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I did this work and attached are the comments from the professor. Help me edit it!! Use good grammar and capture all the information he provided

In one document, in this order:

Essay Title

Introduction, ending in thesis statement

2 descriptions – revised

2 rhetorical analysis (RA) paragraphs

1 analyzing Aristotelian appeals for both images

1 analyzing visual elements for both images

Conclusion

Works Cited page

On final page, add images.

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Alharbi 1 English W131 May 20, 2018 Refugee in Myanmar In Daly Beast website shown that pictures of a women that carry her kids in her arm and crying. Around the women there are a lot of people watch her and trying to help her. There is a little girl behind her with dry hair and clothes. The women carry a box with food and some baby need. Also, there is a young women try to talk to her and use her hand for help. In ABC news, 8 Sep 2017 they post a picture for a refugee people try to get into other country. They look tired and sick. There are a women carry her box of water and food. Other women carry her kid between her arm and trying to watch her steps. And the boy he helps his mother by hold her little brother. Also, there is a women with a bright yellow scarf hold her kids and hiding her face. The first photos are shown that the women carry her child and crying a lot because she has been in the safe side. This moment is the hardest feeling the human can feel, because you Alharbi 2 leave your country and became a refugee . However, women cried for two reasons, the first one is she feels now she is free and she will be and her kids safe. On the other hand, she will be strange in this country. Moreover, I think the reason why she feels sad that she doesn’t know if her child will be treats like other in the future or not? Finally, to be refugee is too hard you can imagine the number of diseases spreading, but access to health care is often beyond the financial reach of most refugees in camps, three quarters of whom live below the poverty line and manage less than $ 6 a day. The other picture tells the suffering of people in traveling and resorting to a state close to them, find difficulty in carrying their belongings and belongings, their children in their hands. See the children seek with their parents and help them carry the purposes and their younger brothers. Among them are other children in other countries who carry their games and school books. How much this feeling is difficult and annoying and weeping for them and for us too. Children deserve to live their lives. And in the picture that they walk without shoes and they feel tired, look at the land they will leave. ,people are faced to a lot of injustice and oppression from neighboring countries or their own state. The kids without dolls and the women without their interest. The word forget those people and the other country live in peace. Alharbi 3 Alharbi 4 Comments: MLA style should be used for the essay title, references to magazines and any other sources used, and the Works Cited page. Additionally, the following MLA Style rules must be followed in your essay: • Follow topic sentence structure discussed in Class Notes for each paragraph • Paraphrased text requires no “ “ • Text that is in all capital letters should be reduced to lower case with a capital letter first for proper nouns, except for acronyms: Examples: NIKE = Nike Alharbi 5 THIS IS AMAZING = This is amazing. USA = USA Your introduction needs to lead your reader gradually to the topic of your essay. A model of a funnel introduction is in Canvas. Your thesis statement needs to make a strong claim that directly answers the FQ. The terms you use here should match the terms you use in your RA section: Aristotelian appeals and visual elements. Effective transitions to all major sections of the essay are needed. These help the reader understand your essay’s organization. Avoid “announcements” as transitions. In academic writing, avoid using “I,” “we” and “you” unless you are including a personal experience. If your reader does not agree with you or understand you, this writing style is not effective. Topic sentences are needed for every paragraph and should include all the ideas in the paragraph. The paragraph should then develop those ideas in the same order. Otherwise, your reader is confused by your organization. All paragraphs need concluding sentences. Topic sentences for description paragraphs should follow the models in Class Notes. Descriptions should describe what the images look like, providing a sense of scale/perspective and allowing the audience to “see” the image. You should not include any opinion or analysis. Your rhetorical analysis section needs clear topic sentences that identify the strategy you’re analyzing in each paragraph. Your rhetorical analysis must connect each claim you make to the values and interests of the target audience. One RA paragraph should analyze Aristotelian appeals for both images, and the other should analyze visual elements for both images. You must review the Class Notes and separate instructions for how to write the rhetorical analysis section. The conclusion hasn’t followed the guidelines given to you in class (and Class Notes). You were supposed to write a conclusion that discussed what you learned from doing this rhetorical analysis of images. Better editing for grammar, punctuation, word choice, and sentence structure is needed. You should use the University Writing Center and your textbook for help. Alharbi 6
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Just what I needed…Fantastic!

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