help with grammar and how to improve my introduction

User Generated

tsyntt

Humanities

Description

NHTI NHTI has a variety of positive amenities that make it such a wonderful school. I choose NHTI for many different reasons and some are used in my essay. NHTI is a good place to come across new people. The education at this school is good. NHTI is in a safe part of Concord which makes it a good school to go to.

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Explanation & Answer

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NHTI has a variety of positive amenities that make it a wonderful school. I chose NHTI for many different reasons and some are used in my essay. NHTI is a good place to come across new people. The education at this school is good. NHTI is in a safe part of Concord which makes it a good school to go to.

Above is as is with grammar fixed.  Below are edits that might help your introduction flow better:


NHTI has a variety of amenities that make it a wonderful school.  I chose NHTI for many different reasons, one being that it is a great place to meet new people.  Other reasons I chose NHTI include the exemplary academic  standards and the fact that the campus is in a safe part of Concord.  All of these reasons make NHTI an excellent school to attend.  


More notes:

You have a good start here.  I'm not sure of the context of the essay, because you haven't included the prompt, but you could also try adding some more "positive" aspects of the school to add to your intro's length.  For example, you could talk about how the program you're interested in is top notch.  ("My interest in chemistry lured me to NHTI, where the organic chemistry program is exceptional.")


I hope that helps, and good luck with the rest of your essay!

Please let me know if you need any clarification. I'm always happy to answer your questions.


Anonymous
I was struggling with this subject, and this helped me a ton!

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