Description
why is communication important at work and why does it matter?
Explanation & Answer
Sometimes it’s tempting to bring up past seemingly related conflicts
when dealing with current ones. Unfortunately, this often clouds the
issue and makes finding mutual understanding and a solution to the
current issue less likely, and makes the whole discussion more taxing
and even confusing. Try not to bring up past hurts or other topics. Stay
focused on the present, your feelings, understanding one another and
finding a solution.
Listen Carefully: People often think they’re listening, but are really
thinking about what they’re going to say next when the other person
stops talking. While it might be difficult, try really listening to what
your partner is saying. Don’t interrupt. Don’t get defensive. Just hear
them and reflect back what they’re saying so they know you’ve heard.
Then you’ll understand them better and they’ll be more willing to listen
to you.
Try To See Their Point of View: In a conflict, most of us primarily want
to feel heard and understood. We talk a lot about our point of view to
get the other person to see things our way. Ironically, if we all do
this all the time, there’s little focus on the other person’s point of
view, and nobody feels understood. Try to see the other side, and then
you can better explain yours. Others will more likely be willing to
listen if they feel heard.
Respond to Criticism with Empathy: When someone comes at you with
criticism, it’s easy to feel that they’re wrong, and get defensive.
While criticism is hard to hear, and often exaggerated or colored by the
other person’s emotions, it’s important to listen for the other
person’s pain and respond with empathy for their feelings. Also, look
for what’s true in what they’re saying; that can be valuable information
for you.
Own What’s Yours: Realize that personal responsibility is a strength,
not a weakness, and admit when you’re wrong. If you both share some
responsibility in a conflict (which is usually the case), look for and
admit to what’s yours. It diffuses the situation, sets a good example,
and shows maturity. It also often inspires the other person to respond
in kind, leading you both closer to mutual understanding and a solution.
Use “I” Messages: Rather than saying things like, “You really messed up
here,” begin statements with “I”, and make them about yourself and your
feelings, like, “I feel frustrated when this happens.” It’s less
accusatory, sparks less defensiveness, and helps the other person
understand your point of view rather than feeling attacked.
Look for Compromise Instead of trying to ‘win’ the argument, look for
solutions that meet everybody’s needs. Either compromise, or a new
solution that gives you both what you want most, this focus is much more
effective than one person getting what they want at the other’s
expense.
Take a Time-Out: Sometimes tempers get heated and it’s just too
difficult to continue a discussion without it becoming an argument or a
fight. If you feel yourself or your partner starting to get too angry to
be constructive, or showing some destructive communication patterns,
it’s okay to take a break from the discussion until you both cool off.
Sometimes good communication means knowing when to take a break.
Don’t Give Up: While taking a break from the discussion is sometimes a
good idea, always come back to it. If you both approach the situation
with a constructive attitude, mutual respect, and a willingness to see
the other’s point of view or at least find a solution, you can make
progress toward the goal of a resolution to the conflict. Unless it’s
time to give up on the relationship, don’t give up on communication.
Ask For Help If You Need It: If one or both of you has trouble staying
respectful during conflict, or if you’ve tried resolving conflict with
your partner on your own and the situation just doesn’t seem to be
improving, you might benefit from a few sessions with a therapist.
Couples counseling or family therapy can provide help with altercations
and teach skills to resolve future conflict. If your partner doesn’t
want to go, you can still often benefit from going alone.
Tips:
Remember that the goal of effective communication skills should be
mutual understanding and finding a solution that pleases both parties,
not ‘winning’ the argument or ‘being right’.
This doesn’t work in every situation, but sometimes (if you’re having a
conflict in a romantic relationship) it helps to hold hands or stay
physically connected as you talk. This can remind you that you still
care about each other and generally support one another.
Keep in mind that it’s important to remain respectful of the other person, even if you don’t like their actions.
Here's a list of common unhealthy ways to handle conflict. Do you do
some of these? If so, your poor communication skills could be causing
additional stress in your life.