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Organizing Comparison and Contrast Papers 191
SUZANNE BRITT
A native of Winston-Salem, North Carolina, Suzanne Britt holds an
MA in English from Washington University in St. Louis. Her work has
appeared in Sky Magazine, the New York Times, and the Boston
Globe. Her books include a history of Meredith College, where she
teaches English, and two essay collections—Skinny People Are Dull
and Crunchy Like Carrots (1982) and Show and Tell (1983). More
recently, Britt completed a novel; she is currently writing poetry.
Neat People vs. Sloppy People
CONTEXT: In this selection, Britt uses humorous exaggeration and
fanciful speculation to defend sloppy living habits. Although her
statements are not likely to be literally accepted by many readers,
they constitute a satirical rebuttal to the notion that cleanliness is
next to godliness.
WRITER'S NOTE: Britt uses the subject-by-subject method to or-
ganize details.
I've finally figured out the difference between neat people and 1
sloppy people. The distinction is, as always, moral. Neat people
are lazier and meaner than sloppy people.
Sloppy people, you see, are not really sloppy. Their sloppiness 2
is merely the unfortunate consequence of their extreme moral rec-
titude. Sloppy people carry in their mind's eye a heavenly vision, a
precise plan, that is so stupendous, so perfect, it can't be achieved
in this world or the next.
Sloppy people live in Never-Never Land. Someday is their mé 3
tier. Someday they are planning to alphabetize all their books and
set up home catalogs. Someday they will go through their ward-
robes and mark certain items for tentative mending and certain
items for passing on to relatives of similar shape and size. Some-
day sloppy people will make family scrapbooks into which they will
put newspaper clippings, postcards, locks of hair, and the dried
corsage from their senior prom. Someday they will file everything
on the surface of their desks, including the cash receipts from cof-
fee purchases at the snack shop. Someday they will sit down and
read all the back issues of The New Yorker.
For all these noble reasons and more, sloppy people never get 4
neat. They aim too high and wide. They save everything, plan-
ning someday to file, order, and straighten out the world. But
while these ambitious plans take clearer and clearer shape in their
heads, the books spill from the shelves onto the floor, the clothes
pile up in the hamper and closet, the family mementos accumulate
in every drawer, the surface of the desk is buried under mounds
of paper, and the unread magazines threaten to reach the ceiling.
Neat People vs. Sloppy People by Suzanne Britt. Reprinted by permission of the author.
192 | 7
COMPARISON AND CONTRAST: INDICATING SIMILARITIES AND DIFFERENCES
6
9
Sloppy people can't bear to part with anything. They give loving 5
attention to every detail. When sloppy people say they're going to
tackle the surface of a desk, they really mean it. Not a paper will
go unturned; not a rubber band will go unboxed. Four hours or
two weeks into the excavation, the desk looks exactly the same,
primarily because the sloppy person is meticulously creating new
piles of papers with new headings and scrupulously stopping to
read all the old book catalogs before he throws them away. A neat
person would just bulldoze the desk.
Neat people are bums and clods at heart. They have cavalier atti-
tudes toward possessions, including family heirlooms. Everything is
just another dust-catcher to them. If anything collects dust, it's got
to go and that's that. Neat people will toy with the idea of throwing
the children out of the house just to cut down on the clutter.
Neat people don't care about process. They like results. What they 7
want to do is get the whole thing over with so they can sit down
and watch the rasslin' on TV. Neat people operate on two unvarying
principles: Never handle any item twice, and throw everything away.
The only thing messy in a neat person's house is the trash can. 8
The minute something comes to a neat person's hand, he will look
at it, try to decide whether it has immediate use and, finding none,
throw it in the trash.
Neat people are especially vicious with mail. They never go
through their mail unless they are standing directly over a trash
can. If the trash can is beside the mailbox, even better. All ads,
catalogs, pleas for charitable contributions, church bulletins, and
money-saving coupons go straight into the trash can without being
opened. All letters from home, postcards from Europe, bills, and
paychecks are opened, immediately responded to, then dropped
in the trash can. Neat people keep their receipts only for tax pur-
poses. That's it. No sentimental salvaging of birthday cards or the
last letter a dying relative ever wrote. Into the trash it goes.
Neat people place neatness above everything, even economics.
They are incredibly wasteful. Neat people throw away several toys
every time they walk through the den. I knew a neat person once
who threw away a perfectly good dish drainer because it had mold
on it. The drainer was too much trouble to wash. And neat people
sell their furniture when they move. They will sell a La-Z-Boy re-
cliner while you are reclining in it.
Neat people are no good to borrow from. Neat people buy 11
everything in expensive little single portions. They get their flour
and sugar in two-pound bags. They wouldn't consider clipping a
coupon, saving a leftover, reusing plastic nondairy whipped cream
containers, or rinsing off tin foil and draping it over the unmoldy
dish drainer. You can never borrow a neat person's newspaper to
see what's playing at the movies. Neat people have the paper all
wadded up and in the trash by 7:05 a.m.
Neat people cut a clean swath through the organic as well as the 12
inorganic world. People, animals, and things are all one to them. They
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Organizing Comparison and Contrast Papers | 193
are so insensitive. After they've finished with the pantry, the medicine
cabinet, and the attic, they will throw out the red geranium (too
many leaves), sell the dog (too many fleas), and send the children off
to boarding school (too many scuff-marks on the hardwood floors).
Understanding Meaning
1. What is Britt's thesis? Can you state it in your own words?
2. What is it that makes sloppy people more moral, according to Britt?
3. Why do neat people come off as the "bad guys” in Britt's essay?
4. Critical Thinking: Is there some validity in what Britt says? What are neat peo-
ple losing out on that sloppy people are not? Is there something worthwhile in
the goals of sloppy people, even if they never reach them?
Evaluating Strategy
1. Which organizational method does Britt use?
2. Britt states her thesis bluntly in paragraph 1. What effect does that have?
3. How does Britt inject humor?
4. Why might Britt have decided to end the essay the way she did? What is she sug-
gesting in her conclusion about neat versus sloppy people?
Appreciating Language
1. Which words that Britt chose show her bias in favor of the sloppy? Which show
her bias against the neat?
2. What terms does she suggest that neat people associate with children in order to
show how insignificant children are to them?
WRITING SUGGESTIONS
1. Write an essay in which you characterize yourself or someone you know
as fitting into Britt's description of a neat person or a sloppy person.
2. Collaborative Writing: Working with a group of students, develop an
essay that compares the characteristics of another pair of opposites: sav-
ers and spenders, punctual and unpunctual people, renters and home-
owners, or happily and unhappily married people.