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Writing

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You can choose to revise and resubmit either unit paper 1 or 2 from this semester. When

choosing which paper to revise, consider which essay interested you most and which needs the

most work. Clearly, this may not be the same paper.

Whichever paper you choose, you need to try something more complicated than a

cleaning-up of the grammar and other sentence level concerns (although they are a part of

revision). A revision is quite literally a “re-seeing” of a piece of writing. Maybe something

you’ve read in another class has had an impact on your thinking on one of the earlier papers

you’ve written. Maybe comments I’ve written or comments from tutors, or class workshops

affect the way you see your argument. You might seek new, different pieces of evidence to

support your claims. Perhaps your revision will be primarily structural or stylistic; your essay

might benefit from a change in tone or a reordering of paragraph structure.

However you go about the revision, be sure that you’re not merely making sentence-level

changes. Also, don’t just throw in an extra paragraph without looking at how an addition affects

the logic or style of the paper as a whole. I can’t guarantee you that the change will “work out”

in the sense that the product itself, the revised paper, will deserve a higher grade. What I can

promise is that a clear, genuine attempt at revision will not give you a lower grade than your

original grade. A paper with only sentence-level grammar or spelling changes, however, will

receive the same grade as the original. I can also guarantee you that the experience of revisiting

an older piece of writing will be beneficial in the long term for you as a thinker and a writer.

Aside from the revisions mentioned above, the developments you make to your paper will vary

from person to person. You may need to:

Add or rephrase your title

clarify/strengthen your claim

address the “so what” question (i.e., explore the significance of your claim) in the intro

and/or conclusion

reorganize paragraphs so that the ideas presented therein work to support your claim

without repeating the same point

produce transitions between paragraphs (if you can’t come up with a transition between

paragraphs, it may be a sign that the paragraphs don’t belong together and need to be

reorganized)

craft clear topic sentences for paragraphs (remember, a topic sentence should not simply

summarize a plot element or idea; it needs to make a particular claim that the rest of the

paragraph supports with evidence)

add textual evidence (bring in quotes and/or specific examples from the

readings/film/personal experience)

analyze the evidence already present in the paper (i.e., explain

how

the quote or anecdote

illustrates the point you’re making and

in what way

it’s relevant to your larger claim)

reframe your conclusion (remember a conclusion should do more than repeat what

you’ve said in the paper; there can certainly be an element of re-emphasizing your claim,

but the conclusion is also your chance to make a final impact on your reader by giving

them something to think about or emphasizing the significance of what you’re saying)

correct any mistakes in your use of MLA citation style (add a Works Cited page if you

didn’t do so originally)

You’re not expected to address every issue in the paper during this revision—to do so

would be a much longer revision process; instead, try to tackle the most significant issues in

the paper.

As you begin to make changes to the graded document that contains my comments in the

margins, you will need to make sure that you’ve turned on the “Track Changes” tool in

Microsoft Word or Pages. This tool does just what its name says: keeps track of changes and

revisions you make in your essay.

You MUST use this tool in your final revision of either

your Unit 1 or 2 paper.

I will not read or grade revised essays that do not utilize Track

Changes.

Just as important be sure that you save the file as a new name. I recommend that you just

add the words “Track Changes” to the existing file name. You need to do this so that you

have the original copy with my comments on it and also your track changes document as

well.

Directions to Turn On Track Changes:

1—Click “Review” and then click on Track Changes so that “Yes” appears

2—Then move the cursor into the paragraph to test that you’ve turned on Track Changes and just

type any two random letters. The letters should show up in a new color. If the letters do not show

up in a new color then be sure to click “On” again and try the same test again.

Unformatted Attachment Preview

Abdulaziz Alotaibi Nicole Batchelor WRI 100 2/24/2018 1 Pieter Bruegel The Wine of Saint Martin's Day and Dutch proverbs The Wine of Saint Martin's Day This image is known as The Wine of Saint Martin's Day. It was painted by Pieter Bruegel. He was known for his good painting job, where he mostly painted landscapes and scenes experienced by peasants (Estes, Jo-Ann, n.p). The image shows the peasants celebrating Saint Martin’s day, which was a very popular festival of their day. The festival which took place on 11th November involved drinking the first wine of the season, making merry and simply having fun. There is, however, more to what is seen in the image. The people seen in the foreground of the painting is a lot of people, young, old, disabled men, and women. Discussion They are all surrounding a barrel of wine, trying to get as much as they want. Having too much wine, means that the people will get drunk and behave awkwardly. As seen in the fore ground, some are dancing while others are staggering their way out of the congregation. There is a rich man on a horse with a sword cutting the garment of his solider and giving it to a disabled beggar. This has a lot to say about this painting. Saint Martin was a saint who shared his riches with the poor. Most of the people in the art are poor and while others are crippled. Poverty and lack is well represented in this image. The people are wearing torn clothes, walking barefoot, wearing oversized clothes, they are skinny, and their animals too are thin. This visual feature represents poverty (Santos-Bueso, np). These people are poor peasants, but they are enjoying wine which is a symbol of wealth. This symbolizes equality between the rich and the poor, which is represented by Saint Martin. The people are not always privileged to have wine all through the year since they are poor and wine is a luxury for the rich. This is evident by how they crowd near the barrel and how they struggle to get a share of the wine. The people sharing the wine are painted in different colors, which shows that they are having joy. It represents fun and fulfillment among the people. This explains how color and contrast are used to emphasize of the celebrations. There is the use of darkness and light to contrast. In this painting, light is focused on the people taking wine from the barrel, since this is the important part of the painting. Darkness is used in the places further beyond where the landscape is rocky and dry. The painter has used warm colors and cool colors. Warm colors used are pink, yellow and maroon, while cool colors used are peach and blue. This creates a contrast which represents drama and excitement, as shown by how the already drunk men are dancing, others staggering and others sleeping on the ground. The barrel is red, this makes it a center of concentration. The color of the sky beyond the hills is violet, resembling the sunset. This shows that the wine was being taken during the evening. The painting has a smooth finish, hence having a smooth texture. The colors used are uniform and unmixed (Santos-Bueso, n p). The brush strokes follow a consistent trend, and there is no repetition, therefore, creating a smooth texture. There is also use of lines and shapes, in the painting. Some tracks are regular, like those on the buildings. Irregular shapes are shown by the hills and the rugged landscape. The outlines are evident, and they appear static. This creates the feeling of peace, harmony, and love among the people. The painting has a linear perspective, where light is focused on the images in the foreground, and it reduces as one looks further. The further images then disappear into the universe, and that is where the colors darken. People at the feast are concentrated on more than those leaving as shown by the color change, lighting and their images are irregular. The painting is a close-up. Hence the attention is drawn towards the people feasting, and it reduces as people move further away from the barrel of wine. In this work of art, Pieter Brueghel symbolizes avarice and the lively character of the people, which is ironical in that region during those times. Dutch proverbs This image is called the Netherlands Proverbs drawn by Pieter Bruegel. The image also has other two names, which are The Blue Cloak and The Folly of the World. It is an oil on oak panel image measuring 46” x 64,” and it is one of the greatest renaissance images (Estes 253). The painting contains twelve proverbs, which are demonstrated in the form of images. The image can be found in the Staatliche Museum in Berlin, Germany. In this painting, the artist aims at presenting the universal stupidity of man, and the danger of folly which leads man to sin. The art is a form of a religious protestant art, and its overall style is humanism, which means the ordinary way of life of people, including the activities they undertake. Discussion There are so many things to look at in this painting since there are very many images in it. The subject of this painting is tied to its style which is humanism (cite). People of the northern renaissance focused more on religion and religious practices than on secular practices (cite). In the painting, there are illustrations of human behavior which is good and bad and that led humans to sin. These behavior is illustrated by the man peeing on the moon, there is a woman covering her man with a blue cloth, there is a person carrying fire and the one hitting the wall with the head. All these have a meaning according to the culture of the people. People in this image are a mixture of the rich (there are tarts on the roof with tiles) and others are poor. Others are so religious while others are not. Some are hardworking while others are lazy, like the on sleeping on the working board and those sleeping in the shade. It represents the normal lives of human beings and their activities. The techniques used in this painting include lighting. In this image, it is during the day, due to the presence of the sun. Light is present outside the house while inside the rooms, there is darkness. Darkness is associate with evil and wickedness hence there is no good in what the people in the houses are doing. Darkness is associated with the devil, and where it lurks, there must be something evil happening. It is thus properly used in this image, since it is all about human wickedness and sin. There is the intense use of color in this painting. The color pallet of this painting is interesting, as the artist has artist has emphasized on the blue and red colors. These colors form the focal point of the painting, as they tend to highlight the areas of human foolishness. The blue color also symbolizes folly while the red color symbolizes sin and disrespect (Estes 253). The sky and the water are blue; this demonstrates calmness of the place as people go around with their business. Other colors have also been used to emphasize the theme of the painting. The painting has a smooth finish, hence having a smooth texture. The colors used are uniform and independently used. The brush strokes follow a uniform trend, and there is no repetition hence creating a smooth texture. There is also use of lines and shapes, in the painting. Some lines are regular, like those on the buildings. Irregular shapes are shown by the hills and the rugged landscape (Sullivan, np). The outlines are very clear, and they appear static. There is movement in the painting, where the people are carrying out activities. The objects are symmetric, which shows stability, order, and randomness. The images are clearly laid out so the viewer can see all the activities. A lot of things are happening on the painting, but through the symmetric arrangement, the painter is able to separate them and show each of them randomly. The painting has an aerial perspective, where all the objects can be seen, but the light is focused on the foreground. The artist directs all the attention to the area where all the foolishness is happening. At this point the size of the images is big, and they decrease towards the edge of the edge of the image. There is a distance from the actual surface of the painting. This brings out its aerial perspective and helps incorporate many objects into the object. Conclusion As seen in these paintings, the painter always has a lot in mind when bringing the objects together to form complete painting. It is thus important to go beyond what appears on the cover to understand the actual meaning of the painting or image. The painter uses different techniques to bring out the meaning of the painting since he cannot put everything he intends to say on the piece of canvas. Paintings inspire people and increase their curiosity to find out more about them. Essay: C+ Participation: B- Works cited Estes, Jo-Ann. "Humanistic Didactic Morality in Brueghel's “Netherlands Proverbs”." (2016). Santos-Bueso, E., F. Sáenz-Francés, and J. García-Sánchez. "Eye pathologies in the paintings of Pieter Bruegel the Elder (IV). The wine of Saint Martin's day." Archivos de la Sociedad Espanola de Oftalmologia 89.3 (2014): e23-5. Sullivan, Margaret A. "Bruegel's Proverb Painting." Wise Words (RLE Folklore): Essays on the Proverb 18 (2015): 253.
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