Univ 4010 Don’t Wait to Cherish It Only When You Lose It The beliefs simply explained are the principles of your life. People’s beliefs are in the process of continuous accumulation of experience, which leads your life direction. My beliefs that frame my outlook on the world is “don’t wait to cherish it only when you lose it.” After my mother left me, I know that most of the time I missed and so regret that I didn’t cherish the time I spent with her. This essay tell a story about me and my mother. After my mother passed away because of lung cancer, I think deeply about my belief which we all should cherish people around us, and never think they will not leave us. Because life is short and unpredictable, and we never know what is going to happen in the future. We will never know if the people we talk with today, will be there tomorrow. When I was around age three, my parents were divorced. After that, my mother’s company was bankruptcy. At that time, it was hard for my mom to find a new job who just graduated from high school, and had no skills. However, my aunt had a chance that my mother could immigrate to the U.S, and my mother did not hesitate to move to a better country. Since the visa problem, she couldn’t take me with her together, and the only price she needed to pay was leaving me. Therefore, I lived with my father and my step-mother until I was eighteen. My mother applied for a visa for me to move to America when I was eighteen. Before that, I spent my whole childhood without her. I was so averse coming to America to live with her. I don’t like all the things she has done to me. I hated that she abandoned me when I was little, and I hated that she didn’t give all the love that belongs between mother and daughter. However, Came to the U.S was seem a good chance for to develop my studies, so I came to U.S to live with her when I was 18 years old. My mother seemed want to make up all the love she missed. She treated me like I was a baby. She always cooked a lot of delicious food for me, and she spent more than two hours to prepare something that I really like. She cut all my fruit into small pieces, and brought it to my room. I could tell how hard she was trying to fix our relationship, and how much she loved me. However, even though I could feel it, I still refused any love she gave to me. Perhaps that time I was not mature enough to express my love, and perhaps I was getting used to the way she treated me. I was addicted to being a little princess and enjoyed her spoiling. I started to have a bad temper with her, and I was unsatisfied and picky about everything she did for me. I become a dependent adult. I didn’t know how to drive, and didn’t know how to pay bills, and didn’t even study at that time. I have came to America for three years, and I didn’t dare to speak English at all, and I was afraid to talk to strangers. In winter of 2014, My mother started feeling pain in her back. She went to see a doctor, and the doctor said maybe she pulled a muscle, and she did not stopping working. When she felt she couldn’t bear the pain, she took an x-ray which showed there was a shadow on her lung. Unfortunately, she was diagnosed with stage four lung cancer. Then it was a long and suffering treatment process until she found oral chemotherapy medication that really worked for her illness, and that was already six months after she was diagnosed. Right after I heard she was diagnosed with lung cancer, I dropped all my classes and tried to focus on her daily life. I cooked for her, drove her to all the hospital all day, and cleaned the house. I think those were the basic responsibilities that a daughter could do. I tried to be nice to her, and did not quarrel with her if she disagreed with me. We ate healthily, and cooperated with doctor’s treatments to live healthily, just like cancer patient life style. After she accepted a period of chemotherapy treatment, her condition gradually stabilized. People couldn’t even tell she was sick. She did not lose hair, started getting fat, and we could see the smile on her face again. That was the time I started to relax my vigilance and let her take care of herself. That was also the wrong choice, that I tried to avoid the daughter’s responsibilities after she got better. Perhaps I was so exhausted to take care a cancer patient myself, but I didn’t know the feeling she left me. The feeling of regret was hurting much more than the feeling of exhaustion. If cancer patients are well taken care of, they have a stage that looks as healthy as normal people. I let her take care of herself; she cooked for herself, drove herself, even went see the doctor by herself. I started going to school, started working, even traveled with my friends on Christmas Eve. I did not know that was the last Christmas I could spend with her. She prepared a pair of UGG shoes as my Christmas gift and spent a lonely night by herself. Everything happened so fast. In the third year of her treatment, she felt short of breath one night, so I drove her to USC emergency. We did not know there was so many patients were waiting to have treatment, and we were waiting about two hours for a room to let her lay down. Then the nurse tested her pulse and her blood pressure. Since there was no doctor available, we were waiting for one day, and she finally was sent into ICU. Even though I know she was tortured during her whole cancer treatment, the time she was being rescued still is the moment I do not want to recall. That was toughest time for both of us. Her body was covered with many tubes, and she was wearing an oxygen hood to support her breathing. Her life just relied on that breathing machine. Because of the injection of morphine to release her pain, most of the time she was sleeping. All her friends came to see her. They cried badly, and they did not imagine that this moment had came so fast. I dropped all my classes, quit my job,because I was in no mood for studying. Most of my time accompanied with her even though she was sleeping. I wanted to talk to her that how much I loved her; how much I would miss her if she left me, and how regret I was that we hadn’t done so many things together. I was like a hedgehog which full of stab. Sometimes I hurt her, but she did not give up on me. There were too many things I regret, but too late. I did not cherish her until I found I was going to lose her. My mom was gone 3 days after she was sent to ICU room. That night the nurse injected some morphine, and she was gone like a sleeping baby. She closed her eyes with no ferocious expression, and she seemed she did not suffer any pain at that moment. I did not cry as hard as I imagined, maybe my tears already dried those days. Even though my mom had left me, I think she was somewhere watching me, protecting me, and always being with me. The story of me and my mom really brings me to think about my life. Why we are so indifferent to the people we love? Maybe we thought even though we hurt them so bad, and they will never leave us. After that, I try to be nice to everyone around me, because they are appear in my life for a reason. Either they appear to love me; teach me or accompany with me, and I have no reason to hurt them. I am afraid once they leave, they will never come back. Do not wait to cherish it until you lose it.
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