peer review-mengyao

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This is a peer review response essay. Read my partner's essay, and then Answer the following questions at least 300 words:

1) What's most interesting about this topic to you, as a reader? If nothing stands out as particularly interesting, how could the essay's writer engage your interest? Be sure to explain your response.

2) What do you think of the order of the body paragraphs in the essay outline? Are there alternative ordering or organizing strategies that you can suggest? Try to offer at least one potential alternative "re-order" and explain how or why that reordering might benefit the overall effectiveness of the essay.

3) What important aspects of the main argument are unanswered or unaddressed by this outline? Play the role of a skeptical reader (even if you are prone to agree with your peer's argument) and think about which parts of the argument are least likely to convince someone. Why wouldn't those parts of the argument be convincing? What could be changed (added, subtracted, re-arranged, etc) to make the argument more convincing? Offer at least two critical issues you'd like your peer to address in revision related to the argument itself (so, not grammar/syntax/citations/etc) and explain why you think those issues should be addressed.

4) Optional: Is there any other feedback that you'd like to offer the writer based on what you've read?

MINIMUM REQUIREMENTS OF A SUCCESSFUL PEER REVIEW:

  • It should be a formal letter addressed to your peer (So, "Dear <Peer's Name>," and written in the second person), not to the instructor (Nick).
  • It must address the three required parts of the prompt listed above in no less than 300 words.
  • It must be reasonably proofread and error free.

If you're struggling to meet the assignment requirements, reach out to me ASAP. I'm happy to help if you're stuck, and I'll also have read your peer's 2.1, so I'll have some thoughts, too. Once I receive everyone's completed peer reviews, I'll email them to you directly so you can use them in your revision process.

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Aslinger1 Arielle Aslinger Writing 123 Essay 2.1 India’s GMOs and Their Effects on Farming and Food Sovereignty Essay 2.1 Outline Introduction paragraph India has recently been in the spotlight due to an issue with GMOs and farming. GMOs stand for genetically modified organisms and are becoming a widely used way for food production. They made their way to India as what seemed to be a possible fruitful change to the farming industry. In turn, GMOs have devastated the farming population and have even increased suicide rates among farmers. Overall this is a food sovereignty issue as well as a food security issue due to India's increased dependency on GMOs. The problem is; GMOs in India being used on farms and it is affecting farmers in India by decreasing seed sovereignty among farmers. The people who would most likely care about the problem are farmers in India, their families, and other workers who are directly affected by GMOs. Not only this, but also companies like Monsanto because they like to keep things quiet, and increase their own profit margins. This is an unresolved issue because GMOs are still being used today in India, and companies such as Monsanto directly affect the use of GMOs. The causes of the problem are that GMOs are not sustainable and not only this, but patented seeds increase the amount of money being spent on crops. This devastates farms in India because they cannot regrow crops due to patents and are not able to be economically sustainable, which in turn, causes some farmers to commit suicide. The most significant part of the problem Aslinger2 for me is the fact that these farmers’ livelihoods are at stake, and they do not have sovereignty over the food they produce because they have to keep buying seeds in order to grow crops, rather than regrowing and making more of a profit. Question at Issue: How can Indian farmers gain seed sovereignty back from the corporations in which now control it? Reasoned Thesis: India should change its policies on patenting GMO technologies, because companies use these patents to monopolize important farming genetic material for their own personal gain. How will you intrigue the reader and make them want to read more?: I will intrigue the reader to read more by explaining why this is such a huge issue, and how it could possibly affect them too. Not only this but possibly talk about suicide rates of indian farmers. What groups or types of people are likely to agree with your Reasoned Thesis? : The groups of people who are likely to agree with my reasoned thesis are farmers, and those affected by the food supply chain. What groups or types of people a likely to disagree with your Reasoned Thesis? : The groups of people that are likely to disagree with my reasoned thesis are companies who have a foothold in the GMO industry like monsanto. Major Ideas or Terms That Need to be Defined For an Audience GMOs Patents Lessig’s copyright essay General Public License for Plant Germplasm (GPLPG) Public license Germplasm Body Paragraph Aslinger3 Paragraph 1 What 1 Main Idea should the reader take away from this paragraph?: The main idea the reader should take away from this paragraph is that historically, farmers used to have complete seed sovereignty. Companies like Monsanto took that away through patenting plant genetic material. How will Main Idea help achieve your essay’s argumentative purpose?: It will give background information on what farming was like before GMOs became a thing. Also it will help give more perspective towards the issue at hand. Key Evidence or Examples from Research?: The key evidence will be from Impeding Dispossession, Enabling Repossession: Biological Open Source and the Recovery of Seed Sovereignty by Jack Kloppenburg and his background information he gave in his essay. Why Should This Paragraph Appear Here, and not somewhere else?: This paragraph should go here because it is explaining the background of the issue, which should be explained first because it catches the reader's attention. Paragraph 2 What 1 Main Idea should the reader take away from this paragraph?: I will talk about patent laws in India and why they are giving farmers such a hard time now. The main idea will be that certain patent laws should be made basically null for the farmer’s sake. How will Main Idea help achieve your essay’s argumentative purpose?: It will help achieve my essays argumentative purpose by providing key terms and explaining why patent laws are the first step towards seed sovereignty for farmers. Key Evidence or Examples from Research?: I will explain the patent laws pertaining to GMOs, such as companies being able to patent certain genetic materials, and then farmers are not able to use variations of these seeds due to the patent. Why Should This Paragraph Appear Here, and not somewhere else?: This paragraph ties back to the background of farmers and GMOs, so it would makes sense for this to come after. Paragraph 3 Aslinger4 What 1 Main Idea should the reader take away from this paragraph? : The main idea that the reader should take away from this paragraph would be that copyright laws could possibly help to make patents null for farmers How will Main Idea help achieve your essay’s argumentative purpose?: I will talk about Lessig’s copyright and this will help achieve my purpose by proposing a solution from an already known law in media, and use that for patents on GMOs. Key Evidence or Examples from Research?: I will use Lessig’s essay on copyright laws to help explain how this pertains to patenting laws. Why Should This Paragraph Appear Here, and not somewhere else?: It should appear here because it comes after talking about patent laws in India. Paragraph 4 What 1 Main Idea should the reader take away from this paragraph?: The main idea that the reader should take away from this paragraph is that patenting laws can be made null using these copyright laws for the public. Also that by making these patenting laws null through copyright will help the farmers in India. How will Main Idea help achieve your essay’s argumentative purpose? : It will explain a solution to the GMO problem in India. Key Evidence or Examples from Research? : I will use American copyright laws for public use to explain how this will help with the patenting laws in India for the farmers. Why Should This Paragraph Appear Here, and not somewhere else?: It should be here because it comes after talking about copyright and I can use this to further explain my solution. Paragraph 5 What 1 Main Idea should the reader take away from this paragraph?:The main idea to take away from this paragraph is that there are other solutions proposed by other people out there. However it will be hard to achieve those without doing this solution first. How will Main Idea help achieve your essay’s argumentative purpose? : This will help support my essay because this paragraph will show that this particular solution will be harder than the solution I found and will propose. Aslinger5 Key Evidence or Examples from Research? : There are other solutions such as returning to peasant farming. Why Should This Paragraph Appear Here, and not somewhere else?: This is my counter argument, so it should not be the last body paragraph, the the second to last. Paragraph 6 What 1 Main Idea should the reader take away from this paragraph?: The main idea that the reader should take away from this paragraph is that other solutions will be harder to achieve in this point in time. The most plausible solution that will help farmers is the one I am proposing. How will Main Idea help achieve your essay’s argumentative purpose?: It will help achieve my essay’s argumentative purpose by further explaining why my solution is the best solution at this point in time to really help farmers sooner rather than later. Key Evidence or Examples from Research?: My examples i will be using from research in this paragraph are how these updated copyright laws allowed for the public to gain more access for use and augmentation of media. This will pertain to patenting laws and how this will work for Indian farmers. Why Should This Paragraph Appear Here, and not somewhere else?: This paragraph should appear here because it ties back to the last paragraph by explaining that this solution is better for farmers now. Conclusion: Key Points from the Essay to Summarize: We can use copyright laws to allow for patents to be basically null for farmers.Also public use of bought seeds should be allowed to make variations of those seeds. What Questions do you want to leave your reader with? How can current legislature in India be further improved to help those and protect those from monopolization of big companies? What can we do to possibly make this happen, and how will this be put into place? Aslinger6 What aspects of your essay might lead to or require more research by others in the future? The implementation of the copyright laws into India’s patent laws will definitely require more research, and also a study of how this will help farmers gain seed sovereignty back. Not only this, but more research on the further steps to gain seed sovereignty will be needed as well.
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Explanation & Answer

Hello. I am through with the paper, I passed it through grammarly to ensure that grammar is perfect and also turnitin for plagiarism. The paper is good now. However, you can contact me in case you want anything more. pleasure working with you. goodbye

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The post has begun with an attractive introduction, updating the reader on the recent
issues with the GMOs and farming in India. The GMOs h...


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