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Gottman

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English
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Homework
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It is clear that Gottman would argue that it is important to learn how to appropriately bid and
respond to bids with those close to you to maintain a good relationship. However, many people
prefer to hide their thoughts and feelings even though Gottman would say that is a mistake
because those feelings still come out but often in unhealthy ways. So, all good relationships
require emotional communication according to Gottman. In the text, he states that by practicing
how to give and receive bids, “ You’ll develop the skills to start new relationships on a stable
course, and you’ll learn how to repair problems in continuing relationships and make them
stronger” (169). Through practicing the techniques we learn in the text, we will improve our
communication and thus our relationships. That being said, some people disagree and simply
don’t want to share their feelings, especially if they are negative. Gottman says, “Many people
want to avoid or deny negative experiences, to keep their distance from things that are upsetting”
(170). As a result, they try to hide their feelings as a way to protect their relationships. However,
Gottman would say that is a wrong choice because those feelings still come through and often in
very harmful ways to a relationship. A study at the University of Oregon illustrates this when
taping unhappily married couples that tried to hide their feelings, “Their interactions are like
sieves, leaking hostility everywhere ... no matter how much most people try to conceal their
emotions, their true feelings usually become evident” (171). So, even though people try to hide
their negative feelings, those feelings are shown in facial expressions and tone of voice but they
never really communicate to fix any problems, and this harms their relationships.

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It is clear that Gottman would argue that it is important to learn how to appropriately bid and respond to bids with those close to you to maintain a good relationship. However, many people prefer to hide their thoughts and feelings even though Gottman would say that is a mistake because those feeli ...
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