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Answer any two of the review questions from the appropriate Chapter in the textbook. Include the number for each question and include the actual question you are responding to immediately before you respond to the question. Use single-space to respond to the questions with a blank line between questions. Use mainly your own words to respond to the questions. Write a minimum of 200 words (100 for each question), which does not include the questions. For full credit, please include word count after each answer!

4. List the destructive communication styles or tactics used in families. Which do you think is the biggest problem? Why?

5. Do you agree with Theodore Leavitt’s statement that the more information you are exposed to, the less meaning it seems to have? Explain.

Goldsmith, Elizabeth B.. Resource Management for Individuals and Families (5th Edition) (Page 222). Pearson HE, Inc.. Kindle Edition.

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A mong the many forms of communication and dialogue to be discussed in this chapter, there are group interactions as highlighted in the case study and also the commercial versions such as in the selling of products. The essence of successful advertising is to convince people they need a product. Previously unknown in the United States, energy drinks are now a $3.7 billion category with hundreds of competitors, led by Red Bull. How did that happen? I don’t mean in the descriptive sense of a brand’s or a product’s movement from one group of consumers to another, until it becomes familiar to almost everybody. I mean on an individual level. We all have our thirsts—real and metaphorical. How do we decide what will quench them and what won’t? How are those decisions affected by the commercial persuasion industry and the billions it spend to influence us? (Walker, 2008, p. xii) Dialogue, whether commercial, personal, or professional, implies a two-way process, a genuine interaction, reaching out. The objectives are to express concern for the other person and/or their views to be supportive or empathetic. A monologue is the opposite of a dialogue. In a monologue one person speaks and the other listens. How do you talk so people will listen? Instead of allowing our words to mislead, we can learn to communicate more effectively. Conversational skills are the hallmark of management, an integral part of every step of the management process. Goldsmith, Elizabeth B.. Resource Management for Individuals and Families (5th Edition) (Page 194). Pearson HE, Inc.. Kindle Edition. Feedback connects the steps together, forming a loop, as shown in Figure 7.1. Although communication and feedback are normally thought of as verbal, both can be nonverbal as well. For example, a look can often convey more than words. This chapter will examine both verbal and nonverbal communication. An example of nonverbal communication is Dunkin’ Donuts recruiting teenagers to wear temporary tattoos with its brand name on their forehead. Other topics to be covered include the process of communication, conflict, information overload, keeping the lines of communication open, and the value of listening. Encouraging the reader to communicate more effectively is the behavioral goal of this chapter. Presenting the types, forms, and problems of communication in families, in small groups, and in commercial or professional settings is the informational goal. It is important in the workplace because: • 40 percent of employees use oral communication face-to-face or one-on-one regularly • 36 percent of employees regularly attend group meetings • 30 percent of employees talk on the phone • 8 percent of employees participate in group conferences (Miller, 2010). By the chapter’s conclusion, readers should be more aware of how they and others communicate. The chapter begins with a discussion of communication as part of the management process. Communication as Part of the Management Process Communication is the process of transmitting a message from a sender to a receiver. We connect in various ways including: • Electronic media • Networking • Books • Newspapers (digital and ink-stained) and magazines • Multiple TV and radio channels Goldsmith, Elizabeth B.. Resource Management for Individuals and Families (5th Edition) (Page 195). Pearson HE, Inc.. Kindle Edition. • Face-to-face • Over the phone or the Internet • Over the fence, porch, or balcony • Yelling “It’s time for dinner!” or whispering “I love you” Pace refers to the speed at which you speak or communicate. Since 150–200 words a minute is normal if you speed up it may indicate you are happy, excited, or surprised and if you slow down it may indicate boredom, talking down to people, or wanting to make a point. Interference is anything that distorts or interrupts messages. Effective communication occurs when the receiver interprets the sender’s message in the same way the speaker intended it. Because information transmission is an integral part of management, to be effective, a manager has to be an effective communicator. In systems terminology, communication is part of the transformation process—transforming inputs into outputs. In transforming information resources (inputs), communication uses up time and energy. The average person spends approximately 70 percent of his or her waking hours in some form of communication— writing, reading, speaking, and listening (Robbins, 1989). Given this time investment, it follows that one of the forces most likely to inhibit successful life management is a lack of effective communication. Much of a manager’s time must be devoted to goal setting, which also requires effective communication. Goal setting is a sequence that starts with thinking and proceeds to acting, which includes communicating goals to others and engaging their support and interest. As part of this process, managers need to communicate several key decisions, including the following: 1. What goals will be sought? 2. Which goals have the highest priority? 3. How are the goals related? 4. How long will it take to achieve the goals? 5. Who should be accountable for achieving the goals? The answers to these questions guide the present and future behavior of individuals, families, and other groups. Effective communication is • clear • concise (if you take too long to get to a point, everyone quits listening) • consistent • creative • sensitive to audience • persuasive (or it explains rather than demands or threatens) • open to differing opinions These characteristics are important in both family and professional life. An effective communicator has the ability to pass along information, giving advance notice of impending changes and plans. Talking through problems and listening carefully to what other family members have to say adds to family cohesiveness. In professional life, communication skills can be crucial to getting ahead. Peter Drucker, an expert in business management, said: Your success as an employee—and I’m talking of much more than getting promoted— will depend on your ability to communicate with people and to present your own thoughts and ideas to them so they will both understand what you are driving at and be persuaded. (1977, pp. 262–263) Goldsmith, Elizabeth B.. Resource Management for Individuals and Families (5th Edition) (Page 196). Pearson HE, Inc.. Kindle Edition. As Drucker’s comments indicate, communication is indeed a process rather than a finished end state; and, as such, it allows individuals to share information, ideas, and feelings. For example, consider the following conversation between Heather and Sam, two college students who have been friends for over a year, but have never dated each other: Sam: I haven’t seen you around for weeks. Where have you been? Heather: I’ve been working on two projects and they’ve taken all my time. I’m worried about my grades. Sam: Hm. You do look stressed. Heather: Yes, I am. But it’s almost over—everything is due this week. Sam: You’ll do all right. You always worry about your work and then you make A’s. Why don’t we get together this weekend? In this exchange, Sam and Heather have communicated information and feelings. Their remarks show that their relationship has a past, present, and future. Sam puts Heather’s concerns into perspective. His comments show that he likes her. If the conversation continues, what are some of the responses Heather might give? Notice that only the verbal communication between Sam and Heather has been presented. Their nonspoken or nonverbal communication is not included. Does Sam smile or grin at Heather? Does he try to show he cares by his tone of voice or stance? Is Heather yawning? Channels, Noise, and Setting Communication has long been considered part of everything from who gets elected president to who remains married. It is far more than words: It is about relationships, winning and losing, succeeding and not succeeding. It includes channels, noise, and setting. The channel is the method by which communication travels from source or sender to receiver. As Figure 7.2 shows, these elements interact to create the total communication environment. Would Sam Goldsmith, Elizabeth B.. Resource Management for Individuals and Families (5th Edition) (Page 197). Pearson HE, Inc.. Kindle Edition. and Heather’s conversation be different if it took place in a crowded cafeteria rather than a deserted hall? A quiet setting allows senders and receivers to concentrate on each other; a noisy setting is full of distractions. Sometimes the messages are blurred or inaccurate. For example, a man might say “I’m not much of a consumer” right in the middle of a grocery store while he is filling his basket. A consumer columnist says: I guess nobody wants to define himself or herself as “a consumer,” because it feels a little trivial. Still, once whoever I’m listening to has established the necessary nonconsumer credentials, what usually follows is an opinion about a product or brand that I’ve written about lately. If it’s something that she would not personally buy, then she’s amazed anyone would: if it’s something that he has personally bought, than he assures me that I failed to capture the real quality or style or excellence of whatever it was. Obviously, we’re all consumers. And probably we all think we’re better at playing the consumption game than most people. (Walker, 2008, p. xix) Noise, defined as an unwanted sound that interferes or distracts, is a barrier to learning and communication. There are two types of noise: external and internal. External noise comes from the environment. An airplane overhead, the hot blinding sun, a howling wind, or lightning are all examples of external noise. Notice that in communication theory, noise includes more than just sounds, as the sun and lightning illustrate. Internal noise occurs in the sender’s and receiver’s minds. They may be thinking about something else during the communication—their minds are not on the conversation taking place. Daydreaming during a class lecture or thinking about a family member at work instead of listening to co-workers discuss the copy machine’s breakdown are examples of internal noise. Often internal noise occurs when a word or allusion in the current conversation reminds us of something else. An interesting experiment revealed how much internal and external noise affects the recall of advertising. Marketing professors Bob Wu and Stephen Newell (2003) found that external noise wasn’t as important as internal noise in affecting subjects’ ability to recall advertising (i.e., brand recall and message recall). They suggest that advertisers consider how they advertise during the holidays when consumers are preoccupied with cooking, travel, shopping, and gift buying; maybe this is not the best time to introduce a new product or idea. Perhaps a better time would be a few months earlier when things are more settled or in January if it is a new diet plan or toothpaste or system of organizing/storage containers. Internal worrying about shocking current news or events may also take away from advertising messages being heard. These findings have implications not just for the marketplace but also for family and household management. Introducing a new way of doing things may go over better during less hectic times. Noise is any interference in the communication process that prevents the message from being heard correctly, and it can occur at any point in the process. The sender may send out confusing messages, the channel may be distorted, or the receiver may be distracted. There is more noise today than ever before. Because of all the noise, advertisers are having a difficult time getting customers to notice their messages. On the home front, spouses may wonder whether their mates are listening to them when the television is blaring in the background. Goldsmith, Elizabeth B.. Resource Management for Individuals and Families (5th Edition) (Page 198). Pearson HE, Inc.. Kindle Edition. wants to say and then say it. The sender should make eye contact with the receiver and speak slowly and distinctly. Receiving entails listening to the verbal messages and observing the nonverbal messages. If the message is getting through, the receiver will probably show his or her response through facial expressions. A good sender talks with people, not at them, and considers the listener’s feelings, personality, and opinions. Usually, people are receivers and senders at the same time. Communication is not as simple as having one person speak, another listen and then speak, and so on. For instance, more than one listener may be involved. Also, the sending and receiving can be simultaneous. A sender can also be called a source, or communicator. The receiver is the destination, or audience. The sender’s task is to reach the audience, whether it is one person or a million people. Because of sweeping changes brought on by advances in communications technology and the ease of movement of people (physical and virtual) in today’s world, people are communicating and connecting faster and in more ways now than ever before. The sender and receiver use four communication functions: encoding, decoding, response, and feedback. Encoding is the process of putting thoughts, ideas, or information into symbolic form. Decoding is the process by which the receiver assigns meaning to the symbols. Responses are the individual reactions that follow a message. Feedback is the total response pattern between sender and receiver. An individual’s communication style is closely tied to her or his personality, self-concept, family of origin, and past experiences. Sometimes a message is distorted by a hidden meaning. When a child says, “I hate soccer” after the first week of practice, does he really hate soccer or is he in an adjustment period and will grow to like it? The parent has to determine the real message. Listening Whether in the home or office, managers want to be heard by those they manage and also listen to them. Parents want their children to listen. According to Sue Shellenbarger (2003), some of the ways that parents can be more effective in talking with their children include: • Telling about problems and how they were overcome (not always talking about the wins, mixing in a discussion of the struggles) • Finding good guys (heroes) and bad guys in stories • Picking situations that both parents and children really care about • Including dialogue and details about human nature Conversely, children want their parents to listen to them. In schools, teachers want their students to listen and learn, retain, and use information. Students want to understand what their teachers are saying. To encourage more listening, the sender should make messages and listening attractive. There are several ways to do this. Sometimes humor works, which is why many speeches begin with a joke or humorous anecdote. One way advertisers deliver effective messages is to appeal to potential customers’ senses. Think of the senses involved in this appeal from General Foods: “Turn a stormy night into a quiet evening with the after-dinner-mint taste of chocolaty Irish Mocha Mint.” Listeners as well as senders have a job to do. This is one of the reasons listening is considered active rather than passive. To be effective, listeners use certain gestures or mannerisms to communicate interest: • Leaning forward rather than back • Nodding occasionally to show comprehension Goldsmith, Elizabeth B.. Resource Management for Individuals and Families (5th Edition) (Page 200). Pearson HE, Inc.. Kindle Edition. • Smiling • Looking directly at the speaker and maintaining eye contact • Making comments such as “I see,” “Go on,” “Oh,” or “Mmm” • Taking notes or recording, if appropriate. A good listener summarizes conversations when they end and lets the sender know his or her message was heard by nodding or smiling, or by making some other gesture or response. CritiCal listening Besides the general everyday listening everyone does, there are specific types of listening. One of these is critical listening, in which the listener evaluates or challenges what is heard. Listening to a political candidate or a spokesperson for a new product requires critical listening. Can the message be believed? Before voting, or making a contribution, or buying something new, the listener may • Question the communicator’s motives or credentials. What does he or she want? • Question the origin and validity of the communicator’s ideas. • Separate fact from fiction. • Judge the message and the sender. Are they accurate and reliable? Critical listening takes time. Not all messages require critical listening, however. A sign that it may be necessary is that the message or the messenger makes the listener feel uncomfortable or suspicious. refleCtive or empathetiC listening Another type of listening is reflective listening. Reflective listening or empathetic listening involves listening for feelings. Empathy is the ability to recognize and identify another’s feelings by putting oneself in that person’s place. Reflective or empathetic listening is so common that individuals don’t examine their skills in this area closely enough. As a reflective listener the listener’s job is to set aside her or his own feelings and enter into the feelings of the person talking. The listener can do this by • Identifying the speaker’s emotion. Is the person afraid, excited, happy, or frustrated? • Listening for the details of the story. What is included, and what is left out? • Paraphrasing or mirroring the speaker’s comments to see whether the message is being heard accurately. • Letting the other person work through the problem. Talking out feelings is a way to find solutions. informational and pleasurable listening Listening does not have to be painful, difficult, or critical, nor does it have to involve the use of counseling skills. Much listening is for information or for fun. Informational listening is done to acquire knowledge or instruction. A news program or a college lecture is not only informational, but also invokes critical listening. Pleasurable listening provides enjoyment, relaxation, satisfaction, diversion, amusement, or delight. Tuning the radio to a favorite station provides pleasurable listening. Watching a situation comedy show on television provides escape, amusement, and laughter. Other Goldsmith, Elizabeth B.. Resource Management for Individuals and Families (5th Edition) (Page 201). Pearson HE, Inc.. Kindle Edition. sources of pleasurable listening are available besides the media. Imagine the happiness of a father hearing his child’s first word, a high school student learning she has won a college scholarship, or a person overseas receiving a phone call from home. Often the most pleasurable listening comes from unexpected sources or at an unanticipated time. Messages The message is the total communication that is sent, listened to, and received. Communication is made up of symbols. Symbols are things that suggest something else through association. For example, an engagement ring is a symbol of love and the intention to marry. It communicates a past, present, and future. Symbols, such as a tattoo or an engagement ring, that can be seen are called visible symbols. An abstract symbol stands for ideas rather than objects. Poor communication often springs from misunderstandings of abstract symbols. For example, Matt tells Suzanne he has an “awesome” apartment. By “awesome” he means that it is close to campus and inexpensive, but Suzanne, hearing the word “awesome,” envisions a new, beautifully decorated, spacious apartment. Imagine her surprise when Matt takes her to a crumbling 50-year-old building. Lasting friendships are built on shared abstract symbols— commonalities of interests or appreciation of each other’s differences. In the future, Suzanne will suspect Matt’s use of the word “awesome.” Messages can be wanted or unwanted. Consider what happens when stock market falls deeply and companies go bankrupt or are bought out by other companies. In a stock market that never seems to run out of reasons to go down, you no longer feel like a bull. But that does not necessarily make you a bear. You may, in fact, have become an ostrich. Chances are you didn’t leap for the letter opener the last time your investment account statement came in the mail. Nor have you been looking up the value of your portfolio online anywhere near as frequently as you did in the glory days of the summer of 2007...If history is any guide, your inclination to act like an ostrich is a strong indication that the market is about to turn into a phoenix. (Zweig, 2008, p. B1) The Ostrich effect refers to burying one’s head in the sand, not wanting to know what was in the letter or any other form of communication. Behavioral economist George Loewenstein of Carnegie Mellon coined the phrase “ostrich effect” to refer to economic behavior but it can refer to any kind of avoidance of information, hoping it will go away. verbal and nonverbal symbols Verbal symbols are words. A nonverbal symbol is anything other than words used in communication. Examples of nonverbal symbols include works of art, train whistles, sirens, tone and volume of voice, clothing, eye contact, personal appearance, demeanor, gestures, facial expressions, posture, and yawns. For example, yawns may communicate tiredness or boredom, whereas sirens communicate danger or caution. Conventional scientific wisdom said that the role of gestures was to convey meaning. There is an emerging consensus that gestures serve another function— to help people retrieve elusive words from memory. People who gesture a lot may think in spatial terms. “Not everyone talks with their hands. Some people gesture 40 times more than others” (Begley, 1998, p. 69). Communication Goldsmith, Elizabeth B.. Resource Management for Individuals and Families (5th Edition) (Page 202). Pearson HE, Inc.. Kindle Edition. experts estimate that over 90 percent of the messages sent and received are made up of nonverbal symbols—hence the expression, “It is not what you say, but how you say it.” According to Joseph DeVito (2009) there are 10 aspects of nonverbal communication including artifacts, proxemics, body language, facial expressions, taste, and even smell. The 10 aspects are listed in Table 7.1. Artifacts are the type, placement, or rearrangement of Goldsmith, Elizabeth B.. Resource Management for Individuals and Families (5th Edition) (Page 203). Pearson HE, Inc.. Kindle Edition. objects around a person as well as clothing and adornment. For example, a student who sits down at a library table and takes 20 minutes to arrange his belongings before settling down to work communicates something different than a person who takes 20 seconds to set up. Proxemics is the distance between speakers. Closeness and whispering imply one type of relationship, whereas distance and shouting imply another. Touching behavior includes both touching oneself, such as hair twisting or rubbing one’s face, and touching others, such as shaking hands or hugging. A brief kiss on the cheek, for example, conveys something different than a kiss on the lips. i-messages and you-messages Verbal messages can be divided into two types: I-messages and You-messages. I-messages are statements of fact about how an individual feels or thinks; examples are “I like it when you send me flowers, thanks” and “I feel stupid when you shout at me.” You-messages are statements that often ascribe blame or judge others, such as “you had better straighten up” or “you had better get it right next time.” Youmessages can lead to arguments. Family counselors and therapists promote the use of Imessages over the accusatory tone of You-messages as a way to encourage more positive communication in couples and in families. Many You-messages can be rephrased into Imessages as in “I hope things will go better next time” or “this is what I think.” message ConstruCtion The structure of a message has a lot to do with its potency. Message construction includes the appropriate placement of information in a message to have the maximum impact. The communicator has to decide whether to place the main point of the comment or speech at the beginning or the end and whether to provide solutions or leave the solutions to the audience. message Content and Complexity Message content refers to the strategies or information that may be used to communicate an idea or policy to receivers. Determining content is the first step in creating a message. Then the communicator must decide on the best way to get the message across to the audience. An example of this is speaking up for a cause. Many of us have messages or images in our heads about certain individuals and groups. Some of these messages or images are questionable. “When you see a 25-year-old woman, you picture her as single, she has a cool job, a cute boyfriend, she’s going out at night, has lots of friends, has a college degree. But having interviewed thousands of women, I can tell you that many [young women] have children, are working at some half-baked first job, are not feeling fulfilled, are not in love, might still be living at home, are economically pressed and stressed to the max,” says Mary Lou Quinlan, CEO of New York city-based Just Ask a Woman, a division of ad agency BCOM3. (Wellner, 2002, p. 27) Quinlan’s firm interviewed more than 3,000 women about their lives and their tastes in magazines to arrive at that conclusion about 25-year-old women, and there were other surprises. A 20-year-old may read Ladies’ Home Journal and a 50year-old may read Glamour. Quinlan says, “Women will find their way to the emotional outlet that most reflects their lives” (Wellner, 2002, p. 27). Goldsmith, Elizabeth B.. Resource Management for Individuals and Families (5th Edition) (Page 204). Pearson HE, Inc.. Kindle Edition. The Zenlike magazine Real Simple offers ageless content on many of the subjects covered in this book, including time, money, household, lifestyle, and stress management to its mainly 25to 54-year-old readers. A constant theme is how to make your life easier or better. According to the managing editor, Kristin van Ogtrop, “We all need a friend—a very good one with very good taste—who will come into our house and evaluate everything with an objective eye, then firmly suggest we get rid of that horrendous appliance/slipcover/light fixture that we’ve held on to because we’re sentimental or lazy” (Editor’s Note, 2003, p. 37). To return to the general topic of message content, messages may have humor or even fear, which seems negative but can be an effective way to point out potential problems in order to reduce risk or achieve other positive effects. Antidrug public service television spots often use fear as a means of reducing drug use. Advertisements for property insurance, burglar alarms, and automobiles often include fear messages. Channels and Feedback As mentioned earlier, the channel is the method through which the message travels from sender to receiver. Channels may be direct, as in face-to-face talking, or indirect. In faceto-face channels of communication, individuals have the advantage of seeing how the other person is reacting to the message, so there is less chance of miscommunication. This is particularly important in conversations between parents and children. Age of the child and the subject of conversation are important, too. In a study of American and Northern Irish children about communication with their parents about war: The results provide support for the presence of developmental differences, with age being a stronger predictor than gender and country in the frequency and content of parent-child discussions about war. Children ages 7 to 11 are more likely than younger children to report talking to their parents about war, and they address more topics than do the younger children in their reports of what their parents said about war. (O’Malley, Blankemeyer, Walker, & Dellmann-Jenkins, 2007, p. 1638) Radio, television, magazines, newspapers, and signs are indirect channels of mass communication. How many newspapers are there in the United States? That is difficult to say Goldsmith, Elizabeth B.. Resource Management for Individuals and Families (5th Edition) (Page 205). Pearson HE, Inc.. Kindle Edition. because smaller ones go in and out of business, and some are hardly bigger than newsletters. But it is safe to say that ethnic newspapers (online or printed) enjoy a loyal following. Guess how many newspapers are published in New York City? Three? Five? Even Manhattanites familiar with all seven of the city’s English language papers may be unaware of the additional 198 ethnic newspapers published in New York’s other four boroughs—more than three times the number there were just a decade ago. Ethnic newspapers—presenting a range of linguistic and cultural perspectives including Chinese, Hispanic, Arabic, Caribbean, Russian, Korean and more—are proliferating nationwide. Chicago has more than 80 publications. (Paul, 2001, p. 26) As large city newspaper subscribership has gone down, smaller ethnic newspapers and free newspapers such as college newspapers have gone up in readership. More newspapers are offering free sections or versions and relying on advertising revenue, rather than on subscribers, to pay for labor and paper. Some newspapers are discussing eliminating home delivery because of the cost of fuel and labor. Most have built up their Web sites and are trying to get readers to visit them more often for the latest news and photographs, and to join in blogs. Telephones provide a channel for more personal communications than do other types of media because the tone of voice is heard, but telephone communication is still not as clear as face-to-face conversation. Channels can also be categorized as social channels and advocate or expert channels. Social channels include friends, neighbors, and family members. Because of familiarity and proximity, these channels are most likely to involve face-to-face contacts. Advocate or expert channels (e.g., experts in a field, salespeople, or people with a cause) are more likely to contact receivers through letters, speeches, or less direct forms of communication. In systems terminology, feedback refers to the return to the input of a part of the output in the form of information. An equally appropriate but simpler definition of feedback is the response process between sender and receiver. Feedback may take a variety of forms. It closes the loop in the communication’s flow and lets the sender know how the intended message was decoded and received. Feedback begins when one hears or observes what is being said, stores or responds to the information, and listens for the next message. For example, if Joseph gives Alison a compliment and she says “thank you,” her response provides feedback: Joseph’s message was heard accurately and acknowledged. Feedback provides a control mechanism for the accuracy of communication. By the recipient’s response, the sender can tell whether the message was communicated effectively. If Alison bursts into tears, obviously Joseph’s compliment was not phrased correctly or received correctly. If he values their relationship, he will restate his comment and try to straighten things out. The advantage of face-to-face conversations is that the feedback is immediate. Communication Conflicts Many potential communication conflicts and problems can be avoided by applying the general principles already presented on noise, setting, feedback, channels, and messages. But, in addition, certain situations and audiences deserve special attention. This section examines the potential communication conflicts that can occur within families and across cultures. Goldsmith, Elizabeth B.. Resource Management for Individuals and Families (5th Edition) (Page 206). Pearson HE, Inc.. Kindle Edition. In Families In general, the goal of communication is to provide understanding that leads to desired actions. In some cases, however, communication fails and conflict results. Conflict is a state of disagreement or disharmony. In poor communication, there is a message struggle or conflict between the sender and the receiver. If survival of the relationship is the ultimate goal, this conflict can pose a definite threat. Negotiations to remedy the conflict are known as conflict resolution. The sender, receiver, or another person can initiate conflict resolution. Conflict is particularly common in families because of the intimate, ongoing nature of the relationships. Family members know each other so well that they notice nonverbal communications (e.g., a raised eyebrow, a strained voice) that strangers would be likely to miss. Hence, conflict is more on the surface and less readily hidden in families. The emotional intensity of family relationships is generally much greater than that in other small groups, so family communication problems tend to have more serious and painful implications (Sieburg, 1985). Although information should flow easily among family members, sometimes it stagnates, and conflict between family members goes on for years. The number of possible interactions also contributes to communication conflicts in families. Addition of a second child to a family increases the number of interactions. As the number of interactions increases, family members may succumb to interaction fatigue. Because the family system is part of the larger environment, interaction fatigue may also develop at work and affect the family at home or develop at home and spill over into work. Kanter (1977) observed that employees who experience interaction fatigue at work may withdraw from personal contact at home. According to DeVito (2009), several factors will influence your choice of conflict strategies, including • Goals: Long- and short-term • Emotional State: Angry, sorry, wanting to make peace • Cognitive Assessment of the Situation: Who is the cause of the conflict? Goldsmith, Elizabeth B.. Resource Management for Individuals and Families (5th Edition) (Page 207). Pearson HE, Inc.. Kindle Edition. • Personality and Communication: Shy, introverted, extroverted, like to fight actively • Family History:“influences the strategies you use, the topics you choose to fight about, and perhaps your tendencies to obsess or forget about interpersonal conflicts. People often imitate their parents: if your parents argued about money or gave each other the silent treatment when conflict arose, you may repeat these patterns yourself” (p. 260). Researchers (Liberman, Wheeler, de Visser, Kuehnel, & Kuehnel, 1980, p. 90) identified several common destructive messages and tactics that characterize ineffective communication within families: • Ordering turns the interaction into a power struggle between partners or between parents and children. “You do this” and “Stop doing that” are examples of ordering. • Threatening is similar to ordering, but it goes further. It can lead to passivity or despair. • Moralizing sends a message of guilt or moral inferiority or suggests that the other person needs guidance or direction. “You should” messages are examples of moralizing. • Providing solutions occurs when words sound like a question, as in “Why don’t you,” but really indicate superiority or a kind of parental guidance. • Lecturing is a more forceful way of providing solutions. You are told what to do or that you always do things wrong. • Criticizing can mar relationships and lead to dependency and lower self-esteem in the criticized person. • Ridiculing generates resistance and resentment. It involves biting and hurtful phrases, such as “You’re talking like an idiot” or “You’re such a mess.” • Analyzing occurs when one person tells another how the latter should think and act. Analyzers are often amateur psychologists who generate anger by invading others’ privacy and questioning their motivations with comments like “You think you know what you are doing, but you don’t.” Often analyzers are wrong, however. • Interrogating is used to gain information by relentless questioning. “You’re not telling the truth, are you?” is an example of an interrogating question. • Withdrawing is a way to end conversations. The person may say she or he is tired and is going to bed. Do these messages and tactics sound familiar? They should, because they are very common. If they are used too frequently, they can impede effective communication and damage relationships. Being able to recognize these tactics helps the recipient understand the sender better. Possibly, the message is not conveying the real problem. The real problem may be with the sender or with the relationship between the sender and the receiver. For example, Luciano L’Abate and Tamar Harel suggest that “relationships that cannot become intimate emotionally may make contact with each other through sporadic and sudden ambushes, uproars, upsets, and conflicts over performance and/or production” (1993, p. 243). Conversely, the Marital Communication Inventory (Bievenue, 1978) has identified behaviors that indicate satisfying marital communication. They include pleasant mealtime conversations, avoidance of the silent treatment, discussions of work and interests with each other, avoiding saying things that irritate each other, and communicating affection and regard. In general, communication between husband and wife is most satisfying when both partners feel they are understood and when they agree on essential points. Goldsmith, Elizabeth B.. Resource Management for Individuals and Families (5th Edition) (Page 208). Pearson HE, Inc.. Kindle Edition. interpersonal ConfliCts Interpersonal conflicts are actions by one person that interfere in some way with the actions of another. Destructive conflicts are a specific type of interpersonal conflict involving direct verbal attacks on another individual. Yelling, screaming, abuse, attacks on self-esteem, and words leading to breakups are characteristics of destructive conflicts. On the other hand, constructive conflicts focus on the issue or the problem rather than on the other person’s deficits. This type of conflict can open up issues and lead to deeper relationships, clarification, and better understanding of the other person. Thus, not all conflicts are negative. Sometimes conflict is necessary to resolve points of difference, clear the air, or relieve tension. Constructive conflicts can lead to a win–win outcome, which is obviously desirable. A seller of a house may ask $200,000, the buyer offers $190,000, and they settle at $195,000; each one wins, each gets what he or she wanted. gender, families, and CommuniCation In Deborah Tannen’s You’re Wearing That? Understanding Mothers and Daughters in Conversation, she writes: The challenge in every relationship, every conversation, is to find ways to be as close as you want to be (and no closer) without that closeness becoming intrusive or threatening your freedom and your sense that you are in control of your life. In this, relationships between daughters and mothers are like all relationships, only more so. They combine, on one hand, the deepest connection, the most comforting closeness, with, on the other, the most daunting struggles for control. Each tends to overestimate the other’s power while underestimating her own. And each yearns to be seen and accepted for who she is .... (2006, p. 4) Goldsmith, Elizabeth B.. Resource Management for Individuals and Families (5th Edition) (Page 209). Pearson HE, Inc.. Kindle Edition. Here is an example from Tannen’s book: “Are you going to quarter those tomatoes?” Kathryn heard her mother’s voice as she was preparing a salad. Kathryn stiffened, and her pulse quickened. “Well I was,” she answered. Her mother responded, “Oh, okay,” but the tone of her voice and the look on her face prompted Kathryn to ask, “Is that wrong?” “No, no,” her mother replied. “It’s just that personally, I would slice them.” Kathryn’s response was terse: “Fine.” But as she cut the tomatoes—in slices—she thought, Can’t I do anything without my mother letting me know she thinks I should do it some other way? (p. 11) In an earlier book entitled You Just Don’t Understand: Women and Men in Conversation Tannen took on the topic of male–female communication. She points out that men talk far more than women, especially in public. Men speak more at meetings, in classrooms, and in mixed groups at work. However, in the course of a day, women speak about 25,000 words, while men speak only 10,000. Her book I Only Say This Because I Love You explores miscommunication among family members. She suggests that parents should listen more to their teenage children and criticize them less. Couples should talk about assumptions and try to bring hidden messages out in the open. And both sides should learn the art of apology. A win–win solution, where nobody is wrong and a solution is reached, is ideal. Women tend to interrogate or question more than men do. Psychiatrist Aaron Beck (1988) points out that wives tend to believe that their marriage is working as long as they and their husbands are talking about it. On the other hand, men may think the marriage is not working if they have to talk about it constantly. Generally, women are more comfortable talking about personal matters with family and friends than men are. In the United States, men are more likely than women to use avoidance (walk away) (Oggins, Veroff, & Leber, 1993). According to Tannen, men and women also differ in the ways they express their troubles and seek out information. Women resent “men’s tendency to offer solutions to problems,” and men “complain about women’s refusal to take action to solve the problems they complain about” (1990, pp. 51–52). Men want to solve problems and move on, whereas women hesitate and seek other people’s opinions to gain as much information as they can before moving toward a solution. This is one of the reasons why women make up the majority of the audience for talk shows. They enjoy considering all the angles to a situation or issue. Men sometimes feel women go to such excess talking over situations that they seem to enjoy wallowing in a problem. Men move to solutions quickly because they derive pleasure from fixing things. Fixing things “reinforces their feeling of being in control, self-sufficient, and able to dominate the world of objects” (1990, p. 70). Women are more likely than men to ask directions and accept information from others. The classic example is of men driving around lost rather than stopping and asking directions. Men are also more likely to try to get the “best” parking space in a shopping center. At the root of both of these behaviors is concern about status, hierarchy, and connections. According to Tannen, boys as young as age three are using words in their conversations with peers that show they want to be a leader, to be first, and to be best, whereas girls of the same age are more interested in getting along with friends and understanding their feelings and opinions. For example, girls are more likely to say “let’s” and “we” in their conversations. Boys’ conversations are filled with orders, such as “Get up” or “Give it to me,” and ridicule, such as “You’re a dope” (Beck, 1988, p. 82). Boys are more inclined than girls to threaten, boast, and argue. Goldsmith, Elizabeth B.. Resource Management for Individuals and Families (5th Edition) (Page 210). Pearson HE, Inc.. Kindle Edition. Tannen contends that men and women have different but equally valid communication styles. Problems arise when men and women talk to each other and expect a certain kind of response. Because of gender differences in conversation, a woman will not always get the response she desires from men and vice versa. Tannen concludes: The biggest mistake people can make is believing there is one right way to listen, to talk, to have a conversation—or a relationship. Nothing hurts more than being told your intentions are bad when you know they are good, or being told you are doing something wrong when you know you’re doing it your way. (1990, pp. 297–298) Tannen’s observations have implications for family dynamics and workplace management. As women move into positions of authority, these gender differences in conversation will require greater understanding from both men and women. The solution is not to change styles so that everyone speaks alike, but to understand and appreciate the various forms of communication. In the family, the realistic approach is to “learn how to interpret each others’ messages and explain your own in a way your partner can understand and accept” (1990, p. 297). Shelly Gable, an assistant professor of psychology at University of California, Los Angeles (UCLA), researches the positive psychology of love and marriage. She encourages messages that amplify the pleasure of a good situation, contributing to an upward spiral of positive emotion. An example would be a partner reacting enthusiastically to a mate’s good fortune or a partner getting even more excited and happy about what is happening to his or her mate than the mate does. An enthusiastic partner asks a lot of questions and shows genuine interest. All these responses or reactions are called active/constructive and promote love, commitment, and satisfaction (Seligman, 2003). Where do most couples meet? At work or school followed by through friends and family, according to the Pew Internet & American Life Project. Others say they met at a social gathering, through the Internet, or in a variety of other ways. As you can see from these responses, proximity, or physical closeness, often plays a role in starting a relationship. The first few hours and days are crucial to establishing a bond. Opportunities for interaction decrease as distances increase and as more people become involved. Colleges and universities have orientations, mixers, and library tours at the beginning of the fall semester to increase interactivity and a sense of ownership of the campus. Social Exchange Theory claims that individuals seek to develop relationships that will maximize the benefits or profits and minimize the costs or deficits. Expectations are communicated in the early stages of relationships and a significant amount of time is spent in dialogue. Goldsmith, Elizabeth B.. Resource Management for Individuals and Families (5th Edition) (Page 211). Pearson HE, Inc.. Kindle Edition. Cultures and Subcultures Culture affects everything we do including communication. The goal of cross-cultural communication is to help minimize surface differences and to build common frameworks for people of different cultures to interact and understand each other. In business and in education, cross-cultural communication is critical to share ideas, for team building, and negotiations. Knowing the characteristics of our own culture is useful and how distinct we are. For example, Americans are known for being direct in their conversation, so direct that people in other nations sometimes wonder whether Americans aren’t a bit naïve or childlike. The author of this book was told by a professor from Finland that people in her country notice that Americans smile a lot and seem so happy but they wonder if this can be true inside. She asked, Can anyone be that happy so much of the time? The American heritage of being hardy, hardworking, and plain-spoken influences the ways they converse. They also want to get to a point fast; long-winding stories or explanations are turn-offs. Indirectness or hidden agendas make Americans uneasy. As these comments show, cultures have unique ways of communicating, and conflict can arise between cultures with different styles. Misunderstandings may stem from the failure to understand values, decision patterns, symbols, and spoken and nonverbal languages of other cultures. For example, as companies have expanded internationally, many glaring errors have occurred in product names and packaging. What is appropriate in one country may not be in another. For example, The car slogan “body by Fisher” becomes “corpse by Fisher” in Flemish. “Come alive with Pepsi” comes out “Pepsi brings your ancestors back from the grave” in Chinese and “Come alive out of the grave” in German. The Ford Pinto did not sell in Brazil because Brazilians did not want to be in a car meaning tiny male genitals. These examples illustrate problems in translating words. Nonverbal differences between cultures are more subtle. A friendly gesture in one culture may be insulting in another. Manners and etiquette vary around the world. Here are some examples of behavior perceived as rude in other cultures: • Pointing at people, in Japan • Eating with your left hand, in some Arab countries • Sitting where people can see the soles of your shoes, in certain cultures • The “ok” hand gesture in the United States is considered obscene in Germany and Brazil. Anthropologist Edward T. Hall has studied how people vary across cultures in communicating trust, warmth, and respect. In his book The Silent Language he pointed out that “what people do is frequently more important than what they say” (1959, p. 24). Even the amount of time spent socializing with friends and family varies by culture. The typical American spends 16.3 hours each week socializing compared to 7.5 hours for the typical Japanese (Blinder, 1991). Also varying is the underlying message. For example, it has been observed that Americans are deal-oriented, impatient, and competitive. But, an advertiser wishing to appeal to a Japanese audience would avoid saying • “Be the first in your neighborhood to own such and such.” Japanese do not like to be out of step with their neighbors. • “New, free...no strings attached.” The average Japanese honors stability rather than “newness” and would be suspicious of something that is given away for free. Goldsmith, Elizabeth B.. Resource Management for Individuals and Families (5th Edition) (Page 212). Pearson HE, Inc.. Kindle Edition. Within the United States a slogan such as “Challenge Everything” used by computer game manufacturer EA Sports was found to offend certain religious and traditional groups who valued harmony and respect versus competition. They did not believe everything should be challenged. The correct social space between people also varies across cultures and by relationships within cultures. Figure 7.3 shows the four distance zones common in the United States. Intimate distance in the United States is less than 18 inches; typically, few people enter this space. Personal space is between 1½ and 4 feet. Americans like to have this much of personal space around their bodies; culture dictates that this space should not be invaded by strangers. But in some countries, hugs, slaps on the back, and even spitting on the ground near the feet are meant to convey trust and connection (Adams, 1998). In the United States, business tends to be conducted within the social zone of 4–12 feet. To visualize this distance, think about the distance between salesclerks and their customers (remember that salesclerks often stand behind counters). In Latin America and in the Middle East, people tend to get closer. People in Middle Eastern cultures stand closer together when speaking, may kiss each other on the cheek, and men may grasp hands. A businessperson from the United States confronted with this behavior abroad may back away, giving the impression of being cold and unfriendly. According to Hall (1959, p. 209), Latin Americans cannot talk comfortably with one another unless they are at a very close distance that evokes either sexual or hostile feelings in a North American. The public zone in North America is 12–15 feet. In Korea, in a business setting, they may bow first and then shake hands. Besides language and gestures, symbols are interpreted differently across cultures. Colors, flower arrangements, clothing, and numbers all communicate in different ways across cultures. In certain countries, purple is associated with royalty or death and yellow-green, with spring and fertility. However, in Malaysia, green symbolizes the danger and death in the jungle. When a water recreation company in Malaysia used a green corporate symbol, its promotional campaign failed. Red is considered lucky in China and black is considered unlucky in Japan. Flowers can represent death, infidelity, loyalty, or love depending on the type of flower, the occasion, the color, and the country. The number 13 is considered unlucky in the United Goldsmith, Elizabeth B.. Resource Management for Individuals and Families (5th Edition) (Page 213). Pearson HE, Inc.. Kindle Edition. States and in the United Kingdom—many people will not fly on Friday the 13th, and most hotels do not have a floor numbered 13. In Europe, 13th floors are common. In Japan, the airplanes do not have seat numbers 4 or 9. As the United States and Canada become more involved in exports, international business, and worldwide communications, and as Europe becomes more unified, an awareness of cultural differences and similarities will become more important. Also, the new focus on the dynamics of family diversity and multiculturalism worldwide have renewed interest in crosscultural and cross-group communication. Within countries, there are many subcultures as well, and some groups are being underestimated in terms of their influence and buying power. For example, an article in American Demographics says that “Black women run their homes, heavily consume media and influence more than $260 billion in spending a year. Still marketers continue to ignore them” (Yin, 2003, September, p. 22). Here is an example: Cynthia Morris is a family woman who has an MBA degree and an executive-level job. By day, she raises funds for national parks programs. By night, the 50-year-old, married African American mother of two writes checks for such things as the tuition for one of her sons’ college education and the renovations on the family’s 3,500-square-foot house in Potomac, Md. Still, as the chief decision maker in her upper-middleclass household, Morris believes that, to marketers, she is out of sight and out of mind. “It’s like a blind spot,” she says. “People just don’t see us as this influential segment that can make a difference in their market share.” (Yin, 2003, September, p. 22) Statistics reveal that “Black women are more likely to be the primary decision maker in their household than white women. Sixty-one percent of African American women make the decisions about major purchases, such as buying a home, compared with just 43 percent of Caucasian women” (Yin, 2003, September, p. 23). College students are another subgroup of potential interest to marketers because of their earning potential. Marketers would like to lock in their brands with college students before they launch into the world of lucrative full-time employment. College students are also trendsetters and early adopters of Goldsmith, Elizabeth B.. Resource Management for Individuals and Families (5th Edition) (Page 214). Pearson HE, Inc.. Kindle Edition. certain products, such as clothes and cars. But they are a challenge because “Students doubt corporate intentions, they want to be catered to and they don’t think companies know what they want. And they are poor: Their idea of a good buy is a bargain” (Yin, 2003, May, p. 20). Free samples work well with this age group because they not only like a bargain but also like to try new things. Does this last statement fit you? Communication in Small Groups All groups have in common a shared goal or purpose or a reason for being. Families are a type of small group joined together by ties of affection and kinship. But there are many other kinds of small groups. People get together to solve school, community, work, or environmental problems; for fellowship or support; and for individual and family growth. Once a group has decided on its main goals or purposes, it is ready to proceed. “Small groups,” other than families, usually refers to 5–10 people. Communication can 1. Serve to cement relationships (like church potluck dinners or community picnics) 2. Be used for tasks, like a committee charged with problem solving, or for idea generation such as creating a new project in the workplace or at school 3. Be part of personal growth or information sharing groups such as weight loss groups or political groups or for improving public-speaking groups. Larger groups may divide into smaller task force groups or committees to solve problems or to take charge of an issue or a fund-raising drive. Groups are too large when some people do not have an opportunity to participate or speak. If this continues to happen, smaller groups are needed. Conversely, groups can become too small or stagnant. When nothing new is contributed time after time, then perhaps a new group should be formed or members added. Group Discussions and Cohesion When a group becomes stagnant or cannot find a project that members consider interesting, then it should try brainstorming. In brainstorming, all group members suggest ideas—no matter how seemingly ridiculous or strange. Afterward, the group examines each idea separately to see whether it has merit. Brainstorming is a good way to get the creative juices flowing and introduce some energy into the group. Once a project has been agreed upon, the group should seek out information. Group members should find out how others have initiated similar ideas or programs. Many times a project or program is phrased as a question; for example, how can a group help homeless families in the community? How can a fourth-grade class participate in Earth Day? After the questions have been discussed, the next stage is to move toward solutions. Groups will discuss and discard many unworkable or unaffordable solutions before they arrive at one or two that group members can agree upon. Next, a plan will be initiated. When necessary, an unworkable plan will be thrown out and a new plan developed. Eventually, the group will have to determine which plans are working and whether the group should move on to other projects. Several factors contribute to group cohesion: the size of the group, the goalachievement orientation, the status and resources of the group, the degree to which members depend on Goldsmith, Elizabeth B.. Resource Management for Individuals and Families (5th Edition) (Page 215). Pearson HE, Inc.. Kindle Edition. the group for need satisfaction, and the demands or pressures under which the members operate. Too large a group will decrease group cohesion. Successfully achieving a goal will spur the group on to new challenges. For example, a successful fund-raising drive for a new town library may lead to another community fund-raising effort. In summary, communication is the key to whether groups will function smoothly or not. Families and other types of small groups cannot be successfully managed without some degree of open communication. What needs to be done and by whom should be clearly communicated and negotiated. Closed or poor communication will undermine the family’s or the group’s cohesiveness and future progress. information and Communications technology Much of the previous discussion has focused on group dynamics and communication problems. But, people do not always interact with each other directly; often they interact through machines such as computers, televisions, telephones, and radio. How attentive an individual is to these forms of communication depends on the message, the messenger, and the channel. In addition, different types of media affect different senses. Print media, such as newspapers and magazines, usually affect vision only. The inclusion of perfume samples in magazines affects our sense of smell. Television is multisensory in that it affects both vision and hearing. Social Networks and Social Network Sites One of the greatest technological changes of the 19th and the 20th centuries was the switch from face-toface conversations to less personal forms of communication. This transformation began in 1876 with the first telephone (patented by a voice teacher, Alexander Graham Bell) and continues today with email and the Internet. Social Networks is a broad term used to describe communication connections among individuals and groups. Many disciplines explore social networks, but Family Relations, Sociology, Computer or Computational Sciences, and Communications are leaders. Social network sites (SNSs) such as LinkedIn (for professionals/careers), MySpace, Facebook, Cyworld, and Bebo attract millions of users. These users may be referred to as colleagues, friends, contacts, or fans. MySpace became popular with teenagers in 2004 since the site allowed minors. Facebook was originally designed for Harvard University only in early 2004 and spread from there to other campuses and beyond. As web-based services they allow individuals to: 1. Construct a public or semi-public profile within a bounded system, 2. Articulate a list of other users with whom they share a connection, and 3. View and transverse their list of connections and those made by others within the system (Boyd & Ellison, 2007). Goldsmith, Elizabeth B.. Resource Management for Individuals and Families (5th Edition) (Page 216). Pearson HE, Inc.. Kindle Edition. SNSs may offer communication tools like mobile connectivity, blogging, and photo/ videosharing. They allow connections to be made by strangers who otherwise would never have met. In some cases relationships are formed between strangers but research indicates that many people use social networks to enhance or extend existing relationships such as a college connection like a sorority or fraternity or shared living in a college dormitory. High school reunions have been much easier to pull together since the advent of social networking sites. Researchers Ellison, Steinfeld, and Lampe (2007) found that Facebook was used mostly to maintain exiting offline relationships or solidify offline connections versus meeting new people. Some people have used social networking sites to build acquaintances in a new location or to help with a new set of circumstances such as the Becka case study shows. Goldsmith, Elizabeth B.. Resource Management for Individuals and Families (5th Edition) (Page 217). Pearson HE, Inc.. Kindle Edition. Information Overload and Habitual Decision Making As consumers, individuals are constantly bombarded with information. Some of this information is passively acquired, such as through billboards on the highway and loudspeakers at K-marts, meaning that the consumer does not seek out the information. Other information is actively acquired, meaning that the consumer actively looks for it or engages in it such as a social network site or by viewing advertisements in magazines or by reading signs at local stores. The degree of effort expended on the information search and the amount of exposure to information vary by person, product, and issue. For example, consumers often react to information (e.g., store displays, advertisements) with low involvement, meaning that they Goldsmith, Elizabeth B.. Resource Management for Individuals and Families (5th Edition) (Page 218). Pearson HE, Inc.. Kindle Edition. tend not to think much about it and may find their attention wandering. In habitual decision making, choices are made out of habit without any additional information search. Decisions are made with little conscious effort. This allows the consumer to devote real effort and thought to important decisions requiring more careful scrutiny. Information overload refers to that uncomfortable state when individuals are exposed to too much information in too short a time—so much that they cannot process the information. Rather than ignore information as one does in low involvement, the person feels overwhelmed by it. The growth of email has gone from about 36 million users in 1994 to over 125 million users in the United States. Nine out of ten college students watch TV and listen to the radio every week, and they learn about products and services mostly by word of mouth or advertising on television (Yin, 2003, May). Other typical media behaviors of students include reading magazines occasionally and reading the campus newspaper or national newspapers, although the reading of them may be online. Students and other adults increasingly go online to get the news. An offshoot of information overload is information anxiety, which is the gap between what individuals think they understand and what they actually do understand. Thus, information anxiety refers to the space between data and knowledge. Richard Wurman, author of Information Anxiety, observes that people used to have to make a conscious decision to seek information, but now technology permits information to be transmitted without the desire—or often the permission—of the receiver. Adding to the information explosion is the proliferation of communications technology. To deal with information overload, Wurman advises people to accept that they don’t have to know everything about everything. He recommends that they focus on what matters most. The Internet and the Human Capacity to Process Information Information that was once stored in people’s heads and in books and file cabinets is now being put into digital form on computers. Once this information is stored in a computer’s memory, it can be manipulated and accessed over phone lines, transmitted by satellite, and accessed by many different users. Goldsmith, Elizabeth B.. Resource Management for Individuals and Families (5th Edition) (Page 219). Pearson HE, Inc.. Kindle Edition. Borrowing computer terminology, the amount of information the human central nervous system can process has been compared to the amount of information a computer can process. It has been estimated that individuals can manage at most seven bits of information (e.g., differentiated sounds, visual stimuli, or recognizable nuances of emotion or thought) at any one time and that the shortest time it takes to discriminate between one set of bits and another is about 1/18 of a second (Csikszentmihalyi, 1990). On the basis of these figures, humans can process at most 126 bits of information per second or 7,560 per minute. In practical terms, this means that an individual cannot process what three people are saying to him or her simultaneously and absorb all the nonverbal cues. These are all estimates, as the exact limit of humans’ conscious ability to process information is unknown. Nevertheless, it is known that an individual’s interest in the message and the message giver influences how much is processed and retained. According to University of Chicago researcher Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, “The mark of a person who is in control of consciousness is the ability to focus attention at will, to be oblivious to distractions, to concentrate for as long as it takes to achieve a goal, and not longer. And the person who can do this usually enjoys the normal course of everyday life” (1990, p. 31). The Role of the Home and the Individual As the preceding quotation illustrates, individuals make choices about what to concentrate on and what to ignore. In part, these are conscious decisions by an individual or family about which technologies they will adopt. In the future, more technologyassisted activities will take place in the home, including shopping, investing, banking, and working. Computers have already made it possible for many people to work from home. Faith Popcorn, a predictor of trends, noted that cocooning (the desire to remain at home as a place of coziness, control, peace, insulation, and protection) is being facilitated by such technologies as DVDs, VCRs, laptops, and microwave ovens. In many respects, the improved home-based technologies should increase family time spent in the home. Children who miss classes due to illness will be able to tune into their classroom and keep up with their classmates. The increase in home-based technologies is a boon for the elderly, disabled individuals, and others less mobile than the general population as illustrated by the story of Ardith Hammond, quoted in a previous section. Along with these benefits, the innovations in communications technology have some drawbacks. Cost is an obvious problem. New technologies are expensive and may increase the gap between the haves and have-nots in society. Families should be supportive, expressive, and empathetic to their members and friends. Conversations should take turns. Words should be consistent with gestures, expressions, and other nonverbal messages. Families are interdependent and intense, meaning that the actions and words of any one family member may have more impact than reactions or comments by outsiders. Goldsmith, Elizabeth B.. Resource Management for Individuals and Families (5th Edition) (Page 220). Pearson HE, Inc.. Kindle Edition. Privacy is another issue. As more information is recorded and exchanged, more is known about an individual’s buying habits and personal communications. More legislation will be needed to establish ground rules on who will have access to data and under what conditions. Families will have to make decisions as well about access to data and use of technology. Parents will have to decide what technology to adopt and what technology to let children access. Certainly, this is a concern with the Internet. Individuals and families will also have to make decisions about managing information. Theodore Leavitt argues that discrimination is necessary in the use of information and data. Unfortunately, he says, as information becomes more abundant, it seems to yield less meaning. He draws an analogy: “The greater the variety of good food consumed at a meal, the less you appreciate each dish. The louder the noise, the less clear the message” (1991, p. 6). Goldsmith, Elizabeth B.. Resource Management for Individuals and Families (5th Edition) (Page 221). Pearson HE, Inc.. Kindle Edition.
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4. List the destructive communication styles or tactics used in families. Which do you think
is the biggest problem? Why?
Common destructive communication styles used by families include:


Ordering,



Moralizing



Threatening



Lecturing



Providing solutions



Analyzing



Interrogating


...


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