Unformatted Attachment Preview
Laura Alvarado
Journal #2
Individual-Based Motivations (Chapter 6)
During this journal I will still be focusing on my boyfriend, Aly, to better
understand the concepts within Close Encounters. Aly and I both meet through mutual
friends and instantly connected with one another. We stayed friends for about eight
months and soon after we started talking, which lasted about another four to five
months and then started dated. Although we got along well together and have many
similarities, our bumps along the road usually dealt with our two different communication
styles. We both self-disclose in different ways and this may be because of the reason
why we choose not to self-disclose, and because of this, we avoid topics with one
another. Throughout this journal, I will discuss one of the motivations as to why people
topic avoid within their interpersonal relationships through individual-based motivations
and how it is present in my current romantic relationship.
Individual-based motivation, as explained in Close Encounters, is when people
avoid specific topics to protect themselves, they may do this to intentionally avoid
specific topics with either their parents, sibling, friends, or within dating relationships
(Guerrero, Anderson, & Afili, 2014). People may do this through one or two directions,
either identity management or privacy maintenance. When someone choosing to avoid
topics because of identity management it is because they are afraid it will ruin their selfimage. As described by (Guerrero, Anderson, & Afili, 2014) “people work hard to project
and maintain a positive image.” And when someone decides to self-disclose information
that they typically avoid talking about, they may find it hard because of “the fear of
embarrassment and criticism, fueled by feelings of vulnerability,”. Another reason why
they may not self-disclose about a specific topic is that they believe the information will
hurt their relationship, people may believe that if they talk about something, the other
person may perceive them in a different way or negatively (Guerrero, Anderson, & Afili,
2014). The other route of topic avoidance through individual-based motivations is by
privacy maintenance, which is when people choose to avoid talking about a specific
topic merely because of the sake of their own privacy. In Close Encounters, they
described that people choose not to disclose is “rooted in individual’ needs for privacy
and autonomy (Guerrero, Anderson, & Afili, 2014).
Throughout my current relationship, there are topics that we both choose to avoid
and usually just leave it at that. I can only assume as to why Aly decides to avoid
precise topics, but I can speak for myself when I say I avoid topics because of both
identity management and privacy maintenance. Three specific topics I choose not to
talk about with Aly are family issues, negative past experiences, and money. I
specifically decide not to talk about family issues and negative past experiences
because I am afraid he will either think of me differently, or it will destroy the image I
have created for myself and allow me to look vulnerable while being embarrassed
because of what I have to say. Because of this, my motivation for not disclosing would
be because of identity management, I do not want to harm my self-image. My family
issues and negative past experiences are out of my control and I had no say or do in
the things that have happened around me or to me personally. Aly knows the surface
areas of both these topics and he knows the uncomfortable feelings that arise when
something similar to the topics is brought up so he respects the fact that they are issues
we do not discuss. The last topic I chose not to talk about is money, I don’t like talking
about money not only with Aly but with just about everybody that isn’t my parents. I
don’t feel that is a conversation that needs to be discussed with people that don’t help
or support you financially. So my reason for not self-disclosing that information and
avoiding the topic is because of privacy maintenance, I feel as though that type of
information should be kept private and not out in the open for others to hear about.
After learning about individual-based motivations for topic avoidance, I wonder
why Aly made the decision to avoid certain topics with me. Not only do I choose to avoid
the topics I listed above, but I choose those topics because they are topics that we both
do not talk about willingly. Even though I can personally say my motivations for not
disclosing information are because of identity management and privacy maintenance, I
can only assume that maybe his reason for topic avoidance is also because of the
individual-based motivations, but it could also be because of different motivations as
well.
When reading about individual-based motivations in Close Encounters, there was
a line that read “literally hundreds of studies have shown that people work hard to
project and maintain a positive image.” And after reading that sentence, I started to
think about the topics I avoid and wonder why I avoided them. I would ask myself “do I
avoid them because I’m embarrassed? Or because I just don’t feel comfortable talking
about it?” and once I finished that thought process I actually realized it was because I
was scared of the reaction I would get from other people once I said what I usually
avoid. More fear of embarrassment more than anything when it came to the topics of
family issues and negative past experiences more than anything, because I realized I
did not want others to look at me differently just because of the things I have faced
within my life. Protecting my self-image was more important to me than feeling as if
people would pity me, which is why I specifically choose not to talk about that topic and
why it would be considered identity management. As for the other topic of money, it is
more straight to the point of nobody really needs to know how much money I have, how
much money I spent, besides my parents because they are the ones supporting me
financially. So, I do not discuss that with anyone else because it is my business and is
private information, which is why it is more of privacy maintenance.
Reference:
Guerrero, L. K., Andersen, P. A., & Afifi, W. A. (2014). Close encounters:
communication in relationships. Los Angeles: SAGE.