How to Win Friends and Influence People
Dale Carnegie
Contributed by Jack Shields
Chapter 2
Summary

In the second section, Carnegie describes six ways through which individuals may make themselves to be liked. Nobody wants to be hated, yet most people continue doing things that make others hate them. In this section, Carnegie has described a wide range of approaches that individual may deploy to attract other people. The first technique that would make an individual to be liked is to show genuine interest in other people. When a person wants other people to like him, he must show a real interest and concern for other people.

Giving the example of a dog, Carnegie says that a dog is the only animal that humans feed without doing anything. The only thing that a dog does is that it provides companion to its owner. Carnegie says, “If you want others to like you if you want to develop real friendships if you want to help others at the same time as you help yourself, keep this principle in mind.” While there are individuals who may only be interested in receiving help from other people, it is apparent that the only way to get into the hearts of people is to offer help to them.

Smile. While there have been studies to confirm that smiling play an important role in human life with regards to health, most people are not aware of the tremendous social benefits of smiling. According to Carnegie, smiling costs nothing, yet it creates much. It makes those who receive rich, yet it deprives nothing of the giver. A smile is an important thing that all humans need to create if it does not exist naturally, because "it is something that is no earthly good to anybody till it is given away.” The third principle of making friends and winning people is to refer to people by their name. Many people want to be referred to either by their names or by their titles. Names make individual unique in their environments, and it is a source of pride to them. As a result, it is incredibly necessary to make sure that when addressing people, the name that they mention people by their names.

Listening is an important trait in any environment.  When an individual wants to be liked, he has to listen and encourage others to talk about themselves. At any times in any conversation, a person must realize that the opponent is much more interested in himself or herself than in anything else. Thus, listening to them would be the best way to get into their hearts. On the other side, if a person intends to dominate a conversation without showing any intention to listen to the other party, it becomes incredibly difficult to be liked.

Carnegie states that “the people you are talking to are a hundred times more interested in themselves and their wants and problems than they are in you and your problems” hence making it necessary for people to learn to listen to others. In the fifth principle, Carnegie demonstrates how to interest other people. He says that making statements that advance the interests of other people is a sure way to gain the interest of others. Finally, all people want to feel important. It is not possible to make someone less worthy and still be attracted to them. Carnegie says that a sincere attempt to make other people feel critical is likely to lead to the creation of a fruitful relationship.

Analysis

 Winning friends is perhaps one of the most challenging things that human beings have to do. However, creating a lasting impression among people is not as easy as one may desire. A person has to combine a lot of qualities and practice to make the relationship a reality. However, the initial step is to show a genuine interest in other people. It is a critical step that plays a vital role in winning the confidence of other people. Besides showing interest in other people, providing an opportunity to other people to express themselves is essential in winning their admiration. Human beings are naturally wired to be self-loving. As a result, people always want to talk about themselves. Giving other an audience to speak about themselves, thus, is an essential way of developing a rapport with other individuals.

In this section, Carnegie has expressed some of the reasons why it is incredibly difficult to make real friends that last. An individual must possess many qualities and make tremendous sacrifices to win friends. Most importantly, an individual must shed off any element of selfishness and consider the other persons more important than them. The demands are challenging and it at times becomes difficult for individuals to respond desirably. However, not all people to like them. In that case, they find no reasons to follow the principles. That is the only exception to the rule.

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