1 DANGERS OF RED MEAT. Dangers of Red Meat Quanteria Walker ENG 122 English Composition II Rachel Griffis October 29, 2018 [no notes on this page] -1- 2 The consumption of meat has for a long time been adopted by people from various races and cultures. However, this consumption is sometimes affected by some underlying factors such as religion and individual economic strength. A good example of a religion limiting factor to the consumption of meat is the Islamic culture which limits the intake of pork. The health industry has also played a major role in specifying what meat should be consumed and in what amounts. The discussion of whether red meat is associated with some health hazards has led some pronounced health practitioners to conduct various tests to ascertain the claim. 1 1. I would like to see a direct thesis at the end of your introduction. Other stakeholders in the meat processing industry have also joined hands to try and understand the connection between the consumption of red meat and health problems. Ideally, it is true that red meat is associated with various health issues such as cancer, diabetes mellitus and stroke among other illnesses (M. P., & Fearon, A. M, 2010). Over a long period, a sound question that has been put across enquiring whether it’s the consumption of red meat which causes these diseases or it’s the consumption of red meat specifically in large amounts. High consumption of red meat has been associated with various cardiovascular infections In general, your thesis should present a claim that can be argued or a point that can be reached through analysis and analysis. This brings a sense of purpose to your writing. See this Writing Center page for help with thesis statements: http://writingcenter.ashford.ed u/writing-a-thesis [Rachel Griffis] and general heart disease (Schulze, M. B, 2011). Researchers have arguably reasoned that the continued intake of red meat causes microbe ignited reactions in the gut of human beings which are primarily triggered by a nutrient which is found in red meat. The nutrient, carnitine, has the primary role of energy production thereby getting involved in the transportation of fatty acids into the mitochondria. The fatty acids are then oxidized, and energy is produced. When red meat 2 is taken in high amounts, the reactions become excessive thereby endangering the heart (Gamelin, E. 2008). Carnitine has also been linked to clogging of cardiovascular vessels by failing to transport fatty acids into the mitochondria and thereby leaving them on the vessel track (Heinz, -2- 2. endangering It would be good for you to expand this paragraph by explaining the specific ways the heart is endangered. [Rachel Griffis] 3 DANGERS OF RED MEAT. B., & Lee, R. 1998). When such happens, it is well known that the processes of oxidization do not take place effectively and some associated heart infections may take place. When patients think about these risks, they are sometimes torn between changing the diet and waiting for the consequences. However, it is wise to identify that whether or not to change the diet is an 1 1. I would like to see you interact further with your sources and show how they relate to your own ideas. [Rachel Griffis] individual choice but the best thing would be limiting high intakes of the red meat to reduce instances of heart-related illnesses. There are some products which are obtained from red meat and which are beneficial to an individual’s body when consumed moderately. However, excessive intake of these products may lead to some associated hazards such as those alterations in the normal functioning of the brain. For most people, the relationship between the intake of red meat and alteration in the normal functioning of the brain would sound somewhat invalid. However, once the idea of iron being 2 present comes into the head of each individual, it then becomes easy to identify that relationship. Iron has been known to be of importance to our bodies. It is known to take a crucial part in the production of blood. In a normal human body, iron accounts for at least seventy percent of the blood 2. However, once the idea of iron being present comes into the head of each individual, I'm not sure why you need to include this phrase to support your point in this paragraph. [Rachel Griffis] (Delimaris, I. 2013). Excessive iron may result in heart-related infections, liver cirrhosis, and 3 metabolic syndrome and in some cases premature deaths. When the quantity of iron increase’s in the blood flowing into the brain, there is a likelihood of contracting the Alzheimer’s disease. This 3. increase’s You do not need the possessive form of the word here. condition poses a danger to the normal functioning of a human being in that it makes the individual unable to react to changes in the environment. The immune system is also greatly affected by the intake of red meat. Primarily, the immune system works to fight any infections in the body. In cases where the immune system is weakened, an individual becomes susceptible to infections and in some cases leading to steadfast -3- This is a possessive apostrophe error. If a noun is single and possessive, add an apostrophe s ('s) as in the following example: "Jake's book was on the table." If a noun is plural and possessive, add an apostrophe after the ‘s’, as in the following example: "The girls' cars all needed to be cleaned." See this Writing Center page for help with apostrophes: http://writingcenter.ashford.ed u/apostrophes [Rachel Griffis] 4 deaths. Some of the diseases that come up as a result of consuming red meat may also play a significant role in weakening the immune system. The Neu5Gc a special sugar found in red meat causes cancer which in turn results to a weakened immune system leading to multiple chemotherapies of the patient (Popkin, B. M. 2007). Beef, lamb, bison, and pork are identified to 1 1. I'd like to see you develop your paragraphs further by including more detail that conveys what you want your readers to understand and accept. [Rachel Griffis] be some of the leading meat products with the highest levels of the Neu5Gc sugar. Carnivorous animals use the forenamed sugar as they consume numerous amounts of red meat. Human beings, however, do not have the potential of producing these sugars and therefore its presence into the system is treated as a foreign substance thereby leading to a toxic immune reaction. The reaction caused by the presence of the Neu5Gc sugar results in chronic inflammation which in turns causes cancer and a weak immune system. The response will, however, occur if large amounts of red meat are taken regularly. However, there are ways of handling the hazards caused by red meat especially the ones related to cancer. Such include taking low amounts of red meat for the provision of the nutrients needed in the body. The saturated fat contained in red meat has proved to be of danger to the well-being of each. The high fat in the body leads to other such conditions such as obesity. This, in turn, leads to difficulty in the normal functioning of the body such as breathing and oxidation and deoxidation of blood. Most people who consume large amounts of red meat have found themselves making attempts of losing weight after a significant increase in weight. The process of gaining weight happens so fast such that when the time comes when the arteries and other blood vessels are clogged with fat, the affected individual is left with no other choice than either to undergo an expensive recovery period or succumb to death. Red meat can be harmful or of benefit depending on the level of its consumption. It has been identified that when an individual adopts nutritional methods of consuming red meat, it is -4- 2 2. As you develop your paragraphs and use research, you need to make connections between your thesis/your own claims and the information you provide in your paragraphs. [Rachel Griffis] 5 DANGERS OF RED MEAT. most likely than not that the individual will wholly benefit from the diet. However, since most individuals fail to obey some nutritional regulations, it is most likely for them to be affected by the various diseases which arise as a result of overconsumption of red meat. From past events and some research conducted, it is evident that the hazards that arise from excessive consumption of red meat are more catastrophic than anyone would think. For example, cancer may arise as a result of overconsumption of red meat since it contains high 1 amounts of the Neu5Gc sugar. The chemotherapy sessions that follow have been identified to be 1. Make sure each paragraph has a specific point that you want to covey that is different from and builds upon your other paragraphs and points. [Rachel Griffis] costly and painful at the same time. For some individuals, the costs of meeting their intended chemotherapies are way beyond their earning thereby leaving them with multiple debts or death the only choice. Other diseases such as type 2 diabetes call for medical attention in each instance of the occurrence of the disease (Liu S, 2004). This means that an individual has to stay armored with the right tools to inject insulin into the body or instead he may find himself in some sought of a situation whereby it would cost him a lot of money to make it through. Generally, people should adopt good eating habits and reduce the intake of such foods as red meat to reduce the chances of ending up with the diseases associated with the excessive consumption of red meat. -5- 2 2. You've not brought your paper to a conclusion. Make sure you summarize and reflect in the Week 5 Assignment. [Rachel Griffis] 6 References Bailey, D., & Hayes, D. (2002). The evolution of identity preservation in red meat markets. Managing for Today’s Cattle Market and Beyond. Western Extension Marketing Committee publication, University of Arizona, available online at http://ag. arizona. edu/arec/wemc/TodaysCattlePub. html. Delimaris, I. (2013). Adverse effects associated with protein intake above the recommended dietary allowance for adults. ISRN nutrition, 2013. Gamelin, E. (2008). CRC RESEARCH# 21©. Oncol, 13, 2099-2105. Heinz, B., & Lee, R. (1998). Getting down to the meat: The symbolic construction of meat consumption. Communication Studies, 49(1), 86-99. McAfee, A. J., McSorley, E. M., Cuskelly, G. J., Moss, B. W., Wallace, J. M., Bonham, M. P., & Fearon, A. M. (2010). Red meat consumption: An overview of the risks and benefits. Meat science, 84(1), 1-13. Pan, A., Sun, Q., Bernstein, A. M., Schulze, M. B., Manson, J. E., Willett, W. C., & Hu, F. B. (2011). Red meat consumption and risk of type 2 diabetes: 3 cohorts of US adults and an updated meta-analysis–. The American journal of clinical nutrition, 94(4), 1088-1096. Popkin, B. M. (2007). Understanding global nutrition dynamics as a step towards controlling cancer incidence. Nature Reviews Cancer, 7(1), 61. Song, Y., Manson, J. E., Buring, J. E., & Liu, S. (2004). A prospective study of red meat consumption and type 2 diabetes in middle-aged and elderly women: the women’s health study. Diabetes care, 27(9), 2108-2115. [no notes on this page] -6- Proofed Paper: ntp489326 - Wed Oct 31 16:05:23 EDT 2018 page 1 / 9 Paper Title: Dangers of Red Meat No. of Pages: 4 Pages Paper Style: APA Paper Type: Persuasive/Argumentative Taken English? Yes English as Second Language? No Feedback Areas: Focus/Thesis Statement, Organization Paper Goals: My paper is about how dangerous eating red meat can be. Proofing Summary: Hi Quanteria, I’m Henry, your writing tutor for the Writing Center. I have reviewed your submission and have several suggestions that will help you revise. Please feel free to contact us through a 24/7 live writing session with any follow-up questions or for any clarification. Below, you will find a revision plan along with margin comments within your paper. Use my suggestions as a starting point for the revision process. Note that I have not proofread the draft for minor errors, but rather, focused on larger concerns such as idea development. For a complete look at grammar and punctuation, please use the Grammarly software available under “Writing Center” in your classroom. You have done a nice job of gathering evidence to support the arguments! Just make sure that it is cited in-text. For your revisions, I suggest focusing on: 1. Thesis: The thesis should include the main argument of the entire essay, as well as reasons in support of the argument. Think: What are you trying to say with this essay? For the topic, are there two sides one could take? Which one are you taking in the essay? Consult the writing center for examples: http://writingcenter.ashford.edu/writing-a-thesis 2. Paragraph development: Follow PIE paragraph structure. Start your paragraphs with a topic sentence (P, point). After that, include I (information) sentences with evidence to support your arguments. These will feature in-text citations. Finally, use E (explanation) sentences relate the information sentences to the main argument of the paper. http://writingcenter.ashford.edu/body-paragraphs 3. Introduction and Conclusion: Your conclusion should contain some specific elements. First, start by restating the thesis. After that, it should go on to summarize the body paragraphs. Finally, it should give the reader something to take away from the essay. Above all, it should not introduce new information. http://writingcenter.ashford.edu/introductions-conclusions Good luck in the course! Henry Writing Consultant Proofed Paper: ntp489326 - Wed Oct 31 16:05:23 EDT 2018 page 2 / 9 Proofed Paper: ntp489326 - Wed Oct 31 16:05:23 EDT 2018 page 3 / 9 The thesis needs to be in the form of an argument. Consult the proofing summary for more information Only last names are used in in-text citations. Do not end a paragraph with a citation http://writingcenter.ashford.edu/citing-within-your-paper Proofed Paper: ntp489326 - Wed Oct 31 16:05:23 EDT 2018 page 4 / 9 Consider listing some of these products. You need to include in-text citations to support the points in this paragraph. Proofed Paper: ntp489326 - Wed Oct 31 16:05:23 EDT 2018 page 5 / 9 Include citations for the information here as well. Remember: when you bring up a fact, it must be cited. Proofed Paper: ntp489326 - Wed Oct 31 16:05:23 EDT 2018 page 6 / 9 New information should not be introduced in the conclusion. Consult the proofing summary for information on writing the conclusion. Proofed Paper: ntp489326 - Wed Oct 31 16:05:23 EDT 2018 page 7 / 9 Make sure that the periodical title is italicized. What kind of source is this? Make sure that the citation is in APA format. http://writingcenter.ashford.edu/format-your-reference-list Proofed Paper: ntp489326 - Wed Oct 31 16:05:23 EDT 2018 page 8 / 9 Proofed Paper: ntp489326 - Wed Oct 31 16:05:23 EDT 2018 page 9 / 9 Powered by TCPDF (www.tcpdf.org)
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