Help me to improve my paper

timer Asked: Oct 22nd, 2018
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Prompt: One of the first things we should do in examining "How should we live?" is to examine how you live. Write a paper about one aspect of who you are that includes a implicit argument. Think about exploring point of view, voice, and style. Use Hamilton as a starting place to think about style, introduction, and who gets to tell your story. Who gets to decide how you’re perceived? Why? What are the conflicts between your story and the narrator? As we see through the songs, there are various viewpoints on Hamilton’s life and each perspective adds more complexity about who the man really is (at least in this fictional account). The genre of this assignment is creative non-fiction, but don’t be afraid to use poetry, dialogue, or other narrative techniques when necessary. Use the other texts such as Doyle or Didion as a model to explore your voice and message.

1. Please look through the feedback from my professor and classmates carefully. The biggest problem are the lack of personal examples and the paper is too academic and formal. I am just a normal college second-year student. Write like I write it. Be sure to add 2 pages to my original paper. Please help me to improve it.

2. Reflection: Reflect on the reading and writing you've done this week. What was difficult? What was easy? What was unexpected? What did you learn about your writing process and/or writing skills? Write at least three paragraphs exploring your writing.

This assignment is very important to me. If you do well, I can give you some extra tips!!!

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Surname 1 How to Live In recent times, integration and the increasing rate of immigration into the United States has created concerns on the uprising identity crisis. The issue of identity has affected many individuals because it affects how they live and interact in society. The most affected are the immigrants who struggle with cultural difference especially the children who grow up with uncertainties and confusion regarding their sense of belonging and place in the society. It has created the need for individuals to reflect on how to live while embracing the diversity that exists in contemporary society. Over the years, individuals have been trying to answer the question “how should live?” Ken Liu, in the story “Paper Menagerie” gives an insight into how to live in the society by highlight issues on family relationships, identity, and the experience of being an immigrant. For this essay, I will utilize the dialogue in the scene where the neighbors who came to welcome Jack’s family into the new neighborhood converse in the living room; “He seems like a normal enough man. Why did he do that?” “Something about the mixing never seems right. The child looks unfinished. Slanty eyes, white face. A little monster.” “Do you think he can speak English?” “The name doesn’t sound very Chinese.” The dialogue highlights the theme of identity. Liu gives an insight into what many children born to immigrant parents go through in the United States. The neighbors ask themselves, “do you think he can speak English?”, because of Jack’s ethnic difference. Surname 2 Immigrants usually fail to assimilate into the American culture because of the diversity in cultural beliefs and practices. Jack, who is the narrator is a multiracial child born to a White father and Chinese mum who immigrated into the United States. Unlike the neighbors, Jacks don’t want to identify with the mum’s culture and would like to gain acceptance as an American. According to Umehira, identity is often influenced by race. Therefore, identity remains related to the cultural background that determines how one lives. In an attempt to define how to live, contemporary America has made significant advances to change the perception and discrimination based on race and ethnicity. Jack feels the need to identify with the American culture despite being multiracial, but the neighbors perceive that “he looks like a normal man” with different physical characteristics. The society has created awareness and advocated for the need to integrate despite the cultural differences. The Musical Hamilton is among the many voices that gives an insight into the issue of identity in America. It addresses post-racial beliefs and has been acclaimed for its inclusiveness and incorporation of many African-Americans and Latinos as casts. Therefore, it is significant for individuals to discover their identity in the midst of the cultural differences in society. From the dialogue, it is clear that society dictates how individuals live. Jack’s neighbors say that “something about the mixing never seems right. The child looks unfinished. Slanty eyes, white face” as their perception of his identity. These discriminative words remain responsible for the feeling of isolation. Arguably, cultures have default contexts which most people subscribe to, and this implies that one can’t get out of the societal constructions. The bone of contention between my story and the narrator is that the narrator wants to get his context amidst the societal dictatorship while I would rather inherit the default context of the society, accept and live up to my identity. Surname 3 Moreover, individuals need to understand that the identification and acceptance of their identity determine how they live and interact with others. The narrator’s “name does not sound Chinese” to signify that the perception of others cannot determine one’s identity. Socrates gives an insight into this probing question by incorporating the style of scrutinizing individual’s beliefs known as dialectic. This style encompasses asking and answering probing questions to justify individual perception of lifestyle and culture. For instance, in the US the ideal life is generalized in the context of getting a job, get a mortgage, have a family, save money and eventually retire. For me, an ideal life means accepting my identity and utilizing it to achieve my life goals and principles. It’s essential to make a personal choice on how to live because this decision builds confidence and integration in this culturally diverse society. Overall, the essential point is that no one lives in isolation despite the cultural differences in society. From experience, the quality of life is primarily dependent on the interactions, and the universal goal of seeking happiness should not be taken for granted. People should not focus on their failures to examine their lives but should strive to deal with life’s trials and tribulations to achieve satisfaction. Therefore, the story teaches me that I should live my life by realizing that every interaction is an opportunity to make my life and that of other more rewarding. Feedback: Telling story like talk to a friend 1. What kind of identity crisis are we having? Are we struggling to find who we are? What our life’s purpose is? Be clear on what are dealing with. I also thinking mentioning the founding fathers is confusing. - I think you are trying to address the topic of how one should live their lives Surname 4 2. Try to make a personal connection to why making a choice can affect one’s life. - In your opinion, you think it’s best to have aspirations to look up to. In this case, making someone’s life rewarding is what you aspire to do? 3. Make it clear that our goal is not to be lonely with examples from your life. For instance, a story about a friend would work. - Examples, stories, etc.. would be better to clarify your point 4. Is our goal to make others happy or ourselves happy? 5. Who is she that focuses on material context? It’s hard to understand here. At the end, you mentioned how you would rather live, try to expand on that by explaining your opinion. - I think it would be better to add more details about your personal experiences or conflict I think you should include more examples from your personal life instead of quoting others on their opinion on life. However, your points on how we should live are clear. I think your points and opinions are clear, but it would make the tone less formal and more casual if you add your own experiences or stories instead of so many sophisticated historical examples . I think you have some good points here, but should think of your theme or argument from one of these and then see if you can build it into a narrative. I think your narrative for Imitation #2 works much better in terms of the assignment and telling a story. ...
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Tutor Answer

School: UCLA


Surname 1
Hang Yang
Professor Brauer
Writing 39A
October 20, 2018
How to Live
A society that views everyone as equal regardless of their cultural identity and ethnicity is
very different from the one we live in now. Well, this is what I learned from my cousin Jovin’s
personal story when I visited them at my uncle’s place here in the United States.
Jovin tells me growing up in the United States, as a child born to immigrant parents was
not that easy and is full of various experiences. He remembers his younger days playing in the
fields when he had to explain to his friends the reason why his skin color was different from
theirs. Even at that age, neither of them understood the social settings, but they could still note
some physical differences in their appearances. Those golden days when they didn’t know
anything about reproduction and genetical inheritance. He says that even mum found it hard to
explain to him where the child came from when she gave birth to her second born, all she said
was that the child was heaven-sent. How could he explain his identity to his friends if by then, he
didn’t even know children are born?
I am sure many people have asked themselves the same question regarding ‘how to live’
in a culturally diverse society where there exists discrimination against the skin culture. The
questions reflect the same issues of family relationships and identity that Jovin experien...

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Thanks, good work

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