fix my first draft paper

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timer Asked: May 5th, 2018

Question Description

found out what is wrong with my first draft. I need to get it fixed for my final paper that I need to turn in.

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VACCINES 1 Pro and Con of Vaccines Aimee Darwin Rasmussen College Author Note This paper is being submitted on April 28, 2018, 2018, for Rebecca Moore’s G124/ENC1101 English Composition course. VACCINES 2 Pro and Con of Vaccines Vaccination is the injection of non-curable diseases for children. It is providing protection to children against deadly diseases or their viruses. The main aim of the vaccine is to boost the immunity system for children. It makes it possible for the system to resist the diseases vaccinated against. It gives the immune system the ability to recognize and fight germs so that it can have a less risk of acquiring a disease when exposed to the germs. Vaccination saves a life. It is a great way of protecting children from diseases. There has been a great number of children reported to have died of various diseases. These diseases were once incurable. However, vaccines have almost completely eliminated these diseases. Some of the diseases have almost become extinct (Riccò, Cattani, Casagranda, Gualerzi, & Signorelli, 2017). All this has been made possible by use of vaccines. For instance, polio was one of the biggest threats to children’s lives. It caused paralysis and even death in children. Vaccination has played a major role in eliminating Polio. It is safe and effective. Before a vaccine is administered to a child, they are first examined and reviewed by a professional. This contributes to ensuring that they are of no danger to children. Although they may be painful and uncomfortable, they reduce the trauma of the disease that children may suffer from the diseases they prevent. It saves time and money. Some vaccine-preventable diseases can result in disabilities for children. This would require a lot of finances to treat. The medical bills associated are high. The long-term disability care is also very expensive. A lot of time is required to take care of the child. It might even require the parent or guardian to quit a job to be able to take care of the child. Getting vaccinated however is a free investment provided by the government and parents don’t have to incur any cost. Insurance companies even provide cover for vaccination. VACCINES 3 Vaccination is a great way of protecting future generations. Vaccination has eliminated a good number of diseases. For instance, smallpox has been eliminated which was a great threat to the survival of children. Measles vaccination has reduced the threat of pregnant mothers passing on the virus to their newborn babies. With continued vaccination, there is hope that some diseases which are harmful to children may be completely eliminated. Future parents may not have to worry about the diseases at all. Vaccinations prevent the transmission of disease to other people as well. There may be related side effects. For example, some children may experience a severe allergic reaction. Although they are rare, some children usually develop allergies after some time of getting the vaccination. The allergies are characterized by itching, swelling, heavy and continuous coughing, heavy breathing and low blood pressure. It is not 100 percent guaranteed protection. Even though vaccination is a great way of preventing disease, it is usually a trial and error method. It is a concept formulated by physicians that intake of it can reduce the risk of acquiring a particular disease. There is no assurance that it will work for your child. Although the bigger percentage does work, there have been reported cases in which vaccination has failed. It can inconvenience booster injections. These are injections intended to increase the immunity against the immunizing antigen. For example, tetanus booster shots are recommended after approximately 10 years. The shots are administered after a period which the memory cells are believed to have lost function in the body. These injections have a chance of being inconvenienced through vaccination. VACCINES 4 Vaccinations are painful. Injecting vaccines to children is believed to be very painful. As compared to normal injections, they hurt much more. Children are unable to handle the pain. The pain lasts a few days. In my opinion, vaccination for children should be compulsory. The pros of vaccination outweigh the cons. The side effects are rare. Even though they are believed to be painful, the pain is tolerable to children. Schools should, therefore, make it a major concern. They should host vaccination programs in every season in schools for children. This is to ensure that all children are protected from deadly diseases. Some of the diseases have been fully eradicated. Some of them are still available and they pose a great threat. Children should be vaccinated against all the diseases, including the ones believed to have been extinct. Diseases such as smallpox, rinderpest, hookworm are believed to have been eradicated (Petrosky, Bocchini, Harir, Chesson, Curtis, Saraiya, & Markowitz, 2015)). Diseases such as tuberculosis, polio, tetanus are believed to still affect children. Vaccination has to be done even for diseases that are believed to be extinct. Sometimes we can never be sure if a disease has been completely eradicated. It is, therefore, necessary to vaccinate children. For instance, let’s observe a case where children travel to areas where that disease has not been eradicated. They could easily catch the disease since most of the diseases are easily transferable. Some diseases such as tuberculosis are airborne. This means someone can conduct it by breathing the same air with an infected person. Autism is a child disorder characterized by having challenges in expressing social skills, nonverbal communications, speech and possession of great and unique strengths and differences. In some circumstances, vaccines are believed to cause autism in children. This claim arouses after a VACCINES 5 child developed autism a period of one month after vaccination (Jain, Marshall, Buikema, Bancroft, Kelly, & Newschaffer, 2015). Autism since then has been mostly associated with measles and rubella vaccines. These vaccines are believed to cause non-permeable peptides to the brain and bloodstreams. These peptides lead to a delayed growth of children It is important to vaccinate even in cases of autism possibility. Autism is curable. Although the child may have delayed brain development he or she will eventually grow. By administering the right medical care, the child becomes normal again. In this case, the threats projected by lack of vaccination are way deadly compared to autism. The pediatricians always ask if as a mother you are willing to vaccinate your kid. Providing an initial for the child’s vaccine is important. It indicates the types of diseases the child has been protected from. During the next vaccination, it, therefore, becomes easy to determine the vaccine which the child has not been administered with. It helps to estimate the time for injection booster for the child (Chun, & Gen, 2014). It shows a great care for the child on the side of the parent. Vaccination possesses many pros than cons. It is the one ability to children survival. It gives the immune system an ability to fight against incurable diseases. Every child has a right to vaccination. VACCINES 6 References Chun, S., & Gen, S. (2014). Parental Attitudes Toward Childhood Vaccinations: Influences on Decision Making Final Project. Jain, A., Marshall, J., Buikema, A., Bancroft, T., Kelly, J. P., & Newschaffer, C. J. (2015). Autism occurrence by MMR vaccine status among US children with older siblings with and without autism. Jama, 313(15), 1534-1540. Petrosky, E., Bocchini, J. J., Hariri, S., Chesson, H., Curtis, C. R., Saraiya, M., ... & Markowitz, L. E. (2015). Use of 9-valent human papillomavirus (HPV) vaccine: updated HPV vaccination recommendations of the advisory committee on immunization practices. MMWR. Morbidity and mortality weekly report, 64(11), 300-304. Riccò, M., Cattani, S., Casagranda, F., Gualerzi, G., & Signorelli, C. (2017). Knowledge, attitudes, beliefs and practices of occupational physicians towards vaccinations of health care workers: A cross sectional pilot study in North-Eastern Italy. International journal of occupational medicine and environmental health, 30(5), 775. Criteria For this assignment, build your 3-4 page essay draft in a single Word document, which should include: An introduction paragraph with a thesis statement that fits purpose of assignment. (engaging material, naming of main points to be developed in body) Points Points Comments Earned 10 6.5 remember: intros include thesis, naming of main points to be developed and engaging material to pull readers into the essay. Your points are disjointed. All should be connected with each other, smoothly leading into the claim of the thesis. Think about “why” this topic is even controversial in the first place. Start with that! This will grab the readers’ attention and you’ll be “close” to the point so you can lead into it within the limitations of the 5-8 sentences per paragraph. Missing a thesis with a clear claim and the sense of purpose –to persuade. Your essay is reading like a straight-forward information essay rather than a persuasive essay. Be sure to focus on just ONE type of vaccine to help you find a manageable size claim instead of one that is too large for this size essay. At least three body paragraphs that each focus on a separate major criteria/reasons with strong, specific supportive detail. A sense of unity and coherence is apparent. Strong development of major and minor details. 20 15 focus on reorganizing your essay for the final draft. Once you name the three reasons in the thesis, use them as the main idea for three body paragraphs (only), naming them each in a clear topic sentence in each paragraph. Then share your reasoning for that one main idea and add some strong and cited (researched) evidence to support. The main ideas should follow the pattern (based on your three reasons named in the thesis statement). Then organize your great information to fit into each main idea for each individual paragraph. Need cited research in each body paragraph for proof/support. This is a research paper so it’s vital to show your research results throughout the essay and cite it. 1/4-1/3 of any paragraph should have cited research. The rest should be your voice. It’s important to show your understanding of this issue and the reasons why. Always include a concluding sentence for the end of each body paragraph, which must be in your own words and cannot have any cited research, so no ending the paragraph with an in-text citation. Any cited information must be in the supportive detail sentences Watch for going off tangent. Unity is the skill of maintaining the development of just one main idea throughout the paragraph When revising, avoid questions in a professional/academic essay: A summary/conclusion paragraph that summarizes your main ideas and brings about closure to the essay. (including a restatement of the thesis) 5 3.5 1. It leads to a conversational, less-formal tone 2. It adds hesitancy to the piece, taking away from your confident tone 3. It leads one into 2nd POV when formal essays need to remain in 3rd POV 4. The purpose is to share “answers” (info) not ask questions A start but the conclusion needs further development to create a healthy paragraph…remember: conclusions start with the restatement of thesis (but in different wording) as the first sentence, reminder summary of main points developed in body paragraphs (which should be the three reasons shared in the thesis and used as main ideas in the body paragraphs), and engaging material that brings about closure/never add new details/info in the conclusion (5-8 sentences) When revising, avoid using clichés like “in conclusion, to conclude, in summary, to summarize”. Your reference page will list all of your credible sources (5+ with at least 3 scholarly journal articles) in APA style. Also, strong APA formatting & cover page. Additionally, be sure to carefully proof your essay draft for grammar, mechanics, and spelling. 10 8.5 Nice job including 3 out of the five (or more) journal articles from databases, but you needed at least 5 sources total Good start with reference page and in-text cations, but there are some errors in formatting. Use APA Guide in Resources to help you as well as the video I shared in module 3 5 4 Nice cover page ☺ slight errors with 1st page header no extra spacing between paragraphs Maintain 3rd POV throughout the essay / don’t slip into 1st or 2nd POV Use Grammarly to help find and fix mechanic issues 37.5 Total 50 You have some interesting information here but double check that you’re organizing it into strong body paragraphs. Make sure each starts with a clearly stated main idea (in the topic sentence) that is a reason in support of the argument you’re building (nice job with this). Please refer to the formula for body paragraphs below. (Be sure to support all of your thoughts/ideas/etc with cited researched proof in defense of your reasons for your argument, but not in the concluding sentence which needs to be your own language, wrapping up the point in the paragraph) follow a strong formula for body paragraphs: 5-8 sentences • topic sentence with one topic and one criteria (1) • supportive sentences a. explanatory in your own words/thoughts (2-3) b. researched support: examples/quotes/etc (1-2) with citations • concluding sentence (1)
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