Rewrite the essay

Anonymous
timer Asked: Mar 30th, 2017

Question Description

Here is the evaluation for the essay

Evaluation Essay

CriteriaRatingsPts

This criterion is linked to a Learning OutcomeIntroductionview longer description

A+

5.0 pts

A-

4.5 pts

B

4.0 pts

C

3.5 pts

D

3.0 pts

F

2.0 pts

No Marks

0.0 pts

5.0 pts

This criterion is linked to a Learning OutcomeConclusionview longer description

A+

5.0 pts

A-

4.5 pts

B

4.0 pts

C

3.5 pts

D

2.0 pts

F

2.0 pts

No Marks

0.0 pts

5.0 pts

This criterion is linked to a Learning OutcomeThesis & Follow-Throughview longer description

A+

10.0 pts

A-

9.0 pts

B

8.0 pts

C

7.0 pts

D

6.0 pts

No Marks

0.0 pts

10.0 pts

This criterion is linked to a Learning OutcomeEvidence with Correct Quote Sandwichview longer description

A+

20.0 pts

A

19.0 pts

A-

18.0 pts

B

17.0 pts

B-

16.0 pts

C

15.0 pts

D

14.0 pts

No Marks

0.0 pts

20.0 pts

This criterion is linked to a Learning OutcomeMLA Formatting: quotations, document formatting, works cited

A=

10.0 pts

A-

9.0 pts

B

8.0 pts

C

7.0 pts

D

6.0 pts

No Marks

0.0 pts

10.0 pts

This criterion is linked to a Learning OutcomeEvidence of Counter Argument

A+

10.0 pts

A-

9.0 pts

B

8.0 pts

C

7.0 pts

D

6.0 pts

No Marks

0.0 pts

10.0 pts

This criterion is linked to a Learning OutcomeSentence Variety, Word Choice, Transitions & Style

A+

20.0 pts

A

19.0 pts

A-

18.0 pts

B

17.0 pts

B-

16.0 pts

C

15.0 pts

D

14.0 pts

No Marks

0.0 pts

20.0 pts

This criterion is linked to a Learning OutcomeGrammar, Punctuation, Spelling

A+

20.0 pts

A

19.0 pts

A-

18.0 pts

B

17.0 pts

B-

16.0 pts

C

15.0 pts

D

14.0 pts

No Marks

0.0 pts

20.0 pts

Total Points: 100.0


Here is the comment from my teacher

Your essay did not follow through on its thesis. You made many intriguing points, but they were not linked together with a strong thesis development. Please feel free to chat with me on Tuesday between 9-12 am. I will be opening a chat and inviting all students, where we can discuss your essay more, should you want to.

Here is the prompt

Prompt: Page Length: 3-4 pages (do not go over 4 pages—less is more. Make every word count, and repeat this mantra: “Quality, not quantity.”)

Process Points: Your process points account for 5% of your essay grade. If you do not have the process stages ready in class when they are due, you will lose these points on your essay grade. Peer review accounts for another 5% of your essay.

I incorporate process points because I have years of experience watching students procrastinate on the very most basic aspects of their essays. I am also teaching you a technique to break down writing assignments into workable steps—this is something you can use your whole life.

Making an Evaluation

For this essay, you will need to create an evaluation of Daughter from Danang or The Gangster We Are All Looking For. When you write an evaluation essay, you are making an overall judgment of your topic, backing up your judgment with explanation and support, and then finally returning to your evaluation in the conclusion—either by restating it, or adding a new twist to it. Unlike a personal narrative of a remembered event, the supporting paragraphs in the heart of your essay come from evidence rather than personal memory.

A sample evaluation:

The Gangster We Are All Looking For deliberately confuses the reader. It incorporates dream-states and real-life states to give us a glimpse into the narrator’s child-like mind.

Your essay has to contain the following sections:

  1. Introductory paragraph that either gives background to your subject or states your evaluation.
  2. At least three body paragraphs that support your evaluation through examples from the text or film. You can place your thesis in the beginning of the second paragraph if your first paragraph gives background information.
  3. A conclusion.

In addition, your essay must handle the following two concerns:

  • Another important aspect of an evaluation is your anticipation of other viewpoints. You can easily incorporate your understanding of other viewpoints by devoting one of your body paragraphs to possible objections. This is known as counterarguing.

Example: Heidi Bub is a selfish American girl, who does not have enough cultural sensitivity to understand her Vietnamese family.

Possible counterargument/objection: Yes, but she was ill-prepared to face the cultural differences.

Alternative counterargument: Yes, but the film manipulates us into thinking she is ignorant. We don’t know the “real” Heidi Bub.

Solution: A series of sentences that address one of these objections. “While” clauses are helpful here.

While it may seem that Heidi Bub was ill-prepared for her journey to Vietnam, common sense suggests otherwise. Indeed, she would have sufficient information about Vietnam stored in her personal memory (after all, she left at age 7) to realize the need for intensive preparation. Had Heidi left her homeland at a younger age, her lack of understanding would be more palatable. In the film, however, it comes off as downright ignorant. (You could insert a piece of dialogue from the film here.)

  1. This leads to the second important concern:

To support your evaluation, you will need to bring in evidence. Read handout called the quote sandwich.

If you choose to write about the film for your essay, please do consult the transcript of the film for your citation purposes: Link (Links to an external site.)

Here is what you have to write first

You may rewrite one essay and include a 250 word cover page describing what changes you undertook, and why.

the movie link Link (Links to an external site.)

Ruyun Xiao Mary Cudahy EWRT 1A 01/30/17 Life Experience Narrative November 4, 2008, is a day that will forever etch in my mind. This froths from the declaration of Barrack Obama as the first African-American president defeating John McCain in the heavily contested U.S elections. Not only did it cause significance change in my point of view of things, but also it caused a worldwide impact more saw to the black community. Days following the election had proved an unprecedented victory for the former Illinois State Senator. History for a long time has symbolized the black community to oppression under the supremacist cruel hands. Thus, the election of Barrack Obama was a clear contradiction to Malcolm X’s assertion on the viewpoint that black equality was impossible under the envisaged policy of capitalism. As well his election represented a change in beliefs and attitudes. This observation on history in the making presented a unique identity in my view of things. One of the reasons for this special significance instilled in me is the need to have selfbelief. This is articulated by Obama’s move to do the unthinkable. His action of running for the highest position in a country despite coming from a lowly perceived race may be perceived as an uncalculated move. Nonetheless, he is able to counter this allusion and goes ahead to win the seat. As a result, self-belief is nurtured in me which is fundamental in getting a handle on life. Furthermore, this invoked virtue can further be propagated to others from this example set by Barrack. Similarly, this experience contributed significantly in mitigating my procreated attitudes on a certain class of people. Initially, white supremacists had made me believe that only white people have the power to succeed and in a tremendous manner. Hence, I highly degraded minority groups with the perception that they cannot amount to anything worthwhile. Also, the media’s portrayal of violence elicited by some of the races such as the black people procreated a demeanor to this class of people. Nonetheless, the above misconceptions were widely alluded by Obama’s election. Also, some of the events leading up to the end of his tenure during his time in office further alleviated the abovementioned misconceptions. This has helped me to embrace people from minority groups as opposed to earlier on. Additionally, it has helped me in fighting for their strained rights and in creating awareness of the need to treat them equally. Thus, based on the above analogy from my experiences two lessons may be derived. One of the lessons is how an event can help to change an attitude. This is as succinctly described above; thus an individual should take time and reflect on an experience as it may cause a sudden change in a settled way of feeling or thinking. Also, an experience may have the impact of instilling a certain virtue. Therefore, an individual should churn something out of their experiences in a bid to building their moral standards. Correspondingly, experiences should not be taken for granted like any other recurring event; instead, it should be taken as a learning experience.

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