The 5 Love Languages
Gary Chapman
Contributed by Roseanne Meinecke
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Chapter 4

Chapman begins the chapter by quoting Mark Twain who once stated that a compliment could make him live for two months. The author stresses the point that giving compliments is the first way that one shows their emotions to strengthen love. The author quotes Solomon who states the great ability of spoken word throughout life. Chapman stresses the need for spouses to utilize their verbal compliments positively towards their partners to cheer them up. The author gives a story of a lady who couldn’t get her husband to paint their bedroom after trying everything for nine months. The advice offered by Chapman is that the lady should compliment her partner on the little that they do and wait for the magic to happen.

Chapman also supports his recommended ways of keeping the marriage going with facts. He argues that the best way of sustaining a marriage is not by demanding for your decisions to be met, but by doing things that are fruitful and helpful to the relationship. Chapman adds that simply using encouraging words helps the spouse to gain in courage and self-esteem. With the absence of courage, most things fail to get accomplished for lack of motivation. There exists a possibility that one’s partner has not yet discovered their potential in a particular area. For the potential to be tapped, encouraging words are vital. For encouragement to work, empathy and a perspective are required to see a problem in your partner’s world and help them overcome it. Chapman adds that kind and humble words that are coercive are also essential for love and marriage.


The author emphasizes the power of words in making and destroying love in marriage. According to the author, if people mastered the art of speaking positively to their spouses, the problems in completing simple tasks would subside. The reader learns that kind, encouraging, compliments, and gentle words steer courage and the need to better the marriage.  As well as showcasing the potential of words and how they are spoken as the fine line between happiness and emptiness in marriage. However, one should note that using forceful words and harsh commands tear people apart in marriages. Chapman continues to make a point that words are the building blocks of his emotional ‘love tank’ and how they are utilized makes or breaks a relationship.

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