I need support with this question so I can learn better.
I'm a girl and I'm in love with my best, close friend, who is also a girl, and we are too close, we hug really tight for too long, we tell each other everything and we are there for each other when we need, we are only friends for 8month, from the first day of school she was very friendly with me, she asked me out to go shopping and cinema with her and we didn't even know each other that days, it was my second week of my school that she asked me out(we're 16), and she hug me a lot, more than a lot, she always hold my hand or put her hand around my arm. when we were in swimming pool, i was hugging her all the time and carry her around because she said she dont know how to swim very well but her feet was on the ground but she wanted me to hug her! and she accidently touch my vagina but she touched it again after while (with her feet) so i dont think it was accident... 5weeks ago i had a sleepover with her and we went to bed and wanted to sleep but we decided to watch horror film, she hold my hand and put her head on my arm and we start watching film and she was waiting for scary part of the movie to come but she felt asleep when the movie pass only 10min, so i put the laptop away and she wokeup because i move to put laptop away and she said lets watch porn and we lye on the bed when our heads were too close and stick together and i put a porn on my phone and we watched lots of them and then she said lets watch lesbian ones, and after that movie finished, we hugged each other and kissed ( she first put her hand around my waist and then i hugged her, so she start the kiss), (our first kiss)
from the day that we came to school after the kiss( we kissed on friday night) she keep singing the katy perry song i kissed a girl all the time when she's around me! i dont know why!!! but we didnt talk about the kiss after that night but i cant stop thinking about it.
i tried to ask her why she kissed me but i didnt!
i'm madly in love with her but i dont want to ruin my close friendship with her,
i dont know what to do! how can i ask her or why she keep singing that song? is it a hint to make me ask her? i'm confused a bit :D
Last week her bf best friend was talking to me and he said so you kissed my best friend ex( she told me that they broke up but they didnt, i will explain it. Carry on with reading it :D)
And i asked my friend how can he know that we kissed and she told me i told my ex bf( they were together on that time) and she told me that" i have told you that how i felt weird about the kiss" but she didnt actually and then i ended the conversation!
she always try to hold my hand when we are walking next to each other :D and i let her because i love too.
and she sometimes( most of the time) come really close as our chest stick together and if i or she come a bit closer we will kiss each other, it happend everyday i can say( we see each other everyday in school) and it happened in sleepover before the kiss too.
but something happened here, she lied to me 2 weeks ago that she broke up with her bf i dont know why, she send me their messages that they broke up and he dumped her but after 3 days i told her that i know that they didnt broke up( i understand because the way she talked about him). i told her in the past that if someone lie to me i will never talk to her/him again. so yeah i didnt talk with her from that day and now i sit far from her in break times in school( i used to sit always by her ) in math and English we should sit together so i cant help that, in math i try not to help her but i endup with helping her and she try to hold my hand( because my hands are always warm)(in math class) she put her feet around my feet under the table( she used to do this in the past after kiss too) and sometimes in English class she doesnt stop staring at me but i carry on with my work. i cant stop thinking about her but i dont want to talk with her either because she lied and she acted that she broke up!
i really love her, when she hold my hand or put her foot around my foot or even come really close to me( while sitting on the chair in class) butterflies in my stomach start to fly. its really crazy!
On wednesday in math class she suddenly came too close when i was sitting on chair( she was sitting on chair as well) she hugged me very tight while i was looking at the board( she hugged from the side) and she stick her nose to my cheek and if i looked at her our lips were stick together as well but i didnt make a move because i didnt even wanted to talk with her and we were in class!
I'm confused a bit! Why she is doing this all! If she wants to be with me why she talk about her boy friend and she compare me and him a lot! That i have better hands than him etc. why she lied!?
what should i do now?