The 5 Love Languages
Gary Chapman
Contributed by Roseanne Meinecke
Chapter 10
Summary

The author begins the chapter by posing a rhetorical question to the reader, enquiring about the possibility of communicating in each other’s language while harboring anger and resenting past actions. Chapman answers the question by stating that human beings are rational creatures that make decisions and choices for both unwise and correct reasons. He argues that people should always apologize to their partners if they make a mistake, since bad decisions are bound to happen at some point within the marriage and that one should make the tough decision of deciding to forgive and love again. Love does not make the past disappear but has a way of brightening the future.

Chapman writes that deciding to love your partner despite their many flaws is the right emotional climate that helps the couple deal with past arguments or indiscretions. Chapman also revisits the feeling of being ‘in love’ that he addressed in Chapter Three, stating that one does not choose to be in love, it just happens. The feeling also meets our emotional needs; leaving us feeling special, appreciated, and cared for, thus we fall deeper and deeper in love with our partner.

However, the only way this feeling lasts in marriage is by a couple understanding each other’s language of love and consciously making the decision to love each other every day, keeping that love tank full.

Analysis

The spark of love between a man and a woman is ignited swiftly with a couple constantly craving each other’s attention during the first two years of their relation. However, this feeling subsides and then couples must put up with the day to day reality of a relationship, which can make one disillusioned and unable to love. Chapman informs the reader that the only way love is maintained, is by both partners learning each other’s primary emotional love language and making a choice to love their partner each day. Love is a choice as illustrated by the book and a process that needs the will to keep the flame burning.

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