go over the comment and fixed it up

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onf2014

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In the file that I attached you will see my instructor comment try to fix it up. The comment will be on the right  of the documents  . I also attached grading symbol and rubric 

also this is my group statement to give u a back ground about the assignment:

Pinterest introduces Promoted Pins to advertise to a more diverse group of millennials.We would like to find the effectiveness of Promoted Pins targeted towards new male users and the reactions of both female and new males users. The value would be to show clients the potential to reach a new demographic of male users through different uses of advertisements.

  ENGL 317 grading symbols and rubric.pdf 

Pinterest (Autosaved).docx 

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ENGL 317 Grading Symbols and Writing Rubric see “Business Writing Rubric” and “Viewing Your Graded File” below A = 4.00 – 3.83; A- = 3.82 – 3.50; B+ = 3.49 – 3.17; B = 3.16 – 2.83; B- = 2.82 – 2.50 ; C+ =2.49- 2.17; C = 2.17- 1.5 D+ =1. 49 -1.17 D = 1.16 - .0.83; F = .82 - 0.00 AB *FORMAT – appropriate abbreviations format AD FRAG avoiding fragments adjective or adverb adjective adverb *HEAD – stand alone heading QUO quotation marks quoting sources SENT MOD Standard sentence patterns sentence pattern transformations independent and dependent clauses sentence clarity sentence variety paramedic writing avoiding misplaced/dangling modifiers dangling modifiers SHIFT capitalization NUM numbers SP COM PARA avoiding comma splices commas conquering the comma parallel sentence structure parallel structure AGR *INTRO – stand alone subject - verb agreement pronoun - antecedent Agreement introduction *ANS - answers all questions *AUD – targets audience CAP PG COMP faulty / incomplete comparison CON connectors COU count and non-count nouns DET determiners *DOC documented support paragraphs and paragraphing PREP preposition prepositions PRO pronoun reference pronoun case PUNC sentence types and punctuation punctuation sentence punctuation patterns apostrophe *see ENGL 317 Business Writing Rubric Standards. avoiding shifts spelling SUB subordinate independent and dependent clauses TENSE verb tense consistency TRANS transitions and transitional devices VOICE active/passive voice active and passive voice WRD commonly confused words WDY - wordy conciseness Business Writing Rubric Phase I – Content Development Criteria 1. Answers all assignment-specific questions. Scoring Guide 0 - missing all key data or did not directly answer the questions posed by the assignment. 3 - missing most key data or answered questions with a low level of quality and/or completeness. 5 - missing roughly half of key data or question. 7 - most key data is present or most of the questions were answered, but missing minor points. 10 - missing no data; all questions posed by the assignment are answered with a high level of quality and completeness. 2. Provides sufficient, documented support for all relevant statements. Scoring Guide 0 - statements are completely unsupported. 3 - some obvious facts are cited; other data is provided without support. 5 - most obvious facts are cited; other data is provided without support. 7 - all facts and information that are not common knowledge are cited, but there are specific problems with citation style and format. 10 - all facts and information that are not common knowledge is properly cited in the proper format (APA). Targets message to audience; acknowledges and meets audience needs (explicitly, if possible). Scoring Guide 0 - audience is ignored and needs are not met. 3 - audience needs are acknowledged, but not met. Audience is forced to seek out the relevance of the document. 5 – audience needs are explicitly addressed, but not met; some context is provided. 7 – audience needs are addressed explicitly or implicitly; context is given initially, but audience is not considered in the majority of the document. 10 - audience needs are addressed directly, given context, and provided with answers to key questions, both explicit and implicit, where appropriate. deduct up to 50% 20% 3. Gives an introduction that could stand alone and gives a clear bottom line for the document. Scoring Guide 0 - no executive summary. 3 - summary provided, but no purpose. 5 - purpose statement and summary are present and well disposed, but no bottom-line is provided. 7 - purpose statement and summary are present and well disposed, however, the bottom line is vague and doesn't convey the entire "story." 10 - purpose statement and summary are present and well disposed; bottom line is specific and distills the main idea of the document. 20% 4. 30% Phase II – Editing (Readibility) Criteria 5. Structures each paragraph deductively with a topic sentence that gives a bottom line for the paragraph. Scoring Guide 0 - paragraphs are disorganized and contain no obvious topic sentences. 3 - paragraphs contain too many main ideas; poor organization forces the reader to work too hard to find the main idea. 5 - paragraphs have discrete topic sentences, but they are in the middle or at the end of the paragraphs. 7 - most paragraphs have topic sentences that give the bottom line for the paragraph, but topic sentences lack precision. 10 - all paragraphs have leading topic sentences that are specific enough to foreshadow the logical content and support that follows. 6. 30% Transitions between sentences and paragraphs cohesively. Scoring Guide 0 - no transitions between paragraphs and sentences. Text begins and ends abruptly. 3 - some transitions between paragraphs and sentences, but the text suffers from a violation of the known-new contract (failing to provide the reader with known information before introducing a new topic). 5 - some transitions between paragraphs and sentences, but inconsistently applied. 7 - explicit transitions between paragraphs and sentences, but transitions feel forced in some cases. 10 - explicit transitions between paragraphs and sentences that contribute to the logical flow of the document. 7. deduct up to: 20% Chooses words appropriately for the audience; writes in "plain English" and avoids lofty diction. Scoring Guide 0 - language is too informal and uses slang, emoticons, or non-standard abbreviations. 3 – language is too technical or elaborate for the audience; appears as though thesaurus was used to vary word choice; words carry a distorted meaning. 5 – language is specific to a single discourse community; a general audience is not taken into account. 7 - language is in "plain English" but words are not precise enough to convey the proper meaning: jargon, idioms, clichés, and euphemisms. 10 - language is in "plain English" and words are clear and precise and give a particular meaning where appropriate. 20% Phase III – Editing (Usability) Criteria 8. Formats lists, headings, and text consistently for a readable document. Scoring Guide 0 - headings and lists are omitted inhibiting the scannability of the document. 3 - headings haphazard; lists are not consistently formatted. 5 - some headings are formatted the same; other headings are not. Lists are inconsistently punctuated or are not parallel. 7 - lists are parallel and headings are formatted consistently. Headings are "stacked." 10 - lists are parallel; headings are formatted consistently; headings are not "stacked" and contain intervening text between them. 9. Writes headings that can stand alone as "headlines," and gives the bottom line for the text that follows. Scoring Guide 0 - no headings are provided. 3 - headings are one or two words and give only a broad category of the following text. 5 - headings are phrases and give a more specific idea of the content that follows. 7 - headings are longer but give a purpose, not a bottom line. Document conclusions cannot be gleaned from headings alone. 10 - headings read like headlines and give a bottom line. Document conclusions can be gathered by reading the headlines alone. 10. Provides readable, usable graphs, charts, and tables that are referenced specifically in the text and convey information effectively. Scoring Guide 0 - No charts provided to succinctly provide data. 3 - charts provided in some cases, but with serious readability and usability problems (small text, obscured data). 5 - charts are provided, but have moderate usability problems (small print text, data obscured) Charts are not referred to in text. 7 - charts are provided, and have minor usability problems. Charts are mentioned in text, but not referred to in analysis. 10 - charts are provided for all pieces of information that require them. Charts are referenced and analyzed in text of document. deduct up to: 30% 30% 20% Phase IV – Proofreading Criteria 11. Makes LOC errors. Deduct 2% per LOC detected to a maximum of 10% for the paper. Allow remediation of LOCs by a visit to writing support or a detailed remediation paper submitted to instructors. deduct up to: 30% Viewing Your Graded File from Blackboard My Grades If you access My Grades from the My Institution tab or the My Blackboard menu, you see grades for all your courses. On the left side of the screen, you can sort by All Courses or Last Graded. If you access My Grades inside a course, you see your grades for that course only. The Order by drop-down list allows you to change the order by Course Order, Last Activity, or Due Date. By default, items are ordered by course order. Above the list of gradable items, you can narrow the list by selecting All, Graded, Upcoming, or Submitted. For example, Graded shows only items that have been graded. Symbol Description - Item has not been completed. No information is available. Item is completed, but will not have a grade (for items such as surveys). Item has been submitted. This item is waiting to be reviewed by your instructor. Grade Item has been graded. Click the grade to view detailed feedback. Attempt is in progress. This item has not been submitted. To submit the item, see How to Save an Assignment as a Draft and Submit Later. Click to view link to attached file with comments. If there is no file, a file without comments, or another person’s file, send me an email. TO: Social Networking Team FROM: Basim Aljihani SUBJECT: Social Networking Focus Group Report DATE: February 27, 2015 Below is my report based of off a focus group I ran with four individuals, male and female, regarding their feedback about effectiveness of businesses advertising their products on Pinterest to gain men and women users. For the most part participants reported that businesses would benefit from using Pinterest as an advertising platform. Yet, participants reported that most users would remain female and gain few male users. Focus Group Rationale Social networking is the here and now of the millennial generation. The population of social network users is made up primarily of the millennial generation and after. Since much of the younger population of the world tends to turn to Social Networks as a means of entertainment and social outlet, companies need to jump on the bandwagon and advertise their products on these platforms. A particular platform, Pinterest, has a large following, mainly female, who use this application for searching new products. If companies brand themselves on this application it is possible to increase new member usage for both male and female millennial. The information gathered from the sessions will allow Promity clients to target companies to advertise on Pinterest within the millennial male and female population. Setting and Participants The hour long session was held in my apartment via face to face and Skype on Saturday February 21,2015. The participants were: • • • • Emma Jackson, 20, female, Towson University student-Psychology-Junior David Oscur, 26, male, Businessman, Undisclosed company, neighbor Melanie White, 22, female, Girls Life Intern Rachel Volke, 25, female Florida International University Medical student-2nd year Session Topics During the session the following topics were discussed: Company’s advertising on Pinterest All of the participants believed that companies would benefit from advertising on Pinterest. They conclude that beauty, clothing, or accessories will be the most successful products to market on Pinterest. Therefore, Macys, Nike, and the like will have a niche in promoting the latest products on Pinterest. Emma expressed that the number of repins a product has will also help companies either produce more or less of a particular product. This will show the overall satisfaction of products. Effectiveness of advertising to gain male and female users Rachel really expressed her concerns that advertising needs to be done in an authentic fashion. Pop ups of products will deter users. David felt that a company like Macy’s would benefit enormously if they pinned pictures of customers in wearing articles of clothing from the store. The caption of the pinned picture could say the name of the customer and the piece they are wear. This is basically grassroots advertising, because the male or female in the picture would repin this for their followers to see. It would make the company look like they genuinely care about their customers, not just the profits. Value of advertising to reach the male millennial population All participants felt that millennial males would still not flock in great numbers to Pinterest. The strategy of advertising company products may reel in a few more male users, but overall, each participant stressed that Pinterest was created for the female in mind. Although, Rachel suggested that Pinterest could ask users to specify the gender they identify with to create filters. This way male users would not have pins of yoga pant pins pop up when they searched for workout clothes. Melanie concluded that most male users on Pinterest are here for a reason, because they prefer more feminine products. Therefore, ‘manly’ products such as Axe body spray will not pull in to many new male users. Findings The three most notable finds from the focus group are that all participants • • • feel certain companies will benefit greatly from advertising on Pinterest advertising needs to be done in covert, simplistic ways and, there will be little increase in male millennial users, although female users in the millennial generation could potentially increase if advertising is done in a tasteful way. Although millennial male user numbers may not increase on Pinterest, there is a definitely potential for companies to increase profits by advertising on Pinterest. Ultimately, female users are more prominent on Pinterest, and promoting products towards them will not only benefit Pinterest, but companies choosing to advertise here as well. In addition, Pinterest is great for females and has such a large following. Why change a good thing that shows promise. All participants felt that Pinterest should stay geared towards women. Emma, Rachel, and Melanie all would use Pinterest more if their favorite clothing stores like H&M, Forever 21, and Macy’s had Pinterest accounts to advertise their products. The three females also enjoyed listening to David’s idea of grassroots advertising to connect products with everyday users.
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