essay re submission

Anonymous
timer Asked: Nov 28th, 2018

Question description

I received a 60 out of 100 on this assignment, my teacher is giving me a chance to make corrections

this is his notes

The prompt for the essay is supposed to be my educational goal within the next 2 years

I attached my essay below and i will send photos of my notes after so you can see what i was thinking

Hi Alyssa, There is a lot of information in here, but it is very scattered and unclear in many places. It's difficult to identify where I am in the essay as there are parts of what sounds like a thesis statement halfway through your first body paragraph, you talk about the veteran's center in two different places without telling me how it will help you, etc. I'd like the chance to go over this with you in person as there seems to be some general confusion around the essay structure and assignment as a whole.

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