Please Revise My Paper

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timer Asked: Nov 4th, 2015

Question Description

Career report (2).docx 

This is my original paper


Career report.docx.pdf 


Here are comments that you must look and follow to revise my paper


************* Important : You have to make every correction according to those comments ********************

I've got " fail " on this paper... Please do all your best to make me pass this paper...

This is my last chance to re-submit my paper.

The due date for this is Nov 5, 2015 11:55 PM.

Thanks



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Career plan Junho Lee 10/08/2015 Career plan I have always had an interest in the banking sector, which led me to decide to take on international business as a major. I hope to be a loans officer in one of America's leading banks or an insurance agent in a reputable organization. However, my first preference is to be a loans officer. As a loans officer, my work will encompass the issuing of loans and the investigation whether firms are fit to receive loans. Apart from the responsibilities mentioned above, as a loans officer, a crucial part of my job will be that of ensuring that those companies seeking loans have insurance cover. To prepare adequately for my future career, I have worked on qualities that will bolster my chances of success as a loans officer. These qualities include; - discipline, drive, competitiveness, and reliability. Control is highly valued virtue. Thus, an agent should demonstrate utmost discipline (Weert, Frans, 2011). In addition to these requirements, I hope to bank and improve on my strengths that include hard work and my adventurous nature. As a loans officer, my job will involve seeking of potential clients and scrutinizing their financial statements. This work will require my adventurous nature coupled with my hard work to lead me into untouched territories and capitalize on them. My family has been my pillar of strength, guiding me through school and in my career path. Despite this, I still encounter challenges in my pursuit of this goal. Being of Korean origin, I am not very fluent in English. As I carry out my job in America, I will be expected to communicate with my clients in English, and this poses a challenge. I also am naturally a taciturn kind of person, but communication is key in banking. It is my hope that as once I join Coles Business School; I will continue to work on my English. The class interaction sessions between professors and my fellow students will have a positive impact on my quite nature and poor English. Career plan However, after the establishment of my basic personality requirements, the next challenge is to develop educationally. I believe that knowledge of banking will give me an insight into the world of banking. As a credit officer, I need to understand how banks operate as a base on which to build on as a loans officer. Knowledge of banking will enlighten me on the kind of loans I should give as a loans officer. To help me attain this knowledge, I hope to study banking as a course at school. Insurance goes hand in hand with the giving of loans. I need to have sufficient knowledge on insurance covers and how they are acquired to be able to ascertain whether my clients meet the criteria for awarding of loans. Taking up an insurance course will be of benefit to my career path. Flexibility is a trait I consider crucial as a loans officer. From my research, every client is unique, with some making individual demands. As such, I will need to be flexible enough to be as customer-specific as possible. On researching, there are different towns that certain careers would thrive. For loan officers, New York, and Chicago have the highest projected growth for loan officers with earnings of $56,490 as per BLS. These agents get employed by banks, commercial lenders, business entities, mortgage firms, and insurance companies. I also anticipate that in the next ten years, I will be working as an insurance agent who earns an average annual wage of $46,770 with the best states for an operation being Los Angeles and Boston. Apart from working for a required grade point average of 2.8, I plan on undertaking additional courses after school and attending workshops to boost my career. I plan on signing up for accounting classes and sitting for exams that will make me a certified public accountant. Since I want to expand my professional network, I also plan on seeking membership in the American Bankers Association and attending some of the several workshops it organizes (Sethi et.al, 2011). Career plan Coles College of Business would be a very suitable environment where I can gain the knowledge necessary to provide me a foundation. The courses offered are very suitable to my line of career. Global accounting offered at the college is insightful. It gives me a deeper understanding of the banking industry around the globe. I might later gain interest in working for a multinational or banks outside America and knowledge of global accounting will give me a foundation. With interest in insurance, insurance markets and structures offered at the college takes me through the world of insurance. The rigorous teaching with patient professors enables me to thrive academically while a good curriculum will ensure my mastery of the skills I require for my future job. Coles College of business is a place I was also hoping to guide me into creating conversations with my fellow colleagues, a skill that is crucial for my job. REFERENCES Sethi, Jyotsna, and Nishwan Bhatia. Elements of Banking and Insurance / \c Jyotsna Sethi, Nishwan Bhatia. , 2011. Print. Weert, Frans . Bank and Insurance Capital Management. Hoboken, N.J: Wiley, 2011. Print. Career report.docx by 372221 User FILE CAREER_REPORT .DOCX (23.13K) T IME SUBMIT T ED 08-OCT -2015 11:41PM WORD COUNT 865 SUBMISSION ID 582279873 CHARACT ER COUNT 4283 Junho, Please work closely with the Coles Writing Coach to improve the clarity of your writing. Also be sure to follow the assignment guidelines carefully. Isn't the correct term "loan" officer? coverage a - What information are you citing here? The previous paragraph had a lot of information about job responsibilities. This section seems like it would fit better there. quiet These two ideas seem like they should be different paragraphs. where are ing What is your source for this information? hope will Career report.docx GRADEMARK REPORT FINAL GRADE GENERAL COMMENTS /0 Instructor PAGE 1 QM Assignment Guidelines Your essay does not f ollow all of the assignment guidelines. Review the assignment caref ully. For example, if the assignment guidelines ask you to write between 750-850 words, make sure that you stay within that word count. Writing too f ew words might mean an essay that is not well developed enough, and writing more than 850 words might mean that you have gone into too much detail or veered of f topic. Guidelines are given f or a reason, and violating them can send the message that you don't care enough to f ollow them. For more practice with this concept, complete the "Reading Critically" exercise in Learning Curve. Additional Comment MLA f ormat Text Comment. Junho, Please work closely with the Coles Writing Coach to improve the clarity of your writing. Also be sure to f ollow the assignment guidelines caref ully. PAGE 2 Text Comment. Isn't the correct term "loan" of f icer? Strikethrough. Strikethrough. Text Comment. QM coverage Word Choice Be sure the word you use means what you think it does. T his word may not be appropriate in context or may have multiple meanings. Proof read to make sure you are using the correct word or consider using a dif f erent word. One strategy f or proof reading is to read the paper aloud so that you can see and hear the words at the same time. You can also try reading the paper backwards, sentence by sentence, starting with the last sentence. For more practice with this concept, complete the "Building Vocabulary" exercise in Learning Curve. Strikethrough. QM Text Comment. a Text Comment. - Text Comment. What inf ormation are you citing here? Unclear Wording Be certain that your readers can understand your meaning. Is the subject of your phrase clear? Is the pronoun clearly ref erring to a certain noun, or is that ref erence ambiguous? If you are not sure how to make your writing clearer, try explaining it out loud to someone and recording yourself . Your new explanation is probably a good start. For more practice with this concept, complete the "Coordination and Subordination" exercise in Learning Curve. Text Comment. T he previous paragraph had a lot of inf ormation about job responsibilities. T his section seems like it would f it better there. Strikethrough. Strikethrough. QM Comma (Missing) T his sentence is missing a comma. Leaving out commas can interf ere with the meaning of a sentence. For more practice with this concept, complete the "Commas"exercise in Learning Curve. Strikethrough. Strikethrough. Text Comment. quiet PAGE 3 QM Unclear Wording Be certain that your readers can understand your meaning. Is the subject of your phrase clear? Is the pronoun clearly ref erring to a certain noun, or is that ref erence ambiguous? If you are not sure how to make your writing clearer, try explaining it out loud to someone and recording yourself . Your new explanation is probably a good start. For more practice with this concept, complete the "Coordination and Subordination" exercise in Learning Curve. Strikethrough. QM Unclear Wording Be certain that your readers can understand your meaning. Is the subject of your phrase clear? Is the pronoun clearly ref erring to a certain noun, or is that ref erence ambiguous? If you are not sure how to make your writing clearer, try explaining it out loud to someone and recording yourself . Your new explanation is probably a good start. For more practice with this concept, complete the "Coordination and Subordination" exercise in Learning Curve. Text Comment. T hese two ideas seem like they should be dif f erent paragraphs. Strikethrough. Strikethrough. Strikethrough. QM Word Choice Be sure the word you use means what you think it does. T his word may not be appropriate in context or may have multiple meanings. Proof read to make sure you are using the correct word or consider using a dif f erent word. One strategy f or proof reading is to read the paper aloud so that you can see and hear the words at the same time. You can also try reading the paper backwards, sentence by sentence, starting with the last sentence. For more practice with this concept, complete the "Building Vocabulary" exercise in Learning Curve. Strikethrough. Strikethrough. Strikethrough. QM Word Choice Be sure the word you use means what you think it does. T his word may not be appropriate in context or may have multiple meanings. Proof read to make sure you are using the correct word or consider using a dif f erent word. One strategy f or proof reading is to read the paper aloud so that you can see and hear the words at the same time. You can also try reading the paper backwards, sentence by sentence, starting with the last sentence. For more practice with this concept, complete the "Building Vocabulary" exercise in Learning Curve. Text Comment. where Strikethrough. QM Comma (Unnecessary) Review comma rules to make sure you have a reason f or including one. For more practice with this concept, complete the "Commas" exercise in Learning Curve. QM Text Comment. ing Text Comment. are Citing Sources When using any inf ormation f rom an outside source, you must provide documentation about where you f ound it. Doing so adds to your credibility as a writer. For this assignment, you are using MLA style. In-text citations in MLA style include the author's or authors' last name(s) and the page number, if there is one. If your source has no author, use the f irst f ew words of the title in quotations; however, consider whether you could f ind the same inf ormation in a more reliable source. You must provide citation inf ormation f or any outside research you include in your writing. For more practice with this concept, complete the "Working with Sources (MLA)" exercise in Learning Curve. Strikethrough. Text Comment. What is your source f or this inf ormation? PAGE 4 Strikethrough. QM Word Choice Be sure the word you use means what you think it does. T his word may not be appropriate in context or may have multiple meanings. Proof read to make sure you are using the correct word or consider using a dif f erent word. One strategy f or proof reading is to read the paper aloud so that you can see and hear the words at the same time. You can also try reading the paper backwards, sentence by sentence, starting with the last sentence. For more practice with this concept, complete the "Building Vocabulary" exercise in Learning Curve. Strikethrough. Strikethrough. QM Unclear Wording Be certain that your readers can understand your meaning. Is the subject of your phrase clear? Is the pronoun clearly ref erring to a certain noun, or is that ref erence ambiguous? If you are not sure how to make your writing clearer, try explaining it out loud to someone and recording yourself . Your new explanation is probably a good start. For more practice with this concept, complete the "Coordination and Subordination" exercise in Learning Curve. Text Comment. Strikethrough. hope will
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