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What is nonverbal Communication?
Hello there, I am Huma Maqsood. Today we are going to talk about how to understand and
improve nonverbal messages. Well, what are nonverbal messages? I am sure you know about hand
gestures and may be even what you do with your face. But I bet you did not know there is actually
a whole lot of things that fall under the nonverbal umbrella. Actually they are listed all right here.
We are going to talk about body, face, eyes, touch, and space. And I am not talking about outer
space; I am talking about your environment; artifacts. Lots of different things that can help you
improve as a communicator, as well as, improve your relationship with other people, improve
your self-esteem. Actually, nonverbal communication can even improve your ability to deceive
people. We are going to talk briefly about what to look for to determine if somebody is lying to
you or not. So we will talk about these things and how to improve them, what they are and we are
going to make you a better communicator through nonverbal, not even speaking. Let's get started.
1. Body
2. Face
3. Eyes
4. Touch
5. Space
6. Artifacts
7. Temporal
Eye Contact
Secures attention
Signals nature of attention
Shows interest
Regulates
Now we are ready to move on to the eyes. An eye contact is so important in interpersonal
relationships. In fact, if someone is making more than sixty percent eye contact with you in a
conversation, that means they are more interested in you than what you are saying. That is a little
tip for you. Eye contact does a number of things. It secures the attention of the person that you
are talking to or for the person who is talking to you. It also signals the nature of the relationship.
Levels of intimacy have a whole lot to do with eye contact and comfort. If I am very comfortable
with you, I have no problem making eye contact with you. However, may be you are my superior
and you make me a little nervous, so I don't make quite as much eye contact with you. I can look
away at times. It also shows interests. I am interested in you. I want to look at you. I want to
understand what you are saying rather than.
It can also regulate the conversation. You are talking, I am looking, I am listening. "I am looking
down now because I disagree and I want to say something. So eye contact is very important.
Now let us talk about eye avoidance.
Eye avoidance can be very bad, and very distracting. This is when you are trying to have a
conversation with a person and they won't look at you. In fact how would you feel if I did the rest
of this presentation and I never looked up again? It would be very hard for you to establish a
relationship with me because that is what eye contact does. It allows us to establish a
relationship. There are numerous reasons that people do not make eye contact. But traditionally
a lot of it has to do with self esteem and if they are lying.
Another thing they do if they are lying is they always look to the left. They look away and to
the left. So eye contact is very important because if the person that you are talking to is not
making eye contact with you, clearly you cannot establish a relationship, but you also question
deceit. Are they telling me the truth, what is going on with them? The only thing worse than eye
avoidance is continued staring. These are the two extremes of eye contact. So if you have
issues looking at people making eye contact with them, I strongly encourage you to work on that
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because that has a lot to do with how they perceive you and the impression that you give. Also be
very aware of staring people down to the point like you are burning a hole through them with their
eyes like I am doing with you right now. That is making you feel uncomfortable, isn't it?
Facial Expressions
1. Surprise
2. Fear
3. Anger
4. Sadness
5. Disgust
6. Contempt
7. Interest
8. happiness
There are actually two things that your face communicates. The first thing that I want to talk
about is what your face communicates with or without trying. You may manipulate your face to
communicate something. But a lot of times our facial expressions just happen in reaction to the
things around us. And that is facial communication. It has been proven that your face can
communicate all of these emotions simply by what you do with it; surprise, fear, anger, sadness,
disgust, contempt, interest and happiness. There are other researchers that also believe, and I
believe it as well, that our face can communicate bewilderment. When we just don't really know
exactly what it is that you are trying to tell us and we do not understand. So sometimes you can
be aware of what you do with your face. Sometimes it is just going to be an automatic
reaction. I might make a mental choice to prove to you through my face that I am not very happy.
Or I might walk in the door and you have thrown me a surprise birthday party that I did not know
about, that is going to be something that is automatic. These are neither good not necessarily
bad. They establish to the person you are trying to communicate with a stronger understanding of
how you feel. So I encourage you to use them but do not abuse them.
Space
The next form of nonverbal communication I want to talk about is space, and space is space. It is
the space around you. It is officially called proxemics, and we actually have three sets of
proxemics around us. What this is is basically the bubble or the wall, in which you do not really
want anybody in there, but we actually have three sets of walls. First, we have our social
distance. That is where, ok, I want to only keep you here, because I do not really know you. I am
not super comfortable with you. Next we have the personal space, which is, I know you. We are
developing a relationship. We are friends. I trust you, so I am going to let you in a little bit closer.
And then of course, the last set of space is the intimate distance, which is very very close. Now it
is so interesting because Pakistanis have the smallest area of proxemics around them compared to
any other culture. We like people to be close to us where other cultures like to maintain distance.
I bet this has happened to you once or twice. You are standing in line at the grocery store, and
you can feel somebody right behind you, so you step up, and they step up, and you step up, and
they step up. It happens all the time, and a lot of times, it is just simply a cultural difference, but
what it does is it communicates how we feel. I am comfortable with you. I am going to get close
to you, or I am not comfortable with you. I have to get away from you. Some people are intuitive
enough to pick up on that. Some people are not. And it has to do with their own proxemics.
Someone gets right on you. You step back. They step in. very clearly, the space around them is
not as deep as the space around you, so be very aware of people's space.
Silence
Ok. The next thing I want to talk to you about is silence. ................ Yes, that was silence. And
what does that communicate? Nothing! Have you even heard of, or given, or received the silent
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treatment? Ah, we see it in relationships a whole lot. And what the silent treatment is something
like this.
"So, do you want to talk about it?"
No, I would rather be silent and punish you, than tell you how I am really feeling or thinking. The
silent treatment is a way in which we communicate. It communicates that we do not want to
communicate. I cannot encourage you enough to give people the silent treatment. And I have
known a lot of people I have worked with a lot of people in my life who love the silent treatment.
They love for you to figure out what is it that you are upset about. And that is really bad in
communication. It is one of the worst nonverbal tools that you can pick up and use. So, stop using
the silent treatment and start encouraging yourself to use words, which is verbal communication,
to communicate how you feel.
Touch
Okay, another thing that we express through touch, something that we communicate with each
other is playfulness. And usually these are positive relationships in which touch comes in and
creates playfulness. You might think about children and how they are playful, you know, they
wrestle and they run and they chase and they tag and they do all of that. But we as adults can do
that as well.
A form of touch that we use in business and personal situations is called ritualistic touching. These
are the ways in which we touch because it is a norm of our culture. When I meet someone what do
I do I shake their hand, and that is ritualistic touching. That is what we do with people we are less
familiar with in business situations. But for people that we are very close to, family, friends,
possibly colleagues, a form of ritualistic touching is I hug you. When I see you I am so excited that
I give you a big hug, or may be I kiss you on the forehead or both cheeks, a pat on the shoulder
depending on what culture I am from. So that is what ritualistic touching is. It is a wonderful
physical expression of...it is glad to see you, it is good to see you, I like you, and again always be
aware of culture. What is the ritual for the culture of the person you are dealing with, whether it
is work or interpersonal situation.
Artifactual Communication
All right! We are now ready to move on to artifactual communication. And I know these are things
that you have thought about but I bet you never really thought about them as being part of
nonverbal communication. Well, what artificial communication is, they are things. Things that we
have and that is the first thing I want to talk about. Part of your nonverbal communication is
space decoration. Now when I am talking about space decoration, I want you to think in terms of
your room, your office, your cubicle, your complete home. How you decorate that space
communicates volumes about you as a person nonverbally. Is it really, really cluttered? Is it
immaculately placed? What kind of art is on the wall? What kind of things do you surround yourself
with? Space decoration communicates who you are. Now do you necessarily need to change this?
Absolutely not! But you need to recognize that the things around you in your environment will
establish to other people who you are.
Appearance
Remember, when we are talking about nonverbal communications we are basically dealing with
impressions; things that exist physically without words that form impressions. So, another form
of communication that you do not have to do anything about is your appearance. I am talking
about your height, your weight, the way you dress, your hair color, your hair style, all those
things form an impression. So just by being who you are or how you are you are forming an
impression that is nonverbal, that is why they say, "people make an impression about you the first
thirty seconds to sixty seconds they meet you" that is based on appearance. A soon as you walk in
the door you are communicating nonverbal messages, so, something to think about.
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Clothing
Another form of artifactual communication is your clothes. What you wear gives a very strong
impression of who you are. That is a big part of who you are. And everybody has a different style.
You know, may be your style is more formal. May be it is more casual. May be you have a very
Bohemian style, where you dress very eclectically. Neither is it good or bad, it simply is a
nonverbal impression of who you are. The only thing that you want to consider when it comes to
clothing is, are there certain times where you need to alter that expression. For example, when I
teach my class I always bring this up to my students. I tend to dress a little more conservatively.
And I ask my students on the first day of class, when I walked in the door, what was your
impression of me? And they rattle off, all these complimentary things of course, because they all
want A's. But then I say to them, what would you have thought if I had walked through the door in
a tank top and cut off shorts. And they are all in shock because they wouldn't quite know what to
think of that. But, it would give them an entirely different impression of me because I say to
them, "What would you think of me as a professor if I did that?" And the answers are always
completely different than what the initial perception was because of the way I dress. So dress is a
nonverbal thing and it is just something to consider again based on whatever situations you might
be going into.
Colour
Now another form of nonverbal communication and artifactual communication, that I bet you
never thought about being nonverbal, is colour. And when I am talking about colour, I am talking
about colour in every sense of the word. In fact let's talk about colour of walls. Take a look at the
wall colour in this conference room. Or you may know, possibly, colour in your workspace. I
guarantee you that, that colour will be nondescript beige, may be a gray. You probably never paid
attention to or noticed. Well it is that way in classrooms to get rid of distractions. To help
students focus on the work, on the test, on what the teacher is saying. Color is used to
communicate a lot of things. Think about fast food signs. What are the colors of the fast food
signs? They are predominantly red and yellow. Why are they red and yellow and possibly
orange? Because those colors induce hunger. Every color represents a feeling. So, it also
represents communication. Nonverbal communication! What color is your house painted? It can
even go so far as what color clothing do you wear? I know in places people wear black or white or
red all the time. It is just what they do. Do you wear pink or do you wear red all the time/
Pastels? What color? What color is your hair? What color do you paint your fingernails? What color
car do you drive? Color is a huge representation of our nonverbal world, and gives a strong
impression of who we are.
Scent...
Now the last artifact I want to talk about and I dont know if you ever thought about this as being
a form of nonverbal communication, is scent. What do you smell like? And I am talking good or
bad. Naturally everybody has a scent and that is not necessarily what I am talking about. I am
talking more specifically about do you smell bad or do you smell good or the extremes of those?
One thing is like cologne and perfume and things like that. You know you want to be real careful
about what you communicate with fragrances. I know I had a neighbor one time and he lived way
across the street from me and I could walk out of my house in the morning and I could smell his
cologne all the way at my front door. So that communicated a certain thing that gave me a certain
impression about him. And it can go in the other extreme you know may be you are one of those
people that just never liked to take a shower. Hey more power to ya, but that is going to give a
nonverbal communication to people around you. So again it is not a bad thing, it is not a good
thing, but just like body adornment and clothing, it is something that you may want to alter
depending on the circumstances and what it is exactly that you are trying to communicate
nonverbally.

Unformatted Attachment Preview

What is nonverbal Communication? Hello there, I am Huma Maqsood. Today we are going to talk about how to understand and improve nonverbal messages. Well, what are nonverbal messages? I am sure you know about hand gestures and may be even what you do with your face. But I bet you did not know there is actually a whole lot of things that fall under the nonverbal umbrella. Actually they are listed all right here. We are going to talk about body, face, eyes, touch, and space. And I am not talking about outer space; I am talking about your environment; artifacts. Lots of different things that can help you improve as a communicator, as well as, improve your relationship with other people, improve your self-esteem. Actually, nonverbal communication can even improve your ability to deceive people. We are going to talk briefly about what to look for to determine if somebody is lying to you or not. So we will talk about these things and how to improve them, what they are and we are going to make you a better communicator through nonverbal, not even speaking. Let's get started. 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. Body Face Eyes Touch Space Artifacts Temporal Eye Contact Secures attention Signals nature of attention Shows interest Regulates Now we are ready to move on to the eyes. An eye contact is so important in interpersonal relationships. In fact, if someone is making more than sixty percent eye contact with you in a conversation, that means they are more interested in you than what you are saying. That is a little tip for you. Eye contact does a number of things. It secures the attention of the person that you are talking to or for the person who is talking to you. It also signals the nature of the relationship. Levels of intimacy have a whole lot to do with eye contact and comfort. If I am very comfortable with you, I have no problem making eye contact with you. However, may be you are my superior and you make me a little nervous, so I don't make quite as much eye contact with you. I can look away at times. It also shows interests. I am interested in you. I want to look at you. I want to understand what you are saying rather than. It can also regulate the conversation. You are talking, I am looking, I am listening. "I am looking down now because I disagree and I want to say something. So eye contact is very important. Now let us talk about eye avoidance. Eye avoidance can be very bad, and very distracting. This is when you are trying to have a conversation with a person and they won't look at you. In fact how would you feel if I did the rest of this presentation and I never looked up again? It would be very hard for you to establish a relationship with me because that is what eye contact does. It allows us to establish a relationship. There are numerous reasons that people do not make eye contact. But traditionally a lot of it has to do with self esteem and if they are lying. Another thing they do if they are lying is they always look to the left. They look away and to the left. So eye contact is very important because if the person that you are talking to is not making eye contact with you, clearly you cannot establish a relationship, but you also question deceit. Are they telling me the truth, what is going on with them? The only thing worse than eye avoidance is continued staring. These are the two extremes of eye contact. So if you have issues looking at people making eye contact with them, I strongly encourage you to work on that because that has a lot to do with how they perceive you and the impression that you give. Also be very aware of staring people down to the point like you are burning a hole through them with their eyes like I am doing with you right now. That is making you feel uncomfortable, isn't it? Facial Expressions 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. Surprise Fear Anger Sadness Disgust Contempt Interest happiness There are actually two things that your face communicates. The first thing that I want to talk about is what your face communicates with or without trying. You may manipulate your face to communicate something. But a lot of times our facial expressions just happen in reaction to the things around us. And that is facial communication. It has been proven that your face can communicate all of these emotions simply by what you do with it; surprise, fear, anger, sadness, disgust, contempt, interest and happiness. There are other researchers that also believe, and I believe it as well, that our face can communicate bewilderment. When we just don't really know exactly what it is that you are trying to tell us and we do not understand. So sometimes you can be aware of what you do with your face. Sometimes it is just going to be an automatic reaction. I might make a mental choice to prove to you through my face that I am not very happy. Or I might walk in the door and you have thrown me a surprise birthday party that I did not know about, that is going to be something that is automatic. These are neither good not necessarily bad. They establish to the person you are trying to communicate with a stronger understanding of how you feel. So I encourage you to use them but do not abuse them. Space The next form of nonverbal communication I want to talk about is space, and space is space. It is the space around you. It is officially called proxemics, and we actually have three sets of proxemics around us. What this is is basically the bubble or the wall, in which you do not really want anybody in there, but we actually have three sets of walls. First, we have our social distance. That is where, ok, I want to only keep you here, because I do not really know you. I am not super comfortable with you. Next we have the personal space, which is, I know you. We are developing a relationship. We are friends. I trust you, so I am going to let you in a little bit closer. And then of course, the last set of space is the intimate distance, which is very very close. Now it is so interesting because Pakistanis have the smallest area of proxemics around them compared to any other culture. We like people to be close to us where other cultures like to maintain distance. I bet this has happened to you once or twice. You are standing in line at the grocery store, and you can feel somebody right behind you, so you step up, and they step up, and you step up, and they step up. It happens all the time, and a lot of times, it is just simply a cultural difference, but what it does is it communicates how we feel. I am comfortable with you. I am going to get close to you, or I am not comfortable with you. I have to get away from you. Some people are intuitive enough to pick up on that. Some people are not. And it has to do with their own proxemics. Someone gets right on you. You step back. They step in. very clearly, the space around them is not as deep as the space around you, so be very aware of people's space. Silence Ok. The next thing I want to talk to you about is silence. ................ Yes, that was silence. And what does that communicate? Nothing! Have you even heard of, or given, or received the silent treatment? Ah, we see it in relationships a whole lot. And what the silent treatment is something like this. "So, do you want to talk about it?" No, I would rather be silent and punish you, than tell you how I am really feeling or thinking. The silent treatment is a way in which we communicate. It communicates that we do not want to communicate. I cannot encourage you enough to give people the silent treatment. And I have known a lot of people I have worked with a lot of people in my life who love the silent treatment. They love for you to figure out what is it that you are upset about. And that is really bad in communication. It is one of the worst nonverbal tools that you can pick up and use. So, stop using the silent treatment and start encouraging yourself to use words, which is verbal communication, to communicate how you feel. Touch Okay, another thing that we express through touch, something that we communicate with each other is playfulness. And usually these are positive relationships in which touch comes in and creates playfulness. You might think about children and how they are playful, you know, they wrestle and they run and they chase and they tag and they do all of that. But we as adults can do that as well. A form of touch that we use in business and personal situations is called ritualistic touching. These are the ways in which we touch because it is a norm of our culture. When I meet someone what do I do I shake their hand, and that is ritualistic touching. That is what we do with people we are less familiar with in business situations. But for people that we are very close to, family, friends, possibly colleagues, a form of ritualistic touching is I hug you. When I see you I am so excited that I give you a big hug, or may be I kiss you on the forehead or both cheeks, a pat on the shoulder depending on what culture I am from. So that is what ritualistic touching is. It is a wonderful physical expression of...it is glad to see you, it is good to see you, I like you, and again always be aware of culture. What is the ritual for the culture of the person you are dealing with, whether it is work or interpersonal situation. Artifactual Communication All right! We are now ready to move on to artifactual communication. And I know these are things that you have thought about but I bet you never really thought about them as being part of nonverbal communication. Well, what artificial communication is, they are things. Things that we have and that is the first thing I want to talk about. Part of your nonverbal communication is space decoration. Now when I am talking about space decoration, I want you to think in terms of your room, your office, your cubicle, your complete home. How you decorate that space communicates volumes about you as a person nonverbally. Is it really, really cluttered? Is it immaculately placed? What kind of art is on the wall? What kind of things do you surround yourself with? Space decoration communicates who you are. Now do you necessarily need to change this? Absolutely not! But you need to recognize that the things around you in your environment will establish to other people who you are. Appearance Remember, when we are talking about nonverbal communications we are basically dealing with impressions; things that exist physically without words that form impressions. So, another form of communication that you do not have to do anything about is your appearance. I am talking about your height, your weight, the way you dress, your hair color, your hair style, all those things form an impression. So just by being who you are or how you are you are forming an impression that is nonverbal, that is why they say, "people make an impression about you the first thirty seconds to sixty seconds they meet you" that is based on appearance. A soon as you walk in the door you are communicating nonverbal messages, so, something to think about. Clothing Another form of artifactual communication is your clothes. What you wear gives a very strong impression of who you are. That is a big part of who you are. And everybody has a different style. You know, may be your style is more formal. May be it is more casual. May be you have a very Bohemian style, where you dress very eclectically. Neither is it good or bad, it simply is a nonverbal impression of who you are. The only thing that you want to consider when it comes to clothing is, are there certain times where you need to alter that expression. For example, when I teach my class I always bring this up to my students. I tend to dress a little more conservatively. And I ask my students on the first day of class, when I walked in the door, what was your impression of me? And they rattle off, all these complimentary things of course, because they all want A's. But then I say to them, what would you have thought if I had walked through the door in a tank top and cut off shorts. And they are all in shock because they wouldn't quite know what to think of that. But, it would give them an entirely different impression of me because I say to them, "What would you think of me as a professor if I did that?" And the answers are always completely different than what the initial perception was because of the way I dress. So dress is a nonverbal thing and it is just something to consider again based on whatever situations you might be going into. Colour Now another form of nonverbal communication and artifactual communication, that I bet you never thought about being nonverbal, is colour. And when I am talking about colour, I am talking about colour in every sense of the word. In fact let's talk about colour of walls. Take a look at the wall colour in this conference room. Or you may know, possibly, colour in your workspace. I guarantee you that, that colour will be nondescript beige, may be a gray. You probably never paid attention to or noticed. Well it is that way in classrooms to get rid of distractions. To help students focus on the work, on the test, on what the teacher is saying. Color is used to communicate a lot of things. Think about fast food signs. What are the colors of the fast food signs? They are predominantly red and yellow. Why are they red and yellow and possibly orange? Because those colors induce hunger. Every color represents a feeling. So, it also represents communication. Nonverbal communication! What color is your house painted? It can even go so far as what color clothing do you wear? I know in places people wear black or white or red all the time. It is just what they do. Do you wear pink or do you wear red all the time/ Pastels? What color? What color is your hair? What color do you paint your fingernails? What color car do you drive? Color is a huge representation of our nonverbal world, and gives a strong impression of who we are. Scent... Now the last artifact I want to talk about and I don’t know if you ever thought about this as being a form of nonverbal communication, is scent. What do you smell like? And I am talking good or bad. Naturally everybody has a scent and that is not necessarily what I am talking about. I am talking more specifically about do you smell bad or do you smell good or the extremes of those? One thing is like cologne and perfume and things like that. You know you want to be real careful about what you communicate with fragrances. I know I had a neighbor one time and he lived way across the street from me and I could walk out of my house in the morning and I could smell his cologne all the way at my front door. So that communicated a certain thing that gave me a certain impression about him. And it can go in the other extreme you know may be you are one of those people that just never liked to take a shower. Hey more power to ya, but that is going to give a nonverbal communication to people around you. So again it is not a bad thing, it is not a good thing, but just like body adornment and clothing, it is something that you may want to alter depending on the circumstances and what it is exactly that you are trying to communicate nonverbally. Name: Description: ...
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