peer review

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You will give focused, targeted feedback to two of your peers by answering the questions in the attachment here:


Note: Peer review is an important step in the writing process, so please answer the questions provided with details and examples to help your peers and earn full credit. Skipped questions or short yes/no answers are not helpful for students who are looking to improve upon their projects, so make sure to explain what needs to be revised and make suggestions for improvement. Your peers will appreciate honest constructive comments.

Also, peer review is meant to help not only your peers but also yourself. By reviewing and thinking critically about others' work, you actually learn what you should do and what you should avoid in your own project. Please note that your participation and reviews will be graded.

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Peer Review Questions Questions about the Cause-and-Effect Paper 1. What is your first impression of this draft? How effectively does the title draw you into the paper? Why? What part(s) of the text are especially effective for showing a causeand-effect relationship? 2. How well does the writer stay on track? If he or she loses focus, where does it happen? 3. How logical is the paper? What strengths and weaknesses do you see in the writer's logic? 4. Discuss the effectiveness of the introduction? What suggestions can you make to improve the introduction? 5. What is the author's thesis or main point? How could it be expressed or supported more effectively? 6. In the main part of the paper, what parts need more explanation? Where would you like more details or examples? 7. How credible is the writer's case that a relationship exists? How credible are his or her sources? 8. Explain how visuals such as charts, tables, graphs, or photographs help the writer to explain or support his or her claims about causes and/or effects more simply and clearly. 9. How clearly and effectively does the writer present any opposing points of view on this subject? How effectively does he or she answer opposing viewpoints? 10. What could be added or changed to make the conclusion more effective? To what extent does it make you want to learn more about this topic? 11. What are the main weaknesses of this paper? How might the writer improve the text? Questions about the Multimodal Component and Analysis 1. For the multimodal component, comment on the visual(s) and/or other media used and make suggestions for improvement: a. How clearly and effectively do they support or explain the cause-effect relationship? b. How well do they reflect the writer’s intended audience, purpose, and genre selection? c. How effectively are they designed/composed and integrated? 2. For the analysis, comment on the writer’s rhetorical decisions and make suggestions for improvement: a. Discuss how the writer explains his or design choices, use of the rhetorical appeals (ethos, pathos, logos), and other strategies. b. Explain how the writer relates these rhetorical decisions to his or her intended audience, purpose, and genre selection. Jonathan Jones ENG 102 July 11, 2017 Mexican-American in Mexico In the generation that we live in today, most of the people are of a mixed race. Everywhere we turn we can see the years of cross reproduction between different human races. I fall in that category because my father is African-American and my mother is Mexican. I am proud of my heritage, but it is far too often that you hear of discrimination toward those of a mixed race. Whether the other person is jealous or full of hate, discrimination exists today. In my case, discrimination takes place in two things that I love, Mexico and baseball. I am currently in Mexico playing in the Liga Mexicana de Beisbol or Professional Mexican Baseball League. Up until a few years ago, I was not recognized as a Mexican simply because I was not born in Mexico. I have Mexican blood flowing through me just like any Mexican that was born within the borders of Mexico, but since I am a Mexican-American, I pose as a threat. In the league that I am in, Liga Mexicana de Beisbol, there was a multi-year battle regarding Mexican-Americans. The owners and the league went back and forth regarding if Mexican-Americans can play in the league as natives. It is a shock to me that even being a Mexican born abroad does not allow you to be seen as a Mexican in the Mexican Baseball League. The advantages of playing baseball here in Mexico as a native far outweighs the benefits of playing as an import player. Playing as a native allows a greater chance to play for one of the 16 teams in the league. There are 30 roster spots on every team and only six of those spots can be occupied by a foreign import player. Import players also have to produce positive results every game that they play in. When there are so little roster spots for an import player, they are easily replaceable, but when you play as a native in Mexico, you can play for as long as you are healthy. Luckily for me, in 2016, the league passed the rule that all Mexicans born abroad can play as natives in Mexico. The fight between the owners was a long and intense debate. Eight owners complained that Mexican-Americans will take jobs away from the Mexican born players. They believe that Mexican-Americans have an advantage over the Mexican born player because of the better circumstances in which they come from. The owner of Tigres de Quintana Roo, resigned last year and sold his team because he did not agree with the passing of the rule (Gomez, 2017). His argument was that Mexico was not protecting their national talent. Other owners who were in disagreement with the rule, refuse to sign MexicanAmericans to play for their team. They want to give chances to Mexicans born in Mexico. This I do not agree with because many owners hold their players back from playing in advanced baseball. There are currently only 13 Mexican born Major League Baseball Players. Out of 130,000,000 people who live in Mexico, there are only 13 players in the MLB (Baseball Almanac). I believe by allowing Mexican-Americans to play as natives in Mexico, the level of play will increase which allow more Mexican born players to become better and reach the Major Leagues. The “new generation” owners, believe that having Mexican-Americans, Pochos, in the league will help baseball in Mexico. The level of play will increase and a better brand of baseball will be played in Mexico (Bencomo). The fans here in Mexico love watching high intense baseball and having Mexican-Americans here in the league allows nothing but positives. The league will make more money because more and more fans will come to the games. The level of respect for the league will increase as well. Once before, this league was considered as an older league where “washed” up players existed. That is not the case anymore, young and fresh crop of Mexican-Americans come into the league every year ready to prove themselves and to continue playing the game that they love. Playing in the Liga Mexicana de beisbol as a native has provided many positives for myself. I am finally making a living playing baseball. When I was in the minor leagues, I was making around $1,600 a month for six months out of the year. Here in Mexico, I am making $8,000 a month for six months. Here is the best part, since I am a native of Mexico now, I can play in the Liga Mexicana del Pacifico which is a Mexican winter league that continues after the summer league. This allows me to play for the full year and make money year around. It is such a blessing for me to be recognized as a Mexican-American. If I was not considered a Mexican, I would most likely be out of baseball and no longer playing. Being recognized as a Mexican citizen has helped me continue playing the game I love and provide for my family. The benefits of being recognized as a Mexican-American goes beyond the ability to play baseball here. I am finally recognized as a Mexican citizen and the feeling of happiness cannot be described. I am no longer playing in a country that I felt did not recognize me as being Mexican. One day, I have hopes for playing for Team Mexico. "If they want to play for us and feel they are Mexican because of parents or family, we welcome them," Mexico manager and former Major Leaguer Vinny Castilla said. "They are coming to open arms, and they are still Mexicans to me. They want to represent the country, and they can” (Sanchez, 2009). In 2017, there are ten Mexicans born in the United States on the Team Mexico roster. If it was not for the additional ten Mexican’s born abroad, Team Mexico would not be able to compete with the other countries. This should be the thinking of every owner in the Liga Mexicana de beisbol. It would give more chances of Mexican-Americans to come and fill the roster spots of all 16 teams. It will provide more opportunity for players like me to provide for their families and continue playing the game that they love. References Almanac, I. B. (n.d.). Retrieved July 11, 2017, from http://www.baseballalmanac.com/players/birthplace.php?loc=Mexico&y=2017 Baseball, T. M. (2017, February 08). Les presentamos el Roster Oficial de la Selección Mexicana de Beisbol que disputará el #ClásicoMundialdeBéisbol #WBCJal2017 #TeamMéxico pic.twitter.com/uz7wj6D271. Retrieved July 11, 2017, from https://twitter.com/TeamMexicoBeis/status/829468143030411264 Bencomo, H. (n.d.). La temporada 2017 de la Liga Mexicana de Beisbol se jugará sin límitede 'Pochos'. Retrieved July 08, 2017, fromhttp://www.vanguardia.com.mx/articulo/la-temporada2017-de-la-liga-mexicana-de-beisbol-se-jugara-sin-limite-de-pochos Gomez, E. (2017, April 03). Playing for pride or for a job? Dual-nationals step up forMexico. Retrieved July 08, 2017, fromhttp://www.espn.com/blog/onenacion/post/_/id/6991/playing-forpride-or-for-mlb-job-dual-nationals-step-up-for-team-mexico Sanchez, J. (2009, January 26). Team Mexico taking on old prejudices. Retrieved July 08,2017, from http://m.mlb.com/news/article/3770858// Multimodal Analysis I chose the image of the names of the Mexican born players to show how few of players there are in the Major Leagues. Many owners want only Mexican born players in the Liga Mexican de Beisbol because they want the Mexican players to develop. By inserting this picture, it shows that it would not matter if you let Mexican-Americans in because the level of Mexican players is down. The owners know this information because it is widely known in this country how few of players make it into professional baseball. To me there reasoning is an excuse for deeper issues. To me the main reason may be for economic reasons. Owners do not like to pay Mexican-Americans more than Mexican born players. They would have to because Mexican-Americans have played higher baseball in the states and you have to honor that here in Mexico. I believe it is important to use visuals that are very easy to analyze. I chose that specific image because I want my audience to see how few of Mexican born players there are in the MLB. My audience will then ask the questions as to why owners would not allow MexicanAmericans in as nationals? My audience will then side with my argument to allow as many Mexican-Americans into Mexico as a native. In the second visual, I chose the roster of the 2017 Team Mexico World Baseball Classic roster. I chose this visual because there are 10 players in the roster who were born in the United States. If you want the best talent on one team, you include your nationality despite where you were born. The players believe in their culture and they want to represent their country. Why should they be discriminated against because they simply were not born in Mexico? If Team Mexico can include Mexican-Americans, then I believe the owners who do not approve of Mexican-Americans should rethink their views. This visual is very important for my audience because the top baseball in Mexico allows Mexican-Americans to play for their country. It will show the importance of Mexican-American talent and that it makes Mexico baseball as a whole much more competitive. If the committee for Mexico’s World Baseball Classic can agree that Mexican-Americans can play for Team Mexico, then it is appropriate to allow Pocho’s to play in Mexico as natives. Both of my visuals consist of the rhetorical appeal, Logos. Both visuals show my audience nothing but facts. The data presented is perfectly clear and cannot be determined otherwise. They both include names from the 13 Mexican born baseball players who are currently in the Major Leagues and the roster of Team Mexico in the World Baseball Classic. I believe it was appropriate to use Logos because it would get my point across the best way. What Are Violent Video Games Doing To Our Children? We’ve all heard it. The idea that video games with a high level of brutal, sometime unnecessary violence leads to people commit similar violent acts in real life is not a new one. There are quite a lot of highly publicized cases where extremely violent acts are committed by avid players of violent video games. These correlations led to a great divide in opinions, hence the controversy, where gamers like myself don’t feel like video games make us violent, while people who may not play video games often or at all may come to the logical conclusion that playing violent video games causes violence. However, when looking a little closer at the matter, we can conclude that violent video games do not directly lead to an increase in aggression or violent behavior, but they may have other negative effects such as an increase in depression, addictive behaviors, and other negative mental health effects. Many political view points in the media and among politicians support the idea that extreme violent behavior in the form of school shootings and other mass shootings are the direct result of violent video games. This seems to be a conclusion jumped to by many looking for an explanation for the horrible acts but there are many studies that disprove this theory by looking at the hard evidence. In an article titled ‘The Impact of Degree of Exposure to Violent Video Games, Family Background, and Other Factors on Youth Violence’, DeCamp and Ferguson (2017) concluded that “the results of this research suggest that caution is still warranted over claiming a relationship between violent video games and violent behavior” (p. 397). It seems that there are many more prominent causes of violence and aggression which agrees with the study’s findings as well. “Rather, it is the social and familial background that seems to play a larger role in determining risk of violent behavior instead of video games. Youth who are witness to actual violence in their home, for example, are at greater risk for acting violently” (p. 397). It could be concluded from this study that it isn’t important what video games we let our children play, as long as they have a healthy family life, right? Well there is still more to it. Violent video games may not make your children more aggressive or more likely to commit violent acts but that doesn’t mean there are no downsides. There are still other possible negative effects to playing an excessive amount of violent video games. For example, in a study looking at clinicians attitudes and feelings towards the effects of violent video games on youth, Ferguson (2015) found that ”by far, clinicians worried most about the potential addictive effects of video games with a full 61.5 agreeing with concerns about addiction”. Additionally, “Clinicians also commonly worried (47.7%) about the potential for video games to have negative mental health influences on children” (p. 382). What does this mean? It means we should probably be more worried about the addictive and mental health effects that playing an excessive amount of video games can have. Now this is where we start to get contradictory studies. One study from Ferguson (2015) they looked at kids from 12-18 and found that “current results found little evidence for a causal or correlational relationship between violent video game play and behavioral outcomes” and “also found little evidence to support the belief that violent video games may interact with mental health symptoms in some youth” (p. 407). This contradicts another study by Tortolero (2014), they examined the relationship between video games and depressive symptoms and found that “playing high-violence video games for >2 hours per day is significantly associated with having a higher number of depressive symptoms” (p. 612). I believe the key difference between these two studies is the age of the participants of the study. The first study which finds no significant negative effects looked at older individuals from 12-18 while the other than found a correlation between violent video games and depressive symptoms looked at 10 and 11 year olds. Could the age and stage of a child’s development really have that big of an effect on a video game’s influence? The short answer is yes. Think about how impressionable children are at young ages. How can we expect children to completely separate these virtual worlds from reality when they don’t have the understanding of the world that adults have? So what do we do about it? Do we cut our younger kids off from violent video games? If so, what age do we stop? How do we know what amount of violence is okay and isn’t? Well as it turns out, there is an easy and simple answer to all of these questions. The answer is in the Entertainment Software Rating Board (ESRB). They are a non-profit organization that assigns ratings to video games so that parents like you can make smart, informed decisions about what to let your children play and at what age to let them play. In a study comparing some of the major video game rating organizations around the world, by Dogruel and Joeckel (2013) said “despite crucial differences in the set-up of each of the three systems, there is a common understanding on how to regulate video games for children and adolescents in western democracies” (p. 689). Rating companies like these are very effective at what they do and they’ve been doing it for a long time. As it turns out, the true answer was under our noses all along. References DeCamp, W., & Ferguson, C. (2017). The Impact of Degree of Exposure to Violent Video Games, Family Background, and Other Factors on Youth Violence. Journal Of Youth & Adolescence, 46(2), 388-400. doi:10.1007/s10964-016-0561-8 Dogruel, L., & Joeckel, S. (2013). Video game rating systems in the US and Europe: Comparing their outcomes. International Communication Gazette, 75(7), 672-692. doi:10.1177/1748048513482539 Ferguson, C. J., Barr, H., Figueroa, G., Foley, K., Gallimore, A., LaQuea, R., & ... Garza, A. (2015). Digital poison? Three studies examining the influence of violent video games on youth. Computers In Human Behavior, 50399-410. doi:10.1016/j.chb.2015.04.021 Ferguson, C. J. (2015). Clinicians’ attitudes toward video games vary as a function of age, gender and negative beliefs about youth: A sociology of media research approach. Computers In Human Behavior, 52379386. doi:10.1016/j.chb.2015.06.016 Tortolero, S. R., Peskin, M. F., Baumler, E. R., Cuccaro, P. M., Elliott, M. N., Davies, S. L., & ... Schuster, M. A. (2014). Daily Violent Video Game Playing and Depression in Preadolescent Youth. Cyberpsychology, Behavior & Social Networking, 17(9), 609-615. doi:10.1089/cyber.2014.0091
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Peer Review Questions
Student 1
Topic: What Are Violent Video Games Doing To Our Children?
Questions about the Cause-and-Effect Paper
1. What is your first impression of this draft? How effectively does the title draw you into
the paper? Why? What part(s) of the text are especially effective for showing a causeand-effect relationship?
The first impression of the paper is that it makes the readers curiosity be intense. The title of
the paper effectively attracts the reader who wishes to know what the video games are doing
to the children. The video games are affecting the children hence showing the relationship.
2. How well does the writer stay on track? If he or she loses focus, where does it happen?
The writer is perfectly on track in the explanation of the paper, focusing on the effects of the
video games on children and several criticisms.
3. How logical is the paper? What strengths and weaknesses do you see in the writer's
logic?
The paper is logical; there have numerous debates on the effects of the violent video games
on children and teenagers. The strengths of the writers logic is that they argue from different
peoples view on the topic matter and draws conclusions from them. The weaknesses of the
logic is that they do not clearly indicate those who oppose the idea.
4. Discuss the effectiveness of the introduction? What suggestions can you make to improve
the introduction?
The introduction of the paper is very effective; it is detailed enough about the discussion
topic.
5. What is the author's thesis or main point? How could it be expressed or supported more
effectively?
The main point of the author is to show that the use of violent videos by children does not
make them violent. The thesis can be expressed more effectively by explaining the
proponents of the idea.
6. In the main part of the paper, what parts need more explanation? Where would you like
more details or examples?
More explanation of the effects of the excessive playing of violent games need to be done.
The writer need also to in...


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