The 5 Love Languages
Gary Chapman
Contributed by Roseanne Meinecke
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Chapter 7
Summary

The author describes Jim’s story, portraying his wife Janice as an outstanding housekeeper who dutifully cleans, does laundry, and irons clothes. Jim seems very excited, contented, and loved by his wife Janice. This leads Chapman to tell us that his primary love language is receiving acts of service. Chapman describes this language as doing activities that please your spouse. It means that a one always tries their best to do things that lift their partners spirits.

Chapman describes acts of service as tasks that require planning, motivation, love, time, and thought. Such actions include vacuuming, taking out the garbage, painting a room, cleaning a garage, trimming flowers, mowing a lawn, changing diapers and washing the car. The author also highlights the example of Jesus Christ who carried out a famous act of service in cleaning his disciples’ feet.

Chapman seeks to show the differences between offering an act of service as a ‘doormat’ and a lover. If one feels the compulsion to carry out acts of service out of everyday necessity, then what happens is that you eventually come to feel like a doormat. Carrying out acts of service while gaining little approval or compassion from a spouse results in resentment and sense of being used. Chapman’s metaphor of a doormat is apt, an inanimate object that wipes feet, gets kicked around and is simply used without really being noticed. The author goes on to state that if you feel or have felt like a doormat in a marriage, then you are more of a servant than an active, loving part of the marriage. He does offer a solution however by saying that people are emotional beings and one should never allow themselves to be used. Love dictates that a spouse should not let their partner get overwhelmed by acts of service since it is not conducive to a healthy and happy marriage.

Analysis

The concept of ‘Acts of Service’ is an essential language of love. However, Chapman states that there is a fine line between being a doormat and feeling loved back, due to the stereotypes surrounding acts of service between men and women. The author notes that feeling coerced to do something by your spouse crosses the line of love and results in being used. People should let their efforts towards acts of service be guided by love and compassion rather than the feeling of necessity. This language is a delicate one in a marriage, but when carefully executed with compassion, couples will live happily and in understanding

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