain.
A Legacy of Pleasure
Joan D. Lambert
Hubbard, R. (1979). Have only men evolved? In Biological woman: The convenient myth. Cambridge, MA: Schenkman Publishing.
Johanson, D. C., & Maitland, A. E. (1981). Lucy: The beginnings of humankind.
New York: Simon & Schuster.
Lovejoy, C. O. (1981). The origin of man. Science, 211, 4479
Prescott, J. W. (1977). Phylogenetic and ontogenic aspects of human affectional
development. In Gemme, R. & Wheeler, C.C., Eds. Progress in Sexology:
Selected papers from the proceedings of the 1976 International Congress of
Sexology. New York: Plenum Press.
Prescott, J. W. (1983). Developmental origins of violence: Psychobiological,
cross-cultural & religious perspectives. Invited Address: American Psychological Association.
Strum, S. (1987). Almost human. New York: Random House.
Symons, D. (1979). The evolution of human sexuality. New York: Oxford University Press.
Wilson, E. O. (1975). Sociobiology: The new synthesis. Cambridge, MA: Harvard
University Press.
REFERENCES
Fisher, H. E. (1982). The sex contract: The evolution of human behavior. New York:
William Morrow & Co.
Goodall, J. (1971). In the shadow of man. New York: Dell Publishing Co.
Gould, S. J. (1985). The most compelling pelvis since Elvis. Discover, December.
Hrdy, S. B. (1981) The woman that never evolved. Cambridge, MA: Harvard
University Press.
28
29
Does Anyone Still Remember When Sex Was Fun?
Positive Sexuality in the Age of AIDS
Index
Index
Abortion, 2, 103, 151, 155,
201-202, 204, 216
Abstinence, sexual, 88, 93,
110, 138, 147, 151, 172,
178-180, 187, 190, 197
as risk behavior, 178-180,
190
Abuse, 9
Adaptation, 25
Adolescents
and AIDS, 121
Adulthood, 188, 195
Advantage 24® contraceptive,
172, 178
Africa, 16, 165-166, 168, 202
Age of AIDS, 2-3, 31, 89,
93, 97, 130, 132, 135,
137-139, 141-142
Aggression, 15, 18, 21-25, 28
AIDS
and mortality, 2
and the clash of values, 11
as metaphor, 11, 146, 159161
as opportunity, 13-14, 31,
35
as part of comprehensive
sexuality education program, 151
as plague, 161, 217
as serious health crisis, 1,
150
education, 203-204
impact on individuals, 1,
10, 31, 35, 84, 91-92,
192, 216
impact on relationships,
192, 209-210
impact on sexuality, 2, 13,
30, 84, 91, 97
impact on society, 1, 10,
209, 216
in Africa, 165-166, 168
on television, 147, 149
prevalence, 87
prevention, 4, 7, 9-10, 45,
76, 106, 126, 141, 147148, 150, 159, 173, 179,
188-189, 192, 203-204
search for cure, 216
transmission, 147-148
used to control sexuality, 11
See also HIV
“AIDS brain,” 168, 194
“AIDS doesn’t discriminate,”
180-181
AIDS education, 90, 99, 105106
AIDS phobia, 193-194
AIDS prevention, 88-90, 137
AIDS test
See HIV-antibody test
AIDS virus
See HIV
AIDS-industrial complex,
186
AIDS-Related Fears and
Anxieties (ARFA), 10,
193-195, 197, 210
Alcohol, 42, 103-104, 115116, 119, 123, 127, 154,
157-158, 162
American Public Health Association, 201
American society
as multicultural, 5
Anal intercourse, 39, 41, 91,
93-95, 109, 114, 118,
123, 147, 151, 166, 170171, 181
Anderson, P. B., 8, 30, 38, 45
Androgyny, 6
Anonymous sex, 160
Anthropological aspects, 13
Anxiety, 194
See also AIDS-Related
Fears and Anxieties
(ARFA)
ARFA
See AIDS-Related Fears
and Anxieties
Attitudes
and sexuality, 10
toward disadvantaged
classes, 150
Barrier sex, 173, 210
Barriers to HIV
chemical, 177
mechanical, 177
Bigler, M. O., 130
Birth control
See Contraception
Bisexuality, 6, 11, 32, 77, 9395, 112, 186, 192
Bisexuals
and AIDS, 51, 84-85, 89,
114, 131, 163
Blood transfusion, 38
Bondage and discipline
(B&D), 35
Brandt, A., 160
Calderone, M. S., 206
Casual sex, 55, 195
CDC
See Centers for Disease
Control and Prevention
Celibacy, 10-11, 84, 194, 197
Censorship
of AIDS materials, 204
of the Internet, 201-202,
204, 222
Centers for Disease Control
and Prevention (CDC),
147, 155, 164, 211
Child sexual abuse, 200
Chlamydia, 177-178
Choices, 5-6, 93, 127, 151,
155, 158-159, 172, 176,
180, 186, 189, 192-193,
200, 202-203
235
Classism, 207
Cock rings, 35
Cockburn, B. (songwriter),
144, 210
College students
and AIDS, 121, 157
Commitment, 3, 189, 195
Communication, 15, 18-19,
26-28, 31-32, 34-35, 77,
91, 96, 101-102, 126,
141, 159, 191, 208
Comstock Act, 201
Condom-specific impotence,
173, 210
Condoms, 8-9, 32, 35, 4142, 45, 73, 90-94, 100,
103, 110, 115, 117-118,
123, 127, 131, 147, 157,
170-177, 179, 186, 188,
190, 194, 204, 210-211
and sensitivity, 174
integrating into lovemaking, 174
male refuses to use, 171172
opposition to use of, 147
promoting use of, 173174, 188
Conformity, 3
Contraception, 2, 4, 7, 95,
103, 111, 117, 119, 127,
151, 155, 171-172, 189,
202, 204, 212-214, 216
Coping strategies, 193
Cross-cultural issues, 13
Culture and sexuality, 14
Cunnilingus, 176
See Oral sex
Cuomo, M., 146
Dating, 151
de Mauro, D., 187
Death
sex as a source of, 145
Decline of American rights,
202, 210
Dental dams, 176
Deprivation of pleasure
impact on women, 25
Desperation, 11
Diaphragm
use in preventing infection,
177, 186
Dignity, 1, 11, 97, 195
Dildos, 35
Disadvantaged groups
and AIDS, 163, 181, 186
Discrimination, 137
Dishonesty, 173-174
236
Drug use, 42, 115, 119, 147,
150, 162
and AIDS, 131, 163-164,
190
intravenous, 162
sharing needles, 38, 41, 99,
103, 115, 119, 147, 165
Dworkin, A., 186
Education
and AIDS, 150
developmentally appropriate, 151
for sexuality, 10, 31, 151,
174, 187, 189, 192-193,
209
See also Sexuality education
Ehrhardt, A., 203-204
Eisenstadt v. Baird, 202
Epidemic
as metaphor, 161
Eros, 144-145, 197
Eroticism, 2
Evolution, 18, 22, 24
human sexual, 5, 13-15,
21, 205
Exchange of blood or semen,
39
False assumptions about
AIDS, 170
Families
expanded, 7
extended, 7
intentional, 7
nuclear, 7
of choice, 7
Family life education
See Sexuality education
Fantasy, 34, 83, 94, 208
Fear, 31, 214
about death, 2
irrational, unreasonable, or
unwarranted, 10, 146,
148-149, 151, 155, 157,
176, 193-194
of AIDS, 10, 33, 57, 84,
88-89, 146, 169, 193194, 207
of being contagious, 194
of homosexuals, 193
of intimacy, 149
of promoting AIDS, 145,
150-151
of sex and intimacy, 10, 79,
84, 87, 149, 193-194
rational, 10, 91, 193-194
used to prevent AIDS, 10,
100-101, 150, 193-194
Fear reduction, 44
Fellatio
See Oral sex
Femininity, 6
Feminism, 182, 184-185
First Amendment rights,
201, 203
Fossil record, 16
Francoeur, A. K., 7
Francoeur, R. T., 7
Freedom, 7
Friendship, 8-9
Friendship networks, 7
Frottage, 33, 35
Fumento, M., 145, 149, 160
Fun, 11, 91-93, 96
Fundamentalism, 5-6, 87
Gay men, 84-87, 90
and AIDS, 46, 83-85, 87,
89, 114
Gay Men’s Health Crisis, 85
Gender orientation, 112-113
Genetic success, 20-23, 26
Gonorrhea, 2, 64, 86, 95,
177-178
Gordon, S., 206
Gospels, 133, 140
Gould, S. J., 26
Gravatt, A. E., 6
Griswold v. Connecticut, 202
Grooming, 17, 19, 24, 34
Group sex, 35, 160
as metaphor, 160
Guilt, sexual, 75, 190, 194,
208
Haffner, D., 187
Happiness, 1-2, 9, 11
Heilmann, K., 153, 157
Helms Amendment, 204
Hendrixson, L. L., 99
Hepatitis B, 86, 95
Herpes, 86, 162, 177-178,
192
Heterophobia, 182-185
internalized, 183
Heterosexuality, 6, 11, 32,
94-95, 109, 112, 186,
192, 204
Heterosexuals
and AIDS, 39-40, 47, 53,
145, 160-161, 163-165,
170-172, 189-190, 211
History
of AIDS, 207
HIV (Human Immunodeficiency Virus)
incidence, 187
Index
HIV (Human Immunodeficiency Virus), continued
incubation period, 159
infectivity, 187
man-to-woman transmission of, 171
prevalence, 63, 169, 187
repeated exposure to, 162,
176
risk in casual situations, 33,
39, 119, 159
transmission, 8, 30, 32-33,
38-40, 42, 85, 88, 93,
117, 151, 159, 162, 165,
170-171, 177, 187, 207
woman-to-man transmission of, 171
See also AIDS
HIV-antibody test, 32, 44,
93, 103, 119
Homo Sapiens Sapiens, 15,
27
Homophobia, 13, 31, 87,
90, 166, 182-183, 193
internalized, 183
Homosexuality, 6, 11, 21,
32, 77, 86, 89-90, 93, 9596, 103, 110-114, 136,
151, 165, 170, 186, 192,
204
Homosexuals
and AIDS, 39, 46, 114,
131, 165, 181
irrational fear of, 193
Honesty, 7, 10, 141, 150151, 171, 173-174, 187,
189, 191-192, 217
Hope, 2, 87, 136-138, 175
Hot, Horny & Healthy:
Eroticizing Safer Sex
(workshop), 85, 88, 9092, 94-95, 97-98
Hotlines, 222, 224
Hrdy, S., 21-22
Hugging, 33, 35, 110, 118119
Human Immunodeficiency
Virus
See HIV
Humanism, 6
Ignorance
of AIDS, 76, 145
of sex, 76, 145
Immorality
See Morality and immorality
Individuality, 3, 5-7
Industrial Revolution, 7
“Innocent victims of AIDS,”
195
Instincts
life, 144
See also Eros
Isolation sex, 173, 210
Jäger, H., 193
Jealousy, 7
Joffe, C., 203
John Paul II, 148
Jordon, J. V., 6
Joy, 9, 11, 30, 32, 36, 100
Judeo-Christian heritage,
130, 195-196
“Just say no,” 175
Kaplan, A. G., 6
King, B. M., 121
Kirkendall, L. A., 5-6, 215216
Kissing, 35, 90, 110, 118119, 208
Koop, C. E., 99, 147
Kutchinsky, B., 44
Lambert, J. D., 13, 205
Lawrence, Jr., R. J., 196-197
Leik, R. K., 188
Lesbians, 181
and AIDS, 115, 190
Libby, R. W., 6
Lieberman, L., 141
Lindsey, K., 7
Listening, 9
Loneliness, 11
Love, 9-11, 103, 114, 133134, 136-138, 140, 151,
176, 210
Lovers in a Dangerous Time
(song excerpt), 144
Lucy (early hominid skeleton), 16
Macklin, E. D., 6
Mahoney, Archbishop, 147
Marriage, 3, 9, 103, 110,
114, 122, 151, 188, 190191, 195-196, 209
alternatives to traditional, 6
Masculinity, 6, 175
Massage, 33, 35
Masturbation, 34-35, 83, 95,
107, 110, 118, 151, 187,
197, 208
mutual, 34, 93, 95, 208
McMahon, K. T., 141
Megan’s laws, 200
Miller, J. B., 6
Minorities
and AIDS, 150, 163-166,
181, 207
Minority women
and AIDS, 76, 150
Money, J., 203
Monogamy, 3, 7, 11, 68,
138, 147, 172, 179, 187,
189-191, 196, 208
as risk behavior, 179-180,
190
serial, 189
Morality and immorality, 56, 9-10, 13, 133, 136,
151, 195, 198-200, 203205, 207
Morality concealed in science, 151
Motivation, 47
Multidisciplinary study of
sexuality, 13-14
Multiple sexual partners, 7,
10-11, 45, 54, 63, 85,
111, 123, 150-151, 177,
186-188, 192, 194
Myths, 153
Myths of monogamy, 187,
189
National Center for Health
Statistics, 155
National Conference of
Catholic Bishops, 147
National Research Council,
161
Neoteny, 18
New Testament, 197
Nonoxynol-9, 42, 117-118,
170-172, 177-178, 186
Noonan, R. J., 1, 6, 8, 144,
149, 192, 208, 209, 222
North, B. B., 177-178, 187
Number of sex partners
impact on AIDS risk, 53,
63, 67, 90, 177, 187-188
NYC Department of Health,
207
O’Neill, G., 7, 191
O’Neill, N., 7, 191
Old Testament, 140
Open marriage, 7, 191
Open relationships, 7, 191
Opportunistic diseases, 39,
156
Oral sex, 40, 90-91, 93, 95,
109, 146-148, 151, 176
Orgasm, 1, 4, 20, 33-34, 93,
95-96, 110, 118, 141
237
Does Anyone Still Remember When Sex Was Fun?
Positive Sexuality in the Age of AIDS
Outercourse, 184, 208
Palacios-Jimenez, L., 84, 98
Paraphilias, 145
Pleasure, 4, 11, 13, 15, 17,
19-21, 23-28, 34-35, 75,
97, 100, 109, 139-140,
158, 208
Political correctness, 181182, 213
Politics
impact on AIDS, 146,
149, 182, 193, 195, 207
impact on sexuality, 3, 10,
14, 76, 90, 149, 182186, 200, 206, 211
Pornography, 150, 204
Post-Modern Era of the Sexual Revolution, 192
Power relations, 126
Pregnancy, 155
unintended, 2, 4, 9, 150,
160, 171-172, 174-175,
179-180, 208
Premarital sex, 188
Prescott, J., 24-25
Primates, 15, 19, 22-24
Pro-Sex Forum, 149
Promiscuity, 72, 150, 160,
187, 190
Prostitution, 165-166, 207
Psychosocial aspects of
AIDS, 121, 144-145
Quality of life with HIV infection, 39
Racism, 150, 166, 207
Ramey, J., 7
Rape, 75
Reiss, I. L., 158, 160, 163164, 179-180, 188, 190
Relationships, 2, 5-11, 14,
19, 27, 33, 84, 86, 90,
109, 140-141, 151, 173,
175, 190-191, 193, 195,
209
failures in, 195
Relative risk
See Risk behavior
Repeated exposure to HIV,
162, 176
Reproduction, 14-15, 19-20,
25
Respect, 7-11, 102, 141, 151
Response to AIDS
by authorities, 149, 188,
194
by general public, 145
238
by government, 146-147,
169, 178
by health professionals,
145, 148, 158, 188, 193194, 209
by media, 48, 101, 146,
148, 153, 158, 193-195,
207
by politicians, 193-195
by religious community,
87, 130-142, 178, 193195
by society, 146
Richie, D., 45
Risk, 31-32, 36
of HIV infection from a
health care worker, 42
perception, 152
real, 154, 156, 188, 190
sexual, 31, 35, 39-41
Risk behavior, 32, 36, 46, 73,
84, 87-88, 90-91, 93,
115, 119, 122, 146-148,
152-153, 157-159, 162,
169-170, 176-177, 179180, 187-188, 204
evaluating, 151-152, 154,
179
relative risk, 8, 32, 90, 93,
147-148, 151, 154-157,
188-189
Risk groups, 46, 48, 115,
131, 163
Risk reduction, 31-33, 3536, 41-42, 46, 85, 147,
156, 170, 178, 186, 188,
190, 208
Risk-taking, 30
Roe v. Wade, 202
Romance, 86, 151, 208
Rubin, R. H., 6
Rudin, A. J., 134
Russell, B., 9
Rust v. Sullivan, 201
Sadomasochism, 34-35
Safe sex, 33-34, 86, 89-90,
118, 147, 157, 208-210
implication that sex is dangerous, 208-209
Safer sex, 30, 33, 44, 76, 8385, 88, 90-97, 126, 131,
138, 141, 169, 180, 208209, 211
eroticizing, 84-85
implication that sex is dangerous, 173, 208-209
Safer-sex-induced impotence,
173
Sane Sex, 8, 144, 148-151,
175, 192-193, 209, 212213, 216-217
Sane Sex Alternative, 8, 148149, 151, 216
Schrank, B. G., 5
Schwartz, L. B., 71
Self-awareness, 4
Self-control, 147
Self-esteem, 121, 140, 194
Self-image, 2
Self-respect, 9, 101
Self-worth, 9
Sensationalism, 10
Sensuality, 1-2, 9, 26-28
Separation of church and
state, 151
Serostatus, 103
Sex
and caring, 8
and drugs as equated evils,
162, 195
and relaxation, 4
and sensitivity, 4, 8
and the future, 1, 3, 7,
142, 149, 216
and the search for happiness, 11
as a core aspect of self, 2,
140
as a function of sexuality, 2
as a set of needs, 2
as communication, 208
as dangerous, x, 74, 79,
124, 146, 148, 208-209
as fun, 11, 84
as inherently safe, 145,
151, 208-209
as pleasure, 5
as promoting AIDS, 209
as recreational, 83, 87
as relational, 96-97, 141,
208
feminist model of, 80
meanings of, 2, 32, 140141, 158
outside marriage, 51, 138,
188, 190, 197
promoted as healthy, 149,
151, 192, 217
without intercourse, 4
Sex history
of potential partners, 159
Sex in the media, 206
Sex Institute (NYC), 149,
222
Sex negative attitudes
effects on health professionals, 151
Index
Sex negative attitudes,
continued
effects on individuals, 145,
209
effects on society, 145, 209
effects on youth, 188
Sex play, 91, 94, 162
Sex toys, 34-35, 94, 118
Sex-positive attitudes, 149
promoting, 145
Sexism, 72, 150, 182, 207
Sexology Today, 5, 12
SexQuest, 222
Sexual assault, 75
Sexual development
pre-human, 13
Sexual discovery, 33
Sexual ethics, 151, 197
Sexual expression, 2-3, 3132, 72, 80, 84, 150, 157158, 175, 186, 192
Sexual health, 8-10, 72, 77,
100, 106, 192, 216
impact of stress, 4
Sexual Health Initiative, 156,
172, 211-215, 217
Sexual heritage, 3, 11, 27,
216
Sexual lifestyles, 186, 208
Sexual orientation, 112
Sexual preference, 14
Sexual responsibility, 95-96,
141, 147-149, 151, 187,
192
Sexual revolution, 5-6, 83,
97, 192
Sexual selves, 10-11, 14, 36
Sexual survival, 3, 5-7, 10
Sexual values, 3, 5-6, 10-11,
30, 110, 119, 137-139,
141, 147, 151, 196-197,
203
Sexuality
as beneficial force, 14
as life-enhancing, 13, 15
impact of AIDS on, 2
life-threatening aspects of,
2, 30
Sexuality education, 8-9, 10,
48, 76, 99, 101, 103,
119-120, 123, 131, 137,
139, 149, 151, 174, 187,
189, 192-193, 206, 209,
217
avoiding accurate, 10
for preschool children, 106
for preteens, 109
for young children, 108
impact of accurate, 187
See also Education
Sexually transmitted diseases
(STDs), 4, 9-10, 79, 86,
89, 96-97, 103, 110,
117-118, 150, 160, 170172, 174-175, 177-180,
189, 192, 204, 211-216
Sharing needles
See Drug use
Shernoff, M., 83, 98
Singer, J., 6
Situation ethics, 5
“Sixty Seconds of Sane Sex,”
149
Slogans, 159
Smoking, 154, 157-158
Social cohesion, 23, 28
Solitude, 11
Somatosensory pleasure
See Touch
Sontag, S., 160
Spermicides, 42, 103, 117118, 127, 170-172, 177,
186, 190, 194
Spirituality, 9
and AIDS, 130-132, 135,
137
and positive sexuality, 138,
140-141, 196-197
Sponge, contraceptive, 177178
St. Augustine, 195-196
Steroids
and AIDS, 116
Stiver, I. P., 6
Stress
impact of, 4, 42
Sublimation
See Eros
Surrey, J. L., 6
Survival strategies for lovers,
1, 222
Sussman, M. B., 169, 209
Synergy, 7
Syphilis, 2, 64, 87, 124, 177
Taking control of your life, 10
Telecommunications Act of
1996, 201
Thoreau, H. D., 11
Today® sponge, 177
Tolerance, 151
Touch, 15, 18-19, 24-25, 28,
33-34, 39, 92, 208
Trichomonas, 177-178
Trust, 34, 55, 75, 119, 174175, 191
Ulene, A., 33
United Nations Global Program on HIV/AIDS, 178
Unprotected sexual intercourse, 38
Unwanted pregnancy
See Pregnancy, unintended
Urquhart, J., 153, 157, 165
Using others, 8-9
Vaginal acidity (pH)
effect on HIV, 171
Vaginal intercourse, 40, 109,
117, 146-147, 151, 171
Vatican Conference on AIDS
(1989), 148
Vibrators, 32, 34-35
Violence, 15, 23-24, 26-28
Webster v. Reproductive
Health Services, 202
Westheimer, R., 141
Whitehurst, R. N., 5-6
Wilson, R. R., 2
Women
and AIDS, 53, 71, 94, 127,
150, 166, 171, 178, 189
and condoms, 125
minority, and AIDS, 72,
150
Wood, L. J., 137
Wordsworth, W., 97
World Council of Churches,
133, 137
World Wide Web, 222
X Prize Foundation, 215
Young people
and AIDS, 99, 101, 116,
136, 180, 188, 194
and condoms, 188
and drug use, 103
and relationships, 195
Contributors
Cont
Contr ibutor
butor s
Peter B. Anderson, PhD, is Associate Professor of Health and
Human Sexuality Education in the Department of Human Performance and Health Promotion at the University of New Orleans in New
Orleans, Louisiana. Dr. Anderson received his Ph.D. from the Human
Sexuality Program in the Department of Health Education at New
York University where he had the opportunity to study in both Africa
and Scandinavia and later to teach in Denmark as an adjunct in the
NYU program. Dr. Anderson has worked, published, and studied in
the area of human sexuality for the past 20 years. He can be contacted
at pbahp@ucc.uno.edu.
Mark O. Bigler, CSW, PhD, completed work on his Ph.D. in the
Human Sexuality Program in the Department of Health Education at
New York University. He worked as an HIV Coordinator and Sex
Educator at Phoenix House, a large residential drug treatment program
in New York City, where he was instrumental in the development and
implementation of an extensive sexuality curriculum. In addition, he
was a Fellow of Social Work in Psychiatry at the Cornell University
Medical Center where he received training in sex therapy under the
direction of Dr. Helen Singer Kaplan. Dr. Bigler is also a practicing
Mormon. Dr. Bigler is currently in private practice as a licensed clinical
social worker in Utah and teaches as an adjunct faculty member in
Health Promotion at Weber State University in Ogden, Utah.
Diane de Mauro, PhD, is a psychologist/sexologist and has
worked for the past 20 years in the sexuality field in the United States
239
xiii
Does Anyone Still Remember When Sex Was Fun?
Positive Sexuality in the Age of AIDS
Contributors
and Central and South America. Formerly the director of program
services for SIECUS (Sex Information and Education Council of the
United States), Dr. de Mauro is currently Director of the Sexuality
Research Fellowship Program at the Social Science Research Council
(SSRC), New York City.
Ronald Moglia, EdD, is the former director of the Human
Sexuality Program and is Associate Professor of Health Education in
the Department of Health Studies at New York University. He is a
nationally known sex educator, has served on the Board of Directors
of the Society for the Scientific Study of Sex, and has conducted
international studies in Human Sexuality in Sweden, China, Sri
Lanka, Thailand, and Hong Kong.
Linda L. Hendrixson, PhD, recently graduated from the Human
Sexuality Program in the Department of Health Studies at New York
University. Her doctoral research focused on the psychosocial and
psychosexual impact of HIV/AIDS on rural women. Dr. Hendrixson
teaches human sexuality and health studies in northern New Jersey
and is past president of the Sussex County AIDS Task Force.
Bruce M. King, PhD, is a Professor of Psychology at the University of New Orleans (UNO). He is the author of numerous papers
in both psychology and sexuality and a 1996 recipient of a Research
Professor Award from the Office of Research at UNO. His new
textbook, Human Sexuality Today, is the most up-to-date and highly
referenced sexuality text on the market today.
Berl Kutchinsky, PhD, was a psychologist and Senior Lecturer
at the Institute of Criminal Science, University of Copenhagen,
Copenhagen, Denmark. His interest in AIDS problems stemmed
from many years of criminological and sexological research into the
relationship between knowledge, attitudes, and behavior. At the
Fourth World Conference on AIDS held in Stockholm in June, 1988,
he was the organizer of an interdisciplinary Round Table on AIDS
Prevention and Safer Sex.
Joan D. Lambert, EdM, (Harvard Graduate School of Education) is a doctoral candidate in the Human Sexuality Program in the
Department of Health Studies at New York University. She has a
long-standing interest in human sexual evolution, particularly female
sexual evolution, and its implications for women today. Ms. Lambert’s
novel, Circles of Stone, deals with these subjects and will be published
by Pocketbooks/Simon & Schuster in early 1997.
xiv
Raymond J. Noonan, MA, was one of the first to publicly address
the scarcity of positive attitudes toward human sexuality in the age
of AIDS. To further his ideas, he founded the “Pro-Sex Forum” in
1986 to confront sex negativity and AIDS hysteria at a national level
and to advance his alternative “Sane Sex” messages of sanity and hope
in these beleaguered times. Mr. Noonan has served as Assistant
Program Management Officer and Public Health Educator, Special
Projects, for the Division of AIDS Program Services, New York City
Department of Health. Mr. Noonan is presently an adjunct instructor
in sexuality and health education at the Fashion Institute of Technology, the Manhattan campus of the State University of New York
(FIT-SUNY). He also directs the Sex Institute in New York City
(http://www.SexQuest.com/ on the World Wide Web) which offers
sexuality education and consultation services and conducts research
and publishing programs in the sexual sciences. He has worked in the
field of sexology for over 25 years and is currently seeking to adapt
his “Sane Sex” approach to sexuality education to video. He is
completing his doctoral research in the Human Sexuality Program in
the Department of Health Studies at New York University. He can
be contacted at rjnoonan@sexquest.com.
Deborah Richie, MA, is currently pursuing her Ed.D. in the
college of Education at the University of Illinois in Urbana/Champaign, Illinois. She received her M.A. in Human Sexuality from New
York University in 1988 and returned to NYU as an adjunct assistant
professor in the summers of 1992 and 1994 to teach Human Sexuality
in Denmark. She is the Sexuality Education Coordinator at the
xv
Does Anyone Still Remember When Sex Was Fun?
Positive Sexuality in the Age of AIDS
Does Anyone Still Remember When Sex Was Fun?
Positive Sexuality in the Age of AIDS
McKinley Health Center at the University of Illinois and the recipient
of the 1992-93 Student Affairs Outstanding Staff Award and the
1994-95 Outstanding Ally Award from the Office of Lesbian, Gay,
and Bisexual Concerns.
ADDITIONAL NOTES
Lisa B. Schwartz, PhD, has been working as a private consultant
in the field of health and sexuality education for the last ten years.
Formerly the Director of Education for the AIDS Task Force of
Philadelphia, her experience includes working with adolescents to
older adults. Currently receiving additional clinical training from the
Family Institute of Philadelphia, she received her doctoral degree in
human sexuality education from the University of Pennsylvania. She
is a member of the Union of American Hebrew Congregation’s
HIV/AIDS committee.
Michael Shernoff, CSW, ACSW, is currently in private practice
in New York City. He was Founder and Co-Director of Chelsea
Psychotherapy Associates in Manhattan. He was an adjunct faculty
member in the Education Department of Gay Men’s Health Crisis
(GMHC), in which capacity he trained professionals for working with
people with AIDS. Mr. Shernoff co-chaired the AIDS Task Force of
the Society for the Scientific Study of Sex and the Task Force on AIDS
and the Family of the American Orthopsychiatric Association, and
was on the executive committee of the National Coalition on AIDS
and Families. He was one of the recipients of the 1988 Diego Lopez
Memorial Award for outstanding contributions to the field of AIDS,
awarded by the AIDS Task Force of the NYC Chapter of the National
Association of Social Workers. He has co-authored a book about AIDS
prevention, and numerous articles and pamphlets about AIDS and
mental health. He can be contacted at MShernoff@aol.com.
xvi
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