The 5 Love Languages
Gary Chapman
Contributed by Roseanne Meinecke
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Chapter 3
Summary

Chapman lays bare the concept of falling in love, by stating how euphoric love can be when our switch gets triggered by someone we find captivating. Being in love not only sweeps people off their feet but it also sweeps out the reasoning out of their brain and eyes. People often fail to see the whole picture when they are genuinely in love with their partner. They fail to comprehend the danger ahead even when the cracks may be showing. Chapman shows an example of a young man so in love with his partner that it takes the mothers effort to point out the obvious; that the lady had been in psychiatric care for five years. However, the son brushes aside the reality of his girlfriend’s mental instability because he is genuinely in love with her.

Chapman leads the reader on a demystification process of falling in love by unfolding the fallacies surrounding being in love. He states that people generally tend to believe that being in love lasts forever and that a beautiful journey of being in love is assured. The author hammers the reader with the bitter truth that the eternality of being in love journey is false. He supports the latter statement by quoting Dr. Dorothy, a psychologist who conducted a study on couples in relationships and marriages. Dr. Dorothy concluded that the mean life of a romantic obsession is just two years but added that if the relationship is plutonic or secret affair, it lasts longer.

The author describes the painful reality people face after the two years of love obsession which make them begin to see other sides of their partner that they didn’t previously. The pain and hurt come when one realizes how blinded they were when they were in love. People are forced to return to reality and away from the euphoric feeling of being in love. They get a rude awakening to the everyday, annoying behavior of their spouse, such as hairs on the sink, which of course are very irritating. Chapman points out the dangers of being in love by outlining the feelings that come with the emotion. These dangers include having a false illusion of happiness, the sense that one has arrived, that falling in love is effortless, and falling in love does not always result in growth. However, Chapman provides a solution to the notion that falling in love is a default reality for everyone. If couples realized that they were in love because of active choices they make, they could also choose to love again.

Analysis

The section provides the reality of falling in love as well as the solutions to the concept of falling in love. The author is a realist who points out the blind infatuation associated with love by posing harsh realities that surround love. Chapman does not hesitate to pop the positive bubble of falling in love, describing it as blinding for everyone. He uses psychologists research to find out the truth and the solution to those sudden reality checks after being in love for a while. The author seeks to understand all sides of falling in love, such as the bliss as well as the pain after falling out of love. The solution offered is that to love is a decision people make to love. Married couples should also try their best to keep the fire burning by consciously deciding to love their partners. Couples should look at love as an attitude and not a feeling. Chapter three pre-empts the following five sections which describe the emotional love languages which help people love genuinely and productively.

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