Can someone proofread my college app personal statement?

timer Asked: Oct 29th, 2012

Question Description

And can someone help me shorten it? I need it to be 400 words maximum!

My father is a recovering alcholic, and while he may be alcohol free for a couple months, a good majority of the time he isn’t.His erratic behavior has always scared me, and I feel that this affected me the most my freshman and junior years. Because of this my siblings and I were only allowed contact with him when he was sober. Unfortunately, he was not dependable, and his random “in and out” presence in my life greatly affected me. I would go from having the best dad in the world to someone I dreaded talking to. I tried talking to him about giving up drinking, and he would for some time. Those are the moments I like to remember him by; the times when he would laugh at my stories, when he called me “flaka”, his special nickname for me, or when he would always take me to get a Big Mac after school because he wanted some father-daughter time. I hate remembering his alcoholic self, the person he becomes is completely unlike him. He’s rude, judgemental and uncaring. He would shout obscenities at me about my mom and when he was really angry he’d compare me to her; for fear of losing my relationship with him, I never mentioned this to my mom my freshman year. Pressure from school and home really got to me, and I began to feel depressed. Finally talking to my mother helped, and I was not allowed to speak to him all through sophomore year. He reappeared my junior year, and he had been sober for 8 months. We were allowed to see him again, but little by little he began to slip. This time though, I knew that I had to discontinue communication with him. I attempted working things out with him but it was to no avail. So at the end of my junior year we stopped keeping in contact. Since then my family has moved cities, phone number and school. It was a hard decision on stopping communication with my father, but I had to start looking at my and my siblings well-being. We needed a constant in out life, and unfortunately my father was not that. I am greatly working on keeping good grades my senior year. I want to become a pediatrician, and I will work hard on achieving this.

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