The 5 Love Languages
Gary Chapman
Contributed by Roseanne Meinecke
Chapter 5

Chapman begins the chapter by sharing his perceptions of quality time by stating that it is the art of giving undivided attention to the people you love. He further says that quality time is delivered to your spouse by having deep conversations with the aim of sharing and understanding them. The epitome of having quality time with a spouse is togetherness of attention and emotions. Chapman states that there is a fundamental difference between togetherness and proximity. He elaborates on togetherness as giving focus and concentration, for example, a father rolling a ball to a son means he has his attention on the son. However, if the father throws the ball to the son while talking on the phone, then they are only together by proximity.

Chapman points out that couples have not been fully experiencing togetherness since they believe that living together in close proximity is being together. He states that in the real sense couples could be together in the same house, but their emotions could also be far from each other. Togetherness, is focusing attention and feelings towards each other, resulting in ample and quality time.

As previously stated, Chapmans language of love is comprised of various dialects. Quality time is also made up of many dialects, one of which is a quality conversation. This is something Chapman sees as being empathetic dialogues that allow the partners to exchange their ideas and experiences in a friendly and uninterrupted manner. The biggest complaints from the married couple are the inability to communicate in depth such that their emotions are in sync. Quality conversations allow people to identify the gap that their partner is experiencing in their marriage and freely talking about it.

Chapman gives instances of quality conversation by providing an example of Patrick’s wife who yearns for a quality conversation with her husband so that she can express her pain, ideas, and views. Quality conversations exploit the art of listening and sympathizing with the woes of your partner to communicate love and togetherness. The author gives the simple guidelines on achieving quality conversation which include maintaining eye contact and avoiding the problem of listening whilst doing other things. He adds that looking for feelings and emotions and observing the body gestures and interruptions also promote quality conversations. Chapman also mentions learning to speak, learning about your partner’s personality type and having quality activities as dialects of quality time.


Different couples have different languages of communicating between them. Quality time is among the best forms of communicating love in your relationship. Some people attach immeasurable value to enjoying each other's company and time together. For a kind of person who appreciates quality time; canceled dates, distractions, and a spouse who is a poor listener may be very hurtful. People who prefer having quality time as their love language savor making memories for the future with their partners while enjoying doing and going to places together. Chapman presents quality time as an essential language that fills the love tank of couples. Spouses who engage in activities they like and also have deep and meaningful experiences and conversations without interruption fill their love tank. One should note that quality time is gained by a couple engaging in what they like with the emphasis on why they chose to do it and not a mundane, necessary task.

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